Bride-to-be swallows engagement ring in her sleep during an 'action-packed' dream

[laylalex 7,284]

On 10/20/2019 at 12:37 PM, luckytxn said:

I never bought one for my babe and during the 72 hours we had to wait to get married after we got the license we went and bought gold wedding bands which she won't wear but insists I wear mine always. I didn't ask her to marry me but she asked me once when chatting on video call how long I was going to make her wait? I was very drunk and asked wait for what? And she said to get engaged and I said OK we can get married but if we don't get along after she comes she had to promise to give me a divorce but I would make sure she got her green card and she agreed. I bought a plane ticket that week.

I swore I responded to you but I think it got eaten up! I meant to say that if you are both happy with the proposal AND especially the marriage, who cares? You sound very practical.  

 

I tiptoed around asking for a proposal, and tried to nudge the conversation that way for a while, but he either wouldn't take the hint or he got the hint but felt unready to say something. It took some strongarming by our mutual friends to get it out of him -- they said it was unfair for him to leave me hanging -- but it really was what he wanted too.

[Voice of Reason 10,298]

2 hours ago, laylalex said:

I swore I responded to you but I think it got eaten up! I meant to say that if you are both happy with the proposal AND especially the marriage, who cares? You sound very practical.  

 

I tiptoed around asking for a proposal, and tried to nudge the conversation that way for a while, but he either wouldn't take the hint or he got the hint but felt unready to say something. It took some strongarming by our mutual friends to get it out of him -- they said it was unfair for him to leave me hanging -- but it really was what he wanted too.

No, it wasn't.   If he didn't propose for 3 years, what would you have done?

[laylalex 7,284]

1 hour ago, ALFKAD said:

No, it wasn't.   If he didn't propose for 3 years, what would you have done?

Well, if he didn't propose we probably would have just chugged along. He would have almost certainly have had to move back to the UK by then. Or I might have proposed.

 

I guess what I mean by "leaving me hanging" is that he said that it would happen at some point, but he wasn't sure when. I think our friends were just worried he'd be too indecisive and lose his chance (again) to be with me. He fluffed it before, twice. And then when he wanted to commit, I didn't want to at first. I was scared of being hurt again.

 

When you've been apart and together and apart and together, etc., as we have been over the years, it can seem like you've been moving towards a certain end for a long time but there's no payoff. The wedding itself is sort of meaningless to me (though I will enjoy it, I'm not a liar), it's the marriage and the knitting together at last that I'm eager to get on with. And as I'm sure you know, when you and your person are from different countries, sometimes a wedding is the only way you can get on to the important stuff -- the marriage. I love him so completely, all of his humor and kindness and grumpiness and black moods and the big and little things he does to show his love to me. And it's not like I need him to be complete -- I understand that now. But having him in my life makes it a lot more fun. 

[luckytxn 2,264]

4 hours ago, laylalex said:

I swore I responded to you but I think it got eaten up! I meant to say that if you are both happy with the proposal AND especially the marriage, who cares? You sound very practical.  

 

I tiptoed around asking for a proposal, and tried to nudge the conversation that way for a while, but he either wouldn't take the hint or he got the hint but felt unready to say something. It took some strongarming by our mutual friends to get it out of him -- they said it was unfair for him to leave me hanging -- but it really was what he wanted too.

No one cares but was using me as an example. I didn't want to marry and told her no for 3 years. We are still together and will be so forever it seems and don't need rings or objects to get this far in life. Focusing on objects demeans the union.  There is way more things to consider and from the little time I seen you posting you seem not there let in a successful union yet. I am sure I am wrong though so good luck.

[laylalex 7,284]

1 hour ago, luckytxn said:

No one cares but was using me as an example. I didn't want to marry and told her no for 3 years. We are still together and will be so forever it seems and don't need rings or objects to get this far in life. Focusing on objects demeans the union.  There is way more things to consider and from the little time I seen you posting you seem not there let in a successful union yet. I am sure I am wrong though so good luck.

You know, I think you make a valid point. As a little background (not that it means much of anything) but in my first marriage, my husband tended to show affection by buying me things. He wasn't very good at telling me how much he cared, though I know he did. I have been working on trying to unhook the idea of love from objects, because (1) as you say objects demean the union and (2) Alex doesn't show his love that way. He's someone who shows love through the things he does for me and the considerate and caring words he has for me. We don't "do" gifts too much -- we go out to eat, sure, but I don't just get a gift for being a good girl. I still buy him things that I think are cute or cool or whatever, and while he appreciates them, he reminds me he doesn't need them to know I care.

 

I'm trying to be a better person and I plan on being a better wife this time around.  

[Neonred 3,562]

23 minutes ago, laylalex said:

You know, I think you make a valid point. As a little background (not that it means much of anything) but in my first marriage, my husband tended to show affection by buying me things. He wasn't very good at telling me how much he cared, though I know he did. I have been working on trying to unhook the idea of love from objects, because (1) as you say objects demean the union and (2) Alex doesn't show his love that way. He's someone who shows love through the things he does for me and the considerate and caring words he has for me. We don't "do" gifts too much -- we go out to eat, sure, but I don't just get a gift for being a good girl. I still buy him things that I think are cute or cool or whatever, and while he appreciates them, he reminds me he doesn't need them to know I care.

 

I'm trying to be a better person and I plan on being a better wife this time around.  

And my wife judges how much I love her based on what jewelry, bags, and shoes I buy and especially how much I spent.

 

Unfortunately I'm cheap....

Edited October 22, 2019 by Neonred

[laylalex 7,284]

36 minutes ago, Neonred said:

And my wife judges how much I love her based on what jewelry, bags, and shoes I buy and especially how much I spent.

 

Unfortunately I'm cheap....

I think one of the hardest things for Al has been to let me pay for things once in a while. The way I see it, he has family obligations (child support/spousal maintenance) and money he sends to his mother and sister on a very regular basis), and I don't. My parents are both working professionals and my sister does very well for herself so no one needs my money there. I have no children. All the money I have goes for me. I have a job and that sweet, sweet alimony (plus money in the bank) so I have considerably more disposable income. Why not let the woman pay once in a while? He will grudgingly let me do it but he was raised to be a provider for his family. It's hard I think for some men to let go, even when they know it makes economic sense, and even when they are feminists themselves.

[luckytxn 2,264]

1 hour ago, laylalex said:

You know, I think you make a valid point. As a little background (not that it means much of anything) but in my first marriage, my husband tended to show affection by buying me things. He wasn't very good at telling me how much he cared, though I know he did. I have been working on trying to unhook the idea of love from objects, because (1) as you say objects demean the union and (2) Alex doesn't show his love that way. He's someone who shows love through the things he does for me and the considerate and caring words he has for me. We don't "do" gifts too much -- we go out to eat, sure, but I don't just get a gift for being a good girl. I still buy him things that I think are cute or cool or whatever, and while he appreciates them, he reminds me he doesn't need them to know I care.

 

I'm trying to be a better person and I plan on being a better wife this time around.  

That is great news to hear posted. Alex seems more mature and being considerate is very important. This is just me saying this and ones opinion but the period at the end of this sentence is more important than any object that one can hand to another. Sure buy an engagement or wedding ring or buy a trinket for a special occasion SOMETIMES but don't spend much time or money on it. The overall picture is what is important. As an example my wife loves me to cook her an awesome meal and I know this and sure a trinket is nice but that meal is what is going to make her want me even more and want her to do things for me. It is not expensive either and you don't have to do a meal but I am sure there are things you can do that are similar that will bring him closer than  a trinket ever could. Again good luck and God bless.

 

 

[laylalex 7,284]

1 hour ago, luckytxn said:

That is great news to hear posted. Alex seems more mature and being considerate is very important. This is just me saying this and ones opinion but the period at the end of this sentence is more important than any object that one can hand to another. Sure buy an engagement or wedding ring or buy a trinket for a special occasion SOMETIMES but don't spend much time or money on it. The overall picture is what is important. As an example my wife loves me to cook her an awesome meal and I know this and sure a trinket is nice but that meal is what is going to make her want me even more and want her to do things for me. It is not expensive either and you don't have to do a meal but I am sure there are things you can do that are similar that will bring him closer than  a trinket ever could. Again good luck and God bless.

 

 

I love this. ❤️ It's funny how money can smooth over so many uncomfortable things, for good and for bad. It doesn't really mean anything at the end of the day. I also love cooking and it's one of the ways I know I can show him I love him without spending a ton of money. I mean, I'm going to eat it too! I have learned to live frugally not because I don't have money, but because I don't want to waste it. Him? We're working on it.   He has some expensive tastes in clothes and shoes, but I don't want to be a nag. It's not my money anyway, but when he asks my opinion about whether to buy something I do remind him that every dollar he spends on that is one dollar he isn't spending on his daughter, or our future.

[luckytxn 2,264]

1 hour ago, laylalex said:

I love this. ❤️ It's funny how money can smooth over so many uncomfortable things, for good and for bad. It doesn't really mean anything at the end of the day. I also love cooking and it's one of the ways I know I can show him I love him without spending a ton of money. I mean, I'm going to eat it too! I have learned to live frugally not because I don't have money, but because I don't want to waste it. Him? We're working on it.   He has some expensive tastes in clothes and shoes, but I don't want to be a nag. It's not my money anyway, but when he asks my opinion about whether to buy something I do remind him that every dollar he spends on that is one dollar he isn't spending on his daughter, or our future.

Yeah I was a bit more vain when I was younger and very handsome and I knew that and would spend money to accentuate that I was but I always put away a certain percentage away for my future. My whole past has been with an eye on my future. Now I am older though my looks are fading but I have the babe I want and have the future I envisioned and life is good.

[Voice of Reason 10,298]

8 hours ago, laylalex said:

Well, if he didn't propose we probably would have just chugged along. He would have almost certainly have had to move back to the UK by then. Or I might have proposed.

 

I guess what I mean by "leaving me hanging" is that he said that it would happen at some point, but he wasn't sure when. I think our friends were just worried he'd be too indecisive and lose his chance (again) to be with me. He fluffed it before, twice. And then when he wanted to commit, I didn't want to at first. I was scared of being hurt again.

 

When you've been apart and together and apart and together, etc., as we have been over the years, it can seem like you've been moving towards a certain end for a long time but there's no payoff. The wedding itself is sort of meaningless to me (though I will enjoy it, I'm not a liar), it's the marriage and the knitting together at last that I'm eager to get on with. And as I'm sure you know, when you and your person are from different countries, sometimes a wedding is the only way you can get on to the important stuff -- the marriage. I love him so completely, all of his humor and kindness and grumpiness and black moods and the big and little things he does to show his love to me. And it's not like I need him to be complete -- I understand that now. But having him in my life makes it a lot more fun. 

Marriage is NOT a payoff.  It is simply a means for a judge to get involved in your split up.

 

you could live in harmony forever without a marriage (minus the other-country aspect)

[luckytxn 2,264]

6 hours ago, Neonred said:

And my wife judges how much I love her based on what jewelry, bags, and shoes I buy and especially how much I spent.

 

Unfortunately I'm cheap....

Mine judges on feet massages given.

[TBoneTX 45,267]

Socrates died from an overdose of Wedlock.

[Nature Boy 2.0 8,370]

7 hours ago, TBoneTX said:

Socrates died from an overdose of Wedlock.

Mabaho  

[yuna628 9,674]

10 hours ago, ALFKAD said:

Marriage is NOT a payoff.  It is simply a means for a judge to get involved in your split up.

 

you could live in harmony forever without a marriage (minus the other-country aspect)

Certainly marriage is not a payoff and plenty of couples do just fine without the act of marriage... however many do take the vow of marriage very seriously and sacredly. Perhaps if more people did that... there would be less unfaithfulness.