Dating A Democrat: How 2020’s Presidential Election Has Altered Romance in D.C.

[Boris Farage 353]

1 minute ago, 90DayFinancier said:

Best wishes for a speedy process!

You are very kind, thank you.

[Nature Boy 2.0 8,382]

1 hour ago, laylalex said:

No kiss back? 

 

Sending you an email now with a proposition for a bet on the election. Pretty sure you're going to be wrong about this, and I am sort of a genius at extricating money from men's pockets.  

You know love. Sometimes you just say things that make me ???

[Boiler 46,123]

She's not wrong.

[OriZ 3,157]

10 hours ago, laylalex said:

I don't know what or who Kring Kring is but thank you. ❤ I apologize for being oversensitive, just a lot going on at the moment.

 

Back to topic, I agree we should just love and marry who we want. But having thought on this a little I don't see what's bad about filtering out potential partners early who might prove to be incompatible later on. Maybe not on the first date, but discussions about core values seem like something to bring up fairly early. 

So, I definitely do not see "core values" and "politics" as the same thing. And I don't think a different political view should be a deal breaker, whether with friendships or relationships. My wife and I are both moderates but there are certain issues she leans more left than me and certain issues I lean more left than her. I had an ex who was a total marxist(no that's not why she's my ex lol...and we are still good friends). I have friends who are total anarchists and ones who are total statists and anything inbetween. Bottom line it shouldn't matter, at all, as long as each side respect's the other's right to their own views.

 

6 hours ago, Burnt Reynolds said:

In this context, maybe your "commitment to the Democratic Party" is a behavior that is toxic to a relationship? 

 

The difference, and even "red flag" between your post and yuna's is yuna describes actions and behaviors, you describe identity (character attributes), and not just identity, but someone else's descriptors of identity to you. 

 

It would be a "red flag" (for me) if Person A (even if it was a trusted friend, parent, sibling, family member, etc.) was trying to warn me about Person B based on Person A's perceived identity of Person B rather than Person B's actions/behaviors. Allowing others to dictate one's behavior based on identity characteristics, needless to say, readily opens the door to manipulation. More importantly, it's handing over power to someone else to make character choices for you, when you, as an adult, should be perfectly capable of making character judgments of others based on their actions (and how those actions align with your values) all on your own. 

I don't think her commitment is toxic, and I think it is totally out of line for anybody to request that someone disassociate themselves from what they believe in just because they disagree with it.

 

 

[Burnt Reynolds 5,058]

15 minutes ago, OriZ said:

So, I definitely do not see "core values" and "politics" as the same thing. And I don't think a different political view should be a deal breaker, whether with friendships or relationships. My wife and I are both moderates but there are certain issues she leans more left than me and certain issues I lean more left than her. I had an ex who was a total marxist(no that's not why she's my ex lol...and we are still good friends). I have friends who are total anarchists and ones who are total statists and anything inbetween. Bottom line it shouldn't matter, at all, as long as each side respect's the other's right to their own views.

 

I don't think her commitment is toxic, and I think it is totally out of line for anybody to request that someone disassociate themselves from what they believe in just because they disagree with it.

 

 

In what I read, the reason wasn't stated. But.. a commitment to a party isn't a belief. It's a behavior.. one that can be toxic to a relationship. Just ask Katie Hill.

Edited November 19, 2019 by Burnt Reynolds

[Voice of Reason 10,298]

3 hours ago, Boris Farage said:

Don't mention that here. When I mentioned the dating site ads as proof that there are a lot of mail order bride husband-wannabes on this site, I was told it's all a figment of my imagination.

No, that wasn't it at all.  But nice try.

[luckytxn 2,265]

2 hours ago, Burnt Reynolds said:

In what I read, the reason wasn't stated. But.. a commitment to a party isn't a belief. It's a behavior.. one that can be toxic to a relationship. Just ask Katie Hill.

This. I wouldn't be dating a Socialist for long term for sure. I don't like to enable bad behavior and morals.

[OriZ 3,157]

47 minutes ago, luckytxn said:

This. I wouldn't be dating a Socialist for long term for sure. I don't like to enable bad behavior and morals.

That's mighty judgmental of you.

[Voice of Reason 10,298]

57 minutes ago, luckytxn said:

This. I wouldn't be dating a Socialist for long term for sure. I don't like to enable bad behavior and morals.

Aren’t you married to a Vietnamese?  As in the Socialist Republic of Vietnam?

Edited November 19, 2019 by ALFKAD

[Boris Farage 353]

9 hours ago, ALFKAD said:

No, that wasn't it at all.  But nice try.

Not a single person was willing to acknowledge that this site has targeted ads for mail order brides, and that there are men on this site who pay, or have paid, money for the sole purpose of introductions to a foreign woman to bring her here for the purpose of marriage. I was attacked for even suggesting such a thing. It is treated as some dirty secret, and I have no idea why.

[Burnt Reynolds 5,058]

3 minutes ago, Boris Farage said:

Not a single person was willing to acknowledge that this site has targeted ads for mail order brides, and that there are men on this site who pay, or have paid, money for the sole purpose of introductions to a foreign woman to bring her here for the purpose of marriage. I was attacked for even suggesting such a thing. It is treated as some dirty secret, and I have no idea why.

Corruption exists everywhere.

 

Also, regardless of the facade people put on, they don't deal well with introspective reasoning. It's always evident by how they deal with the argument when the argument comes up. If they don't address it directly, they don't want to, for obvious reasons.

 

Brb, asking wife if I can get a Mail Order Bride.

[Boris Farage 353]

11 minutes ago, Burnt Reynolds said:

Corruption exists everywhere.

 

Also, regardless of the facade people put on, they don't deal well with introspective reasoning. It's always evident by how they deal with the argument when the argument comes up. If they don't address it directly, they don't want to, for obvious reasons.

It's not corruption in this case. Just an unwillingness for people to admit that there is a subset of people on this forum who did not meet their wives or fiaces through more traditional means, but instead laid out their personal capital to finance their operation to obtain a spouse. As a capitalist, I am fine with this arrangement, but for whatever reason, other members see it as a dirty secret to keep hidden.

 

It's ridiculous on the face of it. As if all of these men, especially the older men, just happened to be a foreign exchange student, or happened to be on holiday abroad, where they discovered their soul mate. I called it out, I specifically said that I am in no way sitting in judgment, quite the contrary. But many here think of it as a dirty secret, to be kept locked away as one might have done a hundred years ago and kept a mentally ill relative locked away.

 

Unfortunately, just like your crazy great great Aunt Betsy, by keeping it a shameful secret, those going through "the process" with their mail order brides get no support whatsoever and must either lie about their relationship, or say nothing. It's shameful.

 

11 minutes ago, Burnt Reynolds said:

Brb, asking wife if I can get a Mail Order Bride.

I hear it's practically mandatory if you live in Utah.

Edited November 19, 2019 by Boris Farage

[Voice of Reason 10,298]

46 minutes ago, Boris Farage said:

Not a single person was willing to acknowledge that this site has targeted ads for mail order brides, and that there are men on this site who pay, or have paid, money for the sole purpose of introductions to a foreign woman to bring her here for the purpose of marriage. I was attacked for even suggesting such a thing. It is treated as some dirty secret, and I have no idea why.

No, that is not what you said.  You were alleging that most relationships here were of that sort, or that most members were shopping for a spouse, which is false.  No one said the ads were not about such; but none of us have control over the ads, as exhibited by YOUR farmers only ads.

 

The internet had opened up international dating and shopping for a spouse,  no doubt.  But the MAJORITY of people here on VJ come here for that; quite the opposite.  Not even all come here for a spouse, though I'd guess that is the #1 reason, marriage visas.  And in all the years I have been on here, I have seen the mods shut down ANY kind of questions or promotion of any illegal immigration or attempts to circumvent the law in regards to such.

 

There is no "dirty little secret" as you are alluding to.  There are sites that do exactly what you are talking about.   Hell, there are members here who RUN sites like that!  But I don't believe that subset, as you refer to them, are anywhere near a majority here.  The ones I have personally seen (years ago when I wasn't a CEHST regular, but using the site for its intended purpose, visa advice), didn't last long, being shunned by the legit users.

 

And no, there's nothing wrong with people finding mates using the internet, as long as both partners are of legal consenting ages.  

Edited November 19, 2019 by ALFKAD

[Nature Boy 2.0 8,382]

44 minutes ago, Boris Farage said:

Not a single person was willing to acknowledge that this site has targeted ads for mail order brides, and that there are men on this site who pay, or have paid, money for the sole purpose of introductions to a foreign woman to bring her here for the purpose of marriage. I was attacked for even suggesting such a thing. It is treated as some dirty secret, and I have no idea why.

Why if i meet a girl here on tinder its cool but if i meet a girl on line from another country its a mail order bride i basically bought.

I find the term mail order bride offensive as do your basic accusations that this women are some kind of prostitutes. 

I have been happily married 8 years and met my wife on line.

[Voice of Reason 10,298]

1 minute ago, Nature Boy 2.0 said:

Why if i meet a girl here on tinder its cool but if i meet a girl on line from another country its a mail order bride i basically bought.

I find the term mail order bride offensive as do your basic accusations that this women are some kind of prostitutes. 

I have been happily married 8 years and met my wife on line.

And your wife is an angel of the highest order.  I suspect part of his disdain towards the idea is because he has never had a lady like yours in his past relationships.