Let’s stop praising men who deign to date women almost their own age

[Boris Farage 353]

6 minutes ago, laylalex said:

It's not like that at all. I guess I was overly vague. He found out over the weekend that his job is definitely being transferred from San Francisco to Santa Monica at the beginning of the new year. We'd thought it was only a possibility at first, but now it's happening whether I like it or not. (And I like it not.) I don't want to move, and I'm faced with having to give up the life I have made for myself here for a big unknown. No job to go to for me. And he can't refuse or he'll have to resign, be out of status and go back to the UK without me. Getting married right away and filing for AOS doesn't fix it either, since we'd need to wait for his EAD for him to be able to quit his job and get a new one in SF. And he doesn't want to leave his job! So in all likelihood I am packing up my life and moving to Santa Monica or Venice or Pacific Palisades or wherever and going too. We are a team. Yes, I could stay here without him, but I don't want to do a commuter relationship again. It's just a lot to think about. He's being very supportive and giving me the space to make my own decision about where I want to be. I want to be with him, and the terms of his visa mean he has to work where his employer tells him. So I'm going too. It's very important for him that I know there are no ultimatums. We would make it work if I stayed here. But that's not what I want. That's all. Sorry for being so vague. 

 

One of these things does not belong. Can you guess? (hint: I made it easy)

[Voice of Reason 10,298]

1 hour ago, laylalex said:

It's not like that at all. I guess I was overly vague. He found out over the weekend that his job is definitely being transferred from San Francisco to Santa Monica at the beginning of the new year. We'd thought it was only a possibility at first, but now it's happening whether I like it or not. (And I like it not.) I don't want to move, and I'm faced with having to give up the life I have made for myself here for a big unknown. No job to go to for me. And he can't refuse or he'll have to resign, be out of status and go back to the UK without me. Getting married right away and filing for AOS doesn't fix it either, since we'd need to wait for his EAD for him to be able to quit his job and get a new one in SF. And he doesn't want to leave his job! So in all likelihood I am packing up my life and moving to Santa Monica or Venice or Pacific Palisades or wherever and going too. We are a team. Yes, I could stay here without him, but I don't want to do a commuter relationship again. It's just a lot to think about. He's being very supportive and giving me the space to make my own decision about where I want to be. I want to be with him, and the terms of his visa mean he has to work where his employer tells him. So I'm going too. It's very important for him that I know there are no ultimatums. We would make it work if I stayed here. But that's not what I want. That's all. Sorry for being so vague. 

Ha ha, very funny. He's actually given me more space to make my own decisions about my life than any other partner I've ever had. I'm going to be just fine, things are a bit bumpy but I know he's here to make it easier in every way he can.

Go with him.  Don't get married yet.  The alimony won't stop, and you will have time to find a job you like.  No need to rush into things.  Don't fight what life hands you, learn to work in harmony with it.  I'm sure great things will come out of the move for you guys!

[Boiler 45,981]

You have some time to look for another job.

[yuna628 9,700]

Why can't you go with him and seek out another job? LDR is possible too... I mean it's in the same state and not *that* far, not like it's across an ocean or something. 😉 Most of us on this forum would have probably preferred that reality with our spouses...

[laylalex 7,300]

Thank you all (except you know who you are). We're formulating a plan right now. I'm sick of doing an LDR -- we did one for a year, a commuter relationship where I was in the LA area and he was in SF, going back and forth. Before that, we had almost a year of flying back and forth between California and London, twice a month. It was kind of exhausting. And yes, I know we're very lucky to actually be together now -- it took us another 10 months after I moved up here to the Bay Area for us to even share a roof due to me needing to make sure I was really, really sure I was ready to be committed again. 

 

So I'll find another job down there, or maybe go back to school. I'm a compulsive journaller, and I've been thinking about writing a novel for a very long time. UCLA has a Certificate program I've been looking at. I just told my manager this morning about the move, and he's pretty down about it, but he understands. My family is in the LA area, and most of my best friends are too. I'd be slotting back into my old life, which is good and bad. It's just been a huge shock, and I'm coming down from it now. Plenty to do and organize, including a trip down there next week to look at neighborhoods. I'm just glad I didn't sign a lease on a new place up here, which had been the plan this month!

Edited November 12, 2019 by laylalex
No need to call out people by name.

[Voice of Reason 10,298]

3 hours ago, laylalex said:

Thank you all (except you know who you are). We're formulating a plan right now. I'm sick of doing an LDR -- we did one for a year, a commuter relationship where I was in the LA area and he was in SF, going back and forth. Before that, we had almost a year of flying back and forth between California and London, twice a month. It was kind of exhausting. And yes, I know we're very lucky to actually be together now -- it took us another 10 months after I moved up here to the Bay Area for us to even share a roof due to me needing to make sure I was really, really sure I was ready to be committed again. 

 

So I'll find another job down there, or maybe go back to school. I'm a compulsive journaller, and I've been thinking about writing a novel for a very long time. UCLA has a Certificate program I've been looking at. I just told my manager this morning about the move, and he's pretty down about it, but he understands. My family is in the LA area, and most of my best friends are too. I'd be slotting back into my old life, which is good and bad. It's just been a huge shock, and I'm coming down from it now. Plenty to do and organize, including a trip down there next week to look at neighborhoods. I'm just glad I didn't sign a lease on a new place up here, which had been the plan this month!

Ouch.  That hurts.

[laylalex 7,300]

4 minutes ago, ALFKAD said:

Ouch.  That hurts.

You are not included in the "you know who you are"!  

 

We're cool.

[Voice of Reason 10,298]

2 minutes ago, laylalex said:

You are not included in the "you know who you are"!  

 

We're cool.

Too late.  I already reported you for hurting BOTH my feelings.

 

J/K, I knew it wasn't me. My advice is sound.  Might even be viewed as a tad on the Liberal side, lol.

[laylalex 7,300]

7 hours ago, Boris Farage said:

One of these things does not belong. Can you guess? (hint: I made it easy)

You know Boris, I've had some time to think about this. And most of those sentences you highlighted had an "I" in them. As the corny saying goes, there is no "I" in "team." Al has made some big sacrifices to be with me here in this country. Yes, it was an opportunity to move to the US to be with me, but it was a lateral move, and he's been stuck in the role for the past couple of years because of the terms of his visa. So him getting to move to Santa Monica, while still a lateral move, presents a new opportunity. His boss has mentioned that there may be a promotion at some point as well if he makes the move. It makes sense, and it's the thing I can do for him after all he's done for me. 

 

Moving back to topic, in other celebrity age gap news: https://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/christie-brinkley-ex-peter-cooke-engaged

Quote

His second ex, Suzanne Shaw, now her 40s, accused him of having a “secret pathological predilection” for young women.

 

[Nature Boy 2.0 8,378]

21 minutes ago, laylalex said:

You know Boris, I've had some time to think about this. And most of those sentences you highlighted had an "I" in them. As the corny saying goes, there is no "I" in "team." Al has made some big sacrifices to be with me here in this country. Yes, it was an opportunity to move to the US to be with me, but it was a lateral move, and he's been stuck in the role for the past couple of years because of the terms of his visa. So him getting to move to Santa Monica, while still a lateral move, presents a new opportunity. His boss has mentioned that there may be a promotion at some point as well if he makes the move. It makes sense, and it's the thing I can do for him after all he's done for me. 

 

Moving back to topic, in other celebrity age gap news: https://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/christie-brinkley-ex-peter-cooke-engaged

 

How dare you try to move a thread back on topic. They use to go south on pag2 or 3. Now 2nd post. Glad I never go off topic 

[laylalex 7,300]

3 minutes ago, Nature Boy 2.0 said:

How dare you try to move a thread back on topic. They use to go south on pag2 or 3. Now 2nd post. Glad I never go off topic 

 I don't mean to pull things off topic, it just sort of happens. 

[Boiler 45,981]

12 minutes ago, Nature Boy 2.0 said:

How dare you try to move a thread back on topic. They use to go south on pag2 or 3. Now 2nd post. Glad I never go off topic 

I thought this was something for the OP to raise as an issue or has the general understanding changed.

[laylalex 7,300]

1 minute ago, Boiler said:

I thought this was something for the OP to raise as an issue or has the general understanding changed.

I am just trying to promote better posting hygiene. I know I'm not very good at it myself.

[Boiler 45,981]

Hmmm what is posting hygiene? Not sure it is mentioned in my Bible, the ToS.

[laylalex 7,300]

2 minutes ago, Boiler said:

Hmmm what is posting hygiene? Not sure it is mentioned in my Bible, the ToS.

I just made it up.  If it's not in the Bible, maybe we can consider it as a gloss?