Coping with homesickness

[JudeB77 29]

Hi all. I've been over here in the US for almost four months now - I arrived on March 4 on a K1 visa, married April 3, filed AOS at the end of May. This is meant to be what I wanted, and what I waited for for many months. I love my husband dearly. But I'm homesick.

 

When I say I'm homesick, I mean that I'm crying every day because I miss my home, my friends and my family so much. I lived in London for 18 years before coming over here, where I had a job that I (mostly) enjoyed. I had my life over there. I'm now living in a small town in Mississippi where there's very little to do, and there's not a lot to distract me from thoughts of home.

 

I'm trying to do all the things I've read that you're supposed to do to stop feeling homesick. I'm trying to keep up with hobbies, I'm trying to be social, to accept invitations and to meet new people (my husband knows a LOT of people) even though naturally I'm more of a homebody. But I can't stop thinking that this has all been a mistake and that we should have done things the other way round and my husband should have moved to the UK. 

 

Not being able to work and not being able to leave the country are making things worse. Some friends back home have said I can stay with them if I want to - and knowing that I can't is just killing me. Looking at photos of back home on Facebook just brings on more tears.

 

My husband is being wonderful and supportive. He keeps asking what he can do to help, and says that we can move wherever I want to once I'm able to work. But that's going to be the end of the year at the absolute earliest and I honestly don't know how I can wait that long. All I can think about is that I want to go home.

 

I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that this will get better. If you were homesick how did you cope? How long until you got over it? 

 

[Jeanne Adil 1,651]

truthfully i would be homesick moving from a big city to small town Mississippi

all i can say is talk daily on whatsapp or facebook face to face with family and freinds

 

once you move away it is hard to go back / things change at home even in a few months

if you do decide to return,  your friends will marry , have a family and make their own moves /  things change all the time

 

as soon as you are able , go home for a visit 

you will find out that missing your husband is also a strain 

[Ontarkie 14,227]

It does get better. For me it took about 6 months before it started to feel like it wasn't the end of the world. I'm a home body not very spontaneous or adventurist. I hate moving even just a little bit so the big move to Arkansas was very rough. I really didn't feel like this was home for a bout a year and about 3 years before I didn't want to leave this place given the chance. 

 

11 yrs here now and although it's still a weird place I won't be going back to Canada (wont say ever because that is a long time). Mostly because my older kids grew up here and have a life and I like the warm weather here vs Canada.

[AnJay 137]

16 minutes ago, JudeB77 said:Hi all. I've been over here in the US for almost four months now - I arrived on March 4 on a K1 visa, married April 3, filed AOS at the end of May. This is meant to be what I wanted, and what I waited for for many months. I love my husband dearly. But I'm homesick.

 

When I say I'm homesick, I mean that I'm crying every day because I miss my home, my friends and my family so much. I lived in London for 18 years before coming over here, where I had a job that I (mostly) enjoyed. I had my life over there. I'm now living in a small town in Mississippi where there's very little to do, and there's not a lot to distract me from thoughts of home.

 

I'm trying to do all the things I've read that you're supposed to do to stop feeling homesick. I'm trying to keep up with hobbies, I'm trying to be social, to accept invitations and to meet new people (my husband knows a LOT of people) even though naturally I'm more of a homebody. But I can't stop thinking that this has all been a mistake and that we should have done things the other way round and my husband should have moved to the UK. 

 

Not being able to work and not being able to leave the country are making things worse. Some friends back home have said I can stay with them if I want to - and knowing that I can't is just killing me. Looking at photos of back home on Facebook just brings on more tears.

 

My husband is being wonderful and supportive. He keeps asking what he can do to help, and says that we can move wherever I want to once I'm able to work. But that's going to be the end of the year at the absolute earliest and I honestly don't know how I can wait that long. All I can think about is that I want to go home.

 

I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that this will get better. If you were homesick how did you cope? How long until you got over it? 

 

I have been in US way longer than you are. Yes i did feel homesick for a while, but i realized that i have to fully adapt to live here, adapt to a new culture, new way of life, laws and rules and I did. But my whole situation was way worst then yours ( if you want to feel better, just sent me a message) we faced alot of circumstances with my husband and overcame alot of problems. So unfortunately i can not relate and has no advices to you. But I love this country and people here and my new family here, otherwise i would move back in a heartbeat if i was depressed, etc. Good luck:)

[TBoneTX 45,308]

First thing:  Your feelings are exceptionally normal, and there's nothing wrong with your feelings or with you.

 

You're lucky to be in a university town.

Get to campus and go to the International Student center.  Spend the day.  Repeat.

Chances are that you'll meet some UK folks, or be referred to them.  Form acquaintanceships.

Some might be aware of other UK transplants living in town.  Contact and befriend them.

They can tell you how they overcame homesickness, which gives you a guide for yourself.

Finally, keep giving it time, and keep the faith.

[Marieke H 2,512]

It does get better. I felt the same for my first 7 months here. We even considered me moving back because my husband hated to see me so unhappy. 

But it got better when I started working. I now have a job that I love, made amazing new friends, and I feel useful again.

Give it some time. Those first months just suck.

Edited June 23, 2019 by MariekeH

[Crazy Cat 41,888]

12 minutes ago, TBoneTX said:

First thing:  Your feelings are exceptionally normal, and there's nothing wrong with your feelings or with you.

 

You're lucky to be in a university town.

Get to campus and go to the International Student center.  Spend the day.  Repeat.

Chances are that you'll meet some UK folks, or be referred to them.  Form acquaintanceships.

Some might be aware of other UK transplants living in town.  Contact and befriend them.

They can tell you how they overcame homesickness, which gives you a guide for yourself.

Finally, keep giving it time, and keep the faith.

Wow!!!  That's great advice............and that campus is nice.......

[TBoneTX 45,308]

The suggestion acknowledges the validity of her feelings and enables a path forward.

[Bajinga 136]

It will get better over time. keep yourself busy, if you stay at home try to find new hobbies, maybe take a couple of classes in a community college and that will help you meet some new friends. don't think too much about the past and how the life was at home. even if you had stayed in UK, things would have changed there as well. Also once you start working, life will get busy and you will feel much better. Also, your mind will adapt over time, So trust the decision you had made and try to build a future with your husband

[Going through 5,671]

I've been here for 15 years and the feeling of homesickness never fully goes away, and creeps up on me at unexpected times especially if I come across something that seems quintessentially "Canadian" to me.  

 

Right now everything seems absolutely foreign to you (no pun intended), even simple every day tasks like figuring out public transit, grocery shopping with unfamiliar brands, etc.

 

Once you get your GC (since it sounds like you didn't apply for AP with your AOS), plan a trip back to the UK to touch base with home/family/friends.

In the interim, I would also suggest trying to get your hands on local goods from home---there are several websites that sell UK food goodies for expats, or ask family/friends to send you a care package---you may find that comforting, as you can then prepare meals with familiar ingredients and get a little piece of familiarity.

 

It's very good that your husband is supportive during this time---many USCs (not all) sometimes don't take into account how difficult the transition can be, especially in the first several months.  Even if you've visited a place often, living in another country is an entirely different matter.  Continue to communicate with him, as it can be frustrating for your husband as well as he may begin to feel guilty later on.

 

Last piece of advice:  It does get better---it will get better.  Move at your own pace, and don't let anyone tell you how quickly they think you should adapt, or assimilate, or to "get over it".  No one knows what you're going through unless they've been in your same shoes.  

[carmel34 3,633]

I worry about this on behalf of my husband, who just received his CR-1 visa and is planning to move here to California in two months.  He'll be leaving the town he was born and grew up in, where he has all his family, friends, his whole life is there, and he's giving it all up, for our relationship, for me.  He's worked continuously for most of his life and that will end when he moves here.  Will he get bored?  Homesick?  I worry about what he'll do while I'm at work, even though it won't take months but maybe a few weeks to get his SSN so he can start working.  It's a real challenge with immigration so I feel for you.  Having moved a lot and lived in three different countries and many different cities, I would suggest that you do as others have said and give it time.  It will get better.  And take time for yourself, to do things you always wanted to do but didn't have time because of work or other obligations.  Take advantage of this opportunity, because once you start working again you won't have the time anymore. Good luck and hang in there!  In a few more months you'll be able to work and travel.

[Wuozopo 4,293]

So sorry you're having a struggle.  It's that dreadful K1 time when you can't do anything really,  that makes it  even worse. Can you plead to get family and friends to come visit you?  

 

You can look for a job and if you get an offer you can try for an expedited EAD. The problem with a small college town is there are so many students to fill jobs. Maybe get on it this summer while many are away from campus. Surely a British accent will fascinate many who are so used to that southern drawl. You'll be a popular novelty. 

 

Oxford is a charming town, but I can imagine the culture is really weird to you. It's deep, Deep South. Rent the movie  The Blind Side with Sandra Bullock and get some insight into that Ole Miss tradition and loyalty. Football season will offer some new experiences. I would love to travel to the Grove in Oxford for game day just once to people watch. Put on an Ole Miss t-shirt and join the party. It will still seem weird to you, but give it a fair shot. Who knows, you may get as brainwashed as the rest of 'em. 

[JudeB77 29]

Thank you all for your kind words and your suggestions and advice. It does help to know that I'm not the only one to feel like this, and that it will end - eventually. 

 

I've started talking to a local non-profit organisation about possibly doing some volunteer work for them, so if that comes off it will keep me busy and should also help with getting to know some more people. I also just took my bike out for a ride for the first time in a couple of months. I used to love riding my bike back in London and it was great to get back on it, even though my ride was curtailed because it started to rain. 

[Going through 5,671]

1 minute ago, JudeB77 said:

. I used to love riding my bike back in London and it was great to get back on it, even though my ride was curtailed because it started to rain. 

Should've felt just like home in rainy London, then 😛 

[JudeB77 29]

1 hour ago, Wuozopo said:

 

Oxford is a charming town, but I can imagine the culture is really weird to you. It's deep, Deep South. Rent the movie  The Blind Side with Sandra Bullock and get some insight into that Ole Miss tradition and loyalty. Football season will offer some new experiences. I would love to travel to the Grove in Oxford for game day just once to people watch. Put on an Ole Miss t-shirt and join the party. It will still seem weird to you, but give it a fair shot. Who knows, you may get as brainwashed as the rest of 'em. 

I actually studied over here about 20 years ago (I first met my husband then, although we were just friends in those days), so I have some idea of the Ole Miss tradition. Unfortunately I couldn't get into it then and I'm unlikely to be able to get into it now. I'm too British and cynical 😏