For 1 in 16 US women, their first experience with sexual intercourse was rape, study says

[Dashinka 24,747]

5 hours ago, yuna628 said:

Memes seem like they are a good idea, don't they? Except when the example in this meme would not have helped the majority of those young girls who responded to the survey. They were definitely still considered children when their rape occurred and would not have been old enough to own a firearm or take one around with them. Unless you are suggesting arming children of all ages is a fantastic idea. Nothing sounds like a great idea like one hormonal teenage male pointing his gun at a hormonal teenage female demanding sex while she says she will shoot him and may even go to jail defending herself.. heard of Cyntonia Brown, Brittnay Smith, or Maryanne Atkins?

 

It certainly is not always enough to have a weapon on hand to prevent your rape either. Many of the respondents said their attacker was an older adult who was considerably stronger. Guns can be disarmed and women can be subdued with physical violence or before they have any time to react. It likely also would not help in situations of coercion.

 

Coercion can mean a lot of things. In a way some kinds of coercion is a form of 'grooming' which is no different in situations of childhood molestation. In the evangelical community many young girls are preyed upon by older adults that are considered trusted and heavily involved in their lives, while having very little experience in being told about the 'facts of life'. They are coerced that if they say no, they will disappoint that trusted person/father figure, they are told they will disappoint god while at the same time then told that they are shamed and disappointed god if they are eventually coerced. Even in cases of rape many girls within the church are blamed for their own suffering and rape. This is also no different of an experience when it happens to young boys within a church setting.

Just curious, are the 6.25% that claim they were forced or coerced all rapes?  I can understand the forced part, but it seems the study muddies the water adding the coerced category.  Could someone that decided to partake in the experience willingly, but then had second thoughts the next day, or were disappointed in their decision now claim coercion?  

[Nature Boy 2.0 8,378]

23 hours ago, laylalex said:

yuna's post is spot on. I didn't even recognize I was being coerced into sex at the time -- I thought (because I was young and had limited experience) that what eventually happened to me was normal. It didn't start out as coercion to begin with, it just built up over time. I guess it's a form of grooming, even though I was an adult. By the end, I truly believed that what was happening was normal in a long term relationship like marriage, and that the years of actual, informed, enthusiastic consent made it difficult to say oh, but now I don't want to. A gun wouldn't fix the rot. Divorce could, but it hasn't healed everything. 

enthusiastic consent huh LOL

[Nature Boy 2.0 8,378]

I would dare say there is no a man alive, that under these BS definitions has not coerced sex at some point. 

[Steeleballz 7,550]

16 minutes ago, Nature Boy 2.0 said:

I would dare say there is no a man alive, that under these BS definitions has not coerced sex at some point. 

 

  I have never coerced any one. I have probably cajoled on occasion though. Never coerced.

[Steeleballz 7,550]

On 9/16/2019 at 9:56 PM, Boiler said:

Coercion is subjective so who knows what the respondents thought that meant.

 

  By definition, the person being coerced is an unwilling participant. It is not as subjective as you think.

[Steeleballz 7,550]

23 hours ago, laylalex said:

yuna's post is spot on. I didn't even recognize I was being coerced into sex at the time -- I thought (because I was young and had limited experience) that what eventually happened to me was normal. It didn't start out as coercion to begin with, it just built up over time. I guess it's a form of grooming, even though I was an adult. By the end, I truly believed that what was happening was normal in a long term relationship like marriage, and that the years of actual, informed, enthusiastic consent made it difficult to say oh, but now I don't want to. A gun wouldn't fix the rot. Divorce could, but it hasn't healed everything. 

 

  That is the significance of "first" sexual encounter in the title. Time and experience gives people the frame of reference to understand that what they experienced isn't necessarily how things are supposed to happen. 

Edited September 18, 2019 by Steeleballz

[Dashinka 24,747]

17 minutes ago, Steeleballz said:

 

  By definition, the person being coerced is an unwilling participant. It is not as subjective as you think.

So they were raped?

[laylalex 7,300]

41 minutes ago, Nature Boy 2.0 said:

enthusiastic consent huh LOL

There is a difference between "yes please" and "I guess I should."

[Ban Hammer 13,498]

4 minutes ago, laylalex said:

There is a difference between "yes please" and "I guess I should."

my guess is the difference is 2 drinks.

[Steeleballz 7,550]

1 minute ago, Bill & Katya said:

So they were raped?

 

  We will never really know how the legal system would react. I don't necessarily think that is the important message to take out of the article. It is unlikely that anyone who took the poll is waiting to have their day in court, and I don't think that is what this is all about. 

 

  To me it is significant that 1 in 16 women would describe her first sexual encounter as rape. That's horrible. That many didn't understand at the time, or didn't contact police or have never discussed it with anyone doesn't change the emotional damage of what happened. 

[laylalex 7,300]

It's sad that this is an opportunity for some people to make fun of others' traumas or try to dismiss them. There are plenty of women on this website, and statistically speaking many of them will have suffered sexual assault or coercion. How do you think it could make them feel reading some of the comments here dismissing their pain? 

[Nature Boy 2.0 8,378]

52 minutes ago, laylalex said:

It's sad that this is an opportunity for some people to make fun of others' traumas or try to dismiss them. There are plenty of women on this website, and statistically speaking many of them will have suffered sexual assault or coercion. How do you think it could make them feel reading some of the comments here dismissing their pain? 

There you go.. Nobody is dismiss the pain of being forced to have sex against ones will.

 

That does not include being talked into it. Sorry not even close

[laylalex 7,300]

19 minutes ago, Nature Boy 2.0 said:

There you go.. Nobody is dismiss the pain of being forced to have sex against ones will.

 

That does not include being talked into it. Sorry not even close

I like you, Nature Boy, so it makes me sad to see that you are dismissing pain like this, pain that I was open enough to talk a little about. I have spoken enough in your view about my ex and what he did to me in the past, how he affects me in the present. He is NOT a good person. Since I will respect you enough here not to go into detail, just know that spending YEARS being told that you have to do something you do not always want to do can have a very real effect on someone's self esteem and sense of self. If you asked him, he didn't do anything wrong, he just talked me into doing something I had consented to many times in the past, so what's the harm. Just because something is not in YOUR experience doesn't mean that harm isn't real.

 

Use of force can be physical or psychological.

[yuna628 9,700]

21 hours ago, Bill & Katya said:

Just curious, are the 6.25% that claim they were forced or coerced all rapes?  I can understand the forced part, but it seems the study muddies the water adding the coerced category.  Could someone that decided to partake in the experience willingly, but then had second thoughts the next day, or were disappointed in their decision now claim coercion?  

The study actually breaks this down further to answer your question.

 

26% were threatened with physical harm.

46% were physically held down.

56% said they were verbally pressured/coerced. This statistic was further broken down to state the most common form of coercion at 16% was the partner threatening to leave them if they did not comply - ''you don't love me if you let me, if you don't do it i'll leave you''.

 

I will also point out that the majority of respondents said they were minors at the time at the average age of around 14. Their attacker was very much older in their late 20s. I don't know if the study further broke it down as in if they knew the attacker previously, if it was random, or even if it was a relative. In any case this further solidifies the following - a child cannot give their consent in the first place. Any act upon them, either via coercion or straight violent rape the child cannot give consent to. Any act perpetuated against them was against the law to begin with.

 

Again the common finding in the study and purpose was to see if there was further long-lasting health effects across all women regardless of their experience.

 

2 hours ago, Nature Boy 2.0 said:

I would dare say there is no a man alive, that under these BS definitions has not coerced sex at some point. 

Coercion or rape of a child is not nagging your adult wife when she has a headache hon. Hope you know the difference.Try providing her with plenty of chocolates, ice cream, and romance. I bet she will be much more enthused.

 

47 minutes ago, Nature Boy 2.0 said:

There you go.. Nobody is dismiss the pain of being forced to have sex against ones will.

 

That does not include being talked into it. Sorry not even close

Ask yourself why you would need to ''talk someone into it'', and if you feel the need to do that, there's a bigger problem here.

[Steeleballz 7,550]

1 hour ago, Nature Boy 2.0 said:

There you go.. Nobody is dismiss the pain of being forced to have sex against ones will.

 

That does not include being talked into it. Sorry not even close

 

   Technically, the joke about 2 drinks tended towards the dismissive side.