Please Help!

[Hello729 74]

5 minutes ago, Boiler said:

Sounds like she will stay with you and you said she does not want to go back?

Yes that is correct.  She does not want to go back.

[geowrian 22,337]

24 minutes ago, E & J 2018 said:

OK, so say the OP files for a divorce, pulls his I-864 and she goes through with a VAWA claim. Is he still responsible for her, as far as immigration issues are concerned (Government financial aid)? I realize spousal support & child support are subject to any marriage and he could definitely have to pay for these items. Especially child support... this is certain.

No - immigration-wise, there is no impact on the claimed abuser. The claimed abuser has no say in the process either (even to refute claims or evidence).

As noted, family court may or may not order support judgements separate from that, but not based on the I-864 (or an I-134 as it is not legally binding).

 

23 minutes ago, Hello729 said:

Thank you.  We are still living in the same house, so I am mostly alone with her.  How do I overcome this problem of not being alone with her?  (Sorry for asking the dumb question).

That's a tough question...I don't have an answer other than to be aware of it and limit the opportunity.

Edited September 11, 2019 by geowrian

[Boiler 45,842]

2 minutes ago, Hello729 said:

Yes that is correct.  She does not want to go back.

Well we keep on going around in circles, which I why I am expecting VAWA to be the solution.

[implife 318]

17 minutes ago, Hello729 said:

I have action paralysis.  That’s how scared I am

Dude, sorry to point out the obvious, but you have made mistakes, and you are about to make more mistakes and make things worse for yourself. Again, talk to a therapist. Hire a good lawyer. Have a professional tell you what to do. Don't ask for support or advice from random strangers (us). Your problems go well beyond immigration problems. 

P.S. Nobody is casting any stones at you. A lot of us have been in similar predicaments, and had to find a way out.

Edited September 11, 2019 by implife

[iwir 337]

If she was an indonesian, under indonesian law, the baby would be indonesian citizen provided the mother register their marriage in nearest indonesian consulate general/embassy. they would give the baby indonesian passport and she could take him/her with her back home. that would solve the immigration problem if her husband withdraw the petition and she no longer has legal status in the US and has to go home while still having a baby.

Edited September 11, 2019 by iwir

[geowrian 22,337]

1 minute ago, iwir said:

If she was an indonesian, under indonesian law, the baby would be indonesian citizen provided the mother register their marriage in nearest indonesian consulate general/embassy. they would give the baby indonesian passport and she could take him/her with her back home.

Under US law, they won't let her leave the US w/ the child without permission of the other parent first. Catch 22...Indonesia's laws are not enforceable while still in the US.

Edited September 11, 2019 by geowrian

[iwir 337]

2 minutes ago, geowrian said:

Under US law, they won't let her leave the US w/ the child without permission of the other parent first. Catch 22...Indonesia's laws are not enforceable while still in the US.

true, but at least the baby has dual citizenship, both US and indonesian until they're 21. so the mother can take the baby with her if they have resolved their divorce and the mother wins the custody

[Hello729 74]

16 minutes ago, implife said:

Dude, sorry to point out the obvious, but you have made mistakes, and you are about to make more mistakes and make things worse for yourself. Again, talk to a therapist. Hire a good lawyer. Have a professional tell you what to do. Don't ask for support or advice from random strangers (us). Your problems go well beyond immigration problems. 

P.S. Nobody is casting any stones at you. A lot of us have been in similar predicaments, and had to find a way out.

Thank you.  I am trying to find a way out.  However, all I see is black holes everywhere.  I have thought about suicide because the pain is too great to bear.  

[Boiler 45,842]

Wins custody and has permission to emigrate, which is possible just not very likely unless the Father approves.

[Shawn and sha 9]

27 minutes ago, Hello729 said:

Thank you.  We are still living in the same house, so I am mostly alone with her.  How do I overcome this problem of not being alone with her?  (Sorry for asking the dumb question).

THIS.

Every relationship  is different,especially  with different  cultures. Marriages take two to work with a baby coming a good compromise  is best 

[Shiran 1,134]

The reasonable course of action of when people have irreconcilable differences:

• Talk to your wife, and discuss things. All of the things.
• Start couple therapy/talk to professional
• If the child matters to you as you say, then it might be more reasonable let your wife get conditional green card, but it will mean you are locked into I-864
• Go on with a divorce if things cannot fixed, use a lawyer, then have a joint custody, where child at least gets to know both parents, regardless which one has physical custody.
• Both of you move on with your lives in US, staying civil with each other as you will have a child in common.
• Ex-wife will eventually file I-751 with divorce waiver, it should not be an issue, and won't be your problem.

From child's point of view, going by limited and one sided information that was provided that, to me, seems like best course of action. Withdrawing I-864 in secret, while sharing house, and staying married is shady and indeed "vindictive" 

[Hello729 74]

1 minute ago, Shawn and sha said:

Every relationship  is different,especially  with different  cultures. Marriages take two to work with a baby coming a good compromise  is best 

I agree you.  What’s sad is that she is not that type of person.  It’s true that you don’t know the person until you’re married to them.  I wish I had listened to this advice and your advice from day one.

[Boiler 45,842]

Going through with obtaining Permanent Residency  in this case would be both Fraud and more importantly a breach of the VJ ToS.

 

Filing a Divorce waiver with no evidence seems a somewhat long shot.

[Hello729 74]

6 minutes ago, Shiran said:

The reasonable course of action of when people have irreconcilable differences:

• Talk to your wife, and discuss things. All of the things.
• Start couple therapy/talk to professional
• If the child matters to you as you say, then it might be more reasonable let your wife get conditional green card, but it will mean you are locked into I-864
• Go on with a divorce if things cannot fixed, use a lawyer, then have a joint custody, where child at least gets to know both parents, regardless which one has physical custody.
• Both of you move on with your lives in US, staying civil with each other as you will have a child in common.
• Ex-wife will eventually file I-751 with divorce waiver, it should not be an issue, and won't be your problem.

From child's point of view, going by limited and one sided information that was provided that, to me, seems like best course of action. Withdrawing I-864 in secret, while sharing house, and staying married is shady and indeed "vindictive" 

So if we go this route, will I have to be bounded by the affidavit of support when we are divorced down the line?  (Sorry for asking dumb question)

[Shiran 1,134]

1 minute ago, Hello729 said:

So if we go this route, will I have to be bounded by the affidavit of support when we are divorced down the line?  (Sorry for asking dumb question)

Yes. Until she becomes a citizen, or gets enough credit for legally working.