Question ?

[payxibka 10,045]

4 minutes ago, Jorgedig said:

Seems to me that the NVC stage is taking MUCH longer for some folks this year vs. last year.  I think the transit of our approved petition from CSC ---> NVC --->Auckland was < two weeks.

Yes,  to to the unforeseen improvement by the uscis,  nvc is getting slammed 

[Shiran 1,134]

4 hours ago, TastyCake said:

the term 'house arrest' is a bit chilling even if uttered tongue-in-cheek.

It might be chilling but it is apt. Life in most cities in US sucks and depressing with desolate streets, only filled by cars, and hardly a living human being in sight, combined with complete and utter lack of public transportation, and nothing to do at home. Add to it that vegetables (tomatoes especially) taste very weird. Multiply it 10 fold if there is a language issue. The mini-getaways while nice, can get expensive in a hurry, but also by their very nature they can feel like temporary relief before going back to house arrest confinement. 

 

Obviously a lot of it will depend on where exactly the you live, near downtown area, or one of the a few cities with functional public transport, and with a community where person can integrate it helps a lot. 

Edited June 12, 2019 by Shiran

[SalishSea 17,836]

1 hour ago, payxibka said:

Yes,  to to the unforeseen improvement by the uscis,  nvc is getting slammed 

So the overall time from NOA1 to interview (with the huge variations in consulate schedules) probably has not decreased significantly.

[payxibka 10,045]

Just now, Jorgedig said:

So the overall time from NOA1 to interview (with the huge variations in consulate schedules) probably has not decreased significantly.

Would be my guess.   At best traded 2 months better for about a month worse.  Should regain the nvc month deterioration once they get over the bow wave,  but then the uscis will probably revert 

[TastyCake 232]

23 minutes ago, Shiran said:

It might be chilling but it is apt. Life in most cities in US sucks and depressing with desolate streets, only filled by cars, and hardly a living human being in sight, combined with complete and utter lack of public transportation, and nothing to do at home. Add to it that vegetables (tomatoes especially) taste very weird. Multiply it 10 fold if there is a language issue. The mini-getaways while nice, can get expensive in a hurry, but also by their very nature they can feel like temporary relief before going back to house arrest confinement. 

 

Obviously a lot of it will depend on where exactly the you live, near downtown area, or one of the a few cities with functional public transport, and with a community where person can integrate it helps a lot. 

Ok, first of all I never said you need to take trips every weekend and go into bankruptcy but you can't just leave her stranded day after day.  She'll be on a one-way trip back to her country in no time... and I wouldn't blame her.

 

You paint this really bleak picture of life in America.   I am not sure where you live but in my state there are several nice places to live.  If you're going to go overseas to find a wife don't bring her back here to live in Stalag 17.

 

And if the woman is from the city, don't bring her to Bumpkus Falls and say 'tough luck'.  This woman left heart and home to be with you because you are ostensibly the love of her life.  Consider changing your living arrangements so the woman has a snowball's chance in hell of enjoying her life while the paperwork stuff works itself out.

 

When I hear a man say you shouldn't spoil your woman when my point is to  help her assimilate, that to me is a problem.  You're in the fast lane to divorce court with that attitude.

 

I relocated to a place near a cute town center with some cafes, restaurants, a little shopping.  She does yoga and Pilates and there are places for this in town.  All are within walking distance.

 

I have researched festivals, fairs and other events that I can take her to throughout the year.  We will certainly grab some dinner at a restaurant on the weekends as a treat.

 

Will there be some bumps and bouts of homesickness?  You bet.  But my lady isn't going to be under any form of 'house arrest' as long as there is breath in me.

 

[Crazy Cat 41,887]

48 minutes ago, Shiran said:

Life in most cities in US sucks and depressing with desolate streets, only filled by cars, and hardly a living human being in sight,

Most US cities??????  Really?????   You should travel more.  Here in Texas (which could hold every person in the entire world), it isn't like that at all.......

[arken 4,197]

1 hour ago, Shiran said:

It might be chilling but it is apt. Life in most cities in US sucks and depressing with desolate streets, only filled by cars, and hardly a living human being in sight, combined with complete and utter lack of public transportation, and nothing to do at home. Add to it that vegetables (tomatoes especially) taste very weird. Multiply it 10 fold if there is a language issue. The mini-getaways while nice, can get expensive in a hurry, but also by their very nature they can feel like temporary relief before going back to house arrest confinement. 

“Few” would be the right word.

Edited June 12, 2019 by arken

[payxibka 10,045]

15 minutes ago, missileman said:

Most US cities??????  Really?????   You should travel more.  Here in Texas (which could hold every person in the entire world), it isn't like that at all.......

Does Texas have a well developed public transportation system, where if one isn't able to drive can simply walk outside and within a few hundred meters find a ride of some sort?

[Crazy Cat 41,887]

1 minute ago, payxibka said:

Does Texas have a well developed public transportation system, where if one isn't able to drive can simply walk outside and within a few hundred meters find a ride of some sort?

Uber.....

[payxibka 10,045]

1 minute ago, missileman said:

Uber.....

Well if uber is a well developed public transit system, then you need to travel more. 

[Crazy Cat 41,887]

Just now, payxibka said:

Well if uber is a well developed public transit system, then you need to travel more. 

Dallas has a DART bus system.......I'm not aware of any other developed public transportation system nearby......

(off topic: Taipei, Taiwan has the best metro system in the world, imo).......

[payxibka 10,045]

1 minute ago, missileman said:

Dallas has a DART bus system.......I'm not aware of any other developed public transportation system nearby......

(off topic: Taipei, Taiwan has the best metro system in the world, imo).......

Maybe so, but can't hold a candle to jeepneys and trikes.  One must experience the joy of 10 on a trike at least once in their life 

[theresaL 408]

OP there are many things your spouse can do to stay occupied while waiting for EAD. We live 20 miles outside of the main city with no public transportation. My husband went to English class for 2.5 yrs. I drove him to his school every morning and picked him up during my lunch break until he got his DL. We went to a French conversation group every Sat. afternoon together so he could speak French with other native speakers. He worked with a private tutor (friend of a colleague) and they helped each other with language, him English and her French. They both love art and started drawing art projects. I gave him a 6 week watercolor painting class for his birthday. He started vegetable gardening. You don't need a large plot of ground you can garden in containers on the balcony/deck/patio if you have one and have fresh veggies to eat. During this time he stayed busy and productive and was never bored. Now that he's working he complains he doesn't have time for all the things he enjoyed before.

 

I know every situation is different but there is a way to make it work just get creative. Don't let the long wait time for EAD discourage you both from enjoying your new life together. Good luck on your interview.

Edited June 12, 2019 by theresaL

[HTMW 378]

1 hour ago, TastyCake said:

Ok, first of all I never said you need to take trips every weekend and go into bankruptcy but you can't just leave her stranded day after day.  She'll be on a one-way trip back to her country in no time... and I wouldn't blame her.

 

You paint this really bleak picture of life in America.   I am not sure where you live but in my state there are several nice places to live.  If you're going to go overseas to find a wife don't bring her back here to live in Stalag 17.

 

And if the woman is from the city, don't bring her to Bumpkus Falls and say 'tough luck'.  This woman left heart and home to be with you because you are ostensibly the love of her life.  Consider changing your living arrangements so the woman has a snowball's chance in hell of enjoying her life while the paperwork stuff works itself out.

 

When I hear a man say you shouldn't spoil your woman when my point is to  help her assimilate, that to me is a problem.  You're in the fast lane to divorce court with that attitude.

 

I relocated to a place near a cute town center with some cafes, restaurants, a little shopping.  She does yoga and Pilates and there are places for this in town.  All are within walking distance.

 

I have researched festivals, fairs and other events that I can take her to throughout the year.  We will certainly grab some dinner at a restaurant on the weekends as a treat.

 

Will there be some bumps and bouts of homesickness?  You bet.  But my lady isn't going to be under any form of 'house arrest' as long as there is breath in me.

 

YAAAAASSS #AllOfThis 🙌🏻

[The_Empyrean 733]

14 hours ago, TastyCake said:

Ok, first of all I never said you need to take trips every weekend and go into bankruptcy but you can't just leave her stranded day after day.  She'll be on a one-way trip back to her country in no time... and I wouldn't blame her.

 

You paint this really bleak picture of life in America.   I am not sure where you live but in my state there are several nice places to live.  If you're going to go overseas to find a wife don't bring her back here to live in Stalag 17.

 

And if the woman is from the city, don't bring her to Bumpkus Falls and say 'tough luck'.  This woman left heart and home to be with you because you are ostensibly the love of her life.  Consider changing your living arrangements so the woman has a snowball's chance in hell of enjoying her life while the paperwork stuff works itself out.

 

When I hear a man say you shouldn't spoil your woman when my point is to  help her assimilate, that to me is a problem.  You're in the fast lane to divorce court with that attitude.

 

I relocated to a place near a cute town center with some cafes, restaurants, a little shopping.  She does yoga and Pilates and there are places for this in town.  All are within walking distance.

 

I have researched festivals, fairs and other events that I can take her to throughout the year.  We will certainly grab some dinner at a restaurant on the weekends as a treat.

 

Will there be some bumps and bouts of homesickness?  You bet.  But my lady isn't going to be under any form of 'house arrest' as long as there is breath in me.

 

OK hear me out on this one. And this is just my opinion, i respect your views and some of your points are really valid, BUT.

 

NJ is on of the most expensive states in US. Medium sized house, property taxes themselves are 10k a year. Add both insurances to that, car insurance and all those "necessities" first, and you're down 20k already. But money really isn't a big issue.

 

You say i'm on a fast lane to divorce for NOT constantly throwing solutions, presents at her? That's how those "spoiled millennials" are made where 2k pocket money isn't enough anymore and apparently asking to find a job is an insult. YES i help her with most things, big majority. All paperwork was and is done by me. Everything is taken care of. She has been introduced to friends, wifes of friends and everyone i know. I cannot do more than that. She's young and moved to a new place, i was thrown in the same way. Alone, not knowing anyone, and my language barrier was worse than hers. I built up everything myself with basically no help whatsoever, from standing with 2 suitcases in JFK, to being a manager. I'm sorry, but there are limits to that "spoiling". Yes she moved for me, but she moved knowingly what to expect, as i said previously she was here many times, knows me by the back of her hand. She doesn't want to be carried nor i intend to do so. I can direct her way at the beginning as things in USA a very different from LTU, but she has to find her own path and live her life the way she wants, not the way i point the finger to. I guess some people prefer that way, don't blame em. Help with assimilation- Yes, get everything on a silver plate - hell no. I'm not a peasant. She's grown up and she has to do it herself.

 

Festivals, fairs, restaurants, shopping etc is normal and not out of ordinary, she also goes to the gym and started to play piano. There are many things to do as you say. It's good for you when most of those things are within walking distance. The only couple things around within walking distance is CVS, Walgreens and Dunkin. We use Uber reasonably, or ask someone who lives close by to drop her off somewhere, but she hates to rely on others.

 

House arrest thing is just a figure of speech. I shifted my working hours and start from 7 so i could be home earlier, whether she wants to go somewhere or something. But there is so much you can do without sacrificing income. Some people gotta work you know? Especially when there is another mouth to feed. By no means i'm complaining about that. But things stack up, and you gotta give up something if you're not earning 100k and afford to cruise along. 

 

It's not a bleak picture of america, it's the other side of the nice Van Gogh painting. She enjoys US as much as i love it. You say to change living arrangements, haha, wish it was THAT easy. Sometimes i wish i lived in a state with 2k property taxes and houses that aren't stupidly expensive for no apparent reason. You put your wording in a way, like i FORCED her to move to USA. I gave her my expectations and plans for the future. I didn't make her to move here, she wanted that as much as i did. Changing arrangements affects income, while she isn't allowed to work, i'm not gonna risk our entire livelihood, so she had better access to do grocery shopping, or walk to the gym for half a year. 

 

You are painting a picture of beneficiary as a victim in this entire process. THAT is wrong. It is tough, i agree, but it's not ONLY tough on her, i hate when everyone forgets that behind a beneficiary who's homesick, there is a petitioner, who suffers just as much if not more, so that his/her S/O could live decently. It's not right. We both love each other, and she knows and sees that the whole process is taking a toll not only on her, but on me as well, with this pressure and not being able to control her processing of EAD. There has to be mutual help, as i say "us against the world". When it gets tough emotionally for her, i'm there to make her happy, but there are times when i get exhausted and she supports me during those times.

 

That's my OPINION. We worked through long distance for 4.5 years, and 6months into marriage, no hiccups thankfully. If you choose to own your wife and point fingers what she has to do, where to go, who to talk to, it's your choice. I want her to be able to socialize, find activities, people and friends using the natural way, rather than pushing everything I WANT her to do. I help as much as i reasonably can. I give her all the tools to build a new life, where she can be whoever she wants with a fresh beginning, and she's doing fine without me babysitting her all the time. Some need to be babysitted, some are grown enough to make best out of every situation, and she's doing great, and i'm proud of her.