No kids please, we're selfish

[JODO 2]

I have had people say to me do you have kids and then when I say no I am child-free, they cop an attitude. I have had people scold me about having someone to take care of me in my old age, asking don't you want to dress up your little girl all cute like you? But everyone loves shopping for baby clothes etc etc and to me all of those reasons are extremely irresponsible and selfish reasons to procreate. The world has too many abused, neglected and hungry children in this world to say that everyone who can procreate should and that notion has been utterly debunked with the amount of children suffering in this world because of unfit parents. I believe the best thing a person can do is to not have a child if he or she knows they are not emotionally, financially, or mentally ready to be responsible for another human being.

[sparkofcreation 0]

spark-

I think by 'we' mark was referring to himself and his wife.

If my wife and I were to have a child, the child would be fed and clothed and educated. No ifs or buts about it.

Perhaps those who can't guarantee those things to their children are the ones who should not be having children. Ironically, though, they are the people who have the most.

And I am saying that there is an argument that it is selfish to have a child just because you want one who's genetically similar to you, when there are millions of children in this country and all over the world who are starving. There is a surplus of children on this planet. There is no need for anyone to have one of their own. Any non-selfish benefit to having children could be obtained just as easily by raising one who you adopt, with the added bonus that you'd be improving the life of a child who wouldn't otherwise have much of one, plus easing the strain on government resources. Therefore, it could be argued that the only possible reason someone would have a child instead of adopting one would be the selfish reason that they think their genes are better or that they deserve to carry on their genetic line or whatever.

[Marilyn. 340]

if wanting a child makes me selfish than so be it... I am selfish!!

i am still sticking to my earlier statement....

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Wait, so this woman's position is that people who don't have kids because they don't want kids are selfish, but people who have kids they don't want and then feel no emotional connection to them because they don't want them are the root of school shootings? I know which one I'd rather be!!

If someone makes the argument that they don't want to have kids because of the burdon it would put on them, that's selfish - irregardless of whether or not there are inadequate parents out there. I think the author is trying to de-stigmatize the term selfish as being taboo. The world is full of selfish people and plenty of them are parents.

[KarenCee 3]

spark-

I think by 'we' mark was referring to himself and his wife.

If my wife and I were to have a child, the child would be fed and clothed and educated. No ifs or buts about it.

Perhaps those who can't guarantee those things to their children are the ones who should not be having children. Ironically, though, they are the people who have the most.

And I am saying that there is an argument that it is selfish to have a child just because you want one who's genetically similar to you, when there are millions of children in this country and all over the world who are starving. There is a surplus of children on this planet. There is no need for anyone to have one of their own. Any non-selfish benefit to having children could be obtained just as easily by raising one who you adopt, with the added bonus that you'd be improving the life of a child who wouldn't otherwise have much of one, plus easing the strain on government resources. Therefore, it could be argued that the only possible reason someone would have a child instead of adopting one would be the selfish reason that they think their genes are better or that they deserve to carry on their genetic line or whatever.

This may be true, but do you know how long it takes to adopt? The cost of adoption? The long list, the wait time, and the cost make it sometimes rather prohibitive to those that would be EXCELLENT parents.

[Marilyn. 340]

spark-

I think by 'we' mark was referring to himself and his wife.

If my wife and I were to have a child, the child would be fed and clothed and educated. No ifs or buts about it.

Perhaps those who can't guarantee those things to their children are the ones who should not be having children. Ironically, though, they are the people who have the most.

And I am saying that there is an argument that it is selfish to have a child just because you want one who's genetically similar to you, when there are millions of children in this country and all over the world who are starving. There is a surplus of children on this planet. There is no need for anyone to have one of their own. Any non-selfish benefit to having children could be obtained just as easily by raising one who you adopt, with the added bonus that you'd be improving the life of a child who wouldn't otherwise have much of one, plus easing the strain on government resources. Therefore, it could be argued that the only possible reason someone would have a child instead of adopting one would be the selfish reason that they think their genes are better or that they deserve to carry on their genetic line or whatever.

This may be true, but do you know how long it takes to adopt? The cost of adoption? The long list, the wait time, and the cost make it sometimes rather prohibitive to those that would be EXCELLENT parents.

Angelina Jolie makes it look easy to adopt children from other countries

[KarenCee 3]

spark-

I think by 'we' mark was referring to himself and his wife.

If my wife and I were to have a child, the child would be fed and clothed and educated. No ifs or buts about it.

Perhaps those who can't guarantee those things to their children are the ones who should not be having children. Ironically, though, they are the people who have the most.

And I am saying that there is an argument that it is selfish to have a child just because you want one who's genetically similar to you, when there are millions of children in this country and all over the world who are starving. There is a surplus of children on this planet. There is no need for anyone to have one of their own. Any non-selfish benefit to having children could be obtained just as easily by raising one who you adopt, with the added bonus that you'd be improving the life of a child who wouldn't otherwise have much of one, plus easing the strain on government resources. Therefore, it could be argued that the only possible reason someone would have a child instead of adopting one would be the selfish reason that they think their genes are better or that they deserve to carry on their genetic line or whatever.

This may be true, but do you know how long it takes to adopt? The cost of adoption? The long list, the wait time, and the cost make it sometimes rather prohibitive to those that would be EXCELLENT parents.

Angelina Jolie makes it look easy to adopt children from other countries

Celebs usually do. They have the money and resources to do this where the average person (like me) doesn't. I'm not sure, but I do think they still have to go through the paperwork process...maybe their financial status speeds things up, eh?

[mawilson 2,133]

Oh yeah? There are 12.4 million children in the United States who don't get enough food.

I think it's a lie. No-one is starving in the U.S.

I think by 'we' mark was referring to himself and his wife.

I actually meant "we, Americans" - LOL

[chri'stina 190]

I thought selfish means someone wanting something that is beneficial to themselves. People who are having kids but cannot take care of them are not selfish, they are irresponsible. Their first thought of wanting a baby may be selfish, to bring themselves joy, but that baby will only bring hardship to you if you can't take care of it. That is being plain irresponsible, not selfish.

why are those of use made to feel like we are being selfish for wanting to have children....??

I respect someone's decision not to have children but please don't knock down those of us who do... , it probably isn't intentional but that is who it is coming off as...

Someone said it nicely already, one of the Steve's I think hehe, that while the first thought of the joy a baby brings to someone could be maybe selfish because it's for our own happiness, if it's thought out far enough most ppl realize having a baby is not a piece of cake and providing for them and sacrificing hours of sleep, etc is not selfish at all. You realize you are about to take on a big responsibility. But I hear it's all worth it. Can't wait!

Edited June 9, 2007 by stina&suj

[mawilson 2,133]

It's not MY business if you choose NOT to, nor is it YOUR business if I decide to have a baby. Can't y'all just leave it at that?

I disagree. It's not my business if you choose NOT to have kids, but it is EVERYONE's business if you do.

A baby is not your possession, it affects your life and everyone else's around it.

I'd generally agree, but would add that if you expect me to pay for your baby through my tax money, then it becomes my business.

Exactly.

[chri'stina 190]

.... Therefore, it could be argued that the only possible reason someone would have a child instead of adopting one would be the selfish reason that they think their genes are better or that they deserve to carry on their genetic line or whatever.

How about wanting to participate in one of the most amazing things in life: giving life to another person that grew inside of you. Not thinking their genes are better, but wanting to be a part of something that has gone on since the beginning of time.

[KarenCee 3]

The definition of selfish, as found on http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/selfish :

self·ish 1.devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others. 2.characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself: selfish motives.

[Jenn! 918]

I know this isn't the case for everyone, but don't many people feel the desire to procreate instinctually? In which case, how could that possibly be selfish?

It seems like the definition of selfish is being warped here.

Edited June 9, 2007 by jenn3539

[KarenCee 3]

It's not MY business if you choose NOT to, nor is it YOUR business if I decide to have a baby. Can't y'all just leave it at that?

I disagree. It's not my business if you choose NOT to have kids, but it is EVERYONE's business if you do.

A baby is not your possession, it affects your life and everyone else's around it.

I'd generally agree, but would add that if you expect me to pay for your baby through my tax money, then it becomes my business.

Exactly.

How is it YOUR business if I raise my daughter myself without asking for anyone's help Mark? How is my daughter YOUR business? I have never used anyone's tax dollars (that I knowingly was aware of) to raise my daughter. Not even when I was a single mother and had it almost pushed in my face. I have seen to my daughter's care myself without any assistance from anyone, not even you. So I fail to see how my pregnancy, my daugher's birth (paid for by me, with insurance paid for by me), and her life thus far is any of your concern.

Scott...I can see your point when it comes to public assistance paying for babies. But what would you suggest to be done about YOUR tax dollars paying for other people's babies? I'm not crazy about it either but I serioulsy doubt there will be legislation to change that during our lifetime. The ONLY reason I'm glad it's in place is for the baby. That baby did NOT ask to be created, nor brought into the world. A lot of women who have numerous babies and have them paid for by public assistance do so to receive more welfare. Each child raises the amount so to them, the more the merrier...money wise that is.

[Dr. Obvious 49]

If it had been a c-section, I would totally agree.

No, the birth experience is not why I don't want another child, it is more that I need a lot of time to myself, my husband is the same way, and lo and behold, looks like we bred someone similar in temperment. We are just not interested in more chaos and stress in our lives. Our family feels complete the way it is, just the three of us. Need to stop while we are ahead. Less is really more.

To be honest though, I don't really care about where my tax dollars go when it comes to welfare/health care. Taking care of our own is more important than blowing up people half a world away.