PLEASE Help! New in USA in abusive relationship

[Nitas_man 3,100]

43 minutes ago, SusieQQQ said:

Begs the question of who would even have signed an i864 then? 

 

OP did not mention any problem involved in leaving the family home to go stay with her friend for a few days , or fear of going back, saying would try “one more time” for adjustment. My reading of this tale is that there a number of inconsistencies. This story just keeps reminding me of all the posts we see by spouses here who get left behind by whoever they brought over as soon as the green card is in hand.  Sweet VJers give those guys all their sympathy too. I wonder how it would look if for every story that got posted we saw the spouse’s side of the story too.

Your points are good but quiet reminder that leaving everything behind is a huge leap of faith and involves a huge personal investment.

 

I’m not stunned by OP’s desire to salvage something, anything from this mess.  Not seeing many options but isn’t exploring them the first step in deciding what to do?

[Russel1995 163]

Ive read a case where a woman was stopped by a officer on the street (or pulled over) who had not filed her AOS.  this triggered the deportation process.  this was a few days after her 90 days expired.  costed the family alot more for a lawyer for the deportation and to quickly file the aos.

 

in your case, if you hope to be deported.. first officer you see you could just stop and say hi.

[RCable 75]

Before just dropping everything and leaving the country, should she look into divorce first? I know every country/state has different rules. If it were me, I'd want to make sure that I didn't return to my home country only to find out that I can't file for divorce there and have to go back to do so, or to appear in court. 

Also, would it be worth her going to her local embassy for guidance? I was in a similar situation when living in the UK (though I had ILR visa), I found a lot of support at the US Embassy, even if they just pointed me in the right direction and helped me understand my rights. 

I'm not saying she should do any of the above,  I'm asking if those are things she could/should consider? 

[Boiler 45,559]

Well he Country rules for Divorce we can not comment on as she has not shared, I would imagine a number of have a reasonable idea. But we may be wrong.

 

Contacting the local Consulate absolutely, many seem to not want to use this resource.

 

 

[ihaveadream 19]

Are you married to an Ismaili from India or Pakistan originally....  please PM me.

I was in a much much more abusive situation than what you describe...accept we were in a real marriage and along with the mental health issues we love each other ...whatever context the word love is in...

 

 

[ihaveadream 19]

1 hour ago, Russel1995 said:

Ive read a case where a woman was stopped by a officer on the street (or pulled over) who had not filed her AOS.  this triggered the deportation process.  this was a few days after her 90 days expired.  costed the family alot more for a lawyer for the deportation and to quickly file the aos.

 

in your case, if you hope to be deported.. first officer you see you could just stop and say hi.

maybe not such a good idea for the future...you may want to travel to the US on holiday/work years later and this will then always haunt you.

[Russel1995 163]

9 minutes ago, ihaveadream said:

maybe not such a good idea for the future...you may want to travel to the US on holiday/work years later and this will then always haunt you.

would be admissable for some tome. but i doubt it would be permanent. 

[Boiler 45,559]

Begs the question why when all you have to do is get on a plane and leave.

[Nitas_man 3,100]

28 minutes ago, Boiler said:

Begs the question why when all you have to do is get on a plane and leave.

Investment in the process maybe.  

 

Sometimes we judge quickly, although this case surely looks like a write-off if I’ve ever seen one.

[Boiler 45,559]

Getting deported and going through all that does not strike me as an investment but I do agree that when there is essentially for a variety of societal etc reasons much more invested in the process then things get even more complicated.

 

There is obviously an arguments to not allow K1's in situations like this where it is inappropriate but I just imagine the howls if you did so.

[ihaveadream 19]

1 hour ago, Nitas_man said:

Investment in the process maybe.  

 

Sometimes we judge quickly, although this case surely looks like a write-off if I’ve ever seen one.

Yes we can be quick to judge - as a sufferer of massive abuse immediately on landing, there was almost no way for me to hop on a plane back.

 

The slow letting go of my business in home country over time for a variety of reasons including his possessiveness from the time we met, married and then waited for visa

The wrapping of all I had - giving away stuff I had worked for and built over years

Losing all my rather substantial savings during the visa process - long story of how it was related
Social reason can be very big for some of us

My 'home' country is actually a third country and ending all ties there - restarting very expensive.  Not having any times to country of passport

Boiled Frog syndrome is real...

 

Not all of us take action when we see red flags - some of us come from cruel upbringing, abusive past marriage etc

 

and oh some of us really and truly have got attached (may I say fallen in love)... can be very very difficult to let it go

Edited August 27, 2019 by ihaveadream

[NYCruiser 423]

16 hours ago, visawonderer said:

Thank you everyone for your replies and thoughts put into helping out - including the cynical questions! I can't sum up my life in a post, I tried to focus on what is relevant. Here is a clarification to help make some points clearer: 

 

1) I am an educated woman. I have an undergraduate degree from an American university overseas. I can speak English and organize my questions  

 

2) My spouse's sister lives in my country. She knew that he wanted to marry someone from home, she arranged for us to meet. We spoke for 2 years before I move here. Unfortunately, I came to find a different man. Most of what I was told was a lie or empty promises. 

 

3) We got religiously married overseas and were legally registered in my country. I knew the seriousness of having to file for a marriage certificate here within 90 days from the embassy and the airport officer. As time was leading up to 90 days, I packed up and was ready to leave until he took me to file for it. In reality, we were already married. This was just a matter of showing intent to make me legal here or not. That's when his intentions were becoming questionable to me. 

 

4) "No one can force any adult to do anything." That's what an observer would say. When you are home, without money, driver license to drive, bank account, credit card, and anything else really.... A lot can change. Please don't comment on that part if you have not lived it yourself. No one enjoys any kind of abuse. 

 

5) Finally, as for my stay here vs going back home.  I was engaged for 2 years to this man. I left my house, my job, and everything to move here with him. You may have heard of divorce stigma and my culture lives on it. I really don't want to start over and face an old fashion culture at no fault of my own. It's a difficult situation for me no matter how you see it. 

Sorry, but as to #4, can you not go back to your country? Seems like the best thing

[princess85 6]

On 8/26/2019 at 3:06 PM, visawonderer said:

Hello everyone, I have been reading the forums a lot lately and finally found the courage to post. I really hope that I find the help I need with you guys. My story is complicated. I will try to organize my points well. Please ask if you need clarification. 

 

I am a female immigrant who came here on a Fiance Visa. Our marriage was somewhat arranged but we spoke and got to know each other for 2 years before finally committing to moving to USA to live with him. Unfortunately, I found out that phone/long distance relationships don't really help in getting to know the person because once I came here, I found a completely different person than the one I knew over the phone. 

 

My husband has a previous failed marriage experience and seems to have been traumatized by it. He seems to have married someone from overseas to keep in the dark and only feed the information he wants/sees fit to share. A lot of what he told me is false and I am just starting to learn more about my rights and legal issues... Long story short, he did not want to marry me legally within 90 days. But, under pressure, he did 2 days before expiration date. 

 

He owns a small grocery business. He lives with his parents. His father (my father in law) is verbally abusive and has physically assaulted other members of the family, just not me yet. They force me to work, unpaid, in the store (regardless of my legal work permission, they force me to work unpaid). Not only that but he doesn't care about developing a relationship with me. He leaves me and goes on vacations alone. He seems to have psych issues from his previous marriage and I really don't know why he even married me.

 

I left my home, job, and everything to immigrate here for him and I am completely thrown in the dark here. Everything he told me about my visa is apparently wrong. He refuses to adjust my status, he avoids me like the plague, and he allow his father to verbally abuse me while forcing me to work in their store. It's as if he brought a free worker to use as he pleases.

 

Here are some details followed by questions that I hope you guys can help me with:

 

1) I came to the US on a K1 visa in January 2019. 

2) I got married within 90 days BUT my husband switched my first & last name on the certificate. 

3) K1 expired in April 2019. 

4) He refuses to adjust my status. He claims that he does not have the money to do so and that the application + lawyer will cost $6,000. A friend offered to lend me the cost but he still refuses to do it. 

 

Questions:

1) My friend says that I am at risk of deportation. Is that true? 

2) If so, how do they find me? What triggers me being found to be deported?

3) Can I travel by plane WITHIN the states? I have a cousin in TX that I'd like to go to if things get worse.

4) What are the forms that he needs to submit? I-485 and I-130? Anything else? 

5) If he continues to refuse to apply, is there any way for me to adjust my own status? 

6) If anyone knows about divorce, female rights, or immigrant rights, can they get in trouble for forcing me to work illegally and unpaid? What are my legal rights in this case?

7) Are these things ground to file for divorce without being deported? I really don't want to go back to my country and have to start everything over, on my own, from scratch.

😎 Should I seek help from a lawyer? If so,  should it be a divorce or an immigration lawyer? I don't have money for lawyers, how does that work?

9) HOW LONG does adjusting status take? I live near Springfield, VA. How long will it take to adjust my status?

10) Finally, if his father physically assaults me, can I call the cops? Will I be deported if I seek help from the local police? I am really scared that he may retaliate if I speak up. 

 

I appreciate any input and help. I am new in the country and don't know what to do. 

 

I’m so sorry you are going through that situation, it’s not right what they are doing with you!! Here the thing to adjust status is not difficult and I am willing to help you and guide you (not charge) I am not a lawyer, I came with k1 vida seven years ago and I did all my process so if u want I can definitely help you and hopefully your husband is willing to provide the documents that you need like w2, evidence that you live together etc; however always do everything with the true specially with DHS, because when u adjust status is proving that the relationship is real and everything ok; now if u feel you are victim of verbally abuse or more there is a protection you have and can apply for U visa since they have you work forcing you without pay that’s illegal and is abuse conduct! I am going to attach the info of the U visa! 

 

Everything is going to be ok, don’t get desperate 👍🏻

Just now, princess85 said:

I’m so sorry you are going through that situation, it’s not right what they are doing with you!! Here the thing to adjust status is not difficult and I am willing to help you and guide you (not charge) I am not a lawyer, I came with k1 vida seven years ago and I did all my process so if u want I can definitely help you and hopefully your husband is willing to provide the documents that you need like w2, evidence that you live together etc; however always do everything with the true specially with DHS, because when u adjust status is proving that the relationship is real and everything ok; now if u feel you are victim of verbally abuse or more there is a protection you have and can apply for U visa since they have you work forcing you without pay that’s illegal and is abuse conduct! I am going to attach the info of the U visa! 

 

Everything is going to be ok, don’t get desperate 👍🏻

 

[geowrian 22,337]

4 minutes ago, princess85 said:

Here the thing to adjust status is not difficult

I'm not sure if you read the full thread, but this type of case would surely not fall under "not difficult". There's misrep, an apparently non-cooperative spouse, abuse by a non-spouse or parent, etc.

 

4 minutes ago, princess85 said:

now if u feel you are victim of verbally abuse or more there is a protection you have and can apply for U visa since they have you work forcing you without pay that’s illegal and is abuse conduct!

U visas are not simple...professional assistance is highly suggested.

[princess85 6]

7 minutes ago, geowrian said:

I'm not sure if you read the full thread, but this type of case would surely not fall under "not difficult". There's misrep, an apparently non-cooperative spouse, abuse by a non-spouse or parent, etc.

 

U visas are not simple...professional assistance is highly suggested.

It’s true not easy process and yes better to get profesional assistance if she prefer to not adjust status