Issues about sending money to Philippines

[Boiler 45,558]

BTW The Martian is my favourite Comedy film.

[Randyandyuni 2,682]

Grinding your gears .... typically not calm

 

typing in all caps. ... typically not calm

 

but stay up on your white horse, i am pretty sure we wouldnt agree on much based on our interactions here

 

to the OP sorry to have argued in your thread

[Unlockable 7,314]

Who is arguing?

 

I am just making my points.

 

Btw, this is the second time you have taken a shot at me. First was self righteousness. Now it is white horse. I have not taken any shots towards you nor disrespected you. Like I said, I am making my points and doing it constructively. Not insultingly.

Edited August 27, 2019 by Unlockable

[SB5130 88]

6 hours ago, AndyCandy said:

Hi everyone! I’ve been here in the US for almost 3 years now.. i’m married to an American who was previously divorced, with 3 kids from his previous marriage. I also have a son of my own from my previous partner from the Philippines who’s also here with me..I came here in America by K1 visa and is currently working here as a registered nurse.. We’ve been sending money ($175) to my mother in the Philippines every month ever since i got here, which covers the monthly mortgage for my house in the Philippines, the monthly bills (electric,water,internet), groceries and about $35-$40 extra for my mother to spend for herself. I know that my husband sent money there even though i wasn’t working for a year since we have to do all the process of getting the work permit plus i have to take the nclex exam too..the issue i have right now is, even though i’m already earning a lot of money here, my husband still keeps on questioning me if we really have to send my mother an extra $35-40 every month for her to spend for herself. I’m already working here, what more does he want me to do? We have a joint account so obviously my money is also his money and his money is also my money, but it just feels like i don’t have control over what i earned anymore. And for him to question me about that amount, it just makes me feel like, most of what i earned just goes towards the house that i am not even entitled for since i am not on the deed, towards the van that we bought, also helping him pay for what he has to pay his ex wife towards their kid’s expenses.. we don’t have a kid of our own yet.. it’s just sad to think that i can’t even give anything to my own mother even just a couple bucks every month..feels like walking on egg shells with him.

I understand how you feel. It is our culture as Filipinos. Although I dont send monthly money to my family in Philippines, I personally feel I want to have my own money. I too am paying for the home mortgage even though my name isn't in there. I devise an arrangement for us. We have 3 accounts all joint accounts.

• 1st account is our joint checking account - this is where our salary goes to. This will hold all expenses. Mortgage, Car Loans, Bills, Groceries, Shopping, Splurge, Fancy Dining, etc
• 2nd account is joint savings account#1- although it is still joint account, this is where i place 50% of my husband's salary. literally 50% of what he earns. that way he can splurge on whatever he wants. he can blow this one in the casino if he chose to. 
• 3rd account is another joint savings account. - this is where i place 50% of what i earn. my husband has full access on this one. he can empty it out if he chose to. i use this account to treat him or buy him gifts so that he wont feel he is paying for his own gift. i also use this account should i choose to give/send money to philippines. 

I adjust the savings portion depending on our monthly expense. if we go out of town, i save less in a month. but, regardless, it's the same percentage on both accounts. 

 

it's joint but somewhat segregated because my husband and i have different financial views. i'm the saver and investor while my husband is neutral about money.  Also, I had been financially independent in terms of money long before we got married and he respects this. 

 

i had also discussed this topic before marriage. i told my husband that whenever we get married, not a penny would be taken out from his pocket to be sent to Philippines. though I don't send every month but sometimes i give my parents gifts here and there. and i dont want my husband to feel bad or to feel robbed in anyway possible. gladly, it's working for us. 

 

Edited August 27, 2019 by SB5130

[Falcon Cara 378]

16 hours ago, AndyCandy said:

 We’ve been sending money ($175) to my mother in the Philippines every month ever since i got here, which covers the monthly mortgage for my house in the Philippines, the monthly bills (electric,water,internet), groceries and about $35-$40 extra for my mother to spend for herself. 

That is a very low amount to send back to PI. $40 for your mother doesn't  go very far in the Philippines now of days.  I suggest bumping it up to $300 US Dollars per month.   You are using your Phillippines Education now, to make good salary now in the USA. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Cyberfx1024 7,980]

37 minutes ago, Falcon Cara said:

That is a very low amount to send back to PI. $40 for your mother doesn't  go very far in the Philippines now of days.  I suggest bumping it up to $300 US Dollars per month.   You are using your Phillippines Education now, to make good salary now in the USA. 

I concur with this as well. I am sending about $350 a month back every month right month even though my wife isn't working. We are paying on a loan for her mom's house, and $100 for her sister to take care of their mother, not to mention another $50 for her niece while she is in college .  This month it was much more than that and I told my asawa that this won't happen again anytime soon. We just bought a house here so we have to care about our house as well not just her family in Pinas. 

 

 

[Zoeeeeeee 797]

1 hour ago, Falcon Cara said:

That is a very low amount to send back to PI. $40 for your mother doesn't  go very far in the Philippines now of days.  I suggest bumping it up to $300 US Dollars per month.   You are using your Phillippines Education now, to make good salary now in the USA. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Was coming here to say the same - not necessarily that you should give more (not my place to say that), but that $35-$40 per month is not a lot at all to send your mum, particularly when she is doing you and your husband a favour by making sure the bills/mortgage etc are paid - how much does he think he’d pay a personal assistant or property management company to do those things?

 

So yes, I 100% think your husband is being unreasonable - I frequently buy my mum things/take her out for meals, etc - and I will continue to do so when I emigrate - and my fiancé knows this and wouldn’t DREAM of challenging that (we’ve already discussed how I’d like her to come spend a month with us when we spawn our first child - and how we will of course pay her airfare/dog kennelling fees/etc)...not because my mum can’t afford to pay these things herself...but because she’s my mum and I WANT to pay for things for her (and my fiancé supports this and treats his mum and my mum in a similar manner).

 

I’m from the UK by the way, ie, not a country where filial piety is especially engrained, but most people I know spoil their parents - it’s just nice to if you can, isn’t it?

 

So yes, I definitely agree with the above in that you guys need to talk about it (I’d suggest calmly, though if it was me, I’d be outraged 🤷🏻‍♀️).

[Loren Y 2,755]

Yes, I would love to only send 175. For 10 months I solely sent 300 dollars, 150 every 2 weeks to my now wife's mom. She is working now, and I just made my last payment so to speak as I said I would cover it until September. She makes good money now ( roughly 30-35 an hour) so should have no problem sending her own money back now. Plus, she keeps winning jackpots here in Vegas. I have never seen anyone so lucky. Hopefully she doesn't devolop a gambling problem, but I'm keeping it in check.  But we had this all planned out long before she came here, and it hasn't been a issue yet.

[jskibo 588]

We talked about it before we got married. 

 

We bought a foreclosure house and remodelled everything in it. The house in Cavite is in our name but my MIL lives in it. 

 

For the first two years when my wife wasn't working I would send a couple hundred a month to cover her expenses and so she had some free cash to spend. More at holidays and birthday. 

 

MIL works but doesn't make a lot. Since our name is on the house and Bill's I want to make sure there wasn't any unpaid bills or liens placed on it. I take advantage of the discount for paying the property tax years ahead. Odd that the tax tripled when the found a Kano on the title 😀 but still less that one months electric bill here. 

 

Since my wife started working she covers all that. I just chip in at holidays or for stuff like getting a bike for my niece. 

 

We were planning on selling the house when her parents come here but hard as I don't want to take payments, but now my FIL is asking if he can buy from us when he starts working here, so maybe problem solved. 

 

TLDR: We discussed the plan before she came and it worked out well but I see lots of these arguments in her group of friends. 

[Boiler 45,558]

Does make you wonder what happens when the inevitable Recession hits and the money flow dries up.

 

But as I remember somebody saying on another thread what would they have done without the US source?

[Zoeeeeeee 797]

1 hour ago, Loren Y said:

Yes, I would love to only send 175. For 10 months I solely sent 300 dollars, 150 every 2 weeks to my now wife's mom. She is working now, and I just made my last payment so to speak as I said I would cover it until September. She makes good money now ( roughly 30-35 an hour) so should have no problem sending her own money back now. Plus, she keeps winning jackpots here in Vegas. I have never seen anyone so lucky. Hopefully she doesn't devolop a gambling problem, but I'm keeping it in check.  But we had this all planned out long before she came here, and it hasn't been a issue yet.

Oh my god! I’m popping into Vegas for the Rock n Roll marathon in November, please tell your wife I want her to hit the slot machines with me - I’m NEVER lucky!! 😫😫😫

[Lucky2Lucky 2,526]

To the OP- this is really a conversation you have to have with your husband. Personally, I think it’s ridiculous that he’s fretting over $35 a month when you have a nursing salary. I totally get it if it was something like $500 and you don’t contribute to the bills- but that isn’t the case it appears. Please have a conversation with your husband 🙂 and good luck with everything.

[Sarge2155 4,587]

21 hours ago, Randyandyuni said:

It's cultural, very few Americans feel an obligation to support their parents financially. What you see as good and normal he sees differently. Sit down and discuss it, compromise as you said it's both of you twos money. His payment to kids is court ordered, your support of parents is voluntary

I agree it's cultural. It was and still is very hard for me to comprehend the financial support most Filipinos render to their parents and or families voluntarily.

[dpd 21]

I feel you and sorry that you are in this situation. I suggest you guys talk and discuss the issue. Nothing else would help resolves the issue but only the two of you. Communication is the key😊. Before I got engaged to my now-husband, he already knew a lot about our culture. Funny thing is before his first ever visit to see me in the Philippines, he bought a huge book about Philippines and also researched a lot. He was already familiar about our culture, tradition, practices, behaviors, etc. I don’t have a mom anymore and my dad had a stroke few years back, he is already on a wheelchair and is unable to work. Before I got married to my husband, I made it clear to him that I’ll be sending papa some money every month for his medications, etc. which he perfectly agreed. I send about $200 a month and most of the time he would ask me why only $200 and if it’s enough lol. He keeps telling me to make it atleast $350 which I refused (don’t want to take advantage).  I have other siblings who share/contribute as well. It’s expensive since we had to hire a licensed care giver for him and a physical therapist. Hope you guys resolves the issue. Hang in there. Everything will gonna be ok. Good luck and have faith❤️

Edited August 27, 2019 by dpd

[Loren Y 2,755]

1 hour ago, Zoeeeeeee said:

Oh my god! I’m popping into Vegas for the Rock n Roll marathon in November, please tell your wife I want her to hit the slot machines with me - I’m NEVER lucky!! 😫😫😫

I know. I lived here since 2002 and never hit anything. Granted I have maybe spent 50 bucks gambling in my whole time here. She hit 3000 something a few weeks ago, before that she hit 800, this past week she hit the 21,000. It's unreal. She plays at Dotty's off the strip while she waits for the bus, or me to pick her up. Lucky I got to her so they took the taxes out of this last jackpot. We walked away with a over 16,000 after taxes. They tax 25% on winnings over 1500. And give you a W-2G form to file with your taxes.