US SPOUSE, cheating, lying, abusing mentally

[Aurora NY 0]

Hello Everyone..

I got here on Feb -K1 visa- We got married Feb too. My husband is driving me crazy.

He lived with me in my country for 3 yrs.. We were totally happy. I came for the first time to know his home, his life, and that was disappointing.

How can someone hide his "real you"!!???

• He has messed up all posible things in his past.
  
• He has huge Child support debts, and just got a warrant.
  
• Has a tremendous debt from College, he never paid.. everyone is behind him!
  
• he does not want to work formally, so they dont deduct the child support thing.. he is only in "gigs".
  
• Of course, have been days we have no money not even to pay phone, food.
  
• He spends 2 nights average sleeping at his EX's place (because of
  

his kids, he said)

Im really tired of this. He keeps swearing he loves me and cry and stuff.. And.. As many women, in love, I supported him, I gave him trust, I tried to help him to realize what he is doing the wrong way.. to realize his kids need him, I need him, etc..

And just today he came back home from his EX;s after 4 days.. I did not receive not even a single call, mail.. He really gave me a hard time..

He says he was locked up for this warrant thing when an officer in the train station asked him for his ID!!? Is this stupidity possible? someone experienced with child support do know about it?

Im completly DONE with this. I decided to leave him in a few days. Im planning on talking to him and ask him not to stop my immigration process. at least he owes me that. Im hating him right know..but I think is it better, leave him cordially, not friends but niether enemies..

What you think? Maybe some of you, with a clearest mind than mine, have a different point of view..

-What are my chances if we separate and just go back for the interview?

-If he receives an RFE or anything, could I respond from another state than ours?

:-)

A. from New York

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I'd say trust your judgment of the situation and don't second guess yourself. I'm sorry you're going through this and wish you the best.

[Aurora NY 0]

Thanks steven n jinky..

It is really hard when your heart tells you something, but your minds disagrees..Im trying to find the middle, maybe If Im away for some weeks, months..

[tiberonsuave 0]

one...Your chances of adjusting status at this stage are not very good.

two...He does not "owe" you anything concerning immigrations

three...why do you want to remain here?

Four...good luck. I hope you can organize your life.

Five...if you were happy in your country, why not return?

Six...the fact that he wants to cheat on his debts concerning his children speaks volumes about the sort of person he is. Is this the sort of person you want as a spouse?

Sleeping at his exes!!!??? Wake up and smell the coffee!

Yes it is possible he was picked up on a warrant for any number of reasons. If it was child support you can bet he came up with money from somewhere.

Finally...get some counsiling legal and social.

Good Luck,

t

Hello Everyone..

I got here on Feb -K1 visa- We got married Feb too. My husband is driving me crazy.

He lived with me in my country for 3 yrs.. We were totally happy. I came for the first time to know his home, his life, and that was disappointing.

How can someone hide his "real you"!!???

• He has messed up all posible things in his past.
  
• He has huge Child support debts, and just got a warrant.
  
• Has a tremendous debt from College, he never paid.. everyone is behind him!
  
• he does not want to work formally, so they dont deduct the child support thing.. he is only in "gigs".
  
• Of course, have been days we have no money not even to pay phone, food.
  
• He spends 2 nights average sleeping at his EX's place (because of
  

his kids, he said)

Im really tired of this. He keeps swearing he loves me and cry and stuff.. And.. As many women, in love, I supported him, I gave him trust, I tried to help him to realize what he is doing the wrong way.. to realize his kids need him, I need him, etc..

And just today he came back home from his EX;s after 4 days.. I did not receive not even a single call, mail.. He really gave me a hard time..

He says he was locked up for this warrant thing when an officer in the train station asked him for his ID!!? Is this stupidity possible? someone experienced with child support do know about it?

Im completly DONE with this. I decided to leave him in a few days. Im planning on talking to him and ask him not to stop my immigration process. at least he owes me that. Im hating him right know..but I think is it better, leave him cordially, not friends but niether enemies..

What you think? Maybe some of you, with a clearest mind than mine, have a different point of view..

-What are my chances if we separate and just go back for the interview?

-If he receives an RFE or anything, could I respond from another state than ours?

:-)

A. from New York

Edited June 8, 2007 by tiberonsuave

[Aurora NY 0]

Hello Tiburon, ..I will answer your questions.

Yeah, It is not that he owes me an immigration benefit. People who falls in love with foreigners are really paranoic about this issue. Many people have thoughts of "she or he only wants me because of the immigration thing".. The truth is, if a US citizen falls in love with a person from a different country, the relationship includes immigration procedures. There is no other way.

In my case, I mentioned "at least he owes me that" because I left my entire life behind. a brilliant carreer, my masters degree, family, friends, even my dog! That was a process of changing my mind, my goals, my future. And after a posible breakup, I want to keep going. With him or without him.

Plus I've lived in New York before I knew my husband and its a city that I love.

three...why do you want to remain here?. .. I like the city, what it has to offer. I want a carrer here.

Four...good luck. I hope you can organize your life. Thanks :-)

Five...if you were happy in your country, why not return? .. Yeah. I was happy. But now I want to have the choice. I would like to stay for a few years at least.

Six...the fact that he wants to cheat on his debts concerning his children speaks volumes about the sort of person he is. Is this the sort of person you want as a spouse? Yor are right.. It hurts, but its real.

Sleeping at his exes!!!??? Wake up and smell the coffee! Well, if you are a man I know you can swear what is really happening. Sometimes a woman tries to resist..

Yes it is possible he was picked up on a warrant for any number of reasons. If it was child support you can bet he came up with money from somewhere.

Finally...get some counsiling legal and social. I will. now im focused on how to get rid of my pain, actually. it will be a process. Nothing is forever. Tonight when he gets home from work he is gonna receive a bomb.

Good Luck,

[Aurora NY 0]

Sorry friends from VJ!

Actually writing here was a kind of relief. If you have recomendations on how get over a situation like this, please advice! any books? websites? a way to get counseling?

and for those passing thru a separation, divorce or just being frustrated and disappointed.. Good luck and let's be strong.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Sorry friends from VJ!

Actually writing here was a kind of relief. If you have recomendations on how get over a situation like this, please advice! any books? websites? a way to get counseling?

and for those passing thru a separation, divorce or just being frustrated and disappointed.. Good luck and let's be strong.

I'd just recommend going back home to get far away from the situation and take time, talk it over with friends and family who support you.

As far as finding a healthy relationship in the future...

http://www.amazon.ca/Keeping-Love-Find-Har...x/dp/0671734202

I read this book after my divorce and found it extremely helpful. I highly recommend it.

[Nancy2015 2]

He says he was locked up for this warrant thing when an officer in the train station asked him for his ID!!? Is this stupidity possible? someone experienced with child support do know about it?

It may depend on your state. I don't know what New York is like, but in CA, if you owe child support, they just report it to all credit bureaus as a debt. I don't know if they issue warrants. If they do, the arrears must be pretty significant, and the obligor must have been hiding and not making any payments.

I'm sorry you're in this situation, and I'm sorry you're frustrated. The way I see it, your chances of adjusting status without his cooperation are zero. I wouldn't even bother trying.

[Dan J 277]

If you leave him, which is probably the best choice for yourself. Unless you have been abused, you pretty much wont be able to adjust status.

If you want to stay, you are going to have to reconcile with him until the AOS process is done. But from what you describe, I think there may be a possibility it wont even be granted.

My fiancee is not even here yet, and I have been planning to make sure our future is financially sound. I incurred a bit of debt in college, both from student loans, and credit cards while in between jobs. She is aware of all if it, and by the time she comes to this country, all my high interest debt should be gone.

I guess some people hope that if they just ignore it, it goes away. All you can do to make it kinda go away is declare bankruptcy and live with bad credit for 7 years. Even then, bankruptcy doesn't get rid of school loans.

[Bobbie 1]

I find it interesting that people always say, well go home if you divorce, why would you want to stay here....well, here isnt a bad place to be. Remember, we all love living in the USA. Frankly, if I had to move to Germany to be with my SO, and we broke up, I think I would want to stay there for a while too. But I am not with him just in case i get the chance.

I dont blame anyone for wanting to stay in a place they know they can do pretty well in, with our without marriage. Yes, marriage is how many people get here, but just because they are not married doesnt mean they want to go home. As far as going with out your family, I moved across the country from mine. I would love to be living there, but, the pay isnt there. So I stay here.

Welcome to the USA, sorry for the JERK you married. If you are lucky he will sit in jail for 18-24 months for not caring for his children and you can just be the wife who is at home waiting.

Bobbie

[doc_cute 0]

Hello Everyone..

I got here on Feb -K1 visa- We got married Feb too. My husband is driving me crazy.

He lived with me in my country for 3 yrs.. We were totally happy. I came for the first time to know his home, his life, and that was disappointing.

How can someone hide his "real you"!!???

• He has messed up all posible things in his past.
  
• He has huge Child support debts, and just got a warrant.
  
• Has a tremendous debt from College, he never paid.. everyone is behind him!
  
• he does not want to work formally, so they dont deduct the child support thing.. he is only in "gigs".
  
• Of course, have been days we have no money not even to pay phone, food.
  
• He spends 2 nights average sleeping at his EX's place (because of
  

his kids, he said)

Im really tired of this. He keeps swearing he loves me and cry and stuff.. And.. As many women, in love, I supported him, I gave him trust, I tried to help him to realize what he is doing the wrong way.. to realize his kids need him, I need him, etc..

And just today he came back home from his EX;s after 4 days.. I did not receive not even a single call, mail.. He really gave me a hard time..

He says he was locked up for this warrant thing when an officer in the train station asked him for his ID!!? Is this stupidity possible? someone experienced with child support do know about it?

Im completly DONE with this. I decided to leave him in a few days. Im planning on talking to him and ask him not to stop my immigration process. at least he owes me that. Im hating him right know..but I think is it better, leave him cordially, not friends but niether enemies..

What you think? Maybe some of you, with a clearest mind than mine, have a different point of view..

-What are my chances if we separate and just go back for the interview?

-If he receives an RFE or anything, could I respond from another state than ours?

:-)

A. from New York

you must leave this kind of man

absolutely no sympathies for him

try to consult a marriage counsellor also an immigration attorney for your immigration work

wish u good luck in all future endeavours ahead

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Hello Everyone..

I got here on Feb -K1 visa- We got married Feb too. My husband is driving me crazy.

He lived with me in my country for 3 yrs.. We were totally happy. I came for the first time to know his home, his life, and that was disappointing.

How can someone hide his "real you"!!???

• He has messed up all posible things in his past.
  
• He has huge Child support debts, and just got a warrant.
  
• Has a tremendous debt from College, he never paid.. everyone is behind him!
  
• he does not want to work formally, so they dont deduct the child support thing.. he is only in "gigs".
  
• Of course, have been days we have no money not even to pay phone, food.
  
• He spends 2 nights average sleeping at his EX's place (because of
  

his kids, he said)

Im really tired of this. He keeps swearing he loves me and cry and stuff.. And.. As many women, in love, I supported him, I gave him trust, I tried to help him to realize what he is doing the wrong way.. to realize his kids need him, I need him, etc..

And just today he came back home from his EX;s after 4 days.. I did not receive not even a single call, mail.. He really gave me a hard time..

He says he was locked up for this warrant thing when an officer in the train station asked him for his ID!!? Is this stupidity possible? someone experienced with child support do know about it?

Im completly DONE with this. I decided to leave him in a few days. Im planning on talking to him and ask him not to stop my immigration process. at least he owes me that. Im hating him right know..but I think is it better, leave him cordially, not friends but niether enemies..

What you think? Maybe some of you, with a clearest mind than mine, have a different point of view..

-What are my chances if we separate and just go back for the interview?

-If he receives an RFE or anything, could I respond from another state than ours?

:-)

A. from New York

I'm perplexed. These are life issues. No marriage is necessarily absent of them. Staying with you for 3 years in your country just might have played a role in the financial chaos he is facing now. He failed to disclose his real financial mess, but should that impact your commitment ? What about the whole "....in sickness and in health" bit?

If you choose to end this marriage, it is simply that ~ your choice. A choice that appears to me to be a desire to remove yourself from the liabilities that your husband has and that marriage to him has entailed. You are entitled to make that choice, but why would you think that by escaping the liability you should be able to retain any benefits that you might have been hoping for in terms of permanent residency?

[Killer_Clown_2009 0]

He says he was locked up for this warrant thing when an officer in the train station asked him for his ID!!? Is this stupidity possible? someone experienced with child support do know about it?

It may depend on your state. I don't know what New York is like, but in CA, if you owe child support, they just report it to all credit bureaus as a debt. I don't know if they issue warrants. If they do, the arrears must be pretty significant, and the obligor must have been hiding and not making any payments.

I'm sorry you're in this situation, and I'm sorry you're frustrated. The way I see it, your chances of adjusting status without his cooperation are zero. I wouldn't even bother trying.

A judge can issue a warrent when child support is not being paid as ordered. This is considered comtempt of court (the person is not following a court order). I believe that this is the law in any state.

[Killer_Clown_2009 0]

If you really want to immigrate to the US, I'd wait to leave him until you at least have your conditional greencard. If you don't have that and you cannot prove that he abused you, then you're not going to get the greencard based on your marriage.

Edited June 8, 2007 by jane2005

[KarenCee 3]

Hello Everyone..

I got here on Feb -K1 visa- We got married Feb too. My husband is driving me crazy.

He lived with me in my country for 3 yrs.. We were totally happy. I came for the first time to know his home, his life, and that was disappointing.

How can someone hide his "real you"!!???

• He has messed up all posible things in his past.
  
• He has huge Child support debts, and just got a warrant.
  
• Has a tremendous debt from College, he never paid.. everyone is behind him!
  
• he does not want to work formally, so they dont deduct the child support thing.. he is only in "gigs".
  
• Of course, have been days we have no money not even to pay phone, food.
  
• He spends 2 nights average sleeping at his EX's place (because of
  

his kids, he said)

Im really tired of this. He keeps swearing he loves me and cry and stuff.. And.. As many women, in love, I supported him, I gave him trust, I tried to help him to realize what he is doing the wrong way.. to realize his kids need him, I need him, etc..

And just today he came back home from his EX;s after 4 days.. I did not receive not even a single call, mail.. He really gave me a hard time..

He says he was locked up for this warrant thing when an officer in the train station asked him for his ID!!? Is this stupidity possible? someone experienced with child support do know about it?

Im completly DONE with this. I decided to leave him in a few days. Im planning on talking to him and ask him not to stop my immigration process. at least he owes me that. Im hating him right know..but I think is it better, leave him cordially, not friends but niether enemies..

What you think? Maybe some of you, with a clearest mind than mine, have a different point of view..

-What are my chances if we separate and just go back for the interview?

-If he receives an RFE or anything, could I respond from another state than ours?

:-)

A. from New York

I'm perplexed. These are life issues. No marriage is necessarily absent of them. Staying with you for 3 years in your country just might have played a role in the financial chaos he is facing now. He failed to disclose his real financial mess, but should that impact your commitment ? What about the whole "....in sickness and in health" bit?

If you choose to end this marriage, it is simply that ~ your choice. A choice that appears to me to be a desire to remove yourself from the liabilities that your husband has and that marriage to him has entailed. You are entitled to make that choice, but why would you think that by escaping the liability you should be able to retain any benefits that you might have been hoping for in terms of permanent residency?

While I agree with you DM, I do think the OP is right to have issue with her husband trying to find ways to avoiding paying child support and the sleeping at the ex wife's house - the child support more than anything. However, I realise this is up to the OP as to how she chooses to handle this. As for the benefits, IMHO I would not want to stay here if I had a successful career back home. I would think it would be much easier to return home to said career than try to start over in another country.