Coming back from Nigeria

[JFH 12,190]

Is it customary in Nigeria to marry an older woman who already has several children? Were his previous girlfriends in Nigeria of the same demographic? Would you be prepared to move to Nigeria if his visa is denied? 

[Crazy Cat 41,865]

51 minutes ago, FranJosh said:

For his family yes.

What does that mean?

[Daphne . 1,865]

Even though the K1 only requires 1 visit, in your case I would suggest more. Way more even..

Your hurdles would be your timeline (very short relationship), the fact that you have to deal with a high fraud country and thus a difficult embassy and being able to fulfill the financial requirements as you have a pretty big family already.

Take it 1 step at a time, let the development of the relationship be the first priority. 

Wishing you all the best and good luck! 

[dwheels76 5,468]

3 hours ago, FranJosh said:

I just came back from visiting my boyfriend in nigeria. We are engaged now. We have known each other for about 5 months and this is my first visit. I do work full time at a good job. I am a single mom with 5 kids. I was married and divorced twice. I am asking if I have any red flags. I want to file the fiance visa but i also plan on going back in February 2020 to visit. Any advice??

You ask do you have red flags? Yes you do. But nothing that can't be overcome. How long was your visit?

But I would strongly suggest you not do a fiance'. Reason you have been married 2 other times with 5 children. Filing a fiance' show you either aren't ready to marry, not committed. Remember the CO must be convinced that the Visa they issue will result in a marriage within 90 days of arrival.

You might be thinking but I want my friends and family to witness my marriage. Nope not good this is Nigeria family there trumps yours trust me. Have any of your children meet him (In person not Skype or any other video chat)?

 

 

[FranJosh 3]

2 minutes ago, dwheels76 said:

You ask do you have red flags? Yes you do. But nothing that can't be overcome. How long was your visit?

But I would strongly suggest you not do a fiance'. Reason you have been married 2 other times with 5 children. Filing a fiance' show you either aren't ready to marry, not committed. Remember the CO must be convinced that the Visa they issue will result in a marriage within 90 days of arrival.

You might be thinking but I want my friends and family to witness my marriage. Nope not good this is Nigeria family there trumps yours trust me. Have any of your children meet him (In person not Skype or any other video chat)?

 

 

I understand this. I have many Nigerians friends as well. My kids are coming with me in february. I was thinking about just marrying there later in 2020 and then filing the spousal visa. I didnt see an issue with that option just want an opinion but it discouraging that I made a first visit after 5 months. My best friend just married a nigerian and she this is her second marriage and all the things being brought up was not an issue for her. She has kids as well. I am just confused but nothing I do not mind giving time and patience too

[FranJosh 3]

20 minutes ago, FranJosh said:

I understand this. I have many Nigerians friends as well. My kids are coming with me in february. I was thinking about just marrying there later in 2020 and then filing the spousal visa. I didnt see an issue with that option just want an opinion but it discouraging that I made a first visit after 5 months. My best friend just married a nigerian and she this is her second marriage and all the things being brought up was not an issue for her. She has kids as well. I am just confused but nothing I do not mind giving time and patience too

My visit was about week. I have never been that far from my kids so I wanted to just try it. But next visit will be longer 

[dwheels76 5,468]

15 minutes ago, FranJosh said:

I understand this. I have many Nigerians friends as well. My kids are coming with me in february. I was thinking about just marrying there later in 2020 and then filing the spousal visa. I didnt see an issue with that option just want an opinion but it discouraging that I made a first visit after 5 months. My best friend just married a nigerian and she this is her second marriage and all the things being brought up was not an issue for her. She has kids as well. I am just confused but nothing I do not mind giving time and patience too

Not saying any of your red flags would be brought up. You asked do we see red flags well those are red flags. Here's mine:

 

1. married on 1st visit after knowing each other 6 months

2. Married 1st marriage to a Nigerian

3. 26 years older then my husband

 

To overcome my red flags i moved there and stayed 6 months until he got hos visa after interview. My husband has been here now 3 years.

 

You have to know your embassy, know your issues, and red flags. Long as you show a bonafide relationship nothing else matters. Remember as I said a fiance' visa is the government trusting that you will marry in 90 days.

 

Applying for Spouse is so different then applying for fiance'.  You mentioned your friend not having these issues. She married her guy and petitioned him.

[JeanneAdil 6,508]

21 minutes ago, FranJosh said:

I understand this. I have many Nigerians friends as well. My kids are coming with me in february. I was thinking about just marrying there later in 2020 and then filing the spousal visa. I didnt see an issue with that option just want an opinion but it discouraging that I made a first visit after 5 months. My best friend just married a nigerian and she this is her second marriage and all the things being brought up was not an issue for her. She has kids as well. I am just confused but nothing I do not mind giving time and patience too

there is nothing wrong with the 1st meeting after only 5 months / to actually meet the person and family to know if you want to continue with the relationship

your income as you posted qualifies

him having no children is a plus but some say this and try after granting a visa to add some (say they didn't know all children had to be on application)

more visits is what you need

the one in February plus one later in 2020 to marry

3 trips and a marriage would work a lot better in Nigeria 

7 yrs difference not a big issue / we have seen bigger /like  20 yrs or more those are the big problem ones

 

u sound from all your recent post that you are listening and taking advice sincerely

wishing you 2 the best 

 

the process is hard

it is long

it is not easy

it is not cheap

but it is worth it if he is the right man for you

[FranJosh 3]

21 minutes ago, JeanneAdil said:

there is nothing wrong with the 1st meeting after only 5 months / to actually meet the person and family to know if you want to continue with the relationship

your income as you posted qualifies

him having no children is a plus but some say this and try after granting a visa to add some (say they didn't know all children had to be on application)

more visits is what you need

the one in February plus one later in 2020 to marry

3 trips and a marriage would work a lot better in Nigeria 

7 yrs difference not a big issue / we have seen bigger /like  20 yrs or more those are the big problem ones

 

u sound from all your recent post that you are listening and taking advice sincerely

wishing you 2 the best 

 

the process is hard

it is long

it is not easy

it is not cheap

but it is worth it if he is the right man for you

So after my third trip are you recommending I file the paperwork. I do not want to mess anything up. He was suggesting I could come and after the second visit. I will be meeting his family on the second visit. Then going back sometime in the beginning of summer 2020. 

[Crazy Cat 41,865]

2 minutes ago, FranJosh said:

He was suggesting I could come and after the second visit.

That's interesting......How knowledgeable is he of the US immigration system?  Normally, more visits is better.........and more time together is good for multiple reasons.

Edited August 4, 2019 by missileman

[Boiler 45,519]

After having being divorced twice wanting to marry someone you have met once for a fairly short time is a bit worrying.

[FranJosh 3]

6 minutes ago, missileman said:

That's interesting......How knowledgeable is he of the US immigration system?  Normally, more visits is better.........and more time together is good for multiple reasons.

He knows only what his friends have done. I do have the means to visit more than once. So I do not mind.

[Crazy Cat 41,865]

Just now, FranJosh said:

He knows only what his friends have done. I do have the means to visit more than once. So I do not mind.

If you don't mind, can you share how you two met?

[FranJosh 3]

3 minutes ago, Boiler said:

After having being divorced twice wanting to marry someone you have met once for a fairly short time is a bit worrying.

I do not know how worrying it can be especially since I do not live in the same country as him. When you date someone close you can date and see each other differently. I do not think it is worrying so what if I am divorced I am doing very well for myself and children. If a man decides to leave a woman we have no choice but to continue on and deal with life. My second husband was married to two women at once and I had to get the divorce since it all came out. So the divorces were no fault of my own but it has a deeper history. 

I disclose things not to be judged 

[FranJosh 3]

2 minutes ago, missileman said:

If you don't mind, can you share how you two met?

We have a mutual friend. She introduced me to him after she returned from nigeria and I was not interested at first only because I have other men who were interested and I was content with just that. But i said i didnt mind chatting with him a couple of times. We talked over phone and chats. We spoke through video after a while. I didnt mind his company. We have been speaking ever since.