Its Over

[VetsWife328 7]

I'm so sorry to read this.

But let me put in my two cents worth of an opinion here,maybe that will help you and Ashley considering that my Fiance and I have had similar problems.

James (My Fiance and the USC) is still married to his ex wife whom he hasnt even seen in more than 5 years.He has been served with divorce papers twice by now but she never finished anything,so we file for divorce in October.We didn't have the correct addy for her so she couldn't be served with the papers,then papers from the court (regarding a hearing James was supposed to attend in April) were "missplaced" by the ppl he lives with and he never got them until about 2 weeks ago.The divorce was dismissed and that of course means we have to wait even longer to put the I 129 in.

On top of that James was employed with a horrible company being an OTR Truck Driver,he had a lot of stress at the job and I had a lot of stress here with some things..........So by the end of March he told me he didn't know whether he'd still want to be with me.I had a flight booked (and paid) for April 18th,he told me to cancel it,which I did and lost 700$ on it.

2 months of silence followed.He completley refused to speak to me,reply to my e mails and messages..anything.

My whole world broke apart..........then on May 22nd,I found out that now his wife is filing for divorce again(with a very good reason and one that makes us believe she may actually follow through this time around).A few days later we started talking again.

He needed a break,but never REALLY wanted to give up on me,our relationship and the future we have.

What I'm trying to tell you is,this whole entire visa process and the being apart IS horrible and it puts huge amounts of stress ,anger and pain on a couple.

But never forget that TRUE love can move mountains and things said in anger usually aren't meant to hurt the other.It's just letting steam off.

If you two trule love each other and feel in your hearts that you belong together then you can and will get through this.

The point in time right now (two weeks before your interview) is horrible ..........maybe Ashley will just need some rest,some time to calm down and think.

But as I said if you two love each other it will work out.Try talking to her,attend the interviw if possible at all with the papers missing that she failed to send.Remember you have 180 days to enter the US!!! That's 6 months for you and her to figure things out.Don't just let something so precious fade away.

Best of luck to the both of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nat

[Serjicalstrike 0]

I wish that she thought like all of you people do. she's been telling me that she "needs time to figure out who i am and what i want with my life" throughout the last 2 weeks and has said multiple times that she does not want to marry me for definite. Maybe one of the biggest mistakes i have made throughout this is not visiting the VJ boards more often! i don't think i would ever have begun feeling so lonely if i had.

[Alex+R 0]

If I were her, I would be less likely to take you back if you kept telling everyone on VJ our personal lives without my consent. Luckily I'm not her.

[Serjicalstrike 0]

good thing you're not her then. She has posted plenty of our personal stuff on here herself, and I'm not posting here just to air my personal grievances about how things are going. All i have been trying to do is get a different perspective on the situation from hers or my own.

[featherB 1]

If I were her, I would be less likely to take you back if you kept telling everyone on VJ our personal lives without my consent. Luckily I'm not her.

I was about to say something similar, but you just beat me to it.

If it's over for definite, and there's no hope of fixing things... sure, venting on here might help. But... I'm sure you have some hope in the back of your mind that Ashley might read this, see a load of internet strangers saying what a terrible shame it is, and that they hope the two of you sort things out, and that she'll decide to give it another go (or at least talk to you)... but if I were her, I think finding this thread would make me feel pissed off, pressured and passive-aggressively hounded - presumably not the effect you had in mind!

Good luck, however it all turns out...

[James Michelle 0]

its make me cry when i read about this post.I wish you both well.

[Linababe 0]

I am so sorry to hear this - I was also in a similar place as you last year - my David and I also started our k1 visa process last year and 2 weeks before the interview he decided to call things off - I postponed my interview date incase it was just a a misunderstanding and we would work things out - but with no avail he would not talk to me. I wrote to London embassy and well they said the case will remain open for a year (you may want to find out exactly what date yours will remain till). David and I had been together for 5 years and I was totally lost and hurt at what had happened - we didnt talk for like 5 months after which he came to the conclusion that it was me that he wanted to be with after all - Our problems occured when I spent too much time on this site worrying about others problems and thinking they may effect us. I forgot to spend quality time with my david - ok this is hard to do on the internet and with the distance between us but we normally play an online game and I didnt even do that - I took him for granted too knowing that he will always be there and pushing all my worries/stresses onto him - he just couldnt handle it all. As things cooled down he started talking to me again and well here we are continuing our process. Dont give up _ i strongly believe that this whole process is very stressful and so is the distance but try to remember the first time you two were together and the fun you had and give him a little space right now - I strongly believe in faith - if it is meant to be it will be. If you want to talk to me anytime please feel free to send me a private message. I have some ideas on how you can turn this around.

Lina (UKC)

Over the last 2 weeks myself and Ashley (Midicat) have been having problems with our relationship, many of which were caused by the stress of the distance and flaws in our personalities. Today we had an argument so heated that we blocked each other from our instant messaging program after saying some utterly hateful and unforgivable things to each other.

I post this here because I want others to learn from the mistakes I have made causing this complete degeneration of our relationship to the point that we may never speak to each other again.

The mistakes i have made:

Letting the distance get to me. Being apart for months at a time put so much strain on me, and eventually i caved in and let it cause me to act in a way that i am not normally capable of. I became Selfish, Paranoid, Jealous, and Overwhelmingly Controlling.

Taking what we had for granted. I became more and more detached from Ashley due to us both taking what we had for granted, stopping doing the little things that meant so much for each other. Complacency is an evil thing.

Due to the things I posted above, and through the lack of physical interaction, and eventually emotional interaction too, Ashley and myself are as of now no longer engaged to be married, or indeed even considered 'an item'. Letting ourselves give in to our anger and saying terrible, hurtful things to each other has damaged our relationship beyond repair.

I am heartbroken at the loss of such a beautiful thing as the love we have shared over the past 5 years, but now it is time for me to begin doing something different with my life. Maybe one day i will recover enough to get back on the dating scene...

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Serj -- I'm thinking of you and Ashley today. I hope you two can come to some conclusion, whether it is to continue the relationship, put it on hold, or end it, that brings comfort to you both.

[Linababe 0]

indeed, but the thing about me atleast is, that when we're apart i become a lot more irritable and tend to get a lot more paranoid etc than when we're together. Why this happens i don't know, and i wish i could change the way i am because it has probably destroyed my relationship with her. all i need to do now is wait for her to decide she's ready to talk to me again. don't give in to your doubts/paranoia

I too am the same as you - My David and I have alot of ups and downs in the 5 years we have known each other - and well yeah he has broken up with me before too - and well that gave me cause to be paranoid wandering what he is up to etc all the distance away from me - I questioned alot of things - that is also something that got him to break up with me last year - but please if your partner is reading this too - give it space and time to work out what you both felt about each other when you first met and during this past 5 years - dont focus on the arguments - learn from them - give each other a little space to work things out in your own minds and then make contact but try not to go straight into the relationship - in my case my fella and I play everquest2 online and well we started playing that again and just talked as friends - eventually he (the one who broke up) brought up the topic of the relationship - and even then take time dont rush back into the visa thing REMEMBER!! You can postpone the interview - I postponed mine last year in october they told me the case would remain open till september 07 - so you have a year - it beats filing all over again and you still have many months to work things out for the better wheather it is to be together or not. I wish you luck - and as I said if you or even your other half need anyone to talk to please feel free to send me a private message.

Lina