PLEASE Help! New in USA in abusive relationship

[SusieQQQ 11,586]

I do find it curious that in OP’s list of questions, how to stay in the US and avoid deportation (especially while en-route to plan B in Texas) seem to be more important than getting out of an abusive relationship. 

After 6 months with absolutely nothing in the US, it would also seem to me that returning home to “start from scratch” would be a better option than doing it here.  

I would be interested to hear husband’s side of the story, but alas on VJ (with I think one exception that I can recall) we only ever get to hear one side of the story. ( A wife and other family members often work in the family business/store in certain communities.. possibly just business as usual for them, I know a few stores like this locally. I always just assumed they all get taken care of by the family rather than each necessarily receiving a wage.)

 

also having a friend ready to stump up a few thousand... doesn’t sound so new and clueless as is being made out, in such an organized list of questions. 

 

sorry for being so cynical. 

Edited August 27, 2019 by SusieQQQ

[Nitas_man 3,100]

4 minutes ago, SusieQQQ said:

I do find it curious that in OP’s list of questions, how to stay in the US and avoid deportation (especially while en-route to plan B in Texas) seem to be more important than getting out of an abusive relationship. 

After 6 months with absolutely nothing in the US, it would also seem to me that returning home to “start from scratch” would be a better option than doing it here.  

I would be interested to hear busband’s side of the story, but alas on VJ (with I think one exception that I can recall) we only ever get to hear one side of the story. ( A wife and other family members often work in the family business in certain communities.. possibly just business as usual for them, I know a few stores like this locally.)

 

also having a friend ready to stump up a few thousand... doesn’t sound so new and clueless as is being made out, in such an organized list of questions. 

 

sorry for being so cynical. 

We’re paid to be cynical!  

 

However leaving a spouse in limbo and not adjusting status for months and months is inexcusable and what else is OP supposed to do other than seek a plan B?

[SusieQQQ 11,586]

4 minutes ago, Nitas_man said:

We’re paid to be cynical!  

 

However leaving a spouse in limbo and not adjusting status for months and months is inexcusable and what else is OP supposed to do other than seek a plan B?

I don’t know. To extend the cynicism, is it possible for example that spouse realized OP was really just after a green card and is loathe to be on the hook indefinitely with an i864 in that case? How many stories like this do we see on VJ? And we know that some people get their lives messed up by false VAWA claims against them. 

to me it’s obvious: if it’s abusive, she needs to get out and go home. Her friend can lend her money for an airplane ticket. There is a plan B, and it’s not going to Texas without status.

Edited August 27, 2019 by SusieQQQ

[SalishSea 17,847]

3 minutes ago, Nitas_man said:

We’re paid to be cynical!  

 

However leaving a spouse in limbo and not adjusting status for months and months is inexcusable and what else is OP supposed to do other than seek a plan B?

But the OP says that the USC spouse did not want to marry her, and did it only under duress.  Wouldn't filing for AOS in that case be fraudulent, as it is not a genuine marriage?

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

6 minutes ago, SusieQQQ said:

I do find it curious that in OP’s list of questions, how to stay in the US and avoid deportation (especially while en-route to plan B in Texas) seem to be more important than getting out of an abusive relationship. 

After 6 months with absolutely nothing in the US, it would also seem to me that returning home to “start from scratch” would be a better option than doing it here.  

I would be interested to hear husband’s side of the story, but alas on VJ (with I think one exception that I can recall) we only ever get to hear one side of the story. ( A wife and other family members often work in the family business/store in certain communities.. possibly just business as usual for them, I know a few stores like this locally. I always just assumed they all get taken care of by the family rather than each necessarily receiving a wage.)

 

also having a friend ready to stump up a few thousand... doesn’t sound so new and clueless as is being made out, in such an organized list of questions. 

 

sorry for being so cynical. 

Many people in this situation are sill concerned about their status in the US, that’s the entire reason the U and T visas exist, to remove the fear or retribution. Even if the situation isn’t ideal, sometimes people want to stay. Other times it’s not just about staying in the US, but making sure they have legal status and don’t have to worry about getting picked up by ICE. Human traffickers often use threats and fear mongering to keep their victims from speaking up. I had a recent case of a restaurant owner who would play news footage and share reports about the camps people are being held in and told his victims that’s that where they would end up if they ever went to the authorities.

 

So yeah, I don’t think her asking about her immigration concerns (ON AN IMMIGRATION FORUM) make this story any less believable. I work for one of the smallest US Attorneys Offices in the country, and we get multiple cases like this every year.

[Nitas_man 3,100]

Im the worst kind of cynical.  

 

But:  Something smells here.  OP needs a professional look.  If it shakes out she’s pulling something it’ll show up.  If the situation is as described?  Needs a way out.  Quickly.  No further need to languish in immigration limbo under any circumstance.

 

If he didnt want to marry and doesn’t want to be married he could certainly file for divorce, set her free, and get her a ticket home.  

Why keep her there working for free in his convenience store?  

 

 

 

[USS_Voyager 1,972]

25 minutes ago, Nitas_man said:

Why keep her there working for free in his convenience store?  

But isn’t that exactly the argument for a case of human trafficking? Maybe the FIL wants free labor and has complete control over the son, who is such a wimp to do anything. I don’t know,  maybe the parents needed the marriage of the son to save face somehow. I have no idea, just throw stuff out there

[SusieQQQ 11,586]

7 hours ago, visawonderer said:

. Our marriage was somewhat arranged but we spoke and got to know each other for 2 years before finally committing to moving to USA to live with him.

 

 

Aren’t families usually heavily involved in the negotiations for arranged marriages? (Was it the arrangement that led to the marriage taking place “under pressure”?)

 

i don’t know, this sounds like a lot of effort for some free unskilled labor. Just my opinion. 

[geowrian 22,337]

2 minutes ago, SusieQQQ said:

Aren’t families usually heavily involved in the negotiations for arranged marriages?

Hence my earlier question about what "somewhat arranged" met.

[Nitas_man 3,100]

2 minutes ago, SusieQQQ said:

Aren’t families usually heavily involved in the negotiations for arranged marriages? (Was it the arrangement that led to the marriage taking place “under pressure”?)

 

i don’t know, this sounds like a lot of effort for some free unskilled labor. Just my opinion. 

I know right?  

 

31 minutes ago, USS_Voyager said:

But isn’t that exactly the argument for a case of human trafficking? Maybe the FIL wants free labor and has complete control over the son, who is such a wimp to do anything. I don’t know,  maybe the parents needed the marriage of the son to save face somehow. I have no idea, just throw stuff out there

A K1 immigrant is already in a pretty vulnerable situation.   

[USS_Voyager 1,972]

7 minutes ago, SusieQQQ said:

i don’t know, this sounds like a lot of effort for some free unskilled labor. Just my opinion. 

Unfortunately, in some cultures (my own included), up until a not-too-distant past, a son getting married is viewed exactly that: the family is gaining some free labor. It’s rooted in primitive agricultural societies where sons/boys/men are more valuable not only because they are more productive on the rice paddy fields but also they can get married and the family practically “gain” another free laborer, whereas the girl’s family practically “lose” one. In these societies there is always a version of the saying: “A father of girls can never smile”. 

[SusieQQQ 11,586]

4 minutes ago, USS_Voyager said:

Unfortunately, in some cultures (my own included), up until a not-too-distant past, a son getting married is viewed exactly that: the family is gaining some free labor. It’s rooted in primitive agricultural societies where sons/boys/men are more valuable not only because they are more productive on the rice paddy fields but also they can get married and the family practically “gain” another free laborer, whereas the girl’s family practically “lose” one. In these societies there is always a version of the saying: “A father of girls can never smile”. 

Hence my earlier comment about this being common in some communities; especially if the wife comes from the home country, this would not have been a surprise, and even presumably at least tacitly have been part of the “arrangement”, no?

[Diane and Chris 651]

And, I find it curious that OP has such great command of the English language. It would be interesting to know where she is from. She seem very intelligent and it would seem to me that she would not have any problems starting over back in her home country. It’s not like she can’t leave. Is she being held against her will?  We will only find out if she responds to some of our questions.  Then perhaps we can offer more advice for her situation. 

[USS_Voyager 1,972]

22 minutes ago, Diane and Chris said:

And, I find it curious that OP has such great command of the English language.

Yes I noticed that too. From her post, it could be argued that English might even be her first language. If I have to guess, and this is just my wild guess, the “in-laws” would be from a South Asian country (India) and the OP is also probably Indian but maybe born and raised in the UK. 

Edited August 27, 2019 by USS_Voyager

[visawonderer 10]

Thank you everyone for your replies and thoughts put into helping out - including the cynical questions! I can't sum up my life in a post, I tried to focus on what is relevant. Here is a clarification to help make some points clearer: 

 

1) I am an educated woman. I have an undergraduate degree from an American university overseas. I can speak English and organize my questions  

 

2) My spouse's sister lives in my country. She knew that he wanted to marry someone from home, she arranged for us to meet. We spoke for 2 years before I move here. Unfortunately, I came to find a different man. Most of what I was told was a lie or empty promises. 

 

3) We got religiously married overseas and were legally registered in my country. I knew the seriousness of having to file for a marriage certificate here within 90 days from the embassy and the airport officer. As time was leading up to 90 days, I packed up and was ready to leave until he took me to file for it. In reality, we were already married. This was just a matter of showing intent to make me legal here or not. That's when his intentions were becoming questionable to me. 

 

4) "No one can force any adult to do anything." That's what an observer would say. When you are home, without money, driver license to drive, bank account, credit card, and anything else really.... A lot can change. Please don't comment on that part if you have not lived it yourself. No one enjoys any kind of abuse. 

 

5) Finally, as for my stay here vs going back home.  I was engaged for 2 years to this man. I left my house, my job, and everything to move here with him. You may have heard of divorce stigma and my culture lives on it. I really don't want to start over and face an old fashion culture at no fault of my own. It's a difficult situation for me no matter how you see it.