Let’s stop praising men who deign to date women almost their own age

[Boris Farage 353]

1 hour ago, laylalex said:

Well, I had the option of staying here alone. I don't want that. If he doesn't take the move, he has to leave the US. There's no staying in the Bay Area for him. So the choice was mine: be apart or together.

The difference being that there was just the assumption that this is what you would do, no discussion, nothing. Just an assumption that you would do it. And you're ok with that?

 

1 hour ago, laylalex said:

I've already had the marriage where I buried all my hopes and desires in a hole in the ground. I know what it feels like to deny myself any agency, to feel like I can't actually express my opinions. I had a choice to make; there was no ultimatum that I move or else. Please don't mischaracterize what I've said. 

You had the marriage that made you comfortable and free to pursue your interests. And when it was over, you had the ex-marriage that made you wealthy, comfortable, and free to pursue your interests. And now you're going to throw that away to marry someone who will lock you in to a city you don't want to be in, looking for a job you didn't want to have to look for. Yes, you've certainly moved up in the world.

[Boiler 45,982]

You can be useful on here.

[Voice of Reason 10,298]

39 minutes ago, laylalex said:

You've given me something to think about and talk about with him. Thank you. I just worry about how hard it will be to be apart again after finally living together for only a few months. I mean, I'm lucky. I don't need a job. But I need to be useful. Right now I can be useful here at work, and also down there, helping him settle in. It could be I help him do that and come back to Berkeley for a while. He has my friend network down there too, and my friends adore him. He wouldn't be completely alone. Just... big, big mood. It's a lot to process. Oh yeah, and I'm supposed to be getting married, that too!  

I say again... push the marriage off.  What's the rush?  Love is love, even without the certificate that allows the government to interfere in your personal affairs.

 

I might make fun of you from time to time about your previous marriage and the settlement thereof.  But at the end of the day, it's yours.  You wouldn't give away a good-performing stock fund just because they invest in some right-leaning ventures, would you?  So why hurry up and give up your alimony?

 

My wife will never remarry should I die before her, because one of my investments nets her money for life, and stops upon her re-marriage.  She would be foolish to throw that away.

Edited November 13, 2019 by ALFKAD

[Nature Boy 2.0 8,378]

18 minutes ago, ALFKAD said:

I say again... push the marriage off.  What's the rush?  Love is love, even without the certificate that allows the government to interfere in your personal affairs.

 

I might make fun of you from time to time about your previous marriage and the settlement thereof.  But at the end of the day, it's yours.  You wouldn't give away a good-performing stock fund just because they invest in some right-leaning ventures, would you?  So why hurry up and give up your alimony?

 

My wife will never remarry should I die before her, because one of my investments nets her money for life, and stops upon her re-marriage.  She would be foolish to throw that away.

My sister had a remarry clause in her alimony. She married somebody so rich it did not matter 

[Voice of Reason 10,298]

30 minutes ago, Nature Boy 2.0 said:

My sister had a remarry clause in her alimony. She married somebody so rich it did not matter 

Well, there's some sage advice. (Where were you 11 years ago??)  My next wife will be filthy rich!

[Boris Farage 353]

53 minutes ago, ALFKAD said:

My wife will never remarry should I die before her, because one of my investments nets her money for life, and stops upon her re-marriage.  She would be foolish to throw that away.

This is bloody fantastic. Do you have a line on that investment? I'd like to know more about it. (or is it just a clause you had manually inserted?)

Edited November 13, 2019 by Boris Farage

[Voice of Reason 10,298]

2 minutes ago, Boris Farage said:

This is bloody fantastic. Do you have a line on that investment? I'd like to know more about it.

You wouldn't be interested.  It involves contractual labor not too far removed from indentured servitude.

[laylalex 7,300]

1 hour ago, Boris Farage said:

The difference being that there was just the assumption that this is what you would do, no discussion, nothing. Just an assumption that you would do it. And you're ok with that?

 

You had the marriage that made you comfortable and free to pursue your interests. And when it was over, you had the ex-marriage that made you wealthy, comfortable, and free to pursue your interests. And now you're going to throw that away to marry someone who will lock you in to a city you don't want to be in, looking for a job you didn't want to have to look for. Yes, you've certainly moved up in the world.

You don't know all of the discussions, Boris. He said he had to go to Santa Monica or leave the US, and he said it was my choice to go with him now or later. Or at all! Obviously he wants me with him. He didn't assume I'd go. He assumed I wanted to go, because he knows it's in my character to do what I think will please my partner. He made it clear that what would please him most is for the decision to be mine. Right now, the decision is still to go with him. But we're going to talk again tonight after work. And it's not right to say that I'm throwing anything away to be with him. Will I lose my alimony? Yes! But I have money saved up from that, as well as my lump property settlement. Alex makes enough money to support us both even if I didn't have these reserves. I don't need to look for a job but I will, if I don't go back to school. I'm going to be just fine but thank you for your concern.

1 hour ago, Boiler said:

You can be useful on here.

Not too sure how besides posting articles about toxic masculinity!  But thank you.

47 minutes ago, ALFKAD said:

I say again... push the marriage off.  What's the rush?  Love is love, even without the certificate that allows the government to interfere in your personal affairs.

 

I might make fun of you from time to time about your previous marriage and the settlement thereof.  But at the end of the day, it's yours.  You wouldn't give away a good-performing stock fund just because they invest in some right-leaning ventures, would you?  So why hurry up and give up your alimony?

 

My wife will never remarry should I die before her, because one of my investments nets her money for life, and stops upon her re-marriage.  She would be foolish to throw that away.

The plan now is to marry before the end of next year. His L visa can only be extended another 2 years, and it should go through, but I have no idea how long AOS is going to take. So we have a tentative date of November 30, 2020.  That came out of discussions last night. But it can change depending on how the next few months pan out. 

[laylalex 7,300]

LOL -- I wrote down the wrong date in November 2020. It's November 28th, not 30th. All I could remember was the last Saturday in November, and I looked at the calendar for 2019 when I was trying to remember. Whoops! Total (strawberry) blonde moment. 

[Boris Farage 353]

8 minutes ago, laylalex said:

You don't know all of the discussions, Boris. He said he had to go to Santa Monica or leave the US, and he said it was my choice to go with him now or later. Or at all! Obviously he wants me with him. He didn't assume I'd go. He assumed I wanted to go, because he knows it's in my character to do what I think will please my partner. He made it clear that what would please him most is for the decision to be mine. Right now, the decision is still to go with him. But we're going to talk again tonight after work. And it's not right to say that I'm throwing anything away to be with him. Will I lose my alimony? Yes! But I have money saved up from that, as well as my lump property settlement. Alex makes enough money to support us both even if I didn't have these reserves. I don't need to look for a job but I will, if I

He assumed a lot. Not among his assumptions: your desire to stay in a city you love, your desire to keep a job you live, your desire to keep your friends, family(?), and a life that you have carefully cultivated. Just a "I must move, and I assume you will just follow along like a good wife."

 

11 minutes ago, laylalex said:

But we're going to talk again tonight after work.

I do hope you'll tread lightly around that famous temper of his.

[AlexSCC 5]

Against my better judgement, I've been reading this thread. There are a number of presumptions in here about how 'Layla' and I conduct our relationship, with some sort of implication that I somehow have the 'whip hand' over her in regard to where she will be. I have a job, however, and don't have the time at the moment to respond as fully as I wish. When I do, I'll be pleased to answer any and all questions about how dastardly I am by following the terms of my visa.

19 minutes ago, Boris Farage said:

I do hope you'll tread lightly around that famous temper of his.

<sigh> I shouldn't have to come on here to defend myself from slander. Please do drop by later with questions about my 'temper.' 

[Boiler 45,982]

Do not forget the live stream.

 

Or to fill in your timeline.

[yuna628 9,700]

3 minutes ago, Boiler said:

Do not forget the live stream.

Live stream? Good lord, personally I think three people need to get a private room and hash out the discussion.. not in threads constantly. 

 

 

(sorry i've been poked with all kinds of needles today and i'm feeling cranky and blunt)

((guys can you stop trying to validate your life choices to people that don't matter? it's not healthy!))

Edited November 13, 2019 by yuna628

[Nature Boy 2.0 8,378]

5 minutes ago, AlexSCC said:

Against my better judgement, I've been reading this thread. There are a number of presumptions in here about how 'Layla' and I conduct our relationship, with some sort of implication that I somehow have the 'whip hand' over her in regard to where she will be. I have a job, however, and don't have the time at the moment to respond as fully as I wish. When I do, I'll be pleased to answer any and all questions about how dastardly I am by following the terms of my visa.

<sigh> I shouldn't have to come on here to defend myself from slander. Please do drop by later with questions about my 'temper.' 

as a note I stayed out of it, and don't usually read the lengthy discourses  however when you put your business out there sometimes it gets noticed. Perhaps a conversation you need to have with each other and not the public 

[Voice of Reason 10,298]

46 minutes ago, Boris Farage said:

He assumed a lot. Not among his assumptions: your desire to stay in a city you love, your desire to keep a job you live, your desire to keep your friends, family(?), and a life that you have carefully cultivated. Just a "I must move, and I assume you will just follow along like a good wife."

Most marriages are a many-year dance around compromises that each must make.  He doesn't have a choice in the move, but she does.

 

Carefully cultivated lives are uber boring.  One should move to a different state or country every 2-3 years just to shake things up.