Everything is terrible and I am desperate for help

[Lotts 1,433]

Hi folks.

 

I'm really sad and depressed. I need help.

Here's my story.

 

It's been really tough and (removed) for me, if I'm honest. I had a great couple of months and then he's turned into some kind of control freak who is hell bent on blaming everything on me. I live with him in a basement in his aunt and uncle's house (I was sick for almost 2 months because of the conditions, poor food quality,) he hasn't and will not file for the AOS because he didn't do his taxes and other reasons he won't say. There's also the fact that he spent all the money his mother gave us in July last year to file for the AOS and a second lump he got from some tax returns he waited for me to get here so I would get him more returned!

He keeps telling me that he spent it on me but none of it adds up. 😞 

He's tried setting me up for under the table jobs he knows I can't do and then I'm labelled a bad person for not taking them.
Every day is a walk on eggshells. I'm pretty sure he is a sociopath so my emotions mean nothing nor recognised. I'm just called a bunch of names and so on. Everything is my fault.

 

I'm an emotional punchbag and get grief for not being happy or "loving" towards him. My life is "pointless and meaningless". 🙄 I feel empty and like I have nothing now. Not sure why I'd give him all the good stuff when I'm treated like dirt. But, hey ho.

 

I'm a mess. I really didn't expect any of this and I'm really scared about what to do or what I can do. I sure as hell can't afford to eat, let alone pack all my stuff and my cat to go back. I gave up everything for him. Home, job, family, friends...

 

I'm really scared. I cry every day because I don't know what to do. 😭

I'm pretty sure I'm illegal and I'm really nervous about it. I'm also not sure what to do and if this is even the right place for this. 

 

So, I'm looking to go back. I want to go back. I do not want to be trapped, illegal, and have no independence what so ever. I have no reason to stay here anymore. It's terrible really. His family even sat down with me and have noticed how cr@ppy things have been with his behaviour towards me and everyone. Nothing has changed since the talk.

 

This has been a huge waste of time and money for me. My passport ran out, AOS was not submitted, I have not got a penny to my name nor any help available to me. I paid for everything to be here. He did nothing.

 

I should have read the signs and listened to people from day 1.

 

Sorry for the rant. I have no one to talk to. I have this secretly tucked away so he doesn't see. 😞

 

My questions are;
What can I do with regards to divorce? What is the process?

I just want it over and done with so I have no ties to this awful life anymore. We have no joint accounts, nothing that "we" have. All his stuff and my stuff. No kids. Nothing is shared.

 

Does anyone know someone I can talk to? Preferably free. I need help. I need to get home.

 

Would I be able to return to the USA for vacations later on?

 

Is there a duration of time before I renter the US as a tourist?

Edited October 13, 2019 by Unlockable

[designguy 1,179]

17 minutes ago, Lotts said:

Would I be able to return to the USA for vacations later on?

Based on your entry, you have accrued more than a year of unlawful presence so you will have a 10 year bar if you leave the US. You will have to file an I-601 to try and waive it (I myself am not sure if your circumstance qualifies for a waiver)

[dwheels76 5,468]

1 hour ago, Lotts said:

Hi folks.

 

I'm really sad and depressed. I need help.

Here's my story.

 

It's been really tough and (removed) for me, if I'm honest. I had a great couple of months and then he's turned into some kind of control freak who is hell bent on blaming everything on me. I live with him in a basement in his aunt and uncle's house (I was sick for almost 2 months because of the conditions, poor food quality,) he hasn't and will not file for the AOS because he didn't do his taxes and other reasons he won't say. There's also the fact that he spent all the money his mother gave us in July last year to file for the AOS and a second lump he got from some tax returns he waited for me to get here so I would get him more returned!

He keeps telling me that he spent it on me but none of it adds up. 😞 

He's tried setting me up for under the table jobs he knows I can't do and then I'm labelled a bad person for not taking them.
Every day is a walk on eggshells. I'm pretty sure he is a sociopath so my emotions mean nothing nor recognised. I'm just called a bunch of names and so on. Everything is my fault.

 

I'm an emotional punchbag and get grief for not being happy or "loving" towards him. My life is "pointless and meaningless". 🙄 I feel empty and like I have nothing now. Not sure why I'd give him all the good stuff when I'm treated like dirt. But, hey ho.

 

I'm a mess. I really didn't expect any of this and I'm really scared about what to do or what I can do. I sure as hell can't afford to eat, let alone pack all my stuff and my cat to go back. I gave up everything for him. Home, job, family, friends...

 

I'm really scared. I cry every day because I don't know what to do. 😭

I'm pretty sure I'm illegal and I'm really nervous about it. I'm also not sure what to do and if this is even the right place for this. 

 

So, I'm looking to go back. I want to go back. I do not want to be trapped, illegal, and have no independence what so ever. I have no reason to stay here anymore. It's terrible really. His family even sat down with me and have noticed how cr@ppy things have been with his behaviour towards me and everyone. Nothing has changed since the talk.

 

This has been a huge waste of time and money for me. My passport ran out, AOS was not submitted, I have not got a penny to my name nor any help available to me. I paid for everything to be here. He did nothing.

 

I should have read the signs and listened to people from day 1.

 

Sorry for the rant. I have no one to talk to. I have this secretly tucked away so he doesn't see. 😞

 

My questions are;
What can I do with regards to divorce? What is the process?

I just want it over and done with so I have no ties to this awful life anymore. We have no joint accounts, nothing that "we" have. All his stuff and my stuff. No kids. Nothing is shared.

 

Does anyone know someone I can talk to? Preferably free. I need help. I need to get home.

 

Would I be able to return to the USA for vacations later on?

 

Is there a duration of time before I renter the US as a tourist?

I am so sorry you are going through this.  You say you want to go home and have no means to get there. You need to contact your UK Embassy and tell them you are stranded in US and need to get home.

 

As far as divorce and all that. Now first are you sure you don;t want to stay. Seems you are in an emotionally abusive situation and may be eligible to file for VAWA (Victims of Abuse Womans Act) and file on your own.

 

Call around to free legal aid clinics and check out the Catholic Charities they have assistance programs around to assist being with legal and immigration matters.

 

And Unfortunately to your point you think you are illegal if you have been her more than 90 days and you haven't filed your AOS then you are out of status.

 

Please be safe and if need be go to your nearest Woman's shelter.

Edited October 13, 2019 by Unlockable

[Lotts 1,433]

1 minute ago, dwheels76 said:

I am so sorry you are going through this.  You say you want to go home and have no means to get there. You need to contact your UK Embassy and tell them you are stranded in US and need to get home.

 

As far as divorce and all that. Now first are you sure you don;t want to stay. Seems you are in an emotionally abusive situation and may be eligible to file for VAWA (Victims of Abuse Womans Act) and file on your own.

 

Call around to free legal aid clinics and check out the Catholic Charities they have assistance programs around to assist being with legal and immigration matters.

 

And Unfortunately to your point you think you are illegal if you have been her more than 90 days and you haven't filed your AOS then you are out of status.

 

Please be safe and if need be go to your nearest Woman's shelter.

I do not meet the criteria to be accepted for a lone. I've looked into all these avenues and I'm pretty stuck. It's really difficult to prove verbal abuse. I'm looking again and I'll try anything.

 

I came to this country to be with him. I left everything behind to be with him. I really have no reason to be here now. I'm being honest, I don't want to be an over-stay. This is a beautiful country and I've been to some incredible places with visiting friends, but, I'd rather go home, be able to get a job, rent a home, get my health sorted out without worrying about huge bills, eat better, be close to my friends and family again. Have my own life, independence, and freedom back.

 

I would love to come back and explore this country more. Being stuck in a basement and housebound, I've not seen much or been able to get out often. I don't know what the rules and regulations are on this though.

[Lotts 1,433]

Got told off for my language.

Apologies.

Months upon months upon months of daily torture...

But, yeah...

Sorry!

[geowrian 22,337]

VAWA may be an option if you really wanted to stay, but it sounds like the best thing for you (and you stated you want to do anyway) is to go home. As stated above, contact the UK embassy - they can make arrangements. there are also local women's shelters, abuse shelters, etc.

Even if you're not planning to stay via VAWA, i suggest checking out the VAWA thread as they can better direct you to specific avenues for assistance until you can get home.

[JFH 12,190]

First and foremost, get yourself to a safe place. Google the women’s shelters in your area and call them. You can sort out things like divorce and so on later. Safety is the most important thing right now. Mental abuse is just as serious as physical abuse and you need to leave as soon as possible. 

 

Contact the British embassy and request consular assistance. When did your passport expire? 

 

Can a friend of family member buy a plane ticket for you? 

[Lotts 1,433]

1 minute ago, JFH said:

First and foremost, get yourself to a safe place. Google the women’s shelters in your area and call them. You can sort out things like divorce and so on later. Safety is the most important thing right now. Mental abuse is just as serious as physical abuse and you need to leave as soon as possible. 

 

Contact the British embassy and request consular assistance. When did your passport expire? 

 

Can a friend of family member buy a plane ticket for you? 

My passport expired last month. I told him about it ages ago as it is my only form of legal photo ID but he's done nothing about it nor is he willing to either, despite saying he wants me out of here etc..

 

I have someone who is giving me all the help they can but it's not enough to get me out of here. I have my stuff and a cat to consider too. I don't have parents to ask. I'm really stuck.

 

Can anyone let me know how the divorce proceedings work? I just want to separate, not have to fanny about with him or court, sign it, tear up the display certificate we were presented with, and get on with my life. I don't want him to think he can control me any more or think he has a one up in this situation.

[JFH 12,190]

Divorce is a legal process so it will involve the courts in some way, even if you don’t have to actually attend court. It’s not as simple as just saying you want to divorce. If he doesn’t contest it then it will be easier for you. Only you can tell how likely that is to happen. Have you told him you want to divorce to gauge his reaction? 

 

It is possible to walk away without your stuff. I walked out of my first marriage with the clothes I was wearing and a small bag. Put my key through the mail box, took a bus to the train station and a train to my hometown. You say you gave up family and friends - assume they are still in your life? Or do you mean they stopped all contact with you because of your decision to move here? 

 

Your passport only expired recently so that’s good in terms of getting a new one. You can get an emergency one also 

https://www.gov.uk/emergency-travel-document

 

 

 

[JFH 12,190]

Here is how to get divorced in MD, assuming you are still there (I looked at your profile):

 

https://www.peoples-law.org/grounds-absolute-divorce

[Villanelle 4,122]

Every state has specific divorce laws. You can stay in the US as you are with no status and file divorce here and wait out the process or you can leave and file divorce back in the UK (when you meet the residency requirements there if any).  For a divorce in the US generally one person will file and the other person is served with the paperwork. If everything is agreed up on the terms you usually present the agreement to the court (uncontested) and the court will approve it and finalize it. If there is no agreement or you cant agree on the terms (contested) then theres a period of back and forth trying to create an agreement but if you just cant come to one the court will decide on things for you. Since you are not asking for anything and it seems you have no assets he can fight you for-- it shouldnt be that hard. He may not agree to sign and can make the process more difficult but at the end he has no choice- a divorce will be granted. 

 

 

[Villanelle 4,122]

I also want to add that VAWA is a viable path for you to get a GC and subsequently citizenship. You can qualify for 'mental abuse' (extreme cruelty) with a psych evaluation (and appropriate DX)  and your own statement. But it is your choice- if you want to return to the UK then you are free to do so at any time. You will not be able to travel to the US again though under VWP and will have a hard time getting a B. Any future immigration to the US under work or family would require a waiver due to the overstay you have. 

[Lotts 1,433]

3 minutes ago, JFH said:

Divorce is a legal process so it will involve the courts in some way, even if you don’t have to actually attend court. It’s not as simple as just saying you want to divorce. If he doesn’t contest it then it will be easier for you. Only you can tell how likely that is to happen. Have you told him you want to divorce to gauge his reaction? 

 

It is possible to walk away without your stuff. I walked out of my first marriage with the clothes I was wearing and a small bag. Put my key through the mail box, took a bus to the train station and a train to my hometown. You say you gave up family and friends - assume they are still in your life? Or do you mean they stopped all contact with you because of your decision to move here? 

 

Your passport only expired recently so that’s good in terms of getting a new one. You can get an emergency one also 

https://www.gov.uk/emergency-travel-document

 

 

 

I've been threatened with divorce and called to ICE within the first 3 months of being here. They're continuous. I don't think he'll not sign.

Is it something I can do from the UK? I just want to get out of here now. Get it all broken off and done with.

 

Oh, a lot of my few things I have left hold huge sentimental value. I would have left it all in the UK otherwise. Deceased parent stuff.

My friends and what little family I have are around, but are in no way able to help me financially at all. Single mums, health disabilities etc.. You seriously cannot make this up 😂🙄😒

I got myself here with minimal help. I had a job so that made life a lot easier. Here, I don't.

 

I'm going to call the embassy tomorrow, explain my situation, then see what I can do. 

 

I'm terribly sorry if what I'm asking or saying is obvious, annoying, or the answers are right in front of me. I've been reduced to rubble and I'm lost. I don't know where to start or how to go about doing anything. 

 

I really appreciate the help and advice so far.

Thank you 💜

[Lotts 1,433]

5 minutes ago, Villanelle said:

I also want to add that VAWA is a viable path for you to get a GC and subsequently citizenship. You can qualify for 'mental abuse' (extreme cruelty) with a psych evaluation (and appropriate DX)  and your own statement. But it is your choice- if you want to return to the UK then you are free to do so at any time. You will not be able to travel to the US again though under VWP and will have a hard time getting a B. Any future immigration to the US under work or family would require a waiver due to the overstay you have. 

So, if I have left of my own accord due to this situation, that is not my fault, my future vacations are on the line? Am I not eligible for an ESTA after 2-3 years? (I've been here since May 2017)

My over-stay is definitely not my choice. My lack of AOS was not down to me spending money that was designated for the filing.

Am I really being penalised because of what he's done? I cannot come back for vacations? 

[Villanelle 4,122]

You can look up what the divorce process is where you live in the UK. They should have a process for when the other spouse lives overseas. I dont know if it would be easier or harder then the process in the US. Divorce is usually governed by your residency. Most places require an average of 6 months before you can file- some are more, some are less. Some places have mandatory separation periods. So I would suggest using google to compare the process here vs there and see which one makes more sense.