Speech @Atlantas State Capital on Domestic Violence 5/7/05

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

This is MY story ... I was able to speak on the steps of my State Capital on May7th 2005 bcz my co worker was killed by her husband in March 05...

Hi, my name is Tamara. I want to share my story with you, but first, I want to thank God for my life & for the opportunity to be here today to speak on domestic violence. Also, I want to thank those of you who asked me to speak and share my heart & story. I want to be a voice for those who can not speak & for those who no longer live. I hope & pray that through the words today you will be encouraged to speak loudly & stand strong against domestic violence. Never make an excuse or tolerate that which is wrong; domestic violence is one of those things that is surely wrong. Know this, that if its even one life that may be helped or spared because of todays words, everything I went thru will have been worth it. (For You!)

Let me share my story with you about my biological parents Sam & Pearl Parker and me & my two younger brothers David & Daniel. My mother Pearl grew up as a very caring young person, who always laughed & smiled, she never knew a stranger, she was a friend to everyone and everyone looked up to her with respect. -Thats the life she chose to live...

Sam grew up as a very rebellious teenager involved in the gangs of New Jersey. He was into drugs & alcohol at a very young age. Sam was in and out of jail for various things and always on the move. -Thats the life he choose to live...

Now, I don't recall how Pearl & Sam met but I'm quite sure that if she was like most girls, she was hooked on his good looks and "sweet" words. It didn't take long before he had her hooked & his manipulative ways begun to take over her mind.

In early 1981 she became pregnant with me and sometime that summer the two were married. While pregnant with me she had already started to accept his abusive & disrespectful behavior. How sad! Now, come on... He didn't even show love & respect to his own parents, family & friends! Why would a wife & kids be treated any differently???

In 1984 David was born. I recall moving from place to place in New Jersey because Sam was always in trouble with the law & none of the neighbors liked him. He said he was going to change and wanted a better life, so we moved to Louisiana. But a change of location or a change on the outside doesn't do any good for a change on the inside if its not sincere. His heart was still cold & his ways manipulative, his words were of lies & hate. Shortly after we moved to Louisiana, Daniel was born and still no change in Sams life.

Now, thats when I recall the nightmare of abuse for my mother & I. Only it wasn't just a bad dream, it was REALITY! I was 4 1/2 by then and for the next year it seemed like torture for my mother and I to be alive. How can a man who is supposed to love his wife & children do the things he did?

For Sam, crying was a sign of weakness and his kids had to be tough. So, I was always told not to cry, even after watching my mother being beat unmercifully or being beat myself. He would cut himself with a record and make us lick his blood. He would throw me over his shoulder and slam me to the floor & yank my long hair. He shot my kitten I just got because he was angry the kitten had hid behind the fridge. He would tell me he loved me and make me say it back to him. And still I could not cry in front of him.

And oh the things he did to my mother. He punched her in the face, blacked her eyes, bloodied her lips, told her he would always find her if she left him...(which he always did find us) he took away her self respect-prostituted her out in front of us kids and always beat her to the floor.

He made her work while he drank all day and vomited all night. Every day was a nightmare made alive! Oh, I imagine he loved her! He said I love you with his mouth and punched her with his fists.

The last anniversary before her murder he bought her a bunch of white roses in a huge green vase. That night he got angry and violent and threw the vase down, shattering glass everywhere. Then making her crawl on her hands & knees to pick up every piece. (Only a couple more months mom, then your life will be over,...& oh, (I have to see that!)

Let me read you this poem...

I want to dedicate this poem to my biological mother Pearl Parker, who died on August 6th 1987 at the age of 31 from domestic violence...

I Got Flowers Today

We had our first argument last night, and he said alot of cruel

things that really hurt me. I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said, because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today. It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day.

Last night he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare, I couldn't believe it was real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today, and it wasn't mothers day or any other special day. Last night, he beat me up again, it was much worse than all the other times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I'm afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral. Last night, he finally killed me. He beat me to death. If only I had gathered enough courage to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers today.....

... Aug. 6th 1987 (Sam & Pearl) outside arguing, came inside into the kitchen arguing. He started to beat her, bite her & kick her. (Later on I found out that he also broken her shoulder.) Moved from the kitchen to the living room and its much more intense and all 3 of us kids were only a few feet away. I can see this even now, he's beating and kicking her and yelling at her to stand up. "Stand up or I'll kill you" he says. She in agony and tears is saying "I can't get up!" I think at that point she knows her life is about to be over. He asked her where the gun was and she said it was in the closet. So he went to the closet and got the gun, went back over to her - only a few feet away from us kids and shot her in the head two times.

Sam plead guilty and was charged with involuntary manslaughter which carried a 15 yr max sentence. He got out of prison two times for "good" behavior, broken probation both times and had to finish out the sentence. He finished his sentence in August 2003 serving 16 yrs in prison.

I tell you my story because I want to help prevent you from having your own story like mine. Please stand up against domestic violence! If you or someone you know if being abused call the (National Domestic Violence Hotline # at 1-800-799-7233.

Make someones life your business and start today by speaking out!

I want to dedicate this poem to those who have gone thru the heartache and pain of domestic violence and may God bless you!

Sometimes its hard to give up control

And ask God to take care of everything.

But that is exactly what He wants us to do.

For when we let go of our problems,

Then He can take us by the

Hand and lead us.

I know its difficult to let go when things aren't good.

And I wish I could make everything all right for you.

But only God can do that.

He knows which pathway you should take,

And He knows where all the rocky places are.

So trust Him to guide you through all of this.

Give Him your burdens,

Give Him your hand

And He will never let you fall.

At the end of 1987 I was put into a wonderful adoptive family. I learned what true love really is and I learned the greatest example of how a man is to treat his wife and children by the example of my adopted father. He showed the greatest example for me and I'll never forget that!

So, I want to say thank you to (mom & dad -Cindy & Herman) for their love through out the years and to God, who has kept me alive and has given me life more abundantly!!!

God Bless You All... -Tamara

[Nagishkaw 510]

God bless you, Tamara.

[JODO 2]

Brave mother, brave daughter, I am so glad to call you a friend.

God Bless

D

[m&n 0]

That is a very moving speech.

[KarenCee 3]

Thank you for sharing that story. Makes me even prouder of myself....for getting out before things got to this point. Bless you Tamara.

[PaulineA 1]

Thanks for sharing your story. All the best for your future happiness

[one...two...tree 2,762]

[Aymerlu 3]

You are a very strong woman Tamara It takes a lot to get out and talk about things like this in your life. Six years ago I was helping woman that had been in the same situation I had been in with my ex. It took a lot for me to do this at first because I felt like I was exposing myself somehow to others I didn't know. I later found out there were a few women that because of what I had to say about DV, they had the courage to stay away from their abuser's and move on with their life. (With the help of the authorities.) I'm so glad I had the courage to get out of my abusive relationship when I did. I'm sure I would have left a child in the same situation you were in. Keep your story going Tamara.....it can save others in the future.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

This is MY story ... I was able to speak on the steps of my State Capital on May7th 2005 bcz my co worker was killed by her husband in March 05...

Hi, my name is Tamara. I want to share my story with you, but first, I want to thank God for my life & for the opportunity to be here today to speak on domestic violence. Also, I want to thank those of you who asked me to speak and share my heart & story. I want to be a voice for those who can not speak & for those who no longer live. I hope & pray that through the words today you will be encouraged to speak loudly & stand strong against domestic violence. Never make an excuse or tolerate that which is wrong; domestic violence is one of those things that is surely wrong. Know this, that if its even one life that may be helped or spared because of todays words, everything I went thru will have been worth it. (For You!)

Let me share my story with you about my biological parents Sam & Pearl Parker and me & my two younger brothers David & Daniel. My mother Pearl grew up as a very caring young person, who always laughed & smiled, she never knew a stranger, she was a friend to everyone and everyone looked up to her with respect. -Thats the life she chose to live...

Sam grew up as a very rebellious teenager involved in the gangs of New Jersey. He was into drugs & alcohol at a very young age. Sam was in and out of jail for various things and always on the move. -Thats the life he choose to live...

Now, I don't recall how Pearl & Sam met but I'm quite sure that if she was like most girls, she was hooked on his good looks and "sweet" words. It didn't take long before he had her hooked & his manipulative ways begun to take over her mind.

In early 1981 she became pregnant with me and sometime that summer the two were married. While pregnant with me she had already started to accept his abusive & disrespectful behavior. How sad! Now, come on... He didn't even show love & respect to his own parents, family & friends! Why would a wife & kids be treated any differently???

In 1984 David was born. I recall moving from place to place in New Jersey because Sam was always in trouble with the law & none of the neighbors liked him. He said he was going to change and wanted a better life, so we moved to Louisiana. But a change of location or a change on the outside doesn't do any good for a change on the inside if its not sincere. His heart was still cold & his ways manipulative, his words were of lies & hate. Shortly after we moved to Louisiana, Daniel was born and still no change in Sams life.

Now, thats when I recall the nightmare of abuse for my mother & I. Only it wasn't just a bad dream, it was REALITY! I was 4 1/2 by then and for the next year it seemed like torture for my mother and I to be alive. How can a man who is supposed to love his wife & children do the things he did?

For Sam, crying was a sign of weakness and his kids had to be tough. So, I was always told not to cry, even after watching my mother being beat unmercifully or being beat myself. He would cut himself with a record and make us lick his blood. He would throw me over his shoulder and slam me to the floor & yank my long hair. He shot my kitten I just got because he was angry the kitten had hid behind the fridge. He would tell me he loved me and make me say it back to him. And still I could not cry in front of him.

And oh the things he did to my mother. He punched her in the face, blacked her eyes, bloodied her lips, told her he would always find her if she left him...(which he always did find us) he took away her self respect-prostituted her out in front of us kids and always beat her to the floor.

He made her work while he drank all day and vomited all night. Every day was a nightmare made alive! Oh, I imagine he loved her! He said I love you with his mouth and punched her with his fists.

The last anniversary before her murder he bought her a bunch of white roses in a huge green vase. That night he got angry and violent and threw the vase down, shattering glass everywhere. Then making her crawl on her hands & knees to pick up every piece. (Only a couple more months mom, then your life will be over,...& oh, (I have to see that!)

Let me read you this poem...

I want to dedicate this poem to my biological mother Pearl Parker, who died on August 6th 1987 at the age of 31 from domestic violence...

I Got Flowers Today

We had our first argument last night, and he said alot of cruel

things that really hurt me. I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said, because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today. It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day.

Last night he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare, I couldn't believe it was real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today, and it wasn't mothers day or any other special day. Last night, he beat me up again, it was much worse than all the other times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I'm afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral. Last night, he finally killed me. He beat me to death. If only I had gathered enough courage to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers today.....

... Aug. 6th 1987 (Sam & Pearl) outside arguing, came inside into the kitchen arguing. He started to beat her, bite her & kick her. (Later on I found out that he also broken her shoulder.) Moved from the kitchen to the living room and its much more intense and all 3 of us kids were only a few feet away. I can see this even now, he's beating and kicking her and yelling at her to stand up. "Stand up or I'll kill you" he says. She in agony and tears is saying "I can't get up!" I think at that point she knows her life is about to be over. He asked her where the gun was and she said it was in the closet. So he went to the closet and got the gun, went back over to her - only a few feet away from us kids and shot her in the head two times.

Sam plead guilty and was charged with involuntary manslaughter which carried a 15 yr max sentence. He got out of prison two times for "good" behavior, broken probation both times and had to finish out the sentence. He finished his sentence in August 2003 serving 16 yrs in prison.

I tell you my story because I want to help prevent you from having your own story like mine. Please stand up against domestic violence! If you or someone you know if being abused call the (National Domestic Violence Hotline # at 1-800-799-7233.

Make someones life your business and start today by speaking out!

I want to dedicate this poem to those who have gone thru the heartache and pain of domestic violence and may God bless you!

Sometimes its hard to give up control

And ask God to take care of everything.

But that is exactly what He wants us to do.

For when we let go of our problems,

Then He can take us by the

Hand and lead us.

I know its difficult to let go when things aren't good.

And I wish I could make everything all right for you.

But only God can do that.

He knows which pathway you should take,

And He knows where all the rocky places are.

So trust Him to guide you through all of this.

Give Him your burdens,

Give Him your hand

And He will never let you fall.

At the end of 1987 I was put into a wonderful adoptive family. I learned what true love really is and I learned the greatest example of how a man is to treat his wife and children by the example of my adopted father. He showed the greatest example for me and I'll never forget that!

So, I want to say thank you to (mom & dad -Cindy & Herman) for their love through out the years and to God, who has kept me alive and has given me life more abundantly!!!

God Bless You All... -Tamara

tamara.. I was brutally battered for over 14 years by an alcoholic who put me in a hosptital for 5 months. He broke my soul and spirit . I wrote a book about it called YOU LEFT A WITNESS and there is a video on YOUTUBE called the house that love forgot. My children endured the horror too... true and brutal horror. I am just lucky I did not die. I used to be terrified for him to have a gun and hid his guns when he moved out . he was later arrested for assault ( of someone else of course) and sent to jail. I never have ever really recovered completely from it

[Twomoles 8]

[trueimage 0]

Wow, I don't know what to say except thank you for posting.

[alejandra 0]

Thank you Tamara for sharing part of your life with us. I wish you the best !!!!

[MHandMB 0]

I just saw this post, and it brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I hope someone who needs to read it stumbles across it and it helps them.

[Fandango 1,439]

oh my God, Tamara...what a strong woman you are.

The wind has been knocked out of me from just reading your story.

I've just said a prayer for Pearl.

Thank you for sharing it with us!

[Emancipation 2]

Your story.. so personal.. thank you for the gift of sharing it.. and for taking the chance so that others might get out of their own abuse story.. inspiring your spirit and your determination to live !