Coping with homesickness

[JudeB77 29]

1 minute ago, Going through said:

Should've felt just like home in rainy London, then 😛 

Haha! Not with the weather we're having here at the moment. Back in London it rained a lot but it rarely rained too hard. Here we've had thunderstorms with torrential downpours almost every day this past week. I didn't fancy swimming home on my bike!

[ZirZai 36]

Try returning home for a month within the year if possible. It really helped me with my homesickness. Not that it ever goes away but having a very hyperactive baby kept my mind off home for longer after that. Now I try visiting every year but it gets better eventually.

Edited June 24, 2019 by ZirZai

[Boris Farage 353]

Didn''t want to admit it at the time (the ex said I was a typical English male in this regard) but I was rather homesick while my AOS was progressing. I'd left a full social and work life in London, and now here I was in Pasadena, CA with little to do and no friends. Wasn't a big fan of most of her friends either, but I was able to forge a strong bond with her father, which kept me sane. In London, I was constantly moving and in California... stasis. I filled the time with reading, primarily American history books to get a sense of how this country essentially created itself out of the wilderness, and I eventually let myself be dragged to an expat meetup where I connected with a couple of other recent immigrants from London/the Southeast.  Weekends were spent travelling and exploring Southern California, plenty to see around here. Keeping busy and active, and planning on next steps are key to combatting the malaise that inevitably sets in. Having a supportive spouse -- which you appear to have -- can't say enough for it. Though my ex and I split on terms that were not the best, I can't fault how she listened to my every gripe and whinge at the time, and did whatever she could to keep my spirits up. As soon as AOS was complete I went back to the UK for work reasons, spent six months there in total, and while it was comfortable to be home, it threw the aspects of life in America that I did enjoy into sharp relief, not least the lack of cameras everywhere over here! I had utterly forgotten how I was constantly under surveillance in London under the guise of security... and wanted to come back to where I felt much more free.

 

It does get better, can't disagree. Been here 9 years later this year and can't imagine moving back now. I even go to baseball games now, never would have imagined that when I first got here. Drove everyone mad describing it as 'bastardised cricket,' mostly to wind people up (it worked!), but now I do the seventh inning stretch with the rest of the crowd. Best of luck to you, this isn't the easiest time but it will pass, and faster than you think.

[TBoneTX 45,329]

2 hours ago, JudeB77 said:

I've started talking to a local non-profit organisation about possibly doing some volunteer work for them, so if that comes off it will keep me busy and should also help with getting to know some more people. I also just took my bike out for a ride for the first time in a couple of months. I used to love riding my bike back in London and it was great to get back on it

This is good!  Doing anything to get yourself off dead center and out of the house is a boon.

2 hours ago, JudeB77 said:

it started to rain

Great opportunity to grab some shampoo and soap and have a free shower!

2 hours ago, JudeB77 said:

British and cynical

We humbly welcome you to, and are certain that you'll adapt to, the Colonies.  

[TBoneTX 45,329]

24 minutes ago, Boris Farage said:

Drove everyone mad describing it as 'bastardised cricket,' mostly to wind people up (it worked!)

You see, OP?  If he can play with people's minds this easily, so can you.  Begin your devious plotting now.

[Wuozopo 4,293]

3 hours ago, JudeB77 said:

I actually studied over here about 20 years ago (I first met my husband then, although we were just friends in those days), so I have some idea of the Ole Miss tradition. Unfortunately I couldn't get into it then and I'm unlikely to be able to get into it now. I'm too British and cynical 😏

Aww heck, I'm an OAP almost and probably 25 years your senior. And I have been sucked in by the Texas Aggies. And baseball.  Maybe being older,  my group of friends had moved on and we didn't hang out or talk often. Maybe your family is a lot nicer than mine too 😂. Anyway, I've changed and have a new outgoing personality I didn't know I had. I used to be so wound up all the time...for decades. And I know so many more people now, young and old, who consider me their friend.  It has to be because I let them in.

 

I am so sorry you are having a rough start. Have you thought about talking to a doctor or therapist who could get you over the rough patch? If you could get eased past the crying every day, that would be a start. Everything looks worse through tears. One day at a time. Thinking too far ahead toward EAD/AP may be too much of a mental burden. What can work for a short term goal to look forward to. Anything? A weekend road trip? A short vacation to plan? 

[bakphx1 789]

One thing that helped my husband was to plan the trip home even when it was a ways off.  You will want to take gifts back and you can start looking and buying unique things for people close to you.  This way instead of buying souvenirs at the last minute, you can think about what is more personal.  Shopping for his family one gift at a time made him feel the connection and a reminder they’d see each other again.

[Sarah G 177]

I'm currently going through AOS too, something we weren't planning on doing when I got here in late April for what was supposed to be a visit. I am VERY relieved to not have to say a painful goodbye at the airport next month now that we have filed (got a text notification on Friday from USCIS) but I definitely feel some homesickness. Today is my nephew's 6th birthday and watching him open his presents via video call just now was a bittersweet experience. BUT I have been working on expanding our friendship group here in small town Oklahoma for the past two years and my husband's family are lovely when we visit them in Arkansas. 

 

I don't love the fact that I feel pretty bloody useless at the moment, and church bells chiming the time make me cry because that feels SO English to me! But I keep reminding myself that this is where I have been the happiest I have ever been. That the person I love is here, and I get to go to bed beside him every night now, for as long as we will have each other. That's why I'm doing this, and it's why it's worth the sacrifice of my life in England. 

 

I really believe it will get better and for me at least this isn't as bad as being away from my husband, wondering when I will see him again. 

 

As for coping, I am doing the things you talk about - seeing friends I have here, making new ones, keeping up with hobbies (I have several penpals and writing with them is something I can do from anywhere in the world so it feels nice and familiar), planning little days out for us on weekends. I may see if I can find some kind of distance learning course to keep me occupied too. Or maybe have a go at writing a book, why not! 

 

If you ever want to talk to someone who is going through all of this right with you, ping me a message 😊 

 

[mc962 55]

When my wife (also doing K1 -> AOS) feels homesick, she makes food from her home country. I'm not sure if that makes her more or less homesick 🤔  but at least it's delicious. 😆

She also recently started taking some English as a Second Language (ESL) classes at the local library, and enjoys that as an activity to do and as well as to meet new people.

While that wouldn't necessarily make sense for you to take as a class, maybe you could volunteer your time as an ESL teacher at your local library/school? Or if you want to lean a new language (and as people said, it seems to be a university town), maybe you could enroll in that kind of class (or any kind of class)?

[ILikeBread 43]

Picking up a hobby helps, for exemple I recently found used golf clubs at Goodwill for really cheap and the golf course close to ours has free putting and chipping practice areas, it gets me out of the house and gives me something not too serious to be obsessed about which helps while the job search is on going.

[junkmart 320]

12 hours ago, JudeB77 said:

Thank you all for your kind words and your suggestions and advice. It does help to know that I'm not the only one to feel like this, and that it will end - eventually. 

 

I've started talking to a local non-profit organisation about possibly doing some volunteer work for them, so if that comes off it will keep me busy and should also help with getting to know some more people. I also just took my bike out for a ride for the first time in a couple of months. I used to love riding my bike back in London and it was great to get back on it, even though my ride was curtailed because it started to rain. 

Volunteering and exercise were going to be my top suggestions. Both of those really helped my husband to not go out of his mind. Another thing that really helped was having our dog at home for company during the day, although I realize not everyone has the time and resources that a pet requires. Volunteering at a place like a homeless shelter/soup kitchen/food pantry can really help get your mind off of your homesickness and refocus on being grateful for what you do have.

[JudeB77 29]

11 hours ago, TBoneTX said:

 

We humbly welcome you to, and are certain that you'll adapt to, the Colonies.  

Why thank you, my good man 😃

[JudeB77 29]

12 hours ago, Boris Farage said:

It does get better, can't disagree. Been here 9 years later this year and can't imagine moving back now. I even go to baseball games now, never would have imagined that when I first got here. Drove everyone mad describing it as 'bastardised cricket,' mostly to wind people up (it worked!), but now I do the seventh inning stretch with the rest of the crowd. Best of luck to you, this isn't the easiest time but it will pass, and faster than you think.

Thanks. Alas I've never been into sports - at home or here - so I can't see myself being sucked into going to baseball or American football games.I'll just have to find a different way to wind people up 😂

Anyway, it's great to hear from someone else who moved over here from London. I'm not going to pretend I loved everything about living there but the good stuff always outweighed the bad, enough for me to have stuck with it for 18 years. I sometimes think I'm crazy to have given up living there so it's reassuring to know there's life after London. 

[JudeB77 29]

10 hours ago, Wuozopo said:

I am so sorry you are having a rough start. Have you thought about talking to a doctor or therapist who could get you over the rough patch? If you could get eased past the crying every day, that would be a start. Everything looks worse through tears. One day at a time. Thinking too far ahead toward EAD/AP may be too much of a mental burden. What can work for a short term goal to look forward to. Anything? A weekend road trip? A short vacation to plan? 

My husband and I have talked about me seeing a counsellor. At the moment it's a question of money - his work goes in cycles and right now it's in the middle of a quiet cycle so things are a little tight. We know someone, a friend of a friend, who might be able to offer us cheaper rates so we're just waiting to see if that pans out. The same goes for road trips or vacations - it's a question of money. That said, we're hoping to get away for a couple of days in the next week or so. I can't wait to get out of town!

[JudeB77 29]

1 hour ago, junkmart said:

Another thing that really helped was having our dog at home for company during the day, although I realize not everyone has the time and resources that a pet requires. 

Funnily enough right now I have our cat sitting on my lap trying to 'help' me to write this reply. I agree that having a pet around during the day does help. It's nice to feel useful, even if that is only as the cat's servant 😂