Please Help!

[Hello729 74]

She does not want to go back to China.  I offered to fly her home.  She refused.  She is insisting on using our newborn against me.  She wants to become a USC and later sponsor her parents and siblings here.

[Boiler 45,842]

1 minute ago, Hello729 said:

She does not want to go back to China.  I offered to fly her home.  She refused.  She is insisting on using our newborn against me.  

They are sort of contradictory as she would as far as the Child is concerned be better going to China.

 

What is her plan to stay in the US?

[Shiran 1,134]

42 minutes ago, Hello729 said:

She does not want to go back to China.  I offered to fly her home.  She refused.  She is insisting on using our newborn against me.  She wants to become a USC and later sponsor her parents and siblings here.

You said this multiple times. You also said she is "vindictive" In reality, I have no idea what it means in your story. What you can do, and what your right to was covered. I-864 is "your" form, it is the only form in I-485 packet that bears your signature. You can withdraw it at any time for any reason right up the moment green card is issued, at which point it is locked in and can be no longer withdrawn. 

 

The rest is family matter. Remember though, this woman is here because of you. You petitioned for her. You fathered a child with her. And, based on your posts, I am really not sure how effectively you were communicating with her or understood what her needs and desires are. Remember these things that you do, they cannot be easily undone. There is no withdrawing withdrawals. So far I haven't seen or heard anything about what have you done to actually work on your marriage. Or hear what is your actual plan for the child that will be born in 2 months. 

[jamrep 105]

I would love to hear her side of the story

[little immigrant 801]

I was in a what I consider abuse relationship and I promised myself if I had gotten pregnant I would have left the US and he would have never even met his child. I would have not stayed but gone home and give birth in my country where he had no rights. Sad but true

 

You need to think about the consequences of everything. You withdraw your I-864, she leaves, most likely with your child. Once your baby is in China (if it is born there or taken there) you have lost it. Why do you want this?? 

[<3T&M<3 217]

I just want to remind the OP that pregnancy can turn a docile, sweet, submissive wifey into a raging beast from the depths of.... okay, I took this too far, but having been pregnant three times myself I can tell you that the hormones are over-the-top. Many, many times I couldn't even stand to be me!! Maybe this really does have to do with her present "condition" (can I say it like that?).

Also, your signature doesn't imply you are married. When did she arrive here? How long have you been married?

 

Good luck

[portorusa 431]

I agree with the last post. Pregnancy hormones make a woman vulnerable and over-sensitive. Add to that immigration to a new country (cultural shock, maybe). Add to that a new marriage (the first year in every marriage is the hardest). Add to that an international union, different cultures, mentality, etc. 

OP, have a mercy on your new wife. Remember that she carries your baby. Think about the reasons of why you are together in the first place. Give your marriage a chance, go see a counselor, have a little get away with your wife, buy her a little present, a little gift, cook a dinner with candles, or take her out to a nice place, tell her how much you love her, respect her as a mother-to-be, understand how hard it is for her to go through this life transition, and that you believe in you two, in your marriage. Instead of crying and asking how to quit just be a man, take responsibility, do something positive and constructive to save your family, fight for it!

Good luck!

 

 

Edited September 11, 2019 by portorusa

[azblk 338]

I hope by GOD - she gets a good lawyer gets child support, spousal support and takes half your assets on her way back to china with your child in tow. You wife is not some pet you knock up and ship back to wherever she came from now that you have buyers remorse. 

[2019&beyond 10]

I hope you two work things out if not for the relationship then for the sake of the child.

Edited September 11, 2019 by 2019&beyond

[JC&BS 75]

How has she 'used the child against you'?

[dentsflogged 352]

16 hours ago, Zoeeeeeee said:

Just to add to this - my understanding is that most divorce lawyers in California, when representing women, fight dirty. My fiancé’s ex wife told him when they were going through their divorce that her friends (who had been divorced themselves and been advised by their lawyers) and her own lawyer, all advised her to say she was physically abused by him, because it would help re payouts if she ‘looked a victim’. 

 

Fortunately, she refused to lie about something like that, despite the lawyer pushing her to do so...but it is concerning that this is apparently a common tact used by divorce lawyers there 🙁.

Common tactic in Australia, too - when a friend of mine was gearing up to leave her husband, her lawyer told her the first thing she should do when leaving the office was go to the police station and arrange for an AVO (apprehended violence order) - essentially a restraining order based on accusations of domestic violence.   Husband was not violent, never had been. He'd never even raised his voice in an argument and the lawyer knew that. But it DOES tend to mean that the wife ends up with majority if not sole custody of children during divorce, not to mention more often than not get access to marital home during the process. 

OP has been warned but it needs to be restated: be incredibly careful here. Do and say NOTHING that could in ANY way be construed as abusive, violent, or anything else. Do not restrict her access to marital property (such as bank accounts or cars) as that could be spun as financial abuse.  

[geowrian 22,337]

Either try to work things out or it's time to get a divorce. You can't send her back, as has been noted, but she has no legal way to remain without you. Do not stay together just for immigration purposes as that will just create more problems.

[Carpe Vinum 2,330]

18 hours ago, Jorgedig said:

Really?  So, because her USC spouse withdraws her path to legal status, she loses her parental rights?

This is going to be a mess. If things are as bad as you say Hello729 you need to consult an attorney ASAP.

[Carpe Vinum 2,330]

9 hours ago, <3T&M<3 said:

I just want to remind the OP that pregnancy can turn a docile, sweet, submissive wifey into a raging beast from the depths of.... okay, I took this too far, but having been pregnant three times myself I can tell you that the hormones are over-the-top. Many, many times I couldn't even stand to be me!! Maybe this really does have to do with her present "condition" (can I say it like that?).

Also, your signature doesn't imply you are married. When did she arrive here? How long have you been married?

 

Good luck

Cultural differences can make things 10 times worse, too...

[implife 318]

19 hours ago, Hello729 said:

I am crying every day.

Please stop crying. Seek professional counseling. I hate to say "grow a pair", but that is what it comes down to.

Edited September 11, 2019 by implife