Dating A Democrat: How 2020’s Presidential Election Has Altered Romance in D.C.

[Nature Boy 2.0 8,378]

https://photos.app.goo.gl/3DYu6DUnhWtdFDY76

[Voice of Reason 10,298]

34 minutes ago, Nature Boy 2.0 said:

https://photos.app.goo.gl/3DYu6DUnhWtdFDY76

You'd do better to copy/paste a FB link (view full size first) to him.  Then it will paste as a pic instead of a link.

[laylalex 7,300]

34 minutes ago, Nature Boy 2.0 said:

https://photos.app.goo.gl/3DYu6DUnhWtdFDY76

😍🥰😍😍🥰

[Boiler 45,980]

[laylalex 7,300]

1 hour ago, yuna628 said:

I think that if we use too many filters, we run the risk of isolating ourselves to a lack of understanding differing viewpoints on subjects. It's one thing of course to date someone with a different religion or political ideal than your own and quite another of course to have that person turn into raging idiot that isn't respectful. That's when you have to cut 'em loose. And you have to want to recognize those signs, be willing to nip it out quickly, and not hang on thinking you can change that person into someone else.

 

Absolutely. I think demanding that your partner be in lockstep with everything you believe is unrealistic and can cut you off from meeting truly lovely people. On the other hand, some red flags need to be noted -- when your mother is describing your boyfriend's politics as "slightly to the right of Attila the Hun" and he's hectoring you to reconsider your commitment to the Democratic party if you really love him, you might want to pay attention. Not that I would know anything about that. 🙄

[Burnt Reynolds 5,058]

45 minutes ago, laylalex said:

Absolutely. I think demanding that your partner be in lockstep with everything you believe is unrealistic and can cut you off from meeting truly lovely people. On the other hand, some red flags need to be noted -- when your mother is describing your boyfriend's politics as "slightly to the right of Attila the Hun" and he's hectoring you to reconsider your commitment to the Democratic party if you really love him, you might want to pay attention. Not that I would know anything about that. 🙄

In this context, maybe your "commitment to the Democratic Party" is a behavior that is toxic to a relationship? 

 

The difference, and even "red flag" between your post and yuna's is yuna describes actions and behaviors, you describe identity (character attributes), and not just identity, but someone else's descriptors of identity to you. 

 

It would be a "red flag" (for me) if Person A (even if it was a trusted friend, parent, sibling, family member, etc.) was trying to warn me about Person B based on Person A's perceived identity of Person B rather than Person B's actions/behaviors. Allowing others to dictate one's behavior based on identity characteristics, needless to say, readily opens the door to manipulation. More importantly, it's handing over power to someone else to make character choices for you, when you, as an adult, should be perfectly capable of making character judgments of others based on their actions (and how those actions align with your values) all on your own. 

[Nature Boy 2.0 8,378]

2 hours ago, ALFKAD said:

You'd do better to copy/paste a FB link (view full size first) to him.  Then it will paste as a pic instead of a link.

I dont have FB on my werk computer and its hard from a cell phone

[Nature Boy 2.0 8,378]

2 hours ago, Boiler said:

I really wasnt a cat person until a coworker brought me the 2 week old kitten. I was out on medical when he brought it so I had plenty of time to feed it around the clock

[laylalex 7,300]

29 minutes ago, Burnt Reynolds said:

In this context, maybe your "commitment to the Democratic Party" is a behavior that is toxic to a relationship? 

 

The difference, and even "red flag" between your post and yuna's is yuna describes actions and behaviors, you describe identity (character attributes), and not just identity, but someone else's descriptors of identity to you. 

 

It would be a "red flag" (for me) if Person A (even if it was a trusted friend, parent, sibling, family member, etc.) was trying to warn me about Person B based on Person A's perceived identity of Person B rather than Person B's actions/behaviors. Allowing others to dictate one's behavior based on identity characteristics, needless to say, readily opens the door to manipulation. More importantly, it's handing over power to someone else to make character choices for you, when you, as an adult, should be perfectly capable of making character judgments of others based on their actions (and how those actions align with your values) all on your own. 

I am not "committed to the Democratic Party" -- that was my ex-husband's view of me simply because I voted for Obama (twice). You're even newer here than I am, so I am sure you do not know what I have posted before about our relationship. It was not healthy. Our big differences in political philosophy were only symptomatic of the rot in our relationship. He manipulated me over the course of many years into losing touch with my own identity, which I am still healing from. If I had listened to my mother and my close friends (many of whom had strong reservations about our relationship, including the man who is now my fiance), I might not have gone through what I did. Their perceptions were based not on his identity, but on how he treated me. But I was very young and certain I was right, and love does weird things to the brain, particularly when your prefrontal cortex isn't fully formed yet. 

[Boiler 45,980]

Good to see we are back on the usual subject.

[laylalex 7,300]

5 minutes ago, Boiler said:

Good to see we are back on the usual subject.

I was just explaining my earlier comment. It needed greater context for someone who is clearly new to the forum. Sorry I offended you.

[Boiler 45,980]

I am not offended, more an observation.

[laylalex 7,300]

3 minutes ago, Boiler said:

I am not offended, more an observation.

👌

[Boris Farage 353]

21 minutes ago, laylalex said:

I am not "committed to the Democratic Party" -- that was my ex-husband's view of me simply because I voted for Obama (twice).

You vote for Obama once, maybe you're an independent at best. Twice, and you're a card-carrying Democract.

 

23 minutes ago, laylalex said:

I am not "committed to the Democratic Party" -- that was my ex-husband's view of me simply because I voted for Obama (twice). You're even newer here than I am, so I am sure you do not know what I have posted before about our relationship. It was not healthy. Our big differences in political philosophy were only symptomatic of the rot in our relationship. He manipulated me over the course of many years into losing touch with my own identity, which I am still healing from. If I had listened to my mother and my close friends (many of whom had strong reservations about our relationship, including the man who is now my fiance), I might not have gone through what I did. Their perceptions were based not on his identity, but on how he treated me. But I was very young and certain I was right, and love does weird things to the brain, particularly when your prefrontal cortex isn't fully formed yet. 

And here is the proof you're a Democrat. You can't take responsibility for your own actions and decisions. It's always your evil ex-husband. I'm surprised you're not demanding free healthcare in this tirade of yours.

[laylalex 7,300]

14 minutes ago, Boris Farage said:

You vote for Obama once, maybe you're an independent at best. Twice, and you're a card-carrying Democract.

 

And here is the proof you're a Democrat. You can't take responsibility for your own actions and decisions. It's always your evil ex-husband. I'm surprised you're not demanding free healthcare in this tirade of yours.

I never said I wasn't a member of the Democratic Party. I think there's a difference between being "committed to the Democratic Party" and being a Democrat. I have voted for non-Democrats before. I am not laying down my life for the party. I just feel more closely aligned with the party than with, say, the Republicans or whomever.

 

So it was my fault I got duped by a narcissist when I was just a kid? Okay then. I own up now to the fact that I was naive, and that is taking responsibility for my actions because I learned from the experience. I'm not repeating the mistakes I made before. Isn't that what taking responsibility is? I mean, as it stands right now, I know that today I've got to go look at apartments on my own because my fiance got pulled into meetings he hadn't anticipated when we set up the viewings. It's better to show up, I think, on my own and honor the appointments than just say, oh, he can't do it so I can't do it. That's taking responsibility for your actions. 

 

Sorry if I'm a little grouchy, the sun's in my eyes out here and it's hard to see the laptop screen.

Edited November 18, 2019 by laylalex