Husband terminally ill

[Ortolan 381]

This is terribly sad, and my heart goes out to you. I know you're reeling from all this; you might want to think about whether you really want to stay here or go back to Scotland.

Do you have family here? Supportive friends? Project yourself mentally into the future and think about what might be best for you, and try to take care of yourself, as well as your husband.

My sincere sympathy to you, for what you're both going through.

[Scottish Mernymph 514]

My beloved husband moved on from this world on Tuesday evening, I was at his side holding his hand, telling him how much I love him. I take some comfort in the knowledge he is no longer suffering & in pain, he pushed himself to go through so much in order to have some extra time with me, particularly in the last few weeks & days. 

 

On his last day, on Tuesday, he INSISTED on standing up & holding me, comforting me, he KNEW it was the last time....his sister is a trained physio with years of experience & she could not understand how he was able to stand, the doctor was in the room at the time & his sister asked the doctor, the doctor just shook her head & said "it isn't physically possible in his condition, he is WILLING it to happen"....
He pulled me to him, held me close, wrapped himself about me to comfort me & make me feel safe, he kissed my neck & looked at me....
....a few short hours later he was gone...

Again when we asked the doctor why he hadn't fallen into a sleep, as predicted for his situation, she just said he'd decided he wanted to be with me as long as he was alive, & he did.

It comforts me, I keep returning to knowing how much he loved me, I never thought anyone could ever love me, not like that.

The attorney says I need a sponsor, I think that's going to be a problem, there's also a concern without residency I may be unable to clam my husband's life insurance & 401ks.

I would really wish to be here living here in the home we shared together if possible.

[Crazy Cat 41,851]

I am so sorry for your loss.  May you find lasting peace.  

[Lil bear 4,201]

5 minutes ago, Scottish Mernymph said:

My beloved husband moved on from this world on Tuesday evening, I was at his side holding his hand, telling him how much I love him. I take some comfort in the knowledge he is no longer suffering & in pain, he pushed himself to go through so much in order to have some extra time with me, particularly in the last few weeks & days. 

 

On his last day, on Tuesday, he INSISTED on standing up & holding me, comforting me, he KNEW it was the last time....his sister is a trained physio with years of experience & she could not understand how he was able to stand, the doctor was in the room at the time & his sister asked the doctor, the doctor just shook her head & said "it isn't physically possible in his condition, he is WILLING it to happen"....
He pulled me to him, held me close, wrapped himself about me to comfort me & make me feel safe, he kissed my neck & looked at me....
....a few short hours later he was gone...

Again when we asked the doctor why he hadn't fallen into a sleep, as predicted for his situation, she just said he'd decided he wanted to be with me as long as he was alive, & he did.

It comforts me, I keep returning to knowing how much he loved me, I never thought anyone could ever love me, not like that.

The attorney says I need a sponsor, I think that's going to be a problem, there's also a concern without residency I may be unable to clam my husband's life insurance & 401ks.

I would really wish to be here living here in the home we shared together if possible.

I am so sorry.  I can’t even begin to imagine the overwhelming emotions that will be flooding your heart at this time. The journey was not meant to end like this. My heart goes out to you . 

[TBoneTX 45,288]

You are loved, SM ma'am.

For eternity from above, and by us.

[Ontarkie 14,222]

I'm so sorry Merny.

When ready start a thread to ask question about the steps for processing as a widow. We have a few very knowledgeable members who sadly had to go through this themselves. 

[carmel34 3,626]

On 8/23/2019 at 6:43 PM, Scottish Mernymph said:

My beloved husband moved on from this world on Tuesday evening, I was at his side holding his hand, telling him how much I love him. I take some comfort in the knowledge he is no longer suffering & in pain, he pushed himself to go through so much in order to have some extra time with me, particularly in the last few weeks & days. 

 

On his last day, on Tuesday, he INSISTED on standing up & holding me, comforting me, he KNEW it was the last time....his sister is a trained physio with years of experience & she could not understand how he was able to stand, the doctor was in the room at the time & his sister asked the doctor, the doctor just shook her head & said "it isn't physically possible in his condition, he is WILLING it to happen"....
He pulled me to him, held me close, wrapped himself about me to comfort me & make me feel safe, he kissed my neck & looked at me....
....a few short hours later he was gone...

Again when we asked the doctor why he hadn't fallen into a sleep, as predicted for his situation, she just said he'd decided he wanted to be with me as long as he was alive, & he did.

It comforts me, I keep returning to knowing how much he loved me, I never thought anyone could ever love me, not like that.

The attorney says I need a sponsor, I think that's going to be a problem, there's also a concern without residency I may be unable to clam my husband's life insurance & 401ks.

I would really wish to be here living here in the home we shared together if possible.

I just read this and your post from today expressing your frustration and feeling of hopelessness.  First, I am so sorry for your loss.  The scene you described in the hospital hours before your husband passed was very touching and so sweet.  That moment will always be a memory you can hold on to, remembering how much he loved you.  I'm much older than my Brazilian husband, so I think about a future day when I'll say goodbye to him and hopefully I can hold him in my arms the way your husband held you, and tell him how much I love him before I go.  I believe that a true love like you and your husband have is forever.  Somehow, whatever you believe, love goes on and sustains and strengthens us in times of need and despair.  Tears are okay too, they help us to process everything and to let the built-up emotions out in a healthy way.

 

As for your immigration challenges, hopefully you can find a way to make it work so that you can stay in the US and make a life here if that's what you want.  As his surviving widow, you should be able to use life insurance proceeds, 401K, and other assets, to satisfy the income/assets requirements for your AOS interview.  You could also submit an employment authorization application if you have not already done so, and ask for an expedite based on your situation so that you can start working and earn your own income, this would help at your AOS interview as well if assets alone are not enough and you can't find a joint sponsor.  You have all the support and advice you might need here on VJ.  Some might also live near you if you send private messages to those in Michigan and find a local person or couple to meet with if that would help.  The loss of someone you love is probably the greatest challenge we face in life, I hope that you can find the help and also comfort that you need at this time of mourning so that you can also deal with the paperwork, bureaucracy, etc. that you have in front of you.

 

Good luck!  And many virtual hugs going your way...

[Mrs Ryan Carreras 247]

On 9/21/2019 at 10:57 AM, carmel34 said:

I just read this and your post from today expressing your frustration and feeling of hopelessness.  First, I am so sorry for your loss.  The scene you described in the hospital hours before your husband passed was very touching and so sweet.  That moment will always be a memory you can hold on to, remembering how much he loved you.  I'm much older than my Brazilian husband, so I think about a future day when I'll say goodbye to him and hopefully I can hold him in my arms the way your husband held you, and tell him how much I love him before I go.

I am so sorry for your loss and also think about this and the “what if’s”. It can happen to any of us and I’m so happy you had those moments. Moments I couldn’t not imagine as I concur with the above post, the age difference, and our child. 
Thank you for sharing. As much as I hate to consider this, I started a will for myself because you never know and at what age this can happen. 
My prayers and hugs surround you and your loved ones at this time.🙏