Fear of flying, take two

[homesick_american 1]

As I've lived with this affliction since 1996, I have a lot of experience with useful and not-so-useful suggestions for beating it. Usually people do not understand such a severe phobia so the suggestions they offer are not always helpful.

Getting drunk is probably the worst solution for anyone. One drink in the air is three on the ground, and if you're already pumped with adrenaline then alcohol can turn you abusive/aggressive with possibly serious legal consequences. Drinking is strongly discouraged by every fear of flying course/book/etc. I've ever seen. So...please don't suggest that I just get drunk or have some G&Ts. I don't drink anyway.

Tranquilizers do help some people, but they do not help me to remain calm. Also, most therapists who deal with nervous fliers do not recommend that they take tranquilizers regularly to help with this problem because at best they are a crutch and at worst they are addictive. I've never been addicted to prescription drugs and I have no plans to become addicted to them, so I'd rather not take tranquilizers at all. I want to be able to fly without them. I may take a single tablet daily to help with the anxiety, or I may not. It's up to me though...my decision, and it's only between my GP and myself. If my GP prescribes a pill per day, then who am I to second-guess her?

Also, after checking on Wikipedia it is obvious that five 2mg tablets of Valium is nowhere near the maximum recommended amount per day. Valium can be prescribed at a max dosage of 30mg per day, so I don't think 10mg was going to actually kill me. I suppose my GP had her reasons when she told me that I should not exceed 10mg a day, but like I said...who am I or anyone to second-guess a physician when it comes to things like this? Who the hell knows. Also, those five Valiums were taken over a period of six hours...not all at once. I didn't just dump a handful of pills in my gob. I'm not an idiot.

Someone suggested hypnosis, or hypnotherapy. I've already tried it more than once and stated as much. It does work for some people, but its effects with me are only temporary, lasting no more than a few hours.

Because I'm a gullible dork, I'm still taking steps to try to deal with the fear. I'm downloading a 107-minute presentation that came highly recommended, and I am contacting Virgin Atlantic about repeating the graduation flight portion of their course. Their next course offering is on June 17th at Leeds Bradford airport, which is the closest airport to us...and it is one week from our departure date. If that is not fortuitous timing I don't know what is.

So...I AM open to suggestions, but mainly this is so that I can vent and try to verbalize the emotions I'm having. This has been an extremely difficult problem for me to deal with because in other aspects of life I'm very capable, responsible, and able to handle myself. I was a high achiever in school and to me, failure like this is simply unacceptable. I find it very frustrating...so I get angry.

Hopefully you'll understand that.

[Mags 112]

Well, I suggest that you should use this thread as a support thread. Voice your fears and talk it through with others who have a similar phobia. You do seemed to have tried just about everything possible to counteract this fear, I say good on you for at least not giving up. You sound very determined to break this phobia and you should give yourself some credit for that.

Many people just give in to it and spend their lives avoiding the very thing that scares them.

[homesick_american 1]

Well, I suggest that you should use this thread as a support thread. Voice your fears and talk it through with others who have a similar phobia. You do seemed to have tried just about everything possible to counteract this fear, I say good on you for at least not giving up. You sound very determined to break this phobia and you should give yourself some credit for that.

Many people just give in to it and spend their lives avoiding the very thing that scares them.

Don't give me too much credit; I'd be quite happy to never fly again if my circumstances were different. Unfortunately if I don't get on a plane I'll be stuck on this island for the rest of my life. I found out today my husband is boat-phobic which is why he's been dragging his feet on even discussing a boat trip. What a pair we are!

My husband will want to come back and visit his family and he'll want me to come along, so I sort of have no choice but to tackle the fear. That is causing me to feel some resentment right now even though it's not my husband's fault; it's totally normal to want to visit your family, even if they're like HIS family. *evil*

I do think that I've tried everything at least once. I've even FLOWN a plane myself and what's weird is that I'm not afraid at all when I'm the one flying the plane, or when I'm sitting beside our pilot friend at the controls of a single-engine Piper, which is statistically far more dangerous than a scheduled commercial flight...especially since the runway at Sherburn isn't even paved!!! I've never done a takeoff or landing, but I've flown the plane in a cruise profile, climbing, descending, and steep banks of nearly 45 degrees. No fear, solid as a rock. We even did an entire afternoon of touch and go maneuvers and I was fine with it. Weird eh?

[Converse34 1]

So what exactlly do you not like about flying? Is it the entire flight or just certain points?

[Mags 112]

Do you think part of it could be a control issue? The fact that you, and a couple hundred others, are trusting someone else to fly you across the sea? It is a big step to do that, whereas when you flew the plane yourself you had control, you knew what was going on, you could see out of the front, you had all the #######-pit instruments there etc etc

It probably isn't the whole issue, but it may be a contributing factor. Perhaps!

Edited June 10, 2007 by mags

[homesick_american 1]

So what exactlly do you not like about flying? Is it the entire flight or just certain points?

I loathe the takeoff. Hate it hate it hate it. To me it's so violent and scary. I don't like all the unexplained engine noises; I know that if the sounds increase or decrease during the cruise it means that we're probably changing altitude but nobody tells me anything so I get nervous. I do not like it when the airplane banks, particularly when we're descending and are going slow. I'm always afraid the plane is going to roll over but having flown one myself I know that it takes a hell of a lot of muscle to bank an aircraft; you can't accidentally flip it over and commercial jets are built to resist being rolled anyway. The actual bank angle is not nearly as severe as what it appears to be when you look down at the ground during a bank; it's between 20 and 30 degrees usually, but it feels like the aircraft is at a 90 degree angle.

I don't like landings either because of all the noise and the constant tweaking of engine speed and control surfaces; I find it quite lurchy when they have to open the throttles to maintain lift and it makes me feel like something's wrong.

I'm hyperaware when I'm flying and every sound, sensation, or smell makes me think that something has gone terribly wrong. I once disrupted a Delta flight by ringing the call button in panic to report a burning smell. What had happened is one of the stews left something in a galley oven for too long and burned it, but to me it seemed like the insulation in the plane's wiring was melting off and there was going to be a short and it would spark the vapors in the fuel tanks and it would explode and we'd all die. I wouldn't calm down until the FA actually showed me the item she had accidentally burned and I put it to my nose to smell it to confirm that that was the smell I had noticed. I think they hated me.

[Converse34 1]

Have you tried telling the crew once you board? I know you had an extensive list in the previous thread, not sure if that was on it.

I travel all the time and once or twice a year, I sit next to someone who is nervous. Although not an expert, I do work for an airline and often explain what each noise is during take off and landing. People are usually nervous because they are not sure if the noise is normal or not. One airline I used to work for would sometimes try and have a crew member sit with the nervous passenger during take off and landing and explain what each noise was during the flight. It often helps.

So what exactlly do you not like about flying? Is it the entire flight or just certain points?

I loathe the takeoff. Hate it hate it hate it. To me it's so violent and scary. I don't like all the unexplained engine noises; I know that if the sounds increase or decrease during the cruise it means that we're probably changing altitude but nobody tells me anything so I get nervous. I do not like it when the airplane banks, particularly when we're descending and are going slow. I'm always afraid the plane is going to roll over but having flown one myself I know that it takes a hell of a lot of muscle to bank an aircraft; you can't accidentally flip it over and commercial jets are built to resist being rolled anyway. The actual bank angle is not nearly as severe as what it appears to be when you look down at the ground during a bank; it's between 20 and 30 degrees usually, but it feels like the aircraft is at a 90 degree angle.

I don't like landings either because of all the noise and the constant tweaking of engine speed and control surfaces; I find it quite lurchy when they have to open the throttles to maintain lift and it makes me feel like something's wrong.

I'm hyperaware when I'm flying and every sound, sensation, or smell makes me think that something has gone terribly wrong. I once disrupted a Delta flight by ringing the call button in panic to report a burning smell. What had happened is one of the stews left something in a galley oven for too long and burned it, but to me it seemed like the insulation in the plane's wiring was melting off and there was going to be a short and it would spark the vapors in the fuel tanks and it would explode and we'd all die. I wouldn't calm down until the FA actually showed me the item she had accidentally burned and I put it to my nose to smell it to confirm that that was the smell I had noticed. I think they hated me.

[homesick_american 1]

Do you think part of it could be a control issue? The fact that you, and a couple hundred others, are trusting someone else to fly you across the sea? It is a big step to do that, whereas when you flew the plane yourself you had control, you knew what was going on, you could see out of the front, you had all the #######-pit instruments there etc etc

It probably isn't the whole issue, but it may be a contributing factor. Perhaps!

Maybe...I dunno. I admit I am somewhat of a type A control freak but I'm perfectly happy to put myself in the capable hands of other trained professionals like doctors, nurses, hairdressers, etc. without quizzing them for an hour about their qualifications. I quite happily went under general anesthesia in 2001 in an NHS hospital without a twinge of fear even though that is far riskier than flying.

My cousin is VP of flight ops at Southwest Airlines and still flies 737s so I know about pilot training and education, but I also know what pilots are like when they're not in the plane. Fast cars, women, lots of drink, etc. are not uncommon. Maybe having pilots in the family hurts more than it helps. When they get together they tell war stories about near-misses and that time the hydraulics went out or that time they couldn't get the landing gear down or that time they stalled the plane, etc. My SWA pilot cousin doesn't often tell stories like that around the family...what goes on in his flight deck stays in his flight deck...but the others more than make up for it.

I was fortunate enough to visit the flight deck of a BA 777 in flight from London to Dallas in November 2000, back when foreign carriers still let you do that. It has been against FAA regulations since the 1980s. It was interesting, but unless I could ride the whole way on the flight deck I wouldn't feel very reassured. You can't even talk to the pilots now, let alone visit the flight deck. Damn al Qaeda.

[Cassie 8]

Because I'm a gullible dork, I'm still taking steps to try to deal with the fear.....

I was a high achiever in school and to me, failure like this is simply unacceptable. I find it very frustrating...so I get angry.

Goodness girl, ease up on yourself! You may have a better chance of dealing with this if you stop beating yourself up so badly. I know myself personally I wasn't able to move successfully forward in dealing with my severe panic attacks until I stopped dwelling on all the times I failed. It was hard, and I commend you for continue to try to get over this.

You are not alone with this problem, if I remember correctly quite a few people here on VJ have problems with flying. I am sure they will pipe up with more support.

[homesick_american 1]

Have you tried telling the crew once you board? I know you had an extensive list in the previous thread, not sure if that was on it.

I travel all the time and once or twice a year, I sit next to someone who is nervous. Although not an expert, I do work for an airline and often explain what each noise is during take off and landing. People are usually nervous because they are not sure if the noise is normal or not. One airline I used to work for would sometimes try and have a crew member sit with the nervous passenger during take off and landing and explain what each noise was during the flight. It often helps.

The flight crew knows before I even get on the plane that I'm a nervous passenger because I show up at check-in a sniveling idiot.

The best help I ever had was on an AA flight from Manchester to Boston in 2004, when they not only upgraded us to first class but also let the purser sit next to me during takeoff and reassure me. I think she was as concerned about the other passengers as she was about me, because I was clearly extremely agitated and I think we were upgraded so it would be easier for the flight crew to keep an eye on me. As it was, as we were taking off I had a pillow over my face and I was screaming into it that we were all going to die. The other passengers were less than enthusiastic about my presence.

BA has also been fairly good, though my experience with AA has been better in terms of the assistance I've received as a nervous passenger. BA's planes and food are nicer, though.

[Kez/JWolf 6]

Do you think that your fear of dying is what is making you hypersensitive to all the noises you hear.... I know that because of my disability if ever anything went wrong I would not be able to get out and that gave me a great fear until I talked to an elderly woman at an airport on one of my trips... she told me that until she was 60 she could not even go inside an airport as she was afraid she would be killed, never mind going on a plane... it was when I was talking to her that I realized that no mater what I do in my life I AM going to die... it is not a mater of IF it is more like when... I spent a long time thinking about my fear of dying and I have been able to change my fear of dying into sadness that one day I will be gone... I no longer fear it as much as I did when I was younger just hope it don't happen for a long time yet.......

I hope you can work something out in your own mind that will help you...

Kez

[smoke20 0]

you already know my answer XANNAX!!!!!!

[broma25 2]

You sound just like my husband when he is flying. He will take 2-3 valium and drink a couple of pints he then gets very relaxed and we have no trouble getting on the plane. He gets on sits down and swiftly falls asleep.

Great I say!!

Then the engines start, he jumps up is wide awake and sober as a judge, then is petrified all the flight!!!

He is at the point now where he refuses to fly.

In the other thread you say the QM2 was 3K, thats expensive, think about it for the future though its a fantastic way to travel.....2 years ago today we landed in NY off the QM2 it was a truly wonderful experience.

I hope you can get over this....does the way you feel rub off on your kids at all?? I know that parental anxiety can do that.

[homesick_american 1]

You sound just like my husband when he is flying. He will take 2-3 valium and drink a couple of pints he then gets very relaxed and we have no trouble getting on the plane. He gets on sits down and swiftly falls asleep.

Great I say!!

Then the engines start, he jumps up is wide awake and sober as a judge, then is petrified all the flight!!!

He is at the point now where he refuses to fly.

In the other thread you say the QM2 was 3K, thats expensive, think about it for the future though its a fantastic way to travel.....2 years ago today we landed in NY off the QM2 it was a truly wonderful experience.

I hope you can get over this....does the way you feel rub off on your kids at all?? I know that parental anxiety can do that.

We don't have kids, so no.

[rebeccajo 14]

This won't help with take-off, but I've been told that potent prescription sleeping pills can help. Ambien is the drug of choice for my son's music teacher. He always gets just a few samples tablets from his doctor before a flight and for him they work like a charm. By just obtaining samples he has no worries about addicting himself to the drug.