Personal Attacks?

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

Based on the number of Personal Attacks on vj lately, I would like to post my opinion. If you don't want to hear them, don't read this Post!

Everyone of us has our own reasons for doing what we do. Some of those reasons we make public here, most of them we don't. I don't think any of us are here looking for approval for the choices we make. We are here to learn about the immigration process and to share our experiences. In the past two weeks I have seen two people ran off of vj, and to me it just doesn't seem fair. These people were here to share their experiences with us, so that we could all learn from them, not so that we could pass judgment on them!

Julianna with her quips about waiting for her husband and all the things she was doing to make his adjustment to life here. How could any of that been considered bad? The fact that she could still make jokes about it was amazing to me!

And Together4 Ever? How I feel for her! That anyone could attack her when her life had taken such a momentus turn for the worse, I cannot imagine. No one who has not lived through it can imagine her heartbreak. But to make nasty comments about it, when she was so obviously just looking for someone to understand, what does it say about us as a person? What would we do in the same situation? So sad.

And now, there seems to be another round of attacks going on, and her role of mother is being questioned? Why? Who are we to judge a persons qualities of being a mother? Does being a mother qualify anyone to tell anyone else how to be a "good mother"? I know I am not the one to do it. I have been a single mother for 12 years, and everyday I look at my sons and wonder if my choices in life, my decisions, have been the right ones for them. Are they going to be well adjusted adults, or are they going to have emotional issues? Will they respect all women because of what they have witnessed in my life? Or will they just take it all for granted on the assumption that it was the choice I made for myself? Kind of like you made your bed now sleep in it?

The choice I made when I married my husband, was my choice to make. I asked for no ones opinions, and tried not to be disheartened when I was questioned if he could have married me for a green card. I have to say that I don't think that was the reason. But how do we ever really know what is in anothers heart and mind? Life and love don't come with any guarantees, no refunds, and no exchanges.

I guess my whole point in this post, is simply this.

We make our decisions, based on what is right for us. I am sure we all stop and take into consideration, that not only will we be affected by our choices, but those of us closest to us. Based on that, we make the choice to do what is the best in the long term. Maybe there are those that will not agree, maybe there are those that will not understand, but they don't make the choice for us. They do not live our lives for US.

[Ban Hammer 13,484]

good post

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

I really didn't mean to get up on a soap box here. I just cannot stand it when people make nasty comments about our "personal" lives, when all they know about any of us is what we post one here. How can you make a judgment about someone you don't KNOW? I am not trying to single any one person out, or to make waves. My mom always taught me that I was entitled to my opinion, but not to be surprised when no one agreed with me, LOL

If you don't agree with someone, just let it go. As long as it does not directly affect MY life, who am I to tell you what is right and what is wrong with the choices YOU make? What is sauce for the goose is NOT always sauce for the gander!

[homesick_american 1]

I really didn't mean to get up on a soap box here. I just cannot stand it when people make nasty comments about our "personal" lives, when all they know about any of us is what we post one here. How can you make a judgment about someone you don't KNOW? I am not trying to single any one person out, or to make waves. My mom always taught me that I was entitled to my opinion, but not to be surprised when no one agreed with me, LOL

If you don't agree with someone, just let it go. As long as it does not directly affect MY life, who am I to tell you what is right and what is wrong with the choices YOU make? What is sauce for the goose is NOT always sauce for the gander!

On the flip side...there is a lot of stuff I would never, never, never post on VJ because I know that pretty much anything I say could pop up months later down the road and be used against me. If I think it's too private, too personal, too embarrassing, or something I don't want to be judged on...I do not share it here. That doesn't mean that I think VJers are bad people. For the most part they're lovely. However, there are some cards that I'll always keep close to my chest and issues I won't discuss with complete strangers.

After all, this is a message board; it's very easy to say things to people online that you would never say in real life because online there are few if any consequences for being cruel to someone. My point is this...if you are going to share something personal or private in a public forum, do not be surprised if people make judgements, offer opinions, or say things you don't want to hear. I'm not saying it's right, but I am saying it's inevitable.

[Ban Hammer 13,484]

i understand what you're saying but i'm afraid you'll be attacked for this post.

i'll phone vegas and get the odds on the life expectancy of this thread

[homesick_american 1]

i understand what you're saying but i'm afraid you'll be attacked for this post.

i'll phone vegas and get the odds on the life expectancy of this thread

*shrug* I'm sort of expecting to be attacked. The MENA forum is kind of notorious for personal attacks and I do wonder why some people A.) persist in launching personal attacks on people and B.) why the people being attacked persist in posting private, personal stuff here when they know they'll be attacked for it.

[Nagishkaw 510]

The best way around that is to guard your privacy from all misguided snooping, and stalk your new power spot under the cover of darkness.

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

I don't care about being attacked, really. And I also don't care about the thread being closed, whether it be at my request, or another's.

I realize that there are people out there in the world that will be cruel, or maybe just sound like they are because they aren't sure how to say what they really mean. I am not here to judge anyone, or to justify anything. I just don't understand how you can get so mean and nasty with a person you don't even really KNOW. Yes, I understand that everything we post here is put up for the whole vj world to see, and I realize that there are those who would take a comment and run with it. I have never, nor will I ever, post anything that is "too personal" here, or anywhere else that would be open to the public. There are those that do, and who am I to make fun of them? Or to critisize them? Or to tell them if they are right or wrong? Maybe they just want to know what someone else would do in the same situation? Maybe they are just asking for a new view on it? I don't know. I do know that no one WANTS to be attacked,and it seems that it happens a lot here. Sometimes I think I had to many guy friends and don't think along the same lines as some Catty women do! LOL And, Yes, I know that I am opening myslef up for a LOT of potential nastiness, but ya know what? I am tough enough to take it, AND I don't care! LOL

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

Well Charles, I don't gamle on a regualr basis, but I'll lay you 5-1 odds that this thread will be closed by someone before the day is over. I said what I felt I had to say, and now, I am done with it. LOL

[chasnik 0]

I think what it boils down to is no one...absolutly no one can know what your life is like...what has happened to shape your decisions. And some people are not able to tolerate something that falls outside of the "norm" for them. I dont post on here much unless I really have something to say because the very first post I made got some harsh comments sent my way about my relationship with my SO. About him having my checkcard there...no one bothered to find out that we had been together going on 3 years and that the reason he had it was when I asked for him to send me stuff(something I do often) I got tired of going to wal mart to moneygram him money..because face it most people in Morocco arent rich and I wasnt going to ask him to pay to buy the stuff and ship it although 9 out of 10 times he does. People just started in with the comments about me supporting him or paying him to be with me basically. I say that to say that it astounded me that these people who I didnt know would make such wild assumptions for people they knew nothing about. But maybe something had happened to shape those thoughts for them...Mohammed said maybe they were afraid that this is what was happening in their relationships. In the end I think people need to stop thinking that because this is a web site where opinion is often sought that this gives them the right to belittle, attack, make fun of or just plain be mean to other people. Common courtesy. Not everyone is the same thank God. And what works for Mrs Smith will not always work for Mrs Brown!

[Caladan 19]

It's a pretty common Internet phenomenon. People assume that if I say "I need help meeting the income requirement and my parents can't help" that they know everything about my finances, my money managing skills, and whether I'm a good daughter and someone will screech "get a job and wait to get married till you're out of school you welfare #######."

People forget that all they see, anywhere, is just a little facet. On the other hand, all their is to respond to is a facet. This is also why, everyone's protests to the contrary, I believe no one is exactly the same in person as online.

But beyond that, look, if you post a little bit of personal information, you have to keep in mind that if people are going to respond to that, they're going to probably fill in the background information they'd need to advise you with information drawn from their own experiences. If you don't want people doing that, you're going to either have to refrain from posting, or you're going to have to give a little more information and be willing to play back and forth a bit. Plopping on a disclaimer "so my husband is abusing me and we need to file the paperwork no one talk about the abuse" ain't it.

[Ban Hammer 13,484]

Well Charles, I don't gamle on a regualr basis, but I'll lay you 5-1 odds that this thread will be closed by someone before the day is over. I said what I felt I had to say, and now, I am done with it. LOL

i'm betting on within the next 2-3 hours.

and sorry for the confusion, ha, my previous post was to her.

[~Jackie~ 30]

never mind

J

Edited June 8, 2007 by jmagayreh

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

Just to clean up any confusion, I was NOT pointing a finger at any ONE person. I am not vicious in that way. My point was only that sometimes things get taken out of context and it's just not fair for any of us to attack another person when we don't walk in their shoes.

Comments and suggestions can be made without it sounding like a personal attack on someone else's situation.

We are here to gather information to make it easier for us to go thru this process of immigration. To learn how to make the transition easier for our husband or wife. To gain information and to maybe pass on a laugh or two along the way. NOT to rip out someone's throat because their actions don't mirror our own.

We are all individuals, and as such, we all make our own choices, and mine don't have to be the same as yours, and vise versa.

[~Jackie~ 30]

I agree with you 100% Tammy. You are the voice of reason today. It surely isn't fair to be torn apart for posting what is relevant in your life. But not everyone has common sense and some feel that this is their playground and the 'bully' comes out in them. We can only hope that Ewok and the mods continue to ban and suspend the bad apples.

Have a great Friday.

Jackie