She's not significant today, and yet...

[Shiran 1,134]

17 minutes ago, laylalex said:

Lyme Regis

That looks very quaint. Enjoy the dino fossil museum and hopefully pleasant weather. Hopefully family won't mind the edgy shirts.

[laylalex 7,300]

5 minutes ago, Shiran said:

That looks very quaint. Enjoy the dino fossil museum and hopefully pleasant weather. Hopefully family won't mind the edgy shirts.

Thank you! I have never been to Lyme Regis, so I'm excited. It's also my introduction to his daughter as her stepmother-to-be, which I am a bit nervous about, but I've known her since she was a baby. She's six so if you have any idea how to say, "Well, she used to be just your dad's friend but now she's going to be your stepmum" I would appreciate the advice! 

[Shiran 1,134]

17 minutes ago, laylalex said:

"Well, she used to be just your dad's friend but now she's going to be your stepmum"

In my, very inexperienced opinion, I do not believe there is a need to force an issues with a label. You will know you are "stepmum" when she call you "Mummy" Until then, just concentrate on being a friend and caretaker.  Let things happen naturally when they will. Is she moving to CA? 

[Voice of Reason 10,298]

24 minutes ago, laylalex said:

Thank you! I have never been to Lyme Regis, so I'm excited. It's also my introduction to his daughter as her stepmother-to-be, which I am a bit nervous about, but I've known her since she was a baby. She's six so if you have any idea how to say, "Well, she used to be just your dad's friend but now she's going to be your stepmum" I would appreciate the advice! 

Don't think of yourself as the stepmom.  Think of yourself as the mom that stepped up after the kids were born.

[laylalex 7,300]

21 minutes ago, Shiran said:

In my, very inexperienced opinion, I do not believe there is a need to force an issues with a label. You will know you are "stepmum" when she call you "Mummy" Until then, just concentrate on being a friend and caretaker.  Let things happen naturally when they will. Is she moving to CA? 

No, she will be staying in England with her mother. Her mum and I have known each other for a long time and have a very friendly relationship. (Honestly, our relationship is probably better than hers with my fiance's.) She was resistant for a while about letting her daughter know that things had changed between her dad and me because she didn't want to confuse her, but we all think that now that the little girl is six and she knows she's not moving to America or being forced to leave her mummy that she can understand it a bit better. I don't know what I am doing with a child so I am definitely letting him take the lead on this one. I think that my job is, much like my real job, just to look nice, be friendly, and be helpful when asked! 

21 minutes ago, ALFKAD said:

Don't think of yourself as the stepmom.  Think of yourself as the mom that stepped up after the kids were born.

Thank you! She's got a great mother over there, and I probably will only see her on Facetime for most of the year, but I want to make things right from the very start. I know I'm not a maternal figure in her life, but I like to think I'm a nurturing type, or at least not too scary. The plan for us is to stay in America since no one knows what the effects of Brexit will be.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

8 hours ago, Bill & Katya said:

Is that like the curtain at Family Videos?

Oh, you mean the one they keep "hotel documentaries" behind? 

[Steeleballz 7,550]

2 minutes ago, laylalex said:

No, she will be staying in England with her mother. Her mum and I have known each other for a long time and have a very friendly relationship. (Honestly, our relationship is probably better than hers with my fiance's.) She was resistant for a while about letting her daughter know that things had changed between her dad and me because she didn't want to confuse her, but we all think that now that the little girl is six and she knows she's not moving to America or being forced to leave her mummy that she can understand it a bit better. I don't know what I am doing with a child so I am definitely letting him take the lead on this one. I think that my job is, much like my real job, just to look nice, be friendly, and be helpful when asked! 

Thank you! She's got a great mother over there, and I probably will only see her on Facetime for most of the year, but I want to make things right from the very start. I know I'm not a maternal figure in her life, but I like to think I'm a nurturing type, or at least not too scary. The plan for us is to stay in America since no one knows what the effects of Brexit will be.

 

   I thought ALFKAD jumped the gun a little with that advice, since you hadn't really said where her real mom fits in to the picture yet. You can act like a mom, but don't think of yourself as her mom if her real mom is still in her life.

 

  My step daughter is off in college now. We first met when she was 2. We have an amazing relationship that just developed naturally. Certain things I deferred to her mom to make the 'final' decision', but everything else is just the same as it is with my biological kids. One thing I have never tried to do is pretend I am replacing her real dad. That is not something I can do.

[Boiler 45,993]

This is the look you need.

 

[laylalex 7,300]

49 minutes ago, Steeleballz said:

 

   I thought ALFKAD jumped the gun a little with that advice, since you hadn't really said where her real mom fits in to the picture yet. You can act like a mom, but don't think of yourself as her mom if her real mom is still in her life.

 

  My step daughter is off in college now. We first met when she was 2. We have an amazing relationship that just developed naturally. Certain things I deferred to her mom to make the 'final' decision', but everything else is just the same as it is with my biological kids. One thing I have never tried to do is pretend I am replacing her real dad. That is not something I can do.

Thank you for the advice! I don't ever want either her or her mum to think I'm muscling in. I'm her dad's wife (to be) and hopefully as time goes by she'll develop a relationship with me.  I'm not a stranger, so I hope that helps.

[laylalex 7,300]

26 minutes ago, Boiler said:

This is the look you need.

 

I'm a little less pale, but I'm game to work this as a look!

[Steeleballz 7,550]

3 minutes ago, laylalex said:

Thank you for the advice! I don't ever want either her or her mum to think I'm muscling in. I'm her dad's wife (to be) and hopefully as time goes by she'll develop a relationship with me.  I'm not a stranger, so I hope that helps.

 

  If she likes you already and you like her, that's the biggest part. Everything else will work itself out. 

[laylalex 7,300]

1 hour ago, elmcitymaven said:

Oh, you mean the one they keep "hotel documentaries" behind? 

LOL you must listen to Last Podcast on the Left!  

1 minute ago, Steeleballz said:

 

  If she likes you already and you like her, that's the biggest part. Everything else will work itself out. 

I think she's the funniest, weirdest little girl I've ever met -- really charismatic and clever, and into ghosts and vampires and similar. At 6. 6! Her mother does not really approve but her godmother and godfather have been passing her age-appropriate literature to feed this interest. Her godfather takes her for walks in the village church graveyard because she's fascinated thinking about dead people hanging around underground. OKAY THEN!

 

Just happy that a lot of the very worst of the emotional stuff between her mum and dad has been worked through now, and around their daughter they are always well behaved. I have it on good authority from the godparents that her mum doesn't trash talk her dad either. The girl is everybody's number one priority over any of the drama. 

[Voice of Reason 10,298]

1 hour ago, Steeleballz said:

 

   I thought ALFKAD jumped the gun a little with that advice, since you hadn't really said where her real mom fits in to the picture yet. You can act like a mom, but don't think of yourself as her mom if her real mom is still in her life.

 

  My step daughter is off in college now. We first met when she was 2. We have an amazing relationship that just developed naturally. Certain things I deferred to her mom to make the 'final' decision', but everything else is just the same as it is with my biological kids. One thing I have never tried to do is pretend I am replacing her real dad. That is not something I can do.

I didn't jump the gun at all.  It's simply a mindset.  Step parents often feel like outsiders when they are forced into a previously established family.  No step parent can ever replace a biological parent, unless/until a child wants that.  And unless the biological parent is dead or a deadbeat, there is no reason to ever TRY to step in and play the part.

 

But I think it's still important to not enter the relationship feeling like an outsider.  That's all I meant about not thinking of oneself like a step parent.

[Steeleballz 7,550]

26 minutes ago, ALFKAD said:

I didn't jump the gun at all.  It's simply a mindset.  Step parents often feel like outsiders when they are forced into a previously established family.  No step parent can ever replace a biological parent, unless/until a child wants that.  And unless the biological parent is dead or a deadbeat, there is no reason to ever TRY to step in and play the part.

 

But I think it's still important to not enter the relationship feeling like an outsider.  That's all I meant about not thinking of oneself like a step parent.

 

    Perhaps you meant stepped up differently than I read it. I often use the term stepped up when someone takes over for someone else who isn’t getting the job done. 

[luckytxn 2,265]

23 hours ago, Nature Boy 2.0 said:

Has Ewok ever in the history of VJ ever responded to any of you on any issue. 

Yes.