AOS Pending...wanting Divorce.

[ira1712 66]

On 6/9/2019 at 11:23 AM, kimme79 said:

I have explained to her numerous times that unless she has EAD, she cannot work.  But she wanted a job on the side to get some money in.

I'm sorry to ask you such a very personal and sensitive question. Why does she say she needs a job to have money? Did you give her any money for personal needs? (clothes, shoes, cosmetics)? Maybe she simply does not have the money to afford these small pleasures for her?  This can be a lot of stress for a woman.😟

Edited June 12, 2019 by ira1712

[Ontarkie 14,234]

On 6/10/2019 at 3:57 PM, Tinman71 said:

Do you have a friend you can crash on thier couch. Or multiple friends, couch surfing sucks but get out now cancel everything with uscis now. N.C has a one year separation rule before divorce  but there may be a way around it seeing the marriage was only two months. 

She's already moved out. She left on her own. 

[Eric-Pris 1,606]

On 6/9/2019 at 2:34 PM, debbiedoo said:

so you just got married and now you want a divorce?

 

1- sounds like all she wants is a greencard

2- you can not participate in the rest of AOS process and she will not GET a greencard. she can not adjust under anyone else. She will be out of status and required to leave. You should also send a letter to USCIS revoking your affidavit of support.

3-VAWA has to be PROVEN, it can not just be her making claims with no evidence. You saying she can not work ILLEGALLY (Since she has no EAD) is not abuse, it is following the LAW.

What she said ^^^

 

Funny how you became a "toxic person" soon after you sent in her greencard application.  Is there an age gap?  Is she out of your league looks-wise?  Sorry, I'm not trying to offend you but these things should tell you what her motives are.  I have some experience with Colombian women and I've seen too many homely 40-50-60'ish year old Americans fall for the charm of a 20-something Colo who is clearly out of their league but they believe it's true love.  But they never seem to work out.  LOL 

 

I think she really is in it for the greencard (based on the timeline), but was too lazy to research what she needed to do to be able to divorce and stay.  Sounds like she thought that once the greencard forms were sent, she was home free.  But it looks like she will be home free, like free in her home country.  Unless the OP has no backbone to do what he needs to do which is to pull AoS. 

 

Personally, if a woman said that she wants a divorce, I'd grant her wish immediately.  There are some things you just can't take back (I want a divorce, i don't love you, etc).  I wouldn't want to remain in a relationship with anybody that didn't want to be with me.  And ask her to move out.  If she refuses, I'd move (yes, there may be a cost of breaking the lease--but better than living in hell) and leave her there to deal with the landlord and police. 

 

OP, it's admirable that you are worried about her best interest, but like others have said, you should have your best interests first.  She clearly has hers first.

 

I have experience with Colombian women. They can be sweet as sugar and a handful when things go bad.  They hold the record for mood swing range.  

  

Colombianas.... can't live with them, can't... live with them.

[EllisAndRenz 196]

21 hours ago, Eric-Pris said:

 

I think she really is in it for the greencard (based on the timeline), but was too lazy to research what she needed to do to be able to divorce and stay.  Sounds like she thought that once the greencard forms were sent, she was home free.  But it looks like she will be home free, like free in her home country.  Unless the OP has no backbone to do what he needs to do which is to pull AoS. 

 

Personally, if a woman said that she wants a divorce, I'd grant her wish immediately.  There are some things you just can't take back (I want a divorce, i don't love you, etc).  I wouldn't want to remain in a relationship with anybody that didn't want to be with me.  And ask her to move out.  If she refuses, I'd move (yes, there may be a cost of breaking the lease--but better than living in hell) and leave her there to deal with the landlord and police. 

 

 

 

Agree on both these paragraphs.  First: If the girl did any homework, she would have been more patient.  (But this is good news for the OP as it saves him a lot of aggravation later)

 

Second: Agreed on granting a divorce when a woman asks for it.  Unfortunately, I did that to my ex after her second ask.  Then when I met / got engaged to my current wife, my ex was sorry she asked.  She thought I'd just hang around and wait for her.  She and I are close friends now, but I've told her, don't go nuclear unless you can deal with the fallout.  If you want to work on something, work on it.  If you don't want a divorce, don't ask for it.  That word is not a negotiation tool.  

 

[kimme79 42]

On 6/12/2019 at 7:46 PM, ira1712 said:

I'm sorry to ask you such a very personal and sensitive question. Why does she say she needs a job to have money? Did you give her any money for personal needs? (clothes, shoes, cosmetics)? Maybe she simply does not have the money to afford these small pleasures for her?  This can be a lot of stress for a woman.😟

Yes, i shared the money with her.  But i couldn't get her a bank account because she did not have a SSN.    Before she arrived to USA i bought her a lot of things she needed...also on top of everything i bought her she made me a list of things to start getting in preparation for her arrival.  There has been a lot of financial stress because my costs have increased due to her arrival.  I handled it as best i could in an effort to maintain the household.  I also made her my financial partner in coming up with the family budget.  I didn't leave her out...it just was not enough money coming in for the amount of things she wanted.  

[kimme79 42]

On 6/12/2019 at 10:22 PM, Ontarkie said:

She's already moved out. She left on her own. 

She called my best man wife at the weeding and had her come pick her up.  She moved out on Sunday Jun 9th.  I even helped her pack her bags without fighting.  Even before she walked out the door i begged her not to leave...but she left anyway.

[kimme79 42]

On 6/13/2019 at 10:38 AM, Eric-Pris said:

Is there an age gap?  Is she out of your league looks-wise?   

She is 32 and i am 39.  7 year gap....not too much i would think.

 

But it looks like she will be home free, like free in her home country.

She refuses to return to her home.  Moved out with friends.  An truly as of today i have no idea where she is.

 

  Unless the OP has no backbone to do what he needs to do which is to pull AoS.

That is a personal attack which requires no attention. 

 

[kimme79 42]

On 6/14/2019 at 7:45 AM, EllisAndRenz said:

 She and I are close friends now, but I've told her, don't go nuclear unless you can deal with the fallout.  If you want to work on something, work on it.  If you don't want a divorce, don't ask for it.  That word is not a negotiation tool.  

 

Actually this all began because i am trying to keep a friendly relationship with my exwife of 18 years.  We share children in common and my exwife was texting me nonsense about the children at 2100 hours.  Which were not important and could have been handled latter on the next day.  But my colombian wife decided that it was too much and called my ex wife and got into a yelling match with her. 

[debbiedoo 2,339]

8 minutes ago, kimme79 said:

Yes, i shared the money with her.  But i couldn't get her a bank account because she did not have a SSN.    Before she arrived to USA i bought her a lot of things she needed...also on top of everything i bought her she made me a list of things to start getting in preparation for her arrival.  There has been a lot of financial stress because my costs have increased due to her arrival.  I handled it as best i could in an effort to maintain the household.  I also made her my financial partner in coming up with the family budget.  I didn't leave her out...it just was not enough money coming in for the amount of things she wanted.  

of course costs increased. you are supporting another person. this is why i think the guidelines for the i 864 are way too low. people who cant truly afford to support someone else are still able to sponsor them. How much money is she thinking she needs? Is she wanting to shop because she is bored or because she needs the items she wants to purchase? I always pulled cash from the bank or gave my husband my bank card to use before we were able to add him. Granted the only thing he buys are things for our home renovations, materials, tools, etc - but still. He knows how much we have and what we have to spend and in the case of needing a new gate and gate opener this week for the driveway, knows we have to wait until I get my commission check at the end of the month (he just received his EAD and are waiting for the social security card now). no biggie. 

 

regardless of all of that, it truly does sound like she just wanted the greencard. cancel that affidavit of support NOW. 

[kimme79 42]

4 minutes ago, debbiedoo said:

regardless of all of that, it truly does sound like she just wanted the greencard. cancel that affidavit of support NOW. 

I have not been able to talk to her since Wednesday night.  I need to sit down and talk with her first.  Out of respect for the marriage and her family, my children.  I really would like to just calmly talk things through.  I am waiting to hear back from her....

[debbiedoo 2,339]

1 hour ago, kimme79 said:

I have not been able to talk to her since Wednesday night.  I need to sit down and talk with her first.  Out of respect for the marriage and her family, my children.  I really would like to just calmly talk things through.  I am waiting to hear back from her....

you are far nicer than i would be. 

 

actions speak louder than words. 

[Villanelle 4,122]

1 hour ago, kimme79 said:

I have not been able to talk to her since Wednesday night.  I need to sit down and talk with her first.  Out of respect for the marriage and her family, my children.  I really would like to just calmly talk things through.  I am waiting to hear back from her....

I wasnt going to comment on this thread because there didnt seem to be anything more to add until you posted this^

 

Listen, you sound like a stand up guy. Im not sure what happened in the relationship and honestly it doesnt matter. It is OVER. She clearly told you she finds you toxic, is unhappy, and has moved out. Period. Its over. What is there to talk about? If you do sit down and have a conversation and it ends up with her moving back in with you- news flash-- its only until she gets the GC.

 

Her options now are to reconcile and get the GC, file a false VAWA or go home. 

[Going through 5,671]

5 hours ago, kimme79 said:

I have not been able to talk to her since Wednesday night.  I need to sit down and talk with her first.  Out of respect for the marriage and her family, my children.  I really would like to just calmly talk things through.  I am waiting to hear back from her....

Any further "talking" can be done through lawyers---seriously, you're at that point now if she's already packed her bags and left.

 

Out of respect for YOURSELF, you need to move on and stop trying to find the underlying verbal reasons for every action she has taken thus far. 

 

She is clearly communicating with you already....you just need to "listen" to her actions.

Edited June 16, 2019 by Going through

[Eric-Pris 1,606]

On 6/13/2019 at 10:38 AM, Eric-Pris said:

I think she really is in it for the greencard (based on the timeline), but was too lazy to research what she needed to do to be able to divorce and stay.  Sounds like she thought that once the greencard forms were sent, she was home free.  But it looks like she will be home free, like free in her home country.  Unless the OP has no backbone to do what he needs to do which is to pull AoS. 

40 minutes ago, kimme79 said:

That is a personal attack which requires no attention. 

Sorry you took that as a personal attack which it wasn't.  I was simply saying that her only option will be to go home if you do what you SHOULD do.  But based on your subsequent comments, you have proven my comment correct.  You have no backbone.  This woman has asked for divorce and left you, and you still think that you owe it to her to talk first.  She doesn't need to say more.  Her actions did a lot of talking very clearly, but you are failing to understand and are holding out hope that you can convince her and beg her to come back.

 

Like somebody said, if she does come back, it's because she will have realized that she needs to stay until the actual greencard arrives.  So you will be paying 10 years of support for a few more months of her physical presence in your house/life, because emotionally, she's gone or more likely she was never there.  But now she's no longer faking it because like i said before, she didn't do enough research to know how long it takes.  Lazy, or received bad coaching.        

 

I agree with another post that said that being able to sponsor somebody doesn't necessarily mean that you can support them.  And Colombianas require a LOT of support.  $$$  They are high maintenance, materialistic, barbie dolls... for the most part, even though I have yet to meet one who is not.  I'm guessing that you didn't know her that well, and didn't know that you wouldn't be able to afford her.  Also, their jealousy level is not like I have ever experienced before.  And they will get physical (with the other woman and you).  No joke.

 

My prediction is that the OP will not pull Affidavit of Support (I-864).  He will continue to try to speak, beg, plead, etc with her.  Or simply try to find her (because it seems that she's hiding from him) and stalk her (that's what it's called when somebody keeps calling, texting, messaging, people that clearly don't want it).  He will never give up hope.  And then they will approve her greencard and she will have legal stay in the US.  Or if they get called for an interview, she will put on her charming persona to get him to attend and pretend they are happily married (I think we can agree that it won't take too much convincing) and then immediately upon exiting the building after the interview, she will leave him again.  Does anybody (other than the OP) think it will go down any differently?  This is pretty sad.

[debbiedoo 2,339]

23 minutes ago, Eric-Pris said:

Sorry you took that as a personal attack which it wasn't.  I was simply saying that her only option will be to go home if you do what you SHOULD do.  But based on your subsequent comments, you have proven my comment correct.  You have no backbone.  This woman has asked for divorce and left you, and you still think that you owe it to her to talk first.  She doesn't need to say more.  Her actions did a lot of talking very clearly, but you are failing to understand and are holding out hope that you can convince her and beg her to come back.

 

Like somebody said, if she does come back, it's because she will have realized that she needs to stay until the actual greencard arrives.  So you will be paying 10 years of support for a few more months of her physical presence in your house/life, because emotionally, she's gone or more likely she was never there.  But now she's no longer faking it because like i said before, she didn't do enough research to know how long it takes.  Lazy, or received bad coaching.        

 

I agree with another post that said that being able to sponsor somebody doesn't necessarily mean that you can support them.  And Colombianas require a LOT of support.  $$$  They are high maintenance, materialistic, barbie dolls... for the most part, even though I have yet to meet one who is not.  I'm guessing that you didn't know her that well, and didn't know that you wouldn't be able to afford her.  Also, their jealousy level is not like I have ever experienced before.  And they will get physical (with the other woman and you).  No joke.

 

My prediction is that the OP will not pull Affidavit of Support (I-864).  He will continue to try to speak, beg, plead, etc with her.  Or simply try to find her (because it seems that she's hiding from him) and stalk her (that's what it's called when somebody keeps calling, texting, messaging, people that clearly don't want it).  He will never give up hope.  And then they will approve her greencard and she will have legal stay in the US.  Or if they get called for an interview, she will put on her charming persona to get him to attend and pretend they are happily married (I think we can agree that it won't take too much convincing) and then immediately upon exiting the building after the interview, she will leave him again.  Does anybody (other than the OP) think it will go down any differently?  This is pretty sad.

 

ALL OF THAT A HUNDRED TIMES

Edited June 16, 2019 by debbiedoo