The world’s most dangerous countries for women 2018

[laylalex 7,275]

1 hour ago, Boiler said:

Lena Dunham Sexually Assaulted Brad Pitt

 

So it's a little unclear to me from the angle of the pic whether she is just trying to kiss his cheek in greeting and it's a little off (which has happened to me plenty of times by mistake) or if she really is trying to kiss him without his consent. Obviously the second is not acceptable. It happened to me last month, visiting LA and saw my ex, who thought it was SOMEHOW OKAY to kiss me on the lips because... old times. 🙄 Maybe Dunham felt the same? It's not an excuse!!! You need consent to kiss someone, sorry.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

6 hours ago, laylalex said:

Thank you for your suggestion about contacting my ex. We aren't exactly friendly, but we do speak from time to time and he is friends with many of my friends. I know how to contact him. It may provide some closure to tell him what happened.

Sometimes it is better to let the past stay in the past. If he doesn't know about it, and you weren't (it seems) exclusive at the time, why does he need to know about it now? There are incidents from when I was dating my now ex that were in an iffy, grey-area that I didn't mention at the time because it didn't seem worth the hassle of him getting bent out of shape. I had a friend/co-worker who pushed a little too far one night at the pub. It was a misunderstanding, I drew a line immediately, we laughed about it and moved on. My ex (let's call him Mr. Maven) would have gotten sulky and angry and turned it around on me because I was out at the pub and what did I expect? Not worth it.

 

Or the time when I had dinner and drinks with a guy I'd been sleeping with the whole summer before I met the former Mr. Maven. Mr. Maven and I were only just exclusive then, but he knew of my summer fling and thought it was cheap because of a borderline inappropriate power dynamic the fling and I had (he was my client relations manager at an investment manager, I worked for the client, and we talked several times a week -- it was literally his job to make me happy). This was a work dinner to go over some new products; work dinners, product launches, closing parties were part of my job. I went to them all the time on my own or with colleagues. This wasn't any different, but I know if Mr. Maven knew, he would get jealous. Nothing untoward happened but I know how it could look.

 

I have NO desire to tell Mr. Maven about these incidents and we are very friendly! (He just helped me select a new car when my last one was totalled last month in a collision; I'm helping him negotiate with a landlord.) If you think you will get closure from this and you can trust the former Mr. laylalex not to lose his cool, maybe, if it will truly help you. I recommend a chat with your therapist and a glass or two of wine instead! If you don't drink, may I introduce you to Ativan? It's awesome.  

[Dashinka 24,011]

17 hours ago, yuna628 said:

A deflection to justify Democrats? I'm not a Democrat, and don't feel the need to justify anything. What I'm doing is making a straight-up observation about what both parties do in politics.. that's pretty much it.

That is why I asked for examples of the GOP outright favoring identity politics.  Here is an example of a Leftist Democrat.

 

https://www.heritage.org/progressivism/commentary/stacey-abrams-full-embrace-identity-politics-recipe-disaster

[Boris Farage 353]

11 hours ago, elmcitymaven said:

I have NO desire to tell Mr. Maven about these incidents and we are very friendly!

But you'll tell a group of internet strangers. 😉

[Nature Boy 2.0 8,361]

1 hour ago, Boris Farage said:

But you'll tell a group of internet strangers. 😉

To be fair 90% of us are not strangers. Most of us know each others secret identities 

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

4 hours ago, Boris Farage said:

But you'll tell a group of internet strangers. 😉

Why hello there, stranger! I do hope you'll keep them extra safe.

 

Question for you: what would you do if your ex-wife, the one you keep so comfortably so that she can write her poetry and save cats with only a modicum of disdain for having to provide her with legally-mandated support, came to you years after such non-transgressions as mine seeking absolution? Would you be hurt, or would you recognize that they have no significance?

 

2 hours ago, Nature Boy 2.0 said:

To be fair 90% of us are not strangers. Most of us know each others secret identities 

Precisely. I know NB is a blonde Adonis who is secretly a champion speller, just as he knows I am a flame-haired Amazonian goddess who knows her way around an assault weapon.

[yuna628 9,628]

7 hours ago, Bill & Katya said:

That is why I asked for examples of the GOP outright favoring identity politics.  Here is an example of a Leftist Democrat.

 

https://www.heritage.org/progressivism/commentary/stacey-abrams-full-embrace-identity-politics-recipe-disaster

But you're posting the heritage foundation opinion column man... and that would be like someone posting you a link about disaster Republicans from.. Daily Kos or Welovesocialism.com or something. The author is offering an opinion about Stacy Abrams but not understanding the trappings of his own party for instance, or their own tendency to double down on identity politics. It's the everybody's doing it so let's do it too but not admit we do it motto. Like I said, there is a whole aspect of the current conservative nationalist party around the fear of losing X type of identity and fear of other types of identities. National identity, cultural identity, religious identity, definition of Americanism, and yes even racial identity. That is actually not too different from what's on the other side. The current POTUS utilizes identity politics and his detractors push back using the same tact from a different perspective. People on the R side of the fence might dismiss what happens on the other side, but it's helped to both win and lose elections for them time and time again, depending on what angle of adversarial process they use.

 

https://prospect.org/article/can-identity-politics-save-right all the way back from 2008!

https://thefederalist.com/2015/08/21/are-republicans-for-freedom-or-white-identity-politics/

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/jan/06/republicans-now-party-identity-politics-donald-trump

https://thehill.com/blogs/pundits-blog/national-party-news/349428-republicans-and-their-identity-politics-are-destroying

https://www.economist.com/united-states/2018/11/01/identity-politics-are-stronger-on-the-right-than-the-left

https://reason.com/2019/03/17/why-the-rights-identity-politics-is-more/

http://assets.press.princeton.edu/chapters/i7493.pdf

Edited August 2, 2019 by yuna628

[Boris Farage 353]

1 hour ago, elmcitymaven said:

Question for you: what would you do if your ex-wife, the one you keep so comfortably so that she can write her poetry and save cats with only a modicum of disdain for having to provide her with legally-mandated support, came to you years after such non-transgressions as mine seeking absolution? Would you be hurt, or would you recognize that they have no significance?

Come now Maven of the Elm City! 😉 I certainly would not be handing out advice which I would not be prepared to accept myself. Absolution (wonderful choice of words!) would not only be forthcoming, but would perhaps open up a whole new layer within our relationship. Yes of course it would be painful at first, but trivial compared to the benefits. As you say, I have a certain level of--let's call it consternation--with my ex. Knowing that she could have gone the rest of her life keeping her secret without risk, but choosing of her own accord to be fully and completely honest, would alleviate those feelings. And as I mentioned in my reply to @laylalex, it could very well lead to peace in an otherwise bumpy post-relationship.

[Boiler 44,685]

I have yet to come across a Republican SJW.

[yuna628 9,628]

9 minutes ago, Boiler said:

I have yet to come across a Republican SJW.

Oh it's a different sort of SJW. Just the sort that only focuses on the topics that interest them.

[Boiler 44,685]

13 minutes ago, yuna628 said:

Oh it's a different sort of SJW. Just the sort that only focuses on the topics that interest them.

Sounds like all SJW's.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

12 minutes ago, Boris Farage said:

Come now Maven of the Elm City! 😉 I certainly would not be handing out advice which I would not be prepared to accept myself. Absolution (wonderful choice of words!) would not only be forthcoming, but would perhaps open up a whole new layer within our relationship. Yes of course it would be painful at first, but trivial compared to the benefits. As you say, I have a certain level of--let's call it consternation--with my ex. Knowing that she could have gone the rest of her life keeping her secret without risk, but choosing of her own accord to be fully and completely honest, would alleviate those feelings. And as I mentioned in my reply to @laylalex, it could very well lead to peace in an otherwise bumpy post-relationship.

I have to ask you, Boris of the Farage, what type of layer would you even want to open in your "relationship" with your ex? Generally, one does not have a "relationship" with one's ex. Friendship, as I have, maybe. What are you looking for? What are the "benefits" for her -- you not begrudging her the money you have been ordered to pay her? 

 

And painful for whom -- you or her? Given your "consternation," I suspect it's her. Two more questions: is it your consternation that would be alleviated? And what exactly would be in it for her? This sounds... tilted in your favor.  

[Boris Farage 353]

Just now, elmcitymaven said:

I have to ask you, Boris of the Farage, what type of layer would you even want to open in your "relationship" with your ex? Generally, one does not have a "relationship" with one's ex. Friendship, as I have, maybe. What are you looking for? What are the "benefits" for her -- you not begrudging her the money you have been ordered to pay her?

There are those who have good, healthy relationships with their ex's. Good for them. In my case, there is friction. And there was dishonesty. (from her, not me. As I have said, I am and always have been an open book.)

Alas, for me this is just a mental exercise. I would not expect my ex to finally confide her secrets in me. But if she did, I believe it would be many steps towards removing that friction. Since we do still need to see each other occasionally, it would be nice to have a friendlier relationship. Perhaps @laylalex's relationship is different, more prone to salvage.

 

Just now, elmcitymaven said:

And painful for whom -- you or her?

It takes two to tango, and all that.

 

16 minutes ago, elmcitymaven said:

Two more questions: is it your consternation that would be alleviated?

You of course know me as the dashing, handsome leading man of Visa Journey 😉 so as hard as it is to believe Maven, my ex also has hard feelings, although much of it is unjustified. I digress. Whatever hard feelings exist between us would be alleviated, I'm sure. Again, this is all conjecture. I do not expect it shall ever happen. The sun will rise in the West, and Bernie Sanders will be President before my ex swallows her pride in such a way.

 

19 minutes ago, elmcitymaven said:

And what exactly would be in it for her? This sounds... tilted in your favor.  

Come now. Must it all be a zero sum game with you? Certainly an improved relationship is favourable for all involved.

[laylalex 7,275]

1 hour ago, Boris Farage said:

There are those who have good, healthy relationships with their ex's. Good for them. In my case, there is friction. And there was dishonesty. (from her, not me. As I have said, I am and always have been an open book.)

Alas, for me this is just a mental exercise. I would not expect my ex to finally confide her secrets in me. But if she did, I believe it would be many steps towards removing that friction. Since we do still need to see each other occasionally, it would be nice to have a friendlier relationship. Perhaps @laylalex's relationship is different, more prone to salvage.

@Boris Farage, you've given me a lot of food for thought. I also have... friction with my ex, and a lot of it comes from his side, but there is definitely some from mine as well. (Much of his side comes from his feelings about my choice of romantic partner, whom he does not approve of; mine comes from his years of gaslighting.) I would like all of the friction to just be OVER -- it is so exhausting sometimes. And given that he is going to be part of my life well after the support payments dry up, as we have many friends in common who don't want to take sides, I might be best off trying to just... clear the air. I'm not sure that there is much to salvage in terms of a friendship or relationship or whatever, but we have a wedding we're both attending in October that is going to be a complete DISASTER as it stands (he and the fiance don't want to be within 10 feet of each other) -- if at least 2 sides of this triangle of doom are playing nicely, it would make it less horrible.  

[Boiler 44,685]

14 minutes ago, laylalex said:

@Boris Farage, you've given me a lot of food for thought. I also have... friction with my ex, and a lot of it comes from his side, but there is definitely some from mine as well. (Much of his side comes from his feelings about my choice of romantic partner, whom he does not approve of; mine comes from his years of gaslighting.) I would like all of the friction to just be OVER -- it is so exhausting sometimes. And given that he is going to be part of my life well after the support payments dry up, as we have many friends in common who don't want to take sides, I might be best off trying to just... clear the air. I'm not sure that there is much to salvage in terms of a friendship or relationship or whatever, but we have a wedding we're both attending in October that is going to be a complete DISASTER as it stands (he and the fiance don't want to be within 10 feet of each other) -- if at least 2 sides of this triangle of doom are playing nicely, it would make it less horrible.  

Well if it is just a friends wedding take it in turn, I am sure they will understand, now if it is a child's wedding just suck it up for a few hours. No need to make this more difficult than it needs to be.