Personal Attacks?

[brnidokiegurl 0]

Welcome to the group...there are some if you dont agree with their opinions you are automatically wrong. Mena is not a learning tool anymore so why do you think so many have left. I believe there are a couple that just wake up with the intentions of arguing and fighting someone. One speaks of money so now your automtically supporting him, mine has two credit cards with both names on them, am i supporting him when i cant even get him to use them? My case was returned so now im automatically accussed of fraud. So you learn real quick there are two buttons one called report and one called ignore use them and continue on to enjoy those on here that are here to help and be your friends. Also i am sure it will be closed just as soon as these few show up.....

Also i feel those that do come on and ask or tell personal things, maybe they dont have anyone else close and feel that coming to this group that are supposed to be your (sisters) maybe they are the ones you look to for support. Everyone has an opinion but your opinion will not necessarily be the best for the next person we each have to do our own thing. Right or wrong....

[Ban Hammer 13,110]

Welcome to the group...there are some if you dont agree with their opinions you are automatically wrong. Mena is not a learning tool anymore so why do you think so many have left. I believe there are a couple that just wake up with the intentions of arguing and fighting someone. One speaks of money so now your automtically supporting him, mine has two credit cards with both names on them, am i supporting him when i cant even get him to use them? My case was returned so now im automatically accussed of fraud. So you learn real quick there are two buttons one called report and one called ignore use them and continue on to enjoy those on here that are here to help and be your friends. Also i am sure it will be closed just as soon as these few show up.....

Also i feel those that do come on and ask or tell personal things, maybe they dont have anyone else close and feel that coming to this group that are supposed to be your (sisters) maybe they are the ones you look to for support. Everyone has an opinion but your opinion will not necessarily be the best for the next person we each have to do our own thing. Right or wrong....

funny, i just made this one today

[brnidokiegurl 0]

you already used it????

[JoeMama 0]

They ought to have a thread open one day out of the month where it could be a free-for-all fight day to let it all out.

You say what you want, etc. No censorship.

Close it at the end of the day and everyone move on.

[Ban Hammer 13,110]

you already used it????

the pic i made today.....not that i used the report button on you

[doodlebug 3]

For what it's worth, I don't agree with nitpicking everything a person posts just for the sake of being a beatch.............BUT.............that being said, if someone has been beaten badly FIVE times and posts it here I think it would be morally wrong for others to ignore it and just go on saying, "here sweetie pie...this is how you can get him out of jail so that he can finish the job". I have lived with too many big fat pink elephants in my life and I'm so over that it's not funny. If I think for one minute that a wonderful woman is in danger of losing her life and her dignity I will speak up.

Again, I'm not into being all nitpicky and crankin' on every tom ####### and harry that rubs me the wrong way but sometimes you just can't ignore the obvious and I would not be able to sleep at night if I didn't speak up. Who knows, maybe one little post would be the one that kept that person up and made them change their mind.

It *is* all in the delivery though.

And as far as attacking someone's ability to mother.....I can't even go there 'cause I'll get banned in a ny minute since that's another very hot topic for me that cuts me to the core.

[ya falaha! 0]

Ppl seriously need to turn their filters on. If you don't want comments, advice and judgements...for the love of God don't post your life story on a forum. You may be just wanting to vent but there are other ways of doing so.... Emails, phone calls, IM, PM. Personally, if I got the daylights beat out of me this would be the last place I'd talk about it.

Edited June 8, 2007 by moody

[Jenn! 918]

This discussion is pretty useless IMO. You are trying to change people's behaviors, but think about it, are the people whose behavior you're trying to change going to do a 180 after reading this thread? I'll tell you....no they are not. As Caladan pointed out, this happens all the time on the internet. See my thread earlier this week ( http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...mp;#entry965420 ).

We are never going to agree on what is the proper posting style here at VJ. There are too many different personalities and experiences. Have a problem? Report it. It is the responsibility of the moderator(s) to determine whether something is against TOS or otherwise shall not be tolerated.

[Ban Hammer 13,110]

They ought to have a thread open one day out of the month where it could be a free-for-all fight day to let it all out.

you've got no idea what would come outta that, do you? utter mayhem!

a few would welcome that idea very much

[Mrs. Beasley 7]

The method of creating conflict is provocation which bullies delight in because they know they can always coerce at least one person to respond in a manner which can then be distorted and used to further flame and inflame people. And so it goes on.

The bully then sits back and gains gratification from seeing others engage in destructive behaviour towards each other. This is known as trolling - see: Trolling The Web for more information about their tactics.

Most serial bullies are also serial attention-seekers. More than anything else they want attention. It doesn't matter what type of attention they get, positive or negative, as long as they can provoke someone into paying them attention.

It's like a 2-year-old child throwing a tantrum to get attention from a parent. The best way to treat bullies is to refuse to respond and to refuse to engage them - which they really hate.

In other words, do not reply to their postings, and on forums carry on posting without reference to their postings as if they didn't exist. In other words, treat nobodies as nobodies.

Source: http://www.urban75.org/info/bullying.html

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

As I said numerous times, I am not trying to point a finger at anyone. I am simply stating my opinion based on what I have seen with my own eyes.

I truly felt bad for Together4Ever. How much did it cost her to post about her situation on vj? Emotionally, I mean? Can any of us know how hard it was to tell complete strangers of her plight? I don't think she was looking for our approval, or wanting to get our opinions. I think she was merely telling us," Hey, this is what happened to me, these are signs to look out for". Take it from me, I have been there as the victim of abuse. There are no words to make it okay, to make it un-happen. Being verbally attacked does not help any. By the time you can finally talk about it, admit to yourself that it Really is happening, the damage is already done. Does anyone know what being the victim of domestic violence does to a persons self-confidence? I do. It took me years of healing before I could finally say to myself, "This happened to me, but it was not my fault, I am deserving of better."

And what about the nastiness that Julianna had to face before she closed her thread and left vj? What was so wrong about the things she posted? Was it wrong of her to be posting about her preperations for her husbands arrival? Oh, no. It was the comment about the Jordanian house sitter that got on someones nerves! I thought it was hysterical, considering her husband is Jordanian and he is such a neat freak he actually cleans with a q-tip. LOL That got so bad that it even went to her personal blog!

Yes, we are entitled to our opinions. It's just sometimes, words are better left unsaid.

[doodlebug 3]

As I said numerous times, I am not trying to point a finger at anyone. I am simply stating my opinion based on what I have seen with my own eyes.

I truly felt bad for Together4Ever. How much did it cost her to post about her situation on vj? Emotionally, I mean? Can any of us know how hard it was to tell complete strangers of her plight? I don't think she was looking for our approval, or wanting to get our opinions. I think she was merely telling us," Hey, this is what happened to me, these are signs to look out for". Take it from me, I have been there as the victim of abuse. There are no words to make it okay, to make it un-happen. Being verbally attacked does not help any. By the time you can finally talk about it, admit to yourself that it Really is happening, the damage is already done. Does anyone know what being the victim of domestic violence does to a persons self-confidence? I do. It took me years of healing before I could finally say to myself, "This happened to me, but it was not my fault, I am deserving of better."

And what about the nastiness that Julianna had to face before she closed her thread and left vj? What was so wrong about the things she posted? Was it wrong of her to be posting about her preperations for her husbands arrival? Oh, no. It was the comment about the Jordanian house sitter that got on someones nerves! I thought it was hysterical, considering her husband is Jordanian and he is such a neat freak he actually cleans with a q-tip. LOL That got so bad that it even went to her personal blog!

Yes, we are entitled to our opinions. It's just sometimes, words are better left unsaid.

I totally dont' agree with juliana leaving and I find her writing style very entertaining. That's the nitpicking that I am not into,i.e. taking one thing someone says and running with it for the sake of making waves.

The difference is that the other two scenarios you spoke of involved the detriment of another human being. I dont' think they really can be compared. yes Jean needed compassion but her last post made on June 6 in the other section tells me that that got her no where since she is now contemplating getting him out and working things out.

I know all too well the emotional backlash of abuse. I was subject to a form of abuse that no one likes to talk about for over 10 years every single frikkin day of my life. It is because people were too "nice" that it was never brought to anyone's attention.......people didn't want to make waves back then so the victim was continually victimized and still suffers today in many many many areas of her life. I don't think that talking about it like it's not there does anyone any good and my conscience will never ever let me be silent in that regard.

[Dan J 277]

Reading this thread is making me think have Dan and I posted something that hurt someone's feeling. I hope we have not and we never plan to hurt anyone here. Well, I guess... think twice (or more than that) before posting something.

-Gemvita

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

I really don't care for "personal attacks" -- by this I mean ad hominem insults, etc. I don't like racist or sexist remarks either.

However, I think that sometimes people get overly defensive, and perfectly reasonable responses are interpreted as personal attacks when they actually are just honest opinions.

If you are going to put stuff out on a public message board, you need to realize that you can't control who will read it and what their opinions will be, or prevent them from commenting pretty much as they see it. You have to be prepared to be a little thick-skinned, because not everyone is going to agree with you. Also, people who've been around a particular message board for a long time will usually remember a member's history of posts, not just one or two. And their opinions are often based on all they've seen over time.

So if it's a personal, private issue that you feel very sensitive about, and if you don't want anyone's opinion unless it jibes with your own or tells you what you want to hear, then I would strongly suggest taking it to another venue -- preferably a close circle of trusted family or friends that you know will give you the kind of "support" you want. An internet message board is really not the place for this.

Or you can always use the time-honored method of telling your story as if it happened to your "friend" or your "cousin" -- this can sometimes deflect attention away from yourself personally, but you will still have to wade through answers you may not find useful.

Mainly I guess -- keep in mind that THIS IS THE INTERNET. Once you put sensitive information out there, you can't take it back. And you really can't stop people from discussing it (one way or another) once they've decided they have something to say about it.

[sarah and hicham 3]

Ppl seriously need to turn their filters on. If you don't want comments, advice and judgements...for the love of God don't post your life story on a forum. You may be just wanting to vent but there are other ways of doing so.... Emails, phone calls, IM, PM. Personally, if I got the daylights beat out of me this would be the last place I'd talk about it.

Exactly.... and I don't see it as bashing Jean, I see it as trying to knock some sense into her. I cannot condone helping a woman return with a man who beat her 5 times.