Name change questions

[jynxNdragnfly 0]

I'll just throw my 2 cents into the pot. When we found out how long it would take for immigration the conversation turned to the 'quicky' courthouse marriage that we were gonna tell anyone about. Our 'original' wedding is in Las Vegas with 7 people in attendance (myself and hubby to be included) and we were just going to turn that into a fake wedding all for the sake of paperwork. In the end he left it my descision and I just couldn't do it. I didn't not want to tell my friends and family that we were married then 'pretend' to get married in front of them. We are having a wedding reception (complete with me in my dress again) a month after we're married to celebrate with friends and family. Neither one of us wanted the huge church thing so going away to Las Vegas then having the large reception pretty much worked out to satisfy everyone needs. Our need to keep the wedding small and my mother's need to have everyone and their brother at the reception LOL I figure the pressure's off at the reception so it's more like a big party/celebration rather than a long day filled with nerves and what not.

If your mother is anything like my mother she'll sniff out the fact that on your 'what she thinks is your 'real' wedding day' you're way to relaxed and stuff since you've already married before that. Sometimes they just have this weird way of 'knowing' things. I say tell. Invite them to the courthouse (or where ever it is your doing the 'legal' marriage) if they want to be there at the moment then go do the religious ceremony, etc.

[L_n_O 3]

wow! that so smart! I never even thought of inviting them!!!

We could even drive to PA and do it there so they would know and feel all involved!!!

[Krikit 1,164]

=) we talked more about it last night :

him: "I don't care what people think, it's our business but I don't see why we should have to discuss it with anyone"

me: "if we told, then we don't have to hide it and if for some reason it comes out, then what do we say? It makes us look bad cuz we lied"

him: if they know that we're already married, then it'll be like less excitement about the whole thing and i want them to be genuinely excited for us

me: yes, but don't you think they'd respect the fact that we still want a church wedding even though we're already married? like at that point we wouldn't really have to do it but if we're going through the expense of it all and the planning, that shows that it is important to us.. and I think they would be happy that we were honest with them and we can tell them that we don't really look at it like we're married til the church..

in the end, he said if I really want to, he's fine with telling them..

Sounds like you two had a productive conversation, Liz. It may be awkward at first, but you'll feel better about not having to hide the civil ceremony. Your family will understand and, quite possibly, be relieved, since it seems they hold fast to their Catholic faith. In addition to satisfying religious and visa requirements, your marriage date may have an impact on any insurance coverage (medical, dental, etc) you may need to be added to. Any family can relate to and understand those needs.

Each couple's situation is different, but it sounds as if you and your loved ones will feel better about being able to share in a spiritual ceremony, no matter when that takes place. That ceremony is in no way diminished by taking care of the legalities in a timely manner. I've been to a few, myself, including my own. They were meaningful to everyone, including the bride and groom.

I hope this is coming across in the positive way it was intended. Telling your families may be difficult, at first. But, honestly, they'll get over it. It's not as if you really have any control over the matter. If you communicate the situation and emphasize that this in no way impacts your happiness and anticipation of your religious ceremony, they should be able to see the bigger picture. At any rate, all the best in whichever path you choose.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Here's what we did:

Got married in Edmonton (maiden name in marriage certificate) - afterwards went to Registry where VJ'er and friend ATeam works (maybe she even made the adjustment for me and I didn't even know it was her!!!) and got my Alberta ID with my married name - then went to change my Canadian SIN to my married name with no problem. We submitted I-130 with married name and copies of my passport with maiden name and MTL calls me Mrs. S. (Bren's last name). Soooooooo it's not really a big deal me thinksssss. Hope this helps.

L.

I have no clue if and when I will -or not- change my name in Mexico: that's a pain in the effing azz as far as I know.- Chances are I will keep it.- Love my Spaniard last name with all my heart.- yes people, I am cheesy and don't ever want to forget where I came from (besides the fact that my parents would have my azz kicked harder than MTL ever could he he).

[Melyssa 0]

I'll just throw my 2 cents into the pot. When we found out how long it would take for immigration the conversation turned to the 'quicky' courthouse marriage that we were gonna tell anyone about. Our 'original' wedding is in Las Vegas with 7 people in attendance (myself and hubby to be included) and we were just going to turn that into a fake wedding all for the sake of paperwork. In the end he left it my descision and I just couldn't do it. I didn't not want to tell my friends and family that we were married then 'pretend' to get married in front of them. We are having a wedding reception (complete with me in my dress again) a month after we're married to celebrate with friends and family. Neither one of us wanted the huge church thing so going away to Las Vegas then having the large reception pretty much worked out to satisfy everyone needs. Our need to keep the wedding small and my mother's need to have everyone and their brother at the reception LOL I figure the pressure's off at the reception so it's more like a big party/celebration rather than a long day filled with nerves and what not.

If your mother is anything like my mother she'll sniff out the fact that on your 'what she thinks is your 'real' wedding day' you're way to relaxed and stuff since you've already married before that. Sometimes they just have this weird way of 'knowing' things. I say tell. Invite them to the courthouse (or where ever it is your doing the 'legal' marriage) if they want to be there at the moment then go do the religious ceremony, etc.

I was wondering how soon after we should do the 'bigger' wedding/celebration thing...one month later sounds perfect! I was thinking one week or one year but one week seems too soon and one year seems too late. Besides, by then we might not be interested anymore since we might have a little one by then! lol One month later is perfect though! Hmmmmmm thanks for the idea!

[Melyssa 0]

oops this was a double post...sorry!

Edited June 13, 2007 by melytha

[jynxNdragnfly 0]

wow! that so smart! I never even thought of inviting them!!!

We could even drive to PA and do it there so they would know and feel all involved!!!

Well my 'thing' about our wedding was that no matter where/when/how I wanted my father to walk me down the aisle. There's no way I could ever 'rob' him of his one chance to have the honour I'm the only child of theirs that will ever marry 'legally' and they mean so much to me there's no way I couldn't share my joy with them.

[i was wondering how soon after we should do the 'bigger' wedding/celebration thing...one month later sounds perfect! I was thinking one week or one year but one week seems too soon and one year seems too late. Besides, by then we might not be interested anymore since we might have a little one by then! lol One month later is perfect though! Hmmmmmm thanks for the idea!

Ya a month is definately perfect LOL Gives us our time for the honeymoon, time for my name change and starting the immigration process and the reception had to be on a long weekend since my dad's side of the family all live way out of town. For us, he had already had the 'mega church wedding' and didn't really want to relive it, I didn't want to have an entire day of 200 people 'staring' at me and witnessing my wedding when most of the reception guests are people I hardly ever seen. I wanted personal and intimate for the actual wedding yet lots of people to 'party and celebrate' with after all the jitters and blissful stress was gone

Wow I'm finally feeling 'useful' around here LOL