Let’s stop praising men who deign to date women almost their own age

[Nature Boy 2.0 8,378]

9 minutes ago, Boiler said:

I thought this was something for the OP to raise as an issue or has the general understanding changed.

I do think I am entitled to an opinion. Just making a point. The OP asked in the Veterans thread only to be followed with many many ot posts 

[Boiler 45,981]

7 minutes ago, laylalex said:

I just made it up.  If it's not in the Bible, maybe we can consider it as a gloss?

Perhaps it should be in the Bible?

[laylalex 7,300]

Just now, Boiler said:

Perhaps it should be in the Bible?

Not that my opinion holds too much weight here, but I think we need as much flexibility as we can get. I read the TOS finally the other week, and it seems pretty loose in some ways. Maybe we should think of it being a living document that can adapt to the times and the users. Kind of like the Constitution, right? 

 

Can we talk about celebrity age gaps again? Because if we don't, I'm threatening to talk about myself some more here if we're totally abandoning hygiene.

[Boiler 45,981]

You need to know that the ToS is beyond the comprehension of mere mortals, that is why we have More to lead us in its ways.

 

I need to be on my Computer but there was the 64 year old with the 20 year old in the recent news.

 

 

[Nature Boy 2.0 8,378]

23 minutes ago, laylalex said:

Not that my opinion holds too much weight here, but I think we need as much flexibility as we can get. I read the TOS finally the other week, and it seems pretty loose in some ways. Maybe we should think of it being a living document that can adapt to the times and the users. Kind of like the Constitution, right? 

 

Can we talk about celebrity age gaps again? Because if we don't, I'm threatening to talk about myself some more here if we're totally abandoning hygiene.

This place use to be insane.  Everbody agenda reporting.  Alliances like survivor.  A handful of easily triggered ditch dwellers who took offense to everything. So many suspensions,  that just came out of the blue with no consistency.  You got to really really screw up to get any kind of admin action now.

Believe it or not a sweet, middle of the road  guy like me was on death row

I was reading thru this yesterday, becuse a link got put here to the admin forum, which i never go to .

 

Crazy stuff. The link goes to Tbones posts cause its generic and does not call anyone out.

 

[laylalex 7,300]

Wow, that's a whole lot of complaining! The chart is interesting on page 1. I also didn't realize the site had been around this long.

[Nature Boy 2.0 8,378]

44 minutes ago, laylalex said:

Wow, that's a whole lot of complaining! The chart is interesting on page 1. I also didn't realize the site had been around this long.

One of the more shrill members tried to get me banned for saying muddy ditch right and left. I think they were just jealous because of my literary talents ( Not to mention I am the only middle of the road guy here since lost in Blue left))

 

Not sure how long  but many of us have been here a while.  I been here about 9+. I think Tbone and Charles were both mods back then (PS it took me about 7 years to get them trained up right). I met ALFKAD here back then and have met him several times in person, he is one of my closest black friends. . Stellbalz I think has been here that long I think. 

 

Maven has been around a while( one  very smart woman- took me a while to get her trained also), LuckyTex, Boiler. I know Bill has been here several years. Sure I am missing a few. We also get some exiled members that pop back in under new names but usually get caught.  Who am I missing?

 

Several here were once members of different tribes, but when the ring leaders died down everyone kind of got along. Its hard to attack someone you know good, if you notice the new comers get gang tackled

 

Shame you never got to experience Gary or Kip. Very famous former posters. 

[NikLR 13,232]

I find the interesting thing is he looks likes the younger of the two.  Maybe due to her rocking the silver hair? 

 

Was thinking of this personally 

 I have blue peek a boos thay have faded rather greyish. 

[Boris Farage 353]

13 hours ago, laylalex said:

You know Boris, I've had some time to think about this. And most of those sentences you highlighted had an "I" in them. As the corny saying goes, there is no "I" in "team." Al has made some big sacrifices to be with me here in this country. Yes, it was an opportunity to move to the US to be with me, but it was a lateral move, and he's been stuck in the role for the past couple of years because of the terms of his visa. So him getting to move to Santa Monica, while still a lateral move, presents a new opportunity. His boss has mentioned that there may be a promotion at some point as well if he makes the move. It makes sense, and it's the thing I can do for him after all he's done for me.

You say you are a team, but everything revolves around him. And then you try to justify it to us and yourself to make it sound like it's a team decision.

 

Do what you will, but stop kidding yourself. Your relationship revolves around him and his needs. If you are happy with that, so be it. Just stop kidding yourself that you and your needs/desires will ever stop being second in this relationship.

Edited November 13, 2019 by Boris Farage

[laylalex 7,300]

26 minutes ago, Boris Farage said:

You say you are a team, but everything revolves around him. And then you try to justify it to us and yourself to make it sound like it's a team decision.

 

Do what you will, but stop kidding yourself. Your relationship revolves around him and his needs. If you are happy with that, so be it. Just stop kidding yourself that you and your needs/desires will ever stop being second in this relationship.

Well, I had the option of staying here alone. I don't want that. If he doesn't take the move, he has to leave the US. There's no staying in the Bay Area for him. So the choice was mine: be apart or together. 

 

I've already had the marriage where I buried all my hopes and desires in a hole in the ground. I know what it feels like to deny myself any agency, to feel like I can't actually express my opinions. I had a choice to make; there was no ultimatum that I move or else. Please don't mischaracterize what I've said. 

[Boiler 45,981]

Always nice of there is a win win option, but how common is that.

 

One of the issues of a L, the Employer has you by the short and curlies.

 

There was a thread sometime back on a British discussion board about Expats in CA and what was there exit plan, they all seemed to think they needed one.

[laylalex 7,300]

5 minutes ago, Boiler said:

Always nice of there is a win win option, but how common is that.

 

One of the issues of a L, the Employer has you by the short and curlies.

 

There was a thread sometime back on a British discussion board about Expats in CA and what was there exit plan, they all seemed to think they needed one.

I'm glad he has the L, since it got him to the US and we have had a lot of time to work out our relationship without the stresses of a K1 for example. It's more like having a relationship with an American. I guess neither of us recognized how dependent he is on the wishes of his employer. 

 

But we don't want an exit plan from CA. We want to stay here. I'm just not excited about going home (or near enough to home). 

[Boiler 45,981]

I do not think the other people want an exit plan from CA but recognised the issues and did not see a long term future there taking those factors into account. Now of course that is a fairly small sample.

 

I would not recommend a K1 except in the most unusual circumstances, and of course to suggest the VWP Express would be against the VJ ToS.

 

 

[Voice of Reason 10,298]

37 minutes ago, laylalex said:

Well, I had the option of staying here alone. I don't want that. If he doesn't take the move, he has to leave the US. There's no staying in the Bay Area for him. So the choice was mine: be apart or together. 

 

I've already had the marriage where I buried all my hopes and desires in a hole in the ground. I know what it feels like to deny myself any agency, to feel like I can't actually express my opinions. I had a choice to make; there was no ultimatum that I move or else. Please don't mischaracterize what I've said. 

Ar the end of the day, a SFO-LA relationship is far from a LDR, as Yuna pointed out.  Nothing says you have to move down the same day he does.  You can go down later.  And what if, in 4 months, his boss moves him again?  Be flexible, don't rush.  There is no need to be in a hurry.

[laylalex 7,300]

32 minutes ago, ALFKAD said:

Ar the end of the day, a SFO-LA relationship is far from a LDR, as Yuna pointed out.  Nothing says you have to move down the same day he does.  You can go down later.  And what if, in 4 months, his boss moves him again?  Be flexible, don't rush.  There is no need to be in a hurry.

You've given me something to think about and talk about with him. Thank you. I just worry about how hard it will be to be apart again after finally living together for only a few months. I mean, I'm lucky. I don't need a job. But I need to be useful. Right now I can be useful here at work, and also down there, helping him settle in. It could be I help him do that and come back to Berkeley for a while. He has my friend network down there too, and my friends adore him. He wouldn't be completely alone. Just... big, big mood. It's a lot to process. Oh yeah, and I'm supposed to be getting married, that too!