For those with children

[sarah and hicham 3]

how about for a husband/wife?

J

I was under the impression that we're all on the same page. Silly me.

If it's your second husband/wife and NOT the father/mother of your children then I still think it's wrong. It doesn't matter if it's a boyfriend or husband, the point is that that man is not the father of the children that are being left behind. The relationship took place after children were born in the first marriage, so why would it matter if you are married to the man you are leaving your children for or not?

[KarenCee 3]

how about for a husband/wife?

J

I was under the impression that we're all on the same page. Silly me.

If it's your second husband/wife and NOT the father/mother of your children then I still think it's wrong. It doesn't matter if it's a boyfriend or husband, the point is that that man is not the father of the children that are being left behind. The relationship took place after children were born in the first marriage, so why would it matter if you are married to the man you are leaving your children for or not?

Are you referring to leaving the children behind to LIVE in the SO's country or just to visit? I missed my daughter while I was away, but it was prearranged that she spend that week with her bio dad anyway, it's not like I poked her off on him to gallavant across the country. Not trying to sound cranky but I felt that since she was going to be with him anyway, there wasn't anything wrong with me planning a trip to see my SO during that time.

[Ban Hammer 13,337]

how about for a husband/wife?

J

I was under the impression that we're all on the same page. Silly me.

If it's your second husband/wife and NOT the father/mother of your children then I still think it's wrong. It doesn't matter if it's a boyfriend or husband, the point is that that man is not the father of the children that are being left behind. The relationship took place after children were born in the first marriage, so why would it matter if you are married to the man you are leaving your children for or not?

easy to say when you've never been in that situation. having kids from a previous marriage should not be a death sentence to a long distance relationship. and i do hope you're not advocating taking the children along when the two adults first meet.

[doodlebug 3]

how about for a husband/wife?

J

I was under the impression that we're all on the same page. Silly me.

If it's your second husband/wife and NOT the father/mother of your children then I still think it's wrong. It doesn't matter if it's a boyfriend or husband, the point is that that man is not the father of the children that are being left behind. The relationship took place after children were born in the first marriage, so why would it matter if you are married to the man you are leaving your children for or not?

Are you referring to leaving the children behind to LIVE in the SO's country or just to visit? I missed my daughter while I was away, but it was prearranged that she spend that week with her bio dad anyway, it's not like I poked her off on him to gallavant across the country. Not trying to sound cranky but I felt that since she was going to be with him anyway, there wasn't anything wrong with me planning a trip to see my SO during that time.

I believe she is referring to leaving them behind for months at a time...not just a visit.

[doodlebug 3]

how about for a husband/wife?

J

I was under the impression that we're all on the same page. Silly me.

If it's your second husband/wife and NOT the father/mother of your children then I still think it's wrong. It doesn't matter if it's a boyfriend or husband, the point is that that man is not the father of the children that are being left behind. The relationship took place after children were born in the first marriage, so why would it matter if you are married to the man you are leaving your children for or not?

easy to say when you've never been in that situation. having kids from a previous marriage should not be a death sentence to a long distance relationship. and i do hope you're not advocating taking the children along when the two adults first meet.

I dont' think it's a death sentence to long distance relationships at all but I do think it definitely dictates how one would go about handling the relationship in terms of logistics.

I personally would never take my children to first meet a man whether it be thousands of miles away or across the street at a coffee shop. I think that children should not even come into the picture until the couple is serious to the point of a proposal/marriage. Otherwise it's just too confusing for them.

I would LOVE to take them to Egypt now though but they didn't want to come with me. I think the EID meat hanging on the streets scared the ever livin crapola out of them and it will be a looooooooooooooong time before they ever consider going with us for visits!! lol. Hopefully when they are older though and learn more about the culture they can have the opportunity of going there and meeting their stepdad's family and learning about his country. I think it's an awesome opportunity to enrich their lives and hopefully bring back some understanding to their friends here at home.

[Alex+R 0]

I am not a parent, but I have some experience being a kid "left behind" for a year. It wasn't another country, but my mom moved to New York when I was 6 to get her master's. She and my dad got legally separated and she was concerned with her ability to support me (her only kid at the time) so she went to the best available program (and there wasn't a good enough one here in Minneapolis). She tried to bring me, but she felt living in Manhattan in a small apartment wouldn't be as good for me as living with my dad, so I went back home and stayed in my same school and lived with my dad and some other relatives. I saw her at least once a month, usually twice, and spent about an hour on the phone with her every night.

I feel totally fine about that and always did. My mom suffered a nervous breakdown over it. Maybe the difference is that she was doing that not just for her but also for me and my future, and that she obviously took the separation so seriously. In the end, she and my dad got back together and lived happily ever after. I never for one minute resented my mom for doing that (even as a small kid), but I think if she had left me to be with a man, or moved to another country for good, I would be a bit damaged from it.

I don't understand how some parents here decide to permanently move far far away from their school-age children. I don't think I could be that kind of parent. My mother always said that kids come first once you have them, under all circumstances, which may be part of why I take the idea of having children so seriously.

[Emancipation 2]

I don't understand how some parents here decide to permanently move far far away from their school-age children. I don't think I could be that kind of parent. My mother always said that kids come first once you have them, under all circumstances, which may be part of why I take the idea of having children so seriously.

This was a big factor in our decision to reside in the US. My husband has two small children. In order to provide for them financially he's here in CT and so he told me right up front - "I need to be here in CT - I cannot relocate". I respected him for that, and from the very beginning I knew that I would be the one to relocate. He was honest and up front about the role he needs to play for his children and I had no problems honoring that.

[Sinergy 3]

Well i did leave my daughter home for a month when i went to see Ed in romania. I had a few reasons. #1 it was school time here and i didnt want her missing a whole month. #2 i was offered a job in romania so i needed to get an apartment and get it settled before moving her into it. Those were the biggest factors. Until we got the apartment in Bucharest we were staying with a friend of mine and his mom. We couldnt stay with Eds mom bc she didnt live in Bucharest. It was crowded enough with me and ed and alex and his mom so i felt it was best i did what i had to do before my daughter got there. I missed her more than i missed anyone in my life. We were together always up until then. Even my first trip to Romania back in 2000 she went with me, mainly bc she was 4 and didnt have to worry about school. I dont see any reason why it wouldnt be ok to leave your kid home for a matter of days to go see your hunny in his/her country, as long as you do plan to come back and get your kid or be with them and resume mommy. And as i promised my daughter, exactly 25 days after i left i was picking her up and moving on to Romania for a year. She loved it!

[ya falaha! 0]

I think most everyone here with children had to leave those children for a time to visit with their SOs overseas. I don't think the thread was started to discuss these short visits. A few weeks or a month is a lot different than just up and leaving a child (or children) for several months/years.

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

I left my three boys behind for five months back in 2004. It was a tough decision but was the best for everyone involved at the time. We all made it through those months by keeping in touch with phone calls IM's and webcams. My children being older it does sometimes bite me in the ### when they aren't getting their way, ya know the old "you left me for five months that is why I made a bad choice for myself". It is never easy be it a week, months or years but I think it comes down to each individual and their families circumstances. No one else is in the position to tell you what is best for yourself or your children. Personally I had to hear comments about what a lousy mother I was for being gone for five months. For me being apart for five months was better than being homeless and taking the risk of losing my children because I had no where to live and care for them. So now all said and done, one son lives with Tim and I full time the other two is shared custody with their father, 50/50. Here to say it can and does all work itself out and so long as you are not making a selfish decision for yourself or your SO but always putting what would be best for the children first you should have no problems.

[Sinergy 3]

I think most everyone here with children had to leave those children for a time to visit with their SOs overseas. I don't think the thread was started to discuss these short visits. A few weeks or a month is a lot different than just up and leaving a child (or children) for several months/years.

wow, and i thought i may not know how to read

I put my imput. If it doesnt help you, so what, but it can and may help someone else who may feel uneasy about leaving their kids.

[Sinergy 3]

I think most everyone here with children had to leave those children for a time to visit with their SOs overseas. I don't think the thread was started to discuss these short visits. A few weeks or a month is a lot different than just up and leaving a child (or children) for several months/years.

Ok gotcha, took me a second read of the OP to get what you were saying, so my aplologies moody. and no i couldnt leave my kids for a long amount of time, no man is worth that! short term 2 weeks to a month at a time, if he wants longer he could come to me. That is my imput on this thread, and now im outta the conversation.

[Aymerlu 3]

Both times I went to Egypt my kids stayed with my parents. First time I went my daughter was 4 and my son was 10. As some of you know my son is autistic and they know how to handle him in situations where their biological father and others do not. The second time I went I really wanted to bring my son with me. I had been talking to him about Egypt and he was/still is very interested in the country which would actally make the trip easier for him. Since I was traveling along I chose not to take him the second trip, but promised both kids that I will never go to Egypt again without them. Both times I went to Egypt for a little over two weeks. I cried when I left them at the airport, I cried when I talked to them on the phone every day and I cried when I saw them again. God I missed them!!! But I am glad my kids got to spend good quality time with their grandparents. My parents are still young and enjoy going to doing things with them.

My husband knows where I stand with my children. They always come first and he respects me for that.

[Jenn! 918]

I don't have any children, but I thought I'd share my own childhood experience. My mom was a single working mom and we lived in not the greatest of neighborhoods when I was younger, ie. not really a place where I could have been enjoying my summers playing outside. Rather than put me in daycare for the summer, she sent me to live with my grandparents in small-town Connecticut. I spent 10 hours a day on the swim team, swimming lessons, diving lessons, tennis lessons, and just playing and being a kid. Some of my best childhood memories come from all of those summers in CT. I would see my mom probably about every other weekend when she came down to visit. And yes, I would miss her when she would go, as she of course missed me, but it was the absolute best thing she could have done for me. If she hadn't, I would have spent the summers either cooped up inside alone or at a busy daycare center. Just another perspective, I don't think that leaving your children for periods of time is always selfish.

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

I left my three sons with my best friend when I went to Jordan in January. They were well taken care of, didn't have to miss school and were at home to visit with gran and gramps every night before going back to my friends house for the night. I kept in touch via cell phone and internet chats, they got a big kick out of that.

When I called them from the airport to tell them I would be home in a few hours, the first thing they asked, was "Did you bring Ibraheem home with you?" It was hard to explain to them that it wasn't that simple.

So, for some kids, it is okay to leave them for a short time, in my opinion. It all depends on how grounded the children are, I guess.