Complicated Situation, Conflicted on What to Do.

[Boiler 45,559]

Sounds like he was adjusting status.

[HRQX 4,145]

10 minutes ago, dwheels76 said:

I'm confused what you said. I didn't know when you are undocumented you could adjust status.

Unknown if he is a visa overstay or an Entry Without Inspection. The former can adjust if an immediate relative (per INA definition) of a USC. The latter generally can't; one of few exceptions: https://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/656548-tps-beneficiaries-that-entered-illegally-may-adjust-status-if-they-reside-in-the-6th-cir-or-9th-cir/

[Adam A 27]

23 minutes ago, dwheels76 said:

"So this is where everything gets complicated: My father, who is undocumented and has been living here in California for 20 years, finally got married to his long time USC partner last June 2018. They filed his I-130 and I-485 shortly after. My father is expecting to be interviewed on January 2019. "

 

I'm confused what you said. I didn't know when you are undocumented you could adjust status.

Also what happened st interview in January?

He interviewed back in his country correct.

Ypu really need a good lawyer.

 

Yes I don't get that part either about her undocumented father. 

 

But I went through F1 family sponsorship and I could honestly tell you it is not a walk in the park, took me around 7 years that at the end had to hire an attorney to complete it for me,  I had an interview in May of this year and got approved and waiting on my visa to arrive, good luck 

[inloveVEN 46]

22 hours ago, LonelyButHopeful said:

Hello everyone. I have a very complicated situation.

 

I came here in the US using my B2 visa on May 2018 to visit my USC boyfriend in South Dakota who I've been dating for 5 years. During my stay, things were going well and we decided to get married on September 2018, and he filed for I-130 and I-485 on my behalf.

 

Soon after that, things got so bad. My husband started to be controlling. He emotionally, mentally and sexually abused me. On December 2018, I flew to California to visit my immediate family members. Things escalated and he started to threaten me that he will call immigration to deport me, divorce me, withdraw my application and "f**k up" my life if I don't go back to South Dakota soon. He also threatened to close our joint bank account, which is the account where my relatives would send money to help us out a bit. This put me more into emotional and mental distress, that I didn't know what to do anymore. Threatened and traumatized on how he treated me back in South Dakota, I didn't think I was ready to come back there anytime soon. I kept all of this to myself, until I finally opened up to one of my closest friends about what has been going on. She then recommended me to go to a Women's Shelter here in California to ask them for help and advice on what to do when I decide to go back to South Dakota.

 

2 weeks ago, I finally took my friend's advice. The people in the Women's Shelter were very helpful, they told me what to do when my husband tries to abuse me again. They oriented me on "Domestic Violence Safety Plan", telling me what to do, what my escape plan would be if my husband tried to abuse me again. They suggested for me to see a therapist to evaluate my mental health. They also gave me a list of non-profit organizations that could help me since I was also threatened by my husband regarding my immigration status.

 

A week ago, I went to a licensed family therapist to evaluate my mental health. She diagnosed me with MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) and she also mentioned that I'm showing signs of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) due to what my husband did to me. She told me to attend therapy with her at least 8x and go to group therapy at the shelter where I went to. I was also given a list of pro bono divorce lawyers if I decided to divorce my husband. She also recommended that I don't go back to South Dakota until I finish my therapy sessions with her and the shelter, to heal my mind to make logical decisions.

 

Yesterday, I had an appointment with an immigration lawyer. She then told me that I may be eligible for VAWA, due to the abuse that was perpetrated by my husband. She told me that my case is weak if I decide to go that route, as I didn't call the police and that emotional and mental abuse is harder to prove than physical abuse and could be risky as if my application got denied, I may be put to removal proceedings.

 

So this is where everything gets complicated: My father, who is undocumented and has been living here in California for 20 years, finally got married to his long time USC partner last June 2018. They filed his I-130 and I-485 shortly after. My father is expecting to be interviewed on January 2019. Assuming that my father and step-mother would have a successful interview and the petition filed by my step-mother gets approved:

- Will my father and step-mother be able to petition me instead if I decided to divorce my husband?

- What will happen to my marriage-based I-130 and I-485 that's still pending?

- Will I have to go back to my home country if I decide to go this route?

 

At this point, I am so broken. I don't want anything to do with my husband who violated me in ways I cannot comprehend. To anyone who took time to read this, thank you. I hope someone out here can answer my questions..

 

 

You have a lot of opportunities going through VAWA. maybe you need to contact a lawyer expert in VAWA no matter how long your were married only is needed to demonstrate that there was domestic violence physical and/or emotional and no matter if you did not call the police, you have a medical report and probably some people can make an affidavit . This is the first step, because is needed that immigration recognize that you have a case. None has the right to abuse of you

Edited July 3, 2019 by inloveVEN
need to complete

[geowrian 22,337]

5 hours ago, HRQX said:

Unknown if he is a visa overstay or an Entry Without Inspection. The former can adjust if an immediate relative (per INA definition) of a USC. The latter generally can't; one of few exceptions: https://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/656548-tps-beneficiaries-that-entered-illegally-may-adjust-status-if-they-reside-in-the-6th-cir-or-9th-cir/

Also, potentially eligible to adjust under 245(i) (although this is getting exceedingly rarer to be practical given the timing).

[Dordor1 47]

Ygg

[LonelyButHopeful 9]

5 hours ago, HRQX said:

Unknown if he is a visa overstay or an Entry Without Inspection. The former can adjust if an immediate relative (per INA definition) of a USC. The latter generally can't; one of few exceptions: https://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/656548-tps-beneficiaries-that-entered-illegally-may-adjust-status-if-they-reside-in-the-6th-cir-or-9th-cir/

Apologies, my statement was unclear. My father entered the US using a B1 visa. Overstayed. 

[LonelyButHopeful 9]

6 hours ago, dwheels76 said:

"So this is where everything gets complicated: My father, who is undocumented and has been living here in California for 20 years, finally got married to his long time USC partner last June 2018. They filed his I-130 and I-485 shortly after. My father is expecting to be interviewed on January 2019. "

 

I'm confused what you said. I didn't know when you are undocumented you could adjust status.

Also what happened st interview in January?

He interviewed back in his country correct.

Ypu really need a good lawyer.

 

Apologies, I was unclear. My father came here using B1, and overstayed. I also had a mistake on the year, I was saying that assuming his interview goes well on January of 2020, not 2019. He hasn't been interviewed yet.

[Nitas_man 3,100]

On 7/1/2019 at 9:17 PM, LonelyButHopeful said:

Hello everyone. I have a very complicated situation.

 

I came here in the US using my B2 visa on May 2018 to visit my USC boyfriend in South Dakota who I've been dating for 5 years. During my stay, things were going well and we decided to get married on September 2018, and he filed for I-130 and I-485 on my behalf.

 

Soon after that, things got so bad. My husband started to be controlling. He emotionally, mentally and sexually abused me. On December 2018, I flew to California to visit my immediate family members. Things escalated and he started to threaten me that he will call immigration to deport me, divorce me, withdraw my application and "f**k up" my life if I don't go back to South Dakota soon. He also threatened to close our joint bank account, which is the account where my relatives would send money to help us out a bit. This put me more into emotional and mental distress, that I didn't know what to do anymore. Threatened and traumatized on how he treated me back in South Dakota, I didn't think I was ready to come back there anytime soon. I kept all of this to myself, until I finally opened up to one of my closest friends about what has been going on. She then recommended me to go to a Women's Shelter here in California to ask them for help and advice on what to do when I decide to go back to South Dakota.

 

2 weeks ago, I finally took my friend's advice. The people in the Women's Shelter were very helpful, they told me what to do when my husband tries to abuse me again. They oriented me on "Domestic Violence Safety Plan", telling me what to do, what my escape plan would be if my husband tried to abuse me again. They suggested for me to see a therapist to evaluate my mental health. They also gave me a list of non-profit organizations that could help me since I was also threatened by my husband regarding my immigration status.

 

A week ago, I went to a licensed family therapist to evaluate my mental health. She diagnosed me with MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) and she also mentioned that I'm showing signs of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) due to what my husband did to me. She told me to attend therapy with her at least 8x and go to group therapy at the shelter where I went to. I was also given a list of pro bono divorce lawyers if I decided to divorce my husband. She also recommended that I don't go back to South Dakota until I finish my therapy sessions with her and the shelter, to heal my mind to make logical decisions.

 

Yesterday, I had an appointment with an immigration lawyer. She then told me that I may be eligible for VAWA, due to the abuse that was perpetrated by my husband. She told me that my case is weak if I decide to go that route, as I didn't call the police and that emotional and mental abuse is harder to prove than physical abuse and could be risky as if my application got denied, I may be put to removal proceedings.

 

So this is where everything gets complicated: My father, who is undocumented and has been living here in California for 20 years, finally got married to his long time USC partner last June 2018. They filed his I-130 and I-485 shortly after. My father is expecting to be interviewed on January 2019. Assuming that my father and step-mother would have a successful interview and the petition filed by my step-mother gets approved:

- Will my father and step-mother be able to petition me instead if I decided to divorce my husband?

- What will happen to my marriage-based I-130 and I-485 that's still pending?

- Will I have to go back to my home country if I decide to go this route?

 

At this point, I am so broken. I don't want anything to do with my husband who violated me in ways I cannot comprehend. To anyone who took time to read this, thank you. I hope someone out here can answer my questions..

 

 

Is any of this abuse (while you lived with him) documented ?  

 

Because to be honest with you it is going to be hard to claim that pulling your petition and cutting you off after you got married then jetted off to california to join your father and stepmom is abuse.  Those actions, absent proof that he kicked you out or abused you there, are exactly what a USC spouse would do if they felt they were taken advantage of for immigration benefits stemming from an insincere (3-month?) marriage.  

Edited July 3, 2019 by Nitas_man

[Carpe Vinum 2,327]

4 hours ago, Nitas_man said:

Is any of this abuse (while you lived with him) documented ?  

 

Because to be honest with you it is going to be hard to claim that pulling your petition and cutting you off after you got married then jetted off to california to join your father and stepmom is abuse.  Those actions, absent proof that he kicked you out or abused you there, are exactly what a USC spouse would do if they felt they were taken advantage of for immigration benefits stemming from an insincere (3-month?) marriage.  

Not to sound insensitive but this is one of those cases that cries out to hear the other side of the story....Good Luck.

[laylalex 7,289]

Wow. Just wow. Would you like to hear what my ex-husband would say about what he did to me while we were married? He'd say he was protecting me, cherishing me, helping me, that he loved me and I was the most important person in his life. In reality what he was doing to me was very similar to the OP -- he completely controlled and abused me financially, emotionally and sexually. Like the OP, I was with him for five years before we were married, but he came over on a K1. He didn't escalate his abuse as quickly as her husband did. It was a long, slow burn that I did not want to recognize until he had broken me completely. Before our wedding, I had many people telling me that our marriage would be a disaster and to pay attention to the red flags that were flying but I was in love and wouldn't listen to any of it. If anything, it made me closer to him. 

 

Of course I was the American so I didn't have to worry about whether or not I could leave when I finally realized how bad things had gotten -- and even then, I didn't leave him because I was brainwashed into thinking it was all normal. It was normal to be lavished with gifts and attention one moment, and then have them withheld when I did something "wrong" (which was always a shifting point). It was normal for him to insist on trying for a baby even when I told him I wasn't ready. It was normal to have him tell me how stupid and useless I was for every single minor transgression of everyday life. Did I "document" this? No, I didn't even realize what was happening until I was a shell of myself. I was too embarrassed to tell my friends and family what was happening to me, and as time went on I stopped thinking that my life could be any other way. To other people my life looked perfect -- beautiful home, a seemingly loving husband, all the creature comforts. I thought nobody would believe me. Even now that we're divorced, he's still trying to insert himself into my life by attempting to break my fiance and me up. It's a nightmare that doesn't end, and some of our friends still can't and won't believe what happened because he's such a charming guy. 

 

So yeah, I believe this woman. She was with him for five years before she married him, and the distance may have made the faults less obvious. She confided in a friend when things got bad, she went to be safe with her family (wouldn't you?). She reported what happened to a women's shelter and they gave her some good advice. (There's your "documentation"!)  She went to a therapist and was diagnosed with depression and PTSD from the abuse. (More "documentation"!) You see only timing, I see a woman who got out. If she has a way to adjust status, and I don't know if she does, I'm not going to be so presumptuous to say she does, she should pursue it. What does it cost you to believe this person? 

[LonelyButHopeful 9]

On ‎7‎/‎3‎/‎2019 at 3:24 AM, Nitas_man said:

Is any of this abuse (while you lived with him) documented ?  

 

Because to be honest with you it is going to be hard to claim that pulling your petition and cutting you off after you got married then jetted off to california to join your father and stepmom is abuse.  Those actions, absent proof that he kicked you out or abused you there, are exactly what a USC spouse would do if they felt they were taken advantage of for immigration benefits stemming from an insincere (3-month?) marriage.  

No it was not. Because I was in denial that my husband is doing these things to me. He never wanted to kick me out, he wanted me to stay with him. He would make threats to make me stay. To make it even more clear, our initial plan was for him to come back with me to my home country and start our lives there, not here. But he still has 2 years of school left and I, on the other hand, already finished with my undergrad so it would only make sense (at the time) that I make the adjustment and move here.

 

I did not have any intentions on staying here in California initially. I was just visiting my family because I was not able to spend the holidays with them. But then the threats got even more worse over text messages and phone calls, which made me terrified to come back to South Dakota, hence me asking for help at the women's shelter in case he tries to abuse me again because I was planning to come back there soon.

 

I understand your point of view. And thank you for expressing it. This is exactly why I am in this thread, to get people's views on my situation.

[LonelyButHopeful 9]

13 hours ago, laylalex said:

Wow. Just wow. Would you like to hear what my ex-husband would say about what he did to me while we were married? He'd say he was protecting me, cherishing me, helping me, that he loved me and I was the most important person in his life. In reality what he was doing to me was very similar to the OP -- he completely controlled and abused me financially, emotionally and sexually. Like the OP, I was with him for five years before we were married, but he came over on a K1. He didn't escalate his abuse as quickly as her husband did. It was a long, slow burn that I did not want to recognize until he had broken me completely. Before our wedding, I had many people telling me that our marriage would be a disaster and to pay attention to the red flags that were flying but I was in love and wouldn't listen to any of it. If anything, it made me closer to him. 

 

Of course I was the American so I didn't have to worry about whether or not I could leave when I finally realized how bad things had gotten -- and even then, I didn't leave him because I was brainwashed into thinking it was all normal. It was normal to be lavished with gifts and attention one moment, and then have them withheld when I did something "wrong" (which was always a shifting point). It was normal for him to insist on trying for a baby even when I told him I wasn't ready. It was normal to have him tell me how stupid and useless I was for every single minor transgression of everyday life. Did I "document" this? No, I didn't even realize what was happening until I was a shell of myself. I was too embarrassed to tell my friends and family what was happening to me, and as time went on I stopped thinking that my life could be any other way. To other people my life looked perfect -- beautiful home, a seemingly loving husband, all the creature comforts. I thought nobody would believe me. Even now that we're divorced, he's still trying to insert himself into my life by attempting to break my fiance and me up. It's a nightmare that doesn't end, and some of our friends still can't and won't believe what happened because he's such a charming guy. 

 

So yeah, I believe this woman. She was with him for five years before she married him, and the distance may have made the faults less obvious. She confided in a friend when things got bad, she went to be safe with her family (wouldn't you?). She reported what happened to a women's shelter and they gave her some good advice. (There's your "documentation"!)  She went to a therapist and was diagnosed with depression and PTSD from the abuse. (More "documentation"!) You see only timing, I see a woman who got out. If she has a way to adjust status, and I don't know if she does, I'm not going to be so presumptuous to say she does, she should pursue it. What does it cost you to believe this person? 

This is how my husband is. When the women's shelter, immigration lawyer and my psychologist told me to not contact him for now until I get to the point where I am able to make a logical decision, because I'm incapable of it now due to the trauma I've experienced that I have yet to overcome. He would tell me that he was sorry, and that he will change. That's how he was too back when I was in South Dakota. It became a cycle: He would sexually, verbally or emotionally abuse me (which I would rather not go in detail as it gives me flashbacks), then when I break down he will apologize, telling me the way he is is because of how I am to him, treat me to something, then things will be ok for a couple of days then he will be back to sexually, verbally or emotionally abuse me. There were already red flags before we got married, but as they say, all flags look the same when you're in love. It just got even worse when he felt like he finally got a hold on me when we said our vows.

 

So, did I document this? No. It didn't come into my mind to do anything against my husband. Why would I? I'm very much in love with him. I didn't tell my family what was happening to me in South Dakota when I was there, why, you ask? I'm in a foreign place, no family, no friends. My parents were worried about me. They expressed that they didn't think that getting married would be a good idea but told me they would support whatever decision I make. I didn't want them to know and get worried about me even more. 

 

It's easy to assume that I just used my husband to get immigration benefits due to the "short term marriage". But that "short term" was a long grueling pain for me. Every night when I go to bed I would cry when my husband penetrates me without my consent. Yes, every night. I did not even know it was rape. After all, we're married and told me he has the right to do it even if I didn't want to. Would one really sacrifice their sanity and peace of mind just for immigration benefits? It's hard for me to accept the fact that I have PTSD. I can't even function normally, my mind is always overloaded and vigilant. It's 4th of the July today, and I as people would normally celebrate, I will be staying at a room with windows covered and sides of it taped, because my therapist told me that the loud noise will possibly trigger me. Happy 4th of the July.

 

Thank you laylalex, for understanding. It really it difficult. But you're giving me hope.

Edited July 4, 2019 by LonelyButHopeful

[laylalex 7,289]

2 hours ago, LonelyButHopeful said:

This is how my husband is. When the women's shelter, immigration lawyer and my psychologist told me to not contact him for now until I get to the point where I am able to make a logical decision, because I'm incapable of it now due to the trauma I've experienced that I have yet to overcome. He would tell me that he was sorry, and that he will change. That's how he was too back when I was in South Dakota. It became a cycle: He would sexually, verbally or emotionally abuse me (which I would rather not go in detail as it gives me flashbacks), then when I break down he will apologize, telling me the way he is is because of how I am to him, treat me to something, then things will be ok for a couple of days then he will be back to sexually, verbally or emotionally abuse me. There were already red flags before we got married, but as they say, all flags look the same when you're in love. It just got even worse when he felt like he finally got a hold on me when we said our vows.

 

So, did I document this? No. It didn't come into my mind to do anything against my husband. Why would I? I'm very much in love with him. I didn't tell my family what was happening to me in South Dakota when I was there, why, you ask? I'm in a foreign place, no family, no friends. My parents were worried about me. They expressed that they didn't think that getting married would be a good idea but told me they would support whatever decision I make. I didn't want them to know and get worried about me even more. 

 

It's easy to assume that I just used my husband to get immigration benefits due to the "short term marriage". But that "short term" was a long grueling pain for me. Every night when I go to bed I would cry when my husband penetrates me without my consent. Yes, every night. I did not even know it was rape. After all, we're married and told me he has the right to do it even if I didn't want to. Would one really sacrifice their sanity and peace of mind just for immigration benefits? It's hard for me to accept the fact that I have PTSD. I can't even function normally, my mind is always overloaded and vigilant. It's 4th of the July today, and I as people would normally celebrate, I will be staying at a room with windows covered and sides of it taped, because my therapist told me that the loud noise will possibly trigger me. Happy 4th of the July.

 

Thank you laylalex, for understanding. It really it difficult. But you're giving me hope.

Sending you all the best thoughts. It's so hard when it's someone that you love with all your self who is inflicting this on you. You not only have to deal with the very real abuse you're suffering, you also have to deal with the shame of choosing a person who would do this to you, and the shame of staying. When you say it got worse when you said your vows, that resonates with me, completely. I was trapped and because he made my trap so superficially beautiful and comfortable, I stayed. It helped that he traveled a lot for business once he adjusted from his K1, but then I was just lonely and that brought its own problems.

 

I'm so sorry to read about the sexual abuse. That's much, much worse than what I had to endure, which was just a lot of being coerced into trying for a baby when I really didn't want to. My therapist says the coercion is still abuse, but it just felt like it was what I was supposed to be doing. Honestly, I'm lucky I got out without a child to join us forever. And the vigilance? Yeah, I'm always expecting to be put down or belittled still for every little thing I do wrong. It's like I still flinch and expect the worst every time. My boyfriend is so supportive and tries to make sure that I know that I'm not in trouble for not being "perfect" but I sometimes I wonder why he puts up with me. My therapist has me working on learning to trust myself again and while it's tough work, it's rewarding. Having a supportive partner, and family and friends who embraced me once my ex left me (finally) has been a gift without value.

 

You can do this. I'm here on the other side (my ex walked out 2 and a half years ago, and our divorce was final about 5 months ago) and while it isn't perfect yet I am SO much better now. Trust in yourself -- you are strong and you are deserving of good things. You have people who truly love you and will be there for you. Best to you, and this is indeed an independence day for you. ❤️ 

[LoveAlways2 90]

On 7/4/2019 at 12:05 AM, laylalex said:

Wow. Just wow. Would you like to hear what my ex-husband would say about what he did to me while we were married? He'd say he was protecting me, cherishing me, helping me, that he loved me and I was the most important person in his life. In reality what he was doing to me was very similar to the OP -- he completely controlled and abused me financially, emotionally and sexually. Like the OP, I was with him for five years before we were married, but he came over on a K1. He didn't escalate his abuse as quickly as her husband did. It was a long, slow burn that I did not want to recognize until he had broken me completely. Before our wedding, I had many people telling me that our marriage would be a disaster and to pay attention to the red flags that were flying but I was in love and wouldn't listen to any of it. If anything, it made me closer to him. 

 

Of course I was the American so I didn't have to worry about whether or not I could leave when I finally realized how bad things had gotten -- and even then, I didn't leave him because I was brainwashed into thinking it was all normal. It was normal to be lavished with gifts and attention one moment, and then have them withheld when I did something "wrong" (which was always a shifting point). It was normal for him to insist on trying for a baby even when I told him I wasn't ready. It was normal to have him tell me how stupid and useless I was for every single minor transgression of everyday life. Did I "document" this? No, I didn't even realize what was happening until I was a shell of myself. I was too embarrassed to tell my friends and family what was happening to me, and as time went on I stopped thinking that my life could be any other way. To other people my life looked perfect -- beautiful home, a seemingly loving husband, all the creature comforts. I thought nobody would believe me. Even now that we're divorced, he's still trying to insert himself into my life by attempting to break my fiance and me up. It's a nightmare that doesn't end, and some of our friends still can't and won't believe what happened because he's such a charming guy. 

 

So yeah, I believe this woman. She was with him for five years before she married him, and the distance may have made the faults less obvious. She confided in a friend when things got bad, she went to be safe with her family (wouldn't you?). She reported what happened to a women's shelter and they gave her some good advice. (There's your "documentation"!)  She went to a therapist and was diagnosed with depression and PTSD from the abuse. (More "documentation"!) You see only timing, I see a woman who got out. If she has a way to adjust status, and I don't know if she does, I'm not going to be so presumptuous to say she does, she should pursue it. What does it cost you to believe this person? 

Thank you for poiting this out! I was also married to a bad husband but "great member of the community" so half of the people think I am the crazy one for "leaving such a good giving man" 

 

When woman don't leave, some people call us "dumb" for staying, we we do leave, then we are the bad ones.  

 

OP,  consult with another attorney, talk to Sandra on the VAWA thread. I really wish you the best.