Its Over

[Danno 1,228]

Love is fragile like a flower, one wrong foot print and it may never grow back.

I have no idea what you said but too often today people say the most vulgar and vile things not only to the lady in their life but later on in front of children.

To me it is shocking that any self respecting woman would stand for it. (I guess they can dish too)

Trust me I know how to argue and fight... I even like to start'em

But There are certain lines one does not cross in my book.

------------

If this was an "isolated" incident, I would give it a few days and some how reach out to her.

In all honesty, if this is a pattern (usually it is) let the relationship go.

Sometimes the fact that people *are* separated gives a relationship more shelf life than it otherwise would have.

[onofre 1]

Over the last 2 weeks myself and Ashley (Midicat) have been having problems with our relationship, many of which were caused by the stress of the distance and flaws in our personalities. Today we had an argument so heated that we blocked each other from our instant messaging program after saying some utterly hateful and unforgivable things to each other.

I post this here because I want others to learn from the mistakes I have made causing this complete degeneration of our relationship to the point that we may never speak to each other again.

The mistakes i have made:

Letting the distance get to me. Being apart for months at a time put so much strain on me, and eventually i caved in and let it cause me to act in a way that i am not normally capable of. I became Selfish, Paranoid, Jealous, and Overwhelmingly Controlling.

Taking what we had for granted. I became more and more detached from Ashley due to us both taking what we had for granted, stopping doing the little things that meant so much for each other. Complacency is an evil thing.

Due to the things I posted above, and through the lack of physical interaction, and eventually emotional interaction too, Ashley and myself are as of now no longer engaged to be married, or indeed even considered 'an item'. Letting ourselves give in to our anger and saying terrible, hurtful things to each other has damaged our relationship beyond repair.

I am heartbroken at the loss of such a beautiful thing as the love we have shared over the past 5 years, but now it is time for me to begin doing something different with my life. Maybe one day i will recover enough to get back on the dating scene...

Look at it this way, at least you made a decision to end it. If you guys would of held that anger and the k1 completed, it would of been worse. All the money spend, time, ect. Be strong, look for some one else and look for more options rather than minimized ones. Good luck and dont forget to call USCIS about canceling the K1 status.

[LonnieNCarmie 0]

Just sad to hear this news. You are 22 years old you been with her for 5 years trying to hold it together at a young age is tough. Why 5 years before this process? 5 years most people can't be away from each other 5 months for or 5 days for that matter. Well seems like she holds the cards in this one, but it surely is not the end of the world.

2 weeks till the finish line man alot of people here wish they had just 2 weeks. Remember you have 90 days after you get hear to see if things are better while you are together every day work this thing out.

[maya62 7]

Just sad to hear this news. You are 22 years old you been with her for 5 years trying to hold it together at a young age is tough. Why 5 years before this process? 5 years most people can't be away from each other 5 months for or 5 days for that matter. Well seems like she holds the cards in this one, but it surely is not the end of the world.

2 weeks till the finish line man alot of people here wish they had just 2 weeks. Remember you have 90 days after you get hear to see if things are better while you are together every day work this thing out.

Any chance you could go to the interview, maybe get the visa, come over, and try to work things out in person?

Seems like owning up to your part in the whole thing goes a long way to resolving it.

Whatever happens, I wish you both the best.

Maya

[Fandango 1,440]

I hope you two are able to work things out.

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

Ouch, I remember these sort of days. It was all worse right at the end before our interview. There is just so much stress involved in the process if you don't keep level headed step away from it all for a bit, even each other it will/could do you in. Only the two of you know how you feel but I would certainly suggest give it a bit of time and know you are NOT the only ones who have felt this very same way. Once Tim and I were together all of that ####### from our 2.5 year journey went away and is long forgotten and we are as happy now as we were nearly this time four years ago. Perhaps go to the interview talk things through and use the three months you have to just try living together again.

[Caladan 19]

Unblock her on AIM, give it a day, give her a phone call and work things out. You're stressed, you argued, you both said some hurtful things.

Get a hobby, away from the computer, so you're not so focused on the visa process, as it will drive you nuts, cool down, and give her a phone call in a couple days. If it's worth saving, you can do it, but you've got to grow up and stop the communicating through the message board passive-aggressive nonsense.

Good luck.

[Serjicalstrike 0]

Unfortunately at this point in time it looks as if the Visa is definitely canceled. Ashley won't send me the stuff for it, and the argument we had yesterday was probably the final nail in the coffin for our relationship. As much as i wish i could postpone the interview, and jump on a plane and see her, to sort everything out in person, she won't want that right now. the problem with the fact that if she does change her mind, it is already too late... As she goes on vacation saturday, and comes back on the 16th, 2 days before my interview. Not nearly enough time to post over the things i need from her. I suppose i will just have to let her have her space, and work things out slowly over the coming months, and maybe reapply when we feel the time is right. we're both still young, and although some of you older lot may think we were naive to be trying for this so early in our lives, there was a time when we both felt it was what we wanted. i still do want it more than anything, but she doesn't.

(side note: Caladan?! As in Caladan & Weasle???)

[Krikit 1,165]

Things said in the heat of the moment are typically regrettable. We have all been there at some point in our lives. The nice thing about regrets -- when used in a positive way -- is that they are great learning experiences which will help us to become better people. You are obviously well on your way to becoming a better person.

My first husband and I had a terrible argument just days before our wedding. We both thought there would be no marriage. (We had also been dealing with long separations as he was in the military.) Luckily, we managed to reconcile in time for the wedding and had two beautiful children before he passed away just a few years later.

I tell you this to say.... reopen the lines of communication and give it time. Let her know the same things you are telling us. These next two weeks apart will give you both time to think things through. Her return two days prior to the interview should not be too late. If, by then, you and she decide to reconcile you can still attend the interview without the supporting documentation..... you can send that in later.

My best wishes to you both.

Edited June 6, 2007 by Krikit

[Serjicalstrike 0]

Well krikit, thank you for that piece of info about the supporting information, I didn't know that. What sort of time frame would i be looking at between the interview and needing to get the supporting info to the embassy?

[broma25 2]

Right now, I would concentrate on putting right your relationship because if that doesnt happen then neither will the interview and how long you have to get the documents you need will become irrelevant.

Fix the relationship and the paperwork will take care of itself.

I wish you both well and hope you can mend the wrong that has been done.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Wishing you the best - whatever "the best" will be. I hope you can work things out; and my unrequested comment: pride and guilt help no one....

Good vibes, L.

[Krikit 1,165]

Well krikit, thank you for that piece of info about the supporting information, I didn't know that. What sort of time frame would i be looking at between the interview and needing to get the supporting info to the embassy?

Sorry, Serj, but I have no knowledge of the timelines. They will tell you at the interview. You may want to check out the Embassy reviews or do a forum search to see what's out there. The Embassy/Consulate will give you enough time to get it into them.

Broma is correct, though. Focus on the relationship and concentrate on the paperwork later. Good luck.

Edited June 6, 2007 by Krikit

[Yodrak 7]

Serjicalstrike,

My observation about this - personality flaws are far more easily overlooked when 2 people are at a distance rather than face-to-face 24/7.

It is a shame when a 5-year relationship comes to an end, but consider whether the feelings that got the best of you might be amplified rather than diminished if you were living with this woman. Just another point of view to consider .......

Yodrak

Over the last 2 weeks myself and Ashley (Midicat) have been having problems with our relationship, many of which were caused by the stress of the distance and flaws in our personalities. .....

[Serjicalstrike 0]

indeed, but the thing about me atleast is, that when we're apart i become a lot more irritable and tend to get a lot more paranoid etc than when we're together. Why this happens i don't know, and i wish i could change the way i am because it has probably destroyed my relationship with her. all i need to do now is wait for her to decide she's ready to talk to me again. don't give in to your doubts/paranoia