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They Actually Said That!!!!

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brnidokiegurl Grand Master

brnidokiegurl   0

Posted
Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Morocco
 Timeline
Posted

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

__________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS : Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.

________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you shi--'in me?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Are you shi--'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Guess.

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

TIMELINE

04/04/2007 K1 Interview from H...w/the devil herself

06/12/2007 Rec'd Notification Case Now Back In Calif. only to expire

-------------

11/20/2007 Married in Morocco

02/23/2008 Mailed CR1 application today

03/08/2008 NOA1 Notice Recd (notice date 3/4/08)

08/26/2008 File transfered fr Vermont to Calif

10/14/2008 APPROVALLLLLLLLLLLL

10/20/2008 Recd hard copy NOA2

10/20/2008 NVC Recd case

11/21/2008 CASE COMPLETE

01/15/2009 INTERVIEW

01/16/2009 VISA IN HAND

01/31/2009 ARRIVED OKC

BE WHO YOU ARE AND SAY WHAT YOU FEEL, BECAUSE THOSE WHO MIND DONT MATTER AND THOSE WHO MATTER DONT MIND

YOU CANT CHANGE THE PAST BUT YOU CAN RUIN THE PRESENT BY WORRYING OVER THE FUTURE

TRIP.... OVER LOVE, AND YOU CAN GET UP

FALL.... IN LOVE, AND YOU FALL FOREVER

I DO HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT, JUST NOT THE ABILITY

LIKE THE MEASLES, LOVE IS MOST DANGEROUS WHEN IT COMES LATER IN LIFE

LIFE IS NOT THE WAY ITS SUPPOSED TO BE, ITS THE WAY IT IS

I MAY NOT BE WHERE I WANT TO BE BUT IM SURE NOT WHERE I WAS

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Robor007 Proficient

Robor007   0

Posted
Filed: K-3 Visa Country: Philippines
 Timeline
Posted

Some of those are real funny but the last one was the best! :jest:

Married on 11/21/06 in her hometown city Tumauini located in the Isabela province (Republic of the Philippines)

I-129 Timeline

12/12/06 - Mailed I-129 package to Chicago Service Center

12/14/06 - Received by Chicago Service Center

12/18/06 - NOA1 notice date from Missouri (NBC)

12/21/06 - NOA1 received in mail

12/27, 12/29, 12/31 - Touches

01/06/07 - Transfered to California Service Center

01/11/07 - Arrived at California Service Center

1/12, 1/16, 1/17, 2/6 - Touches

02/06/07 - NOA2 from California Service Center

02/11/07 - Received NOA2 in mail

02/15/07 - Arrived at the NVC - MNL case # assigned

02/20/07 - Sent to US Embassy in Manila

02/26/07 - Received at Embassy

03/30/07 - Packet 4 received

05/09/07 - Medical scheduled (did early)

05/16/07 - Interview

05/23/07 - Visa Delivered

05/25/07 - POE in Newark, NJ

I-130 Timeline

11/27/06 - Mailed I-130 package to Texas Service Center

11/29/06 - Package received by Texas Service Center

12/06/06 - NOA1 notice date from California Service Center

12/09/06 - Touch

12/11/06 - NOA1 received in mail

02/06/07 - NOA2 from California Service Center

02/11/07 - Received NOA2 in mail (I-130 held at CSC)

--------------------

Pinoy Info Forum - For the members of Asawa.org in diaspora

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Ladylethal Grand Master

Ladylethal   12

Posted
Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Brazil
 Timeline
Posted

OMG, if these people passed their bars, they shouldn't even require us to go to Law School to take it in the first place.

(Puerto Rico) Luis & Laura (Brazil) K1 JOURNEY
04/11/2006 - Filed I-129F.
09/29/2006 - Visa in hand!
10/15/2006 - POE San Juan
11/15/2006 - MARRIAGE
AOS JOURNEY
01/05/2007 - AOS sent to Chicago.
03/26/2007 - Green Card in hand!
REMOVAL OF CONDITIONS JOURNEY
01/26/2009 - Filed I-751.
06/22/2009 - Green Card in hand!
NATURALIZATION JOURNEY
06/26/2014 - N-400 sent to Nebraska
07/02/2014 - NOA
07/24/2014 - Biometrics
10/24/2014 - Interview (approved)

01/16/2015 - Oath Ceremony


*View Complete Timeline

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~Nini~ Proficient

~Nini~   2

Posted
Filed: Lift. Cond. (pnd) Country: Canada
 Timeline
Posted

I think I need a tissue, I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. :D

Nini - Vancouver BC, Canada (she's the one who does the forum thing)

Bee - Devon PA, USA (he's the one who gave her the shiny ring)

Getting our sanity tested by bureaucracy since 2007.

Here we go again...

Removal of conditions @ VSC

9/4/2010 - sent!

9/14/2010 - NOA

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almaty Grand Master

almaty   19

Posted
Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: Kazakhstan
 Timeline
Posted

lol..

Peace to All creatures great and small............................................

But when we turn to the Hebrew literature, we do not find such jokes about the donkey. Rather the animal is known for its strength and its loyalty to its master (Genesis 49:14; Numbers 22:30).

Peppi_drinking_beer.jpg

my burro, bosco ..enjoying a beer in almaty

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...st&id=10835

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Mary Lou Experienced

Mary Lou   681

Posted
Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Dominican Republic
 Timeline
Posted

Too funny :lol:

October 31, 2016 I-130 sent to Chicago Lockbox

November 4, 2016 Received text case sent to Nebraska

November 10, 2016 Received Hard copy of NOA1

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Saddle Bronc Grand Master

Saddle Bronc   124

Posted
Filed: Citizen (apr) Timeline
Posted

I like that last exchange. :lol: :lol:

2005/07/10 I-129F filed for Pras

2005/11/07 I-129F approved, forwarded to NVC--to Chennai Consulate 2005/11/14

2005/12/02 Packet-3 received from Chennai

2005/12/21 Visa Interview Date

2006/04/04 Pras' entry into US at DTW

2006/04/15 Church Wedding at Novi (Detroit suburb), MI

2006/05/01 AOS Packet (I-485/I-131/I-765) filed at Chicago

2006/08/23 AP and EAD approved. Two down, 1.5 to go

2006/10/13 Pras' I-485 interview--APPROVED!

2006/10/27 Pras' conditional GC arrives -- .5 to go (2 yrs to Conditions Removal)

2008/07/21 I-751 (conditions removal) filed

2008/08/22 I-751 biometrics completed

2009/06/18 I-751 approved

2009/07/03 10-year GC received; last 0.5 done!

2009/07/23 Pras files N-400

2009/11/16 My 46TH birthday, Pras N-400 approved

2010/03/18 Pras' swear-in

---------------------------------------------------------------------

As long as the LORD's beside me, I don't care if this road ever ends.

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Lizzy Proficient

Lizzy   0

Posted
Filed: AOS (apr) Country: United Kingdom
 Timeline
Posted

LMFAO.... friggin comical.

K1

September 15 - 2005: NOA1

October: Waiting

November: Waiting

December: In Security checks

January 2006: Waiting

February: Waiting..Contacted Congress

March 4th: APPROVED

March 17th: NVC posted file to London

March 20th: London Receives file

March 29th: Receive package 3

April 13th: London Receives package

April 19th: Medical - June 13th: INTERVIEW......APPROVED!!!!

June 20th: ARRIVE IN USA

Time taken for whole process 9 Months

~~~~~ * ~~~~~

AOS

October: 13th: Sent off AOS Package

November 3rd: NOA1

November 14th: Snail mail ~ NOA1 ~ Case moved to the CSC for faster processing.

November 14th : CSC has petition for me and my daughter.

December 14th: Biometrics completed.

January 17th: APPROVED AOS!

January 22nd: Green card arrives in the mail:))

Time taken for AOS - 3.5 Months

Finished for 2 years.

dev015pb___.png

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Nessa Grand Master

Nessa   23

Posted
Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Brazil
 Timeline
Posted
:lol: the first and last one were hilarious :thumbs:



* K1 Timeline *
* 04/07/06: I-129F Sent to NSC
* 10/02/06: Interview date - APPROVED!
* 10/10/06: POE Houston
* 11/25/06: Wedding day!!!

* AOS/EAD/AP Timeline *
*01/05/07: AOS/EAD/AP sent
*02/19/08: AOS approved
*02/27/08: Permanent Resident Card received

* LOC Timeline *
*12/31/09: Applied Lifting of Condition
*01/04/10: NOA
*02/12/10: Biometrics
*03/03/10: LOC approved
*03/11/10: 10 years green card received

* Naturalization Timeline *
*12/17/10: package sent
*12/29/10: NOA date
*01/19/11: biometrics
*04/12/11: interview
*04/15/11: approval letter
*05/13/11: Oath Ceremony - Officially done with Immigration.

Complete Timeline

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Savanphil Veteran

Savanphil   3

Posted
Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Jamaica
 Timeline
Posted

Good stuff :thumbs::lol: :lol:

12/03/2005: Married

10/13/2006: Interview Approved

10/26/2006: POE: EWR (ARRIVED) [/size]

182 days from filing to Visa in Hand!!![/color]

AOS/EAD

01/22/2007: Sent to The Lockbox.....let the games begin.....again

02/02/2007: NOA1's for both....the waiting game officially begins

02/15/2007: Biometrics appt.

04/11/2007: EAD APPROVED!! YI-HAW

04/21/2007: Received SSN#

05/23/2007: AOS Interview -------> APPROOOOOOVED!!!!!!

05/29/2007: Received Welcome letter

06/04/2007: Green Card in Hand!!!

122 Days from filing AOS to Green Card in Hand!!!

REMOVING CONDITIONS

05/21/2009: Filed to Remove Conditions

6/18/2009: Biometrics Done

09/14/2009: Approved!!!

Citizenship

2/15/2011: Filed N-400

3/28/2011: Biometrics <-- Done

5/09/2011: Naturalization Interview <--- APPROVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5/09/2011: Swearing in Ceremony (We're Done)

MY HUSBAND IS NOW A US CITIZEN

Proudmomwife.gifI_love_my_baby_boy.gif

3051_1113026182751_1139795553_30500807_687968_s.jpgZackie.jpgthumb_3051_1113025702739_1139795553_30500806_7039703_s.jpg

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Dr. Obvious Experienced

Dr. Obvious   49

Posted
Filed: Country: Pitcairn Islands
 Timeline
Posted

Maybe it is the beer, but man, I was on the floor with this one:

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Are you shi--'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

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