Medical done

[rebeccajo 14]

Look guys, thanks for your thoughts. I'm not over here crying my eyes out. I'm pissed and I don't feel like saying "I'm frustrated" to people here in non-VJ world because they don't get it and I'd have to start explaining the WHOLE process again (and we all know how tiring it is to go through it again and again).

I don't think I'm handling this poorly. I vent. I vent here. If you think I'm being overly hysterical, I'm sorry for that impression. I'm not.

And while I absolutely feel for those stuck in hellish Embassy situations, caught in AP, or facing years-long wait times for interviews, or getting denials, I can never truly understand their situation or feel their pain, so for me, mine is as bad as it gets. There's a reason I post my London-related frustrations here and not somewhere else. It's akin to a VSC filer saying "but it's been 40 days! where's my NOA2, what's going on?" We all want to smack them in the heads, but really, I understand their frustration too because they have expectations and hopes and when things go off track it hurts all of us the same way.

I'm not torturing myself.

I know it's WORLDS easier to say "hang in there" after you've passed whatever hurdle someone else is stressing about. I do it for people waiting for their NOA2s, and I largely hate myself for doing so.

I chin-up and hang-in-there in my daily life just fine. But sometimes I need to say "ugh, this sucks." So I say it here. But I still go about my day, do my work, hang out with friends, etc, etc.

I'm fine with my routine - I call to check with the State Dept - I don't cry or scream on the phone. I just check, say thanks, they say call back later, I hang up. Done.

I'm not sure I ever blamed anyone else for my stress. Just "The Process."

So, I know your hearts are in the right place, but gently scolding me for my feelings is kinda ineffective. I hardly think I posted a screed or even that much of a rant up there.

Sometimes, you just have to say "I don't like this."

I'm sure that through the mental magic of cognative dissonance, after Tim is here, I too can slip on some rosy-colored shades and explain that "it all looks much better from the other side," because it will look better. But that doesn't change the validity of the frustration of those still going through the process.

You might not be stressing yourself - which I don't believe by the way - but you are adding to a general air of unnecessary hysteria and entitlement as regards petitions processing through London.

In other words, you stress others. Hell, I'm not even petitioning for anything right now and you stress me.

My perspective is not cognitive dissonance or rose-colored glasses either, Daisy. It's reality. If you are going to have a foreign spouse, I suggest you adopt something other than an entitlement attitude where his immigration is concerned. You come back to me in 2 or 3 years and let me know just how smoothly his immigration (which includes social acceptance and adjustment) has been. Then maybe you will have some perspective. Right now you don't.

[TimsDaisy 0]

Yes, longer was standard. But I'd say from about April through the last few weeks, the real out-and-back was within a week. So we were hopeful. Not unrealistically so. But not twiddle-our-thumbs patient either.

I specifically asked the State Department if there would be a problem mailing another copy, the operator said no, go ahead and mail it again, that's fine.

We're sending an EXACT copy of what we sent last time, with a cover letter that explains the timeline, our concern, and says "please disregard this if."

I'm not concerned that it will cause confusion.

Too much of this process is coated in fear of "what ifs" that just won't materialize. I should've gone with my gut and sent a pre-emptory packet 3 back as soon as we had notice they had mailed on to us. There is NOTHING specific or personalized about what they send you. Might not have changed a thing, wait-wise, but I'd have felt more proactive.

They won't get confused. Don't worry about my psyche. I'm not suicidal or unduly stressed. I'm just finding ways to make the process more comfortable FOR ME. And for me, that means a few extra phone calls. Now I feel like I need to come all of *you guys* down.

[homesick_american 1]

I think some people here are being too harsh on Daisy. I understand what she's feeling and I think it's natural for her to be frustrated, particularly when it may appear to her that other UK applicants from the same time period are getting things done faster than she is. It's easy to dump on someone and say they lack perspective, but it is INCREDIBLE how quickly you forget the frustration of being separated from a loved one or waiting on the US government to do something.

Personally I thought we were here to support people when they were going through hard times...not to berate them for complaining about what is an incredibly frustrating and stressful process. Just my $.02.

[TracyTN 237]

I never told Daisy she lacked perspective or that she can't/shouldn't feel how she feels. I was actually trying to make her feel BETTER by pointing out the normal wait times, and the April speed up anomoly. I'm not that far ahead of her in the process, either.

[TimsDaisy 0]

Look guys, thanks for your thoughts. I'm not over here crying my eyes out. I'm pissed and I don't feel like saying "I'm frustrated" to people here in non-VJ world because they don't get it and I'd have to start explaining the WHOLE process again (and we all know how tiring it is to go through it again and again).

I don't think I'm handling this poorly. I vent. I vent here. If you think I'm being overly hysterical, I'm sorry for that impression. I'm not.

And while I absolutely feel for those stuck in hellish Embassy situations, caught in AP, or facing years-long wait times for interviews, or getting denials, I can never truly understand their situation or feel their pain, so for me, mine is as bad as it gets. There's a reason I post my London-related frustrations here and not somewhere else. It's akin to a VSC filer saying "but it's been 40 days! where's my NOA2, what's going on?" We all want to smack them in the heads, but really, I understand their frustration too because they have expectations and hopes and when things go off track it hurts all of us the same way.

I'm not torturing myself.

I know it's WORLDS easier to say "hang in there" after you've passed whatever hurdle someone else is stressing about. I do it for people waiting for their NOA2s, and I largely hate myself for doing so.

I chin-up and hang-in-there in my daily life just fine. But sometimes I need to say "ugh, this sucks." So I say it here. But I still go about my day, do my work, hang out with friends, etc, etc.

I'm fine with my routine - I call to check with the State Dept - I don't cry or scream on the phone. I just check, say thanks, they say call back later, I hang up. Done.

I'm not sure I ever blamed anyone else for my stress. Just "The Process."

So, I know your hearts are in the right place, but gently scolding me for my feelings is kinda ineffective. I hardly think I posted a screed or even that much of a rant up there.

Sometimes, you just have to say "I don't like this."

I'm sure that through the mental magic of cognative dissonance, after Tim is here, I too can slip on some rosy-colored shades and explain that "it all looks much better from the other side," because it will look better. But that doesn't change the validity of the frustration of those still going through the process.

You might not be stressing yourself - which I don't believe by the way - but you are adding to a general air of unnecessary hysteria and entitlement as regards petitions processing through London.

In other words, you stress others. Hell, I'm not even petitioning for anything right now and you stress me.

My perspective is not cognitive dissonance or rose-colored glasses either, Daisy. It's reality. If you are going to have a foreign spouse, I suggest you adopt something other than an entitlement attitude where his immigration is concerned. You come back to me in 2 or 3 years and let me know just how smoothly his immigration (which includes social acceptance and adjustment) has been. Then maybe you will have some perspective. Right now you don't.

Rebeccajo - honestly, I like you, I have the utmost respect for you knowledge and your posts here, but you're off base with this one. I'm hardly feeling "entitled" to anything. I don't feel "entitled" to a fast processing time. I'm concerned something got lost in the mail, so I'm checking to make sure that I do everything on my end to follow the process.

How this becomes "entitlement" I don't know. But I'm deeply bothered by the way you are looking at my situation and my posts in this thread. If it is stressing you out or bothering you, then I suggest you simply stop reading this thread. I'm not hysterical either.

So many people on VJ choose to live their lives in relationship to their government in a state of fear. Don't call USCIS! If you make them mad, what if they "lose" your file! Don't call the State Department! I used the email and was patient, like a good little citizen.

What in the hell have I done that sounds entitled except take an active interest in learning about the process and take advantage of the resources available to me? Still mad about that State Department phone line? My calling doesn't make them do anything, it just checks the status of what work others are doing. That's all. It was okay to do it passively on the USCIS website, but not now? I didn't even check that website often.

So save the charges of "entitlement" - which has always been curiously defined here at VJ - they are neither accurate nor well-received.

[rebeccajo 14]

I never told Daisy she lacked perspective or that she can't/shouldn't feel how she feels. I was actually trying to make her feel BETTER by pointing out the normal wait times, and the April speed up anomoly. I'm not that far ahead of her in the process, either.

Yep. Just trying to get everybody to calm down and see that the process is functioning normally.

Petitions do get shuffled around some. First in first out means a different thing to the Embassy than it does to us.

I don't see anybody in this thread who has any part of their process outside of norms. There's no reason to be calling out the heavy artillery. Status quo - all is functioning normally.

[TimsDaisy 0]

I never told Daisy she lacked perspective or that she can't/shouldn't feel how she feels. I was actually trying to make her feel BETTER by pointing out the normal wait times, and the April speed up anomoly. I'm not that far ahead of her in the process, either.

Yep. Just trying to get everybody to calm down and see that the process is functioning normally.

Petitions do get shuffled around some. First in first out means a different thing to the Embassy than it does to us.

I don't see anybody in this thread who has any part of their process outside of norms. There's no reason to be calling out the heavy artillery. Status quo - all is functioning normally.

What heavy artillery was being rolled out and by whom?

[rebeccajo 14]

Look guys, thanks for your thoughts. I'm not over here crying my eyes out. I'm pissed and I don't feel like saying "I'm frustrated" to people here in non-VJ world because they don't get it and I'd have to start explaining the WHOLE process again (and we all know how tiring it is to go through it again and again).

I don't think I'm handling this poorly. I vent. I vent here. If you think I'm being overly hysterical, I'm sorry for that impression. I'm not.

And while I absolutely feel for those stuck in hellish Embassy situations, caught in AP, or facing years-long wait times for interviews, or getting denials, I can never truly understand their situation or feel their pain, so for me, mine is as bad as it gets. There's a reason I post my London-related frustrations here and not somewhere else. It's akin to a VSC filer saying "but it's been 40 days! where's my NOA2, what's going on?" We all want to smack them in the heads, but really, I understand their frustration too because they have expectations and hopes and when things go off track it hurts all of us the same way.

I'm not torturing myself.

I know it's WORLDS easier to say "hang in there" after you've passed whatever hurdle someone else is stressing about. I do it for people waiting for their NOA2s, and I largely hate myself for doing so.

I chin-up and hang-in-there in my daily life just fine. But sometimes I need to say "ugh, this sucks." So I say it here. But I still go about my day, do my work, hang out with friends, etc, etc.

I'm fine with my routine - I call to check with the State Dept - I don't cry or scream on the phone. I just check, say thanks, they say call back later, I hang up. Done.

I'm not sure I ever blamed anyone else for my stress. Just "The Process."

So, I know your hearts are in the right place, but gently scolding me for my feelings is kinda ineffective. I hardly think I posted a screed or even that much of a rant up there.

Sometimes, you just have to say "I don't like this."

I'm sure that through the mental magic of cognative dissonance, after Tim is here, I too can slip on some rosy-colored shades and explain that "it all looks much better from the other side," because it will look better. But that doesn't change the validity of the frustration of those still going through the process.

You might not be stressing yourself - which I don't believe by the way - but you are adding to a general air of unnecessary hysteria and entitlement as regards petitions processing through London.

In other words, you stress others. Hell, I'm not even petitioning for anything right now and you stress me.

My perspective is not cognitive dissonance or rose-colored glasses either, Daisy. It's reality. If you are going to have a foreign spouse, I suggest you adopt something other than an entitlement attitude where his immigration is concerned. You come back to me in 2 or 3 years and let me know just how smoothly his immigration (which includes social acceptance and adjustment) has been. Then maybe you will have some perspective. Right now you don't.

Rebeccajo - honestly, I like you, I have the utmost respect for you knowledge and your posts here, but you're off base with this one. I'm hardly feeling "entitled" to anything. I don't feel "entitled" to a fast processing time. I'm concerned something got lost in the mail, so I'm checking to make sure that I do everything on my end to follow the process.

How this becomes "entitlement" I don't know. But I'm deeply bothered by the way you are looking at my situation and my posts in this thread. If it is stressing you out or bothering you, then I suggest you simply stop reading this thread. I'm not hysterical either.

So many people on VJ choose to live their lives in relationship to their government in a state of fear. Don't call USCIS! If you make them mad, what if they "lose" your file! Don't call the State Department! I used the email and was patient, like a good little citizen.

What in the hell have I done that sounds entitled except take an active interest in learning about the process and take advantage of the resources available to me? Still mad about that State Department phone line? My calling doesn't make them do anything, it just checks the status of what work others are doing. That's all. It was okay to do it passively on the USCIS website, but not now? I didn't even check that website often.

So save the charges of "entitlement" - which has always been curiously defined here at VJ - they are neither accurate nor well-received.

I recall a past post of yours - ages ago - where you made a comment about having paid a fee and getting the service you deserve. So that's how my opinion initially began to form.

I don't mind if my comments aren't well received by you - at the moment. You'll look back later and understand.

We do influence each other here - mightily. It's my opinion (and maybe mine only) that you are creating unneccessary angst for yourself and others. You are doing no one here a service by implying they are fearful of USCIS by not taking the sort of action you have taken with your case. As you say, different strokes for everyone. Just because somebody doesn't wake up each morning with their hand on the phone to call DOS doesn't make them an immigration doormat.

[TimsDaisy 0]

At the USCIS petition stage, yes, you are right, I said I was paying the same fee as someone living in New England and was right to expect similar service. That isn't "entitlement," that is asking for equal treatment from our government, not based on geographic discrimination (intentional or resultant). That was during the USCIS stage of the process however. We are now, you may have noticed, in a different department - State vs. Homeland Security. I do recall back then that there was confusing between so-called "entitlement" to have one's foreign fiance/spouse here and the justifiable desire to have an equal crack at government services. There's a difference. I will not apologize for saying that CSC filers are being unfairly treated based on disparate processing times. That's not a sense of "entitlement."

I have taken no extra-special action with my case, other than reading up on what I can, and seeking information that is available to me. I never said people needed to be calling the State Department everyday - or ever, for that matter. As for people's fear of a retribution from USCIS, that is a theme we see frequently in the general K1 forum or at earlier stages of the process. Again, USCIS vs. State Department.

You are confusing stages of the process and maligning me in the process.

So again I say to you, what heavy artillery?

Much as with our last exchange over the State Department phone number, I am truly mystified about why this has become some kind of fight.

Edited June 14, 2007 by TimsDaisy

[rebeccajo 14]

At the USCIS petition stage, yes, you are right, I said I was paying the same fee as someone living in New England and was right to expect similar service. That isn't "entitlement," that is asking for equal treatment from our government, not based on geographic discrimination (intentional or resultant). That was during the USCIS stage of the process however. We are now, you may have noticed, in a different department - State vs. Homeland Security.

I have taken no extra-special action with my case, other than reading up on what I can, and seeking information that is available to me. I never said people needed to be calling the State Department everyday - or ever, for that matter. As for people's fear of a retribution from USCIS, that is a theme we see frequently in the general K1 forum or at earlier stages of the process. Again, USCIS vs. State Department.

You are confusing stages of the process and maligning me in the process.

So again I say to you, what heavy artillery?

I'm not maligning you, my friend. I'm asking you to breathe deeply.

In my opinion, at this stage - only two weeks since P3 was returned - resending the packet is heavy artillery. It's like swatting a fly with a concrete block instead of waiting around for him to fly near you so you can swat him with the paper.

[rebeccajo 14]

Much as with our last exchange over the State Department phone number, I am truly mystified about why this has become some kind of fight.

It's not.

[TimsDaisy 0]

Did you ever have one of those days where you get home and your mom or your spouse says "why are you in a bad mood?" And you say "I'm not in a bad mood," and they say "why are you defensive," and you say "I'm not defensive," and it takes about 3 seconds to then become both in a bad mood and defensive - or at least nothing you can say won't make you SOUND like you're in a bad mood and defensive.

The same thing happens if one says "why are you stressed" or "you are too stressed" or "breathe deeply."

As for re-sending the package. I'm doing what the State Department recommended. If it's a duplicate, they can throw it out. He didn't generate a new bar code. It's just a copy of what we sent before. And it's in the mail, so I guess we'll just have to see what happens. Maybe I'll call today or tomorrow and we'll have an interview date. I'll be very happy to feel sheepish if that occurs. But I don't think I'll be mad or regret sending another copy. God and the State Department help those who help themselves.

[TracyTN 237]

Did the State Dept. recommend it to you? I thought you had asked and they said that it shouldn't be a problem to re-send it.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Daisy -- just to change tack here a moment. I just saw on your timeline that the medical is "in the file" at the Embassy. When I was doing my own version of Department of State bothering (and everyone else seemed to be getting P4 and we weren't, grumble), I was told that receiving the medical file *sometimes* has the effect of effectively jogging the Embassy's memory about your file and getting off its institutional backside to do something. This was presented to me as not the gospel truth, but as a possibility. I seem to recall that Bruce's medical arrived on the 11th of May and by the 18th, voila, there was P4.

[rebeccajo 14]

God and the State Department help those who help themselves.

Actually, that bit about God is nowhere in the Bible.

A fitting analogy though, because both of them (DOS and the Lord) move when they see fit and when the time is right.

The phrase "you can't always get what you want - you get what you need" isn't in my profile for nothing.

Daisy - I'm not picking on you. Really. But you've done all you can and now, really, all you can do is wait. It's a lot like pregnancy. You wait and anticipate and you know it's gonna happen. The doctor even gives you an anticipated due date - we all know what the percentage is of THAT being correct (about 10% medically in case you didn't know). You get big and you get cranky - your feet swell, your back hurts. You're generally miserable.

Then one day it all comes to pass. Just like that. And there's a reason they say the pain of childbirth disappears. Because the happiness is so much more than the misery ever was.

But it happens in it's own time and when it's right. Not when we say - not when we cry out - not when we beg, plead or barter with God. It happens when it happens. Sort of like immigration. Except your spouse doesn't need diapers and college.

Edited June 14, 2007 by rebeccajo