PLEASE Help! New in USA in abusive relationship

[Cathi 5,816]

  On 8/27/2019 at 6:04 AM, visawonderer said:

Will do. I can't decide quickly. So many factors at play. Each route is difficult. I need the SAFEST route for everything is messed up.

 

I am NOT holding on to stay here. If anything, my experience here has been horrible. I want to forget the people and places and start over somewhere else.

 

I just really hate to face all the old chatty women and be stigmatized for nothing. That path is SO hard for anyone knowledgeable in eastern cultures. 

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I feel for you and I am familiar with your culture, but if it were me, I'd divorce and go home. You still have you whole life in front of you, don't waste it on a man who obviously doesn't care about you.

 

Screw the chatty old women, your well being is more important than their BS gossip.

[visawonderer 10]

  On 8/26/2019 at 9:39 PM, Georgia16 said:

It will be her words against his... I'm not saying it only has to be physical but you can't  just "tell your story" and then thats fine.

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True. So how do I prove it? These things happen everydau here. Should I record them audio? Should I record video? Should document what happened and have the workers/ witnesses sign as witnesses.? 

 

How do I show them what it's like without having to make it a (he said she said) situation?

[geowrian 22,338]

Yeah, the marriage before entry is potentially a very significant issue. I'm not as versed in U/T visa categories, but I know a lot of inadmissibilities do not apply. I'm not so sure material misrepresentation is one, though....I'd be kind of surprised if it was (but it is possible) - Edit: well not that surprised given the possible situations. That is the only somewhat realistic option (and those are very tough cases IMO) at staying in the US legally at this point.

 

My only remaining advice is to reiterate to keep yourself safe first. But I do think it is time to seek professional help, and likely preparing plans to return abroad.

Edited August 27, 2019 by geowrian

[visawonderer 10]

  On 8/27/2019 at 6:32 AM, geowrian said:

Yeah, the marriage before entry is potentially a very significant issue. I'm not as versed in U/T visa categories, but I know a lot of inadmissibilities do not apply. I'm not so sure material misrepresentation is one, though....I'd be kind of surprised if it was (but it is possible). That is the only somewhat realistic option (and those are very tough cases IMO) at staying in the US legally at this point.

 

My only remaining advice is to reiterate to keep yourself safe first. But I do think it is time to seek professional help, and likely preparing plans to return abroad.

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I agree. My friend insisted on having me over for a few days to feel safe, clear my head and make decisions. But I have to go back soon. 

 

She met him and made him feel bad for notdoi g AOS. He "promised that he will adjust status as soon as I return" (not believing it but playing along). He doesn't like that she is American and "knows stuff"... But she did introduce me to this forum and I'm thankful to your help, everyone.

 

I really hope that he applies, that's when I lose the sense of imprisonment and I can go out and do whatever with my life. Outside  and away fromt their toxic cycle. 

 

I have to come up with a plan B because I don't trust him giving up his upper hand controlling all cards that easily.

[LisaUK 22]

My first marriage was very similar in a lot of ways to your situation. I surrendered my Green Card and left. It was the best decision I made under the circumstances and absolutely no regrets. 

[SalishSea 18,393]

  On 8/27/2019 at 6:46 AM, visawonderer said:

I really hope that he applies, that's when I lose the sense of imprisonment and I can go out and do whatever with my life. Outside  and away fromt their toxic cycle. 

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He's not eligible to apply for your AOS based on the K-1 at this point though...

[visawonderer 10]

  On 8/27/2019 at 6:56 AM, LisaUK said:

My first marriage was very similar in a lot of ways to your situation. I surrendered my Green Card and left. It was the best decision I made under the circumstances and absolutely no regrets. 

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Then you understand how I feel. Why did youdo that vs removing restrictions,? Dis you have a support system to go back to? Because I don't

[LisaUK 22]

  On 8/27/2019 at 7:03 AM, visawonderer said:

Then you understand how I feel. Why did youdo that vs removing restrictions,? Dis you have a support system to go back to? Because I don't

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Nope no support system at all. I literally left with two suitcases to my name. I decided not to proceed with removing the restrictions mainly because I felt my safety, health and sanity were more important than staying in the country. It also entailed a lot of uncertainty with filing wavers, extra expense and I am certain extra abuse along the way would have come. If you have nothing here and nothing back home then I would go back home still. It is safe, familiar and you don't have to live day to day with uncertainty, being treated like garbage and used like a slave.

Edited August 27, 2019 by LisaUK

[visawonderer 10]

  On 8/27/2019 at 6:08 AM, Cathi said:

I feel for you and I am familiar with your culture, but if it were me, I'd divorce and go home. You still have you whole life in front of you, don't waste it on a man who obviously doesn't care about you.

 

Screw the chatty old women, your well being is more important than their BS gossip.

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Thank you. I would like to try with him one ladt time. To see of is open to a relationship and not a roommate...

[TBoneTX 46,742]

  On 8/27/2019 at 7:10 AM, visawonderer said:

try with him one ladt time

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The pattern of treatment has been confirmed multiple times, consistently, in concrete.

Of all directions to take, throwing good effort after bad will yield the least for you.

[belinda63 3,052]

At this point I think you need to accept that obtaining a green card is not a possibility. I feel for you and all you have given up to come here this is one of the downsides of arranged marriages. It sounds like he is not really interested and that his family is taken advantage of you.

You should cut your loses and move on. You are educated and intelligent, it should not be hard to find a loving partner to spend your life with.

[visawonderer 10]

Thank you, the last few messages are on point. I know what is the right thing to do now but need to summon the courage to do it. Hopefully sooner rather than later. Wish me luck! Thank you everyone for your help and advice! I'll post an update when things settle down for me or let you know of any "interesting" updates.

[Scott001 128]

  On 8/27/2019 at 10:55 AM, visawonderer said:

Thank you, the last few messages are on point. I know what is the right thing to do now but need to summon the courage to do it. Hopefully sooner rather than later. Wish me luck! Thank you everyone for your help and advice! I'll post an update when things settle down for me or let you know of any "interesting" updates.

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Whatever you do will be hard. You have already have support network in the US so that's good. Use it to the fullest. This will sound like #######, but once you do it, you'll feel relieved. Hope everything works out for you. 

[The_Empyrean 733]

Okay, I've seen in the past abuse. A lot of it, against women.

You have issues with K-1 and being married before coming to USA. Thats one problem already. Technically your K1 isn't valid.

Abusers never change. They promise that they will, and for the matter of fact, they'll promise you anything to keep you tagged along as long as possible. Don't believe ANYTHING they say.

Traveling to TX is very risky and you might get deported on spot. If for some reason CBP checks your paperwork in airport (and that happens sometimes even domestically) you might be on your way back where you are from.

If i were you, pack your stuff, ask for your cousin a ticket back to Your country and start over there.

Even if You were qualified for VAWA, you don't now cause your visa wasn't valid as soon as you got married outside US.

If he couldn't do AoS, he won't definitely do the I130 AND AoS.

Seek help from DV groups and counselors, and get ready to go. 
1. He isn't worth it.

2. Your mental, physical and emotional health is way more important that grocery store.

3. If you stay with them after you complain, your life will literally become hell.

4. Don't wanna sound blunt, but they tricked you into slavery basically, and thought that you'll conform just because of Green Card.

5. You're wasting your life at this point. 

6. It's hard to go back to nothing, but i'd rather go back where i have nothing, rather than stay where each day i'm abused by everyone around me.

 

To others, i know OP sounds like trying to find a way to stay, but this is a cry for help rather than GC issue. Being split, abused, and mentally exhausted is taking a toll on your social expressions, and impairs your ability to separate priorities or expressing your real concerns. Tell a person 100 times that he's wrong, even if he's 100% right he'll start doubting themselves, count that 100 for 365days, and your whole life becomes a massive doubt. Manipulation is as hard to deal with as depression. 

 

 

[Loren Y 2,762]

I give up after page 3 of posts. Just get out of here as fast as possible. Take the easy solution and leave before it gets worse. I would be on a plane in less than 12 hours from now. Trying to stay and fight it out doesn't sound like your cup of tea. Human trafficking, VAWA, come-on, let's be real, people have been watching too many reality TV shows. I would avoid that nightmare and just bail out. You get home and you can work, you should still have some support there, and it might take a few months, but things will get straightened out. This is what I would do.

 

I'll even get you a Uber to the airport. I've got a bunch of free rides from them due to points. If you need transportation to the airport, it's on me. Hopefully Uber is in your area.

Edited August 27, 2019 by Loren Y