No kids please, we're selfish

[KarenCee 3]

In my case, I look white too. However I have more Native American background and ancestry than anything else. Daddy's mom was of Native American descent (Seminole) and my Momma was from the Cherokee. My father's dad has Welsh roots so I'm assuming that's where my lighter skin comes from. Having a varied ethnicity doesn't bother me. My daughter doesn't seem to mind that she's from a mixed ethic (or racial if you want) background. I can't understand how racial or ethnic backgrounds would be a reason not to have kids.

Not having kids is a personal choice. For some, like me, my body dictated that choice for me without my permission If one doesn't want children then I think that's commendable rather than caving in to outside pressure to conform to society and have kids they really don't want. There's nothing sadder than a child that knows he or she wasn't wanted to begin with. Believe me...no matter how hard you try to hide that fact, they will know. Ever listen to the resignation in a child's voice when they tell you that? I have.

[Arazia 0]

When I first started dating, my first boyfriend had no wanting of having children, ever. Amusingly enough, after a few years of dating, he said that I was the only one he'd ever consider having kids with. Even after we broke up, he still said the same thing. Years later, he made the choice to remove himself from the reproductive cycle, and I think it was a great idea. This man, even at the age of thirty when I last saw him, was not capable of being a father. Some people just are not meant to be parents. He and his current girlfriend want no kids, and more power to them.

On the other hand, I would like to have at least one child of my own. I'm not sure it will be possible due to some physical issues, though. My husband and I discussed that if we aren't able to have our own kids, we would willingly adopt. I have a neice who was adopted and taken from a bad situation and is a loving part of our family. But I'll admit that we are selfish. We don't want kids right now, although maybe in the future when our lives are more 'settled' it would be a possibility. It's a matter of personal choice. Besides, if people want a way to carry on their genetics without being involved in the child's life to a great extent, they can always donate eggs/sperm.

[KarenCee 3]

When I first started dating, my first boyfriend had no wanting of having children, ever. Amusingly enough, after a few years of dating, he said that I was the only one he'd ever consider having kids with. Even after we broke up, he still said the same thing. Years later, he made the choice to remove himself from the reproductive cycle, and I think it was a great idea. This man, even at the age of thirty when I last saw him, was not capable of being a father. Some people just are not meant to be parents. He and his current girlfriend want no kids, and more power to them.

On the other hand, I would like to have at least one child of my own. I'm not sure it will be possible due to some physical issues, though. My husband and I discussed that if we aren't able to have our own kids, we would willingly adopt. I have a neice who was adopted and taken from a bad situation and is a loving part of our family. But I'll admit that we are selfish. We don't want kids right now, although maybe in the future when our lives are more 'settled' it would be a possibility. It's a matter of personal choice. Besides, if people want a way to carry on their genetics without being involved in the child's life to a great extent, they can always donate eggs/sperm.

How is that selfish? It's far better that you recognise this rather than just have a child because everyone else is having kids or family pressures you to have one. Just MHO.

[poppscc 0]

I dont see having kids as *conforming*. That's certainly not the reason you have kids.... you should have them for Love. It's safe to say that EVERYONE knows how life is WITHOUT kids. Only parents know how it is WITH kids. Couples without kids just cannot relate.

Not having a kid is partially due ignorance and fear.

Never having a kid, you will never truly know what it's like to be a parent. But the saying goes: Ignorance is bliss. I may not have sex with other men, and in that sense of the word, I am ignorant. Not necessarily a bad thing.

There are plenty to fear from kids:

Will I get fat?

Will my husband still love me?

Will we be able to enjoy each other the way we do now?

What if our child has a disabilty?

What if our child cannot live up to our standards?

What if our child cannot handle the harsh reality?

Will I be able to continue schooling?

Will I be able to start my career?

Will my life be boring as a soccer mom?

Can I afford this child?

as long as there is fear, you will not be able to commit.

it's hard for people to comprehend the positive aspects of kids while society pushes the negative aspects of kids. With a ME ME ME society, it's no surprise that the more wealth you have, the less children you have. I dont remember school teaching why to have kids... I do remember having taught NOT to have kids. It's not easy teaching the benefits of having kids, other than to experience it first hand. The negative aspects tend to stand out, but the positive aspects make it well worth it.

Edited June 8, 2007 by poppscc

[KarenCee 3]

I dont see having kids as *conforming*. That's certainly not the reason you have kids.... you should have them for Love. It's safe to say that EVERYONE knows how life is WITHOUT kids. Only parents know how it is WITH kids. Couples without kids just cannot relate.

Not having a kid is partially due ignorance and fear.

Never having a kid, you will never truly know what it's like to be a parent. But the saying goes: Ignorance is bliss. I may not have sex with other men, and in that sense of the word, I am ignorant. Not necessarily a bad thing.

There are plenty to fear from kids:

Will I get fat?

Will my husband still love me?

Will we be able to enjoy each other the way we do now?

What if our child has a disabilty?

What if our child cannot live up to our standards?

What if our child cannot handle the harsh reality?

Will I be able to continue schooling?

Will I be able to start my career?

Will my life be boring as a soccer mom?

Can I afford this child?

as long as there is fear, you will not be able to commit.

it's hard for people to comprehend the positive aspects of kids while society pushes the negative aspects of kids. With a ME ME ME society, it's no surprise that the more wealth you have, the less children you have. I dont remember school teaching why to have kids... I do remember having taught NOT to have kids. It's not easy teaching the benefits of having kids, other than to experience it first hand. The negative aspects tend to stand out, but the positive aspects make it well worth it.

Technically no, it isn't conforming. More to the point is the pressure that society seems to put on couples to have children, IMHO. I know I've heard the remarks that go along this line "Anyone that doesn't want kids, I'd wonder about them"...that sort of thing. That's where I came up with the remark about conforming. I don't know too many people that have no desire to fit in.

I have never feared motherhood...parenthood...nor single parenthood. Until I had my daughter I had no idea how much a child could impact one's life. I knew things would be drastically different, however I wasn't afraid. I *wanted* to be a mom. If I had those questions laid out for me before the conception of my daughter I'm sure it would have scared the patootie out of me...but there was this nagging deep down inside that kept on at me to have a baby and I'm fairly certain no amount of "what if's" would have kept me from becoming a mom. Has it been easy? Heck no! Especially lately with all the health issues my daughter has. Do I regret it? Not when those little arms go around my neck and I hear those four words..."I love you Mommy...just because."

[Marilyn. 340]

I come from a family of 6 children... my dad worked hard to support us and he still does... we were never a burden on society because my dad would never even think of going on welfare... just wanted to say that in reference to someone referring to big families as breeders

*******************

I have wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember.... I started off wanting 6 kids, then it went down to 4 kids and then 2 and now I would be happy with just one child...

[Alex+R 0]

With a ME ME ME society, it's no surprise that the more wealth you have, the less children you have.

I don't know why wealthier people have fewer children (although perhaps higher education and less religious fanaticism might lead to more use of birth control in that group), but I don't think it's because they're too selfish. My parents said 2 kids 8 years apart was all they could handle, so each of us was raised like an only child, with tons of attention. I don't see why that is worse than someone who has 5 kids and can't give enough attention to any of them. It certainly doesn't seem selfish to me to stretch out their parenting years that long.

[chri'stina 190]

What I find to be a hard question in life is why some people who do not even want to have a baby end up pregnant while some couples try desperately for years to have a baby and still it won't happen for them. It's one of those crazy things in life. But I do believe that the child is born for a reason, even if it wasn't planned. Even if I can't understand why that sort of thing happens, I'm sure there is a reason for it all. But I think couples who have tried for years and years for a baby truly know about how special and miraculous and wonderful having a baby is and it's not something to take for granted.

The forming of a baby is such a miracle that I think it's the most amazing thing in the world. It has to be the most amazing thing to be formed or else we wouldn't all be here. I love babies.

[SteveLaura 0]

I haven't read all of this topic, so this point may already have been raised, but is it possible that choosing to have children is also selfish?

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I had five. I love my now adult kids, but thank God I probably can't have any more and that my husband is a narcisist! Life is Good!

[Jackie&Yosdani 0]

Interesting..

I want kids.. love to have 2.. Maybe twins..

[Yaads 0]

I haven't read all of this topic, so this point may already have been raised, but is it possible that choosing to have children is also selfish?

I think that is entirely possible.

My dad had 3 kids with my mom...got divorced and married a woman with 5 kids. All were minors except me.

They decided to have 2 more children together. I think it was an incredibly selfish decision. They have neither the time or the resources to properly care for the children they had then they tacked on 2 more. They use all sorts of state benefits and my mom and the other ex ended up paying through the nose for child support because the state takes into account all the children in the house.

They have had nothing but trouble trying to keep the family intact and I have seen numerous situations where "their" children are treated better than "his" or "hers"...totally selfish IMHO

[KiKi 0]

I couldn't imagine my life without my kids....they are such a joy.

I can't wait to be an old granny and all my kids and Grandkids gathering around at holidays etc, like my family does now with my parents.

To each his own though!

[homesick_american 1]

I haven't read all of this topic, so this point may already have been raised, but is it possible that choosing to have children is also selfish?

I think that is entirely possible.

My dad had 3 kids with my mom...got divorced and married a woman with 5 kids. All were minors except me.

They decided to have 2 more children together. I think it was an incredibly selfish decision. They have neither the time or the resources to properly care for the children they had then they tacked on 2 more. They use all sorts of state benefits and my mom and the other ex ended up paying through the nose for child support because the state takes into account all the children in the house.

They have had nothing but trouble trying to keep the family intact and I have seen numerous situations where "their" children are treated better than "his" or "hers"...totally selfish IMHO

I don't think having children per se is selfish. Having too many by a bunch of different mothers/fathers is, though...JMHO.

[poppscc 0]

I haven't read all of this topic, so this point may already have been raised, but is it possible that choosing to have children is also selfish?

a case could be made. Selfish for wanting more love, selfish for overpopulating the world with their offspring;

But is it selfish to give up your time to take care of your child? is it selfish to pay for their schooling? is it selfish to feed them?

it may not be smart (and outright irresponsible) to have lots of kids, but I dont think it's selfish to have lots of kids.