VAWA, Part 14

[FeDaniela 673]

26 minutes ago, Blunt said:

Ohhh they will check on their system with the expired EAD that someone’s application is pending ?? Or you have to explain to them ..

I took to DMV NYC office, My expired EAD Card, I-765 NOA Receipt (which is your 180 days extension), my expired licence and USCIS page where is said C09 category are automatic extended once renewal is pending... The person who attend me did not want to accept my I-765 receipt but i called a supervised and he confirm that my C09 category had a 180 days extension, and they renew it.... 

[FeDaniela 673]

1 hour ago, tawayacct said:

Hello everyone.. I have been a lurker for a while now and am thinking if I should file for VAWA.. This is my throwaway account as my husband knows about my other account. I also messaged one of the people who has been posting here and I am posting what I sent the person. I would just like to ask for the input of the people here if I may be eligible for it.. 

 

I went here in the USA last June 2018 using a B2 visa. We have no intentions to marry, I was just here to visit my family in California and visit him in South Dakota. Our relationship was good and we even went out to Florida to visit his dad. I was bound to leave USA on November 2018, but we decided to get married as we wanted to start our lives together and we were having a hard time of being in a long distance relationship which was going on for 4 years at the time. We wanted to not be apart and believed we were ready to get married. I was skeptical at first because I knew how risky that could be, considering I entered using B2 but we did it anyway as we believed this will start our life together.

 

We got married in November 2018 we filed my I-130 and I-485 on December 2018. I lived in South Dakota. Since we both didn't really have much of an income or money in the bank, we had to ask my Aunt's fiancé to fill out an I-864. We had a small argument about the filing and he did not care about my legal status in the USA and I was getting frustrated because I did not want to get in legal trouble and I took that risk of staying here for him. Anyway, when we received the I-864, he called my family sketchy for having that much income. Shortly after that, he became very controlling. We get into small arguments, and I would just be passive about it so he can calm down, but then when he can't take me not saying anything he would start cussing at me. I was getting scared and threatened to call the police. He stopped for a little bit when I did. Everyday was just a struggle after that, I didn't work as I did not have my EAD yet, so I just stayed at the apartment most of the time. I also didn't have a driver's license and a car. When I would ask him to drive me somewhere, he would get annoyed and frustrated that I'm messing up his schedule, so I just stopped asking him to do that for me. Having sexual intercourse also became an issue, I felt scared of him so I wasn't really feeling like doing it with him. Everyday he would bring up if I would like to have sex with him that night (Which means I have to be in bed by 8PM, I usually don't sleep until 12AM. He also tries to control what time I should be in bed) and it would always give me anxiety to say no because he will get mad or give me the silent treatment which I didn't want because I already felt alone and isolated, I did not have family or friends in South Dakota. It is also relevant to mention to say that every night he would check and want me to drink my contraceptive pills in front of him, and told me if I got pregnant and decided to keep the baby and not get an abortion he would leave me. I got forced to do it because I only have him there. I asked him if we could make friends there apart from his own, but he would always say he isn't a social person. 

 

I asked permission to him that I will be flying to California and visit my family there for a month or so, from January to February or March. Thankfully he said yes. I thought it would be a good idea to come to California as he will not be in the apartment most of the time because he had school. It was all going good until he started to ask me to come back just after a week of being here. He told me I was not messaging and calling him enough. I explained that apart from the time difference, he wasn't always available on the time I am available. I thought about extending my stay in California, and he got very mad about it. He then started to use divorce to threaten me to come back to South Dakota. He knew I would be scared of a divorce because that could cause my illegal status here.

 

Here are the things he did to me lately, and I hope you can give your insight if this is indeed emotional abuse:

 

- He told me, in this exact words on text: "Everytime you don't do what I want you to do I could hold it over your head that I will just get a divorce." and everything just went very much downhill after that. I expressed that I want to feel independent just a little bit and don't do things that are against my will.

 

- He then told me that "I have thought about how you wanted to be independent. You kind of gave that up when you wanted to get married". Everyday he would text me and tell me I'm intentionally not texting or calling him. I say I try to and that I'm not always on my phone, he told me he did not believe me. I was just very passive about the whole situation because I thought this is how a marriage is. Every night I could not sleep properly and just overthink from his threat, as he is always reminding me of his power over me. I wasn't mentioning this to any of my family or friends as my husband would tell me that everything's my fault, blaming me that the way he is treating me is because I wasn't texting or calling him enough. I was begging him to not use it against me and that I was doing everything I could to communicate at the time that is good for him. He would give me silent treatment for days just because he felt like it, and when I don't reply for hours he is already threatening me.

 

- Before we even met each other, I was already a cigarette smoker. Out of the blue, he messaged me saying that I am such a disappointment for smoking and he doesn't want to continue the marriage if I don't quit. He says that it affects everything we do because I go on cigarette breaks. He also told me it is very unattractive. He told me that not smoking is also a requirement for him to not divorce me.

 

- He also required me to have sexual intercourse with him at least 2x a week, and telling me that it is important to him even though he knows I have low sex drive, which is also caused by him getting upset when I don't want to do it.

 

- One time I could not deal with it anymore, I ran to a friend for advice. She told me that I should try to apply for Medi-Cal, because I cannot afford psychiatric services and that I should do it as soon as possible because she doesn't feel like I'm acting normal and told me she never saw me in that bad of a state before. 

 

- One time, I posted a photo on social media and one guy left a "<3" comment on my picture. He then started to accuse me of cheating on him because of that. The guy who commented on my picture was not interested in me, as he is gay. I explained that to him but then he continually told me that I have time to post a picture on social media and I don't have time to send my pictures to him. I did not argue with him anymore as I was already scared he might threaten me again. I just apologized. A few days after that, I sent him a picture of me wearing a dress. He then told me "When did you start wearing a dress?" I told him those were just borrowed from my Aunt. He then asked me if I was trying to look attractive for other guys. He was trying to fish and accuse me for cheating just for wearing a dress. 

 

- My grandfather became terminally ill and got put on hospice care. I told him that I don't think it's a good idea to go back to South Dakota because my grandfather is on his last days so I asked him to come in California, and he said he did not have money to do so. I called him saying that my dad wanted to talk to him. It was on loudspeaker so I could hear everything. My dad offered to pay his plane ticket as I need emotional support for everything. He was very nice to my dad. As soon as I removed it on speaker and went outside to talk to him on the phone privately, he said that he was disinterested and did not care and wants me to be back in South Dakota as soon as possible. I asked him to give me a few weeks just to stay and he reminded me of the divorce again. 

 

- On my birthday, he called me. I thought to myself that wow it is nice he is calling me on my birthday he probably wants to greet me and talk since it is my birthday. He then asked me about our joint bank account. I did not have any bank accounts for my own because I cannot apply for one as I do not have enough identification as a requirement. He then threatened to close the bank account we have. 

 

I am at a loss right now on what to do.. every time I try to explain myself he cuts me off and laughs at me. Whenever he would get a gist that I may tell my family or authorities what he's been doing and telling me, he's going to start to be nice and tell me he was only acting that way because of how I don't text or call often. He makes me feel guilty and then blames me. He also tells me that I should do what he wants if I really loved him. If I ever try to tell him off, he would bring up unrelated issues. 

 

Do you think that I will be eligible for VAWA based on what's been going on with me and my husband? I am scared to go back to South Dakota because I don't know what he's going to do to me if I don't obey him.. I also recently just called a non-profit organization to ask a few questions regarding my situation, and the person I talked to told me that I may not file for it because there was no threats to physically harm me.

So sorry you are going thru this situation, but there is hope, Your husband is controlling and emotionally is abusing you, and not to say financially since he have control over everything.... I recommend you to speak with the forum attorney @sandranj she may help with all the requirement. Is best also if you can gather any information, Joint bank accounts paper, copy of his Passport, marriage certificate, anything you can to start your case, and you do also need physiological evaluation. @sandranj will guide you better.... God bless you and stay strong 

Edited June 25, 2019 by FeDaniela

[Blunt 167]

16 minutes ago, Stillwinning!!!😊 said:

What is your location?☺

I’m in New Jersey ...

[Stillwinning!!!😊 4,570]

8 minutes ago, FeDaniela said:

I took to DMV NYC office, My expired EAD Card, I-765 NOA Receipt (which is your 180 days extension), my expired licence and USCIS page where is said C09 category are automatic extended once renewal is pending... The person who attend me did not want to accept my I-765 receipt but i called a supervised and he confirm that my C09 category had a 180 days extension, and they renew it.... 

did they renew a year or 6months for you? I heard someone saying they renewed just 6months for them...different DMV different modus operandi!😏

2 minutes ago, Blunt said:

I’m in New Jersey ...

Ok cool..it took 4weeks to get the NOA

[Stillwinning!!!😊 4,570]

1 hour ago, tawayacct said:

Hello everyone.. I have been a lurker for a while now and am thinking if I should file for VAWA.. This is my throwaway account as my husband knows about my other account. I also messaged one of the people who has been posting here and I am posting what I sent the person. I would just like to ask for the input of the people here if I may be eligible for it.. 

 

I went here in the USA last June 2018 using a B2 visa. We have no intentions to marry, I was just here to visit my family in California and visit him in South Dakota. Our relationship was good and we even went out to Florida to visit his dad. I was bound to leave USA on November 2018, but we decided to get married as we wanted to start our lives together and we were having a hard time of being in a long distance relationship which was going on for 4 years at the time. We wanted to not be apart and believed we were ready to get married. I was skeptical at first because I knew how risky that could be, considering I entered using B2 but we did it anyway as we believed this will start our life together.

 

We got married in November 2018 we filed my I-130 and I-485 on December 2018. I lived in South Dakota. Since we both didn't really have much of an income or money in the bank, we had to ask my Aunt's fiancé to fill out an I-864. We had a small argument about the filing and he did not care about my legal status in the USA and I was getting frustrated because I did not want to get in legal trouble and I took that risk of staying here for him. Anyway, when we received the I-864, he called my family sketchy for having that much income. Shortly after that, he became very controlling. We get into small arguments, and I would just be passive about it so he can calm down, but then when he can't take me not saying anything he would start cussing at me. I was getting scared and threatened to call the police. He stopped for a little bit when I did. Everyday was just a struggle after that, I didn't work as I did not have my EAD yet, so I just stayed at the apartment most of the time. I also didn't have a driver's license and a car. When I would ask him to drive me somewhere, he would get annoyed and frustrated that I'm messing up his schedule, so I just stopped asking him to do that for me. Having sexual intercourse also became an issue, I felt scared of him so I wasn't really feeling like doing it with him. Everyday he would bring up if I would like to have sex with him that night (Which means I have to be in bed by 8PM, I usually don't sleep until 12AM. He also tries to control what time I should be in bed) and it would always give me anxiety to say no because he will get mad or give me the silent treatment which I didn't want because I already felt alone and isolated, I did not have family or friends in South Dakota. It is also relevant to mention to say that every night he would check and want me to drink my contraceptive pills in front of him, and told me if I got pregnant and decided to keep the baby and not get an abortion he would leave me. I got forced to do it because I only have him there. I asked him if we could make friends there apart from his own, but he would always say he isn't a social person. 

 

I asked permission to him that I will be flying to California and visit my family there for a month or so, from January to February or March. Thankfully he said yes. I thought it would be a good idea to come to California as he will not be in the apartment most of the time because he had school. It was all going good until he started to ask me to come back just after a week of being here. He told me I was not messaging and calling him enough. I explained that apart from the time difference, he wasn't always available on the time I am available. I thought about extending my stay in California, and he got very mad about it. He then started to use divorce to threaten me to come back to South Dakota. He knew I would be scared of a divorce because that could cause my illegal status here.

 

Here are the things he did to me lately, and I hope you can give your insight if this is indeed emotional abuse:

 

- He told me, in this exact words on text: "Everytime you don't do what I want you to do I could hold it over your head that I will just get a divorce." and everything just went very much downhill after that. I expressed that I want to feel independent just a little bit and don't do things that are against my will.

 

- He then told me that "I have thought about how you wanted to be independent. You kind of gave that up when you wanted to get married". Everyday he would text me and tell me I'm intentionally not texting or calling him. I say I try to and that I'm not always on my phone, he told me he did not believe me. I was just very passive about the whole situation because I thought this is how a marriage is. Every night I could not sleep properly and just overthink from his threat, as he is always reminding me of his power over me. I wasn't mentioning this to any of my family or friends as my husband would tell me that everything's my fault, blaming me that the way he is treating me is because I wasn't texting or calling him enough. I was begging him to not use it against me and that I was doing everything I could to communicate at the time that is good for him. He would give me silent treatment for days just because he felt like it, and when I don't reply for hours he is already threatening me.

 

- Before we even met each other, I was already a cigarette smoker. Out of the blue, he messaged me saying that I am such a disappointment for smoking and he doesn't want to continue the marriage if I don't quit. He says that it affects everything we do because I go on cigarette breaks. He also told me it is very unattractive. He told me that not smoking is also a requirement for him to not divorce me.

 

- He also required me to have sexual intercourse with him at least 2x a week, and telling me that it is important to him even though he knows I have low sex drive, which is also caused by him getting upset when I don't want to do it.

 

- One time I could not deal with it anymore, I ran to a friend for advice. She told me that I should try to apply for Medi-Cal, because I cannot afford psychiatric services and that I should do it as soon as possible because she doesn't feel like I'm acting normal and told me she never saw me in that bad of a state before. 

 

- One time, I posted a photo on social media and one guy left a "<3" comment on my picture. He then started to accuse me of cheating on him because of that. The guy who commented on my picture was not interested in me, as he is gay. I explained that to him but then he continually told me that I have time to post a picture on social media and I don't have time to send my pictures to him. I did not argue with him anymore as I was already scared he might threaten me again. I just apologized. A few days after that, I sent him a picture of me wearing a dress. He then told me "When did you start wearing a dress?" I told him those were just borrowed from my Aunt. He then asked me if I was trying to look attractive for other guys. He was trying to fish and accuse me for cheating just for wearing a dress. 

 

- My grandfather became terminally ill and got put on hospice care. I told him that I don't think it's a good idea to go back to South Dakota because my grandfather is on his last days so I asked him to come in California, and he said he did not have money to do so. I called him saying that my dad wanted to talk to him. It was on loudspeaker so I could hear everything. My dad offered to pay his plane ticket as I need emotional support for everything. He was very nice to my dad. As soon as I removed it on speaker and went outside to talk to him on the phone privately, he said that he was disinterested and did not care and wants me to be back in South Dakota as soon as possible. I asked him to give me a few weeks just to stay and he reminded me of the divorce again. 

 

- On my birthday, he called me. I thought to myself that wow it is nice he is calling me on my birthday he probably wants to greet me and talk since it is my birthday. He then asked me about our joint bank account. I did not have any bank accounts for my own because I cannot apply for one as I do not have enough identification as a requirement. He then threatened to close the bank account we have. 

 

I am at a loss right now on what to do.. every time I try to explain myself he cuts me off and laughs at me. Whenever he would get a gist that I may tell my family or authorities what he's been doing and telling me, he's going to start to be nice and tell me he was only acting that way because of how I don't text or call often. He makes me feel guilty and then blames me. He also tells me that I should do what he wants if I really loved him. If I ever try to tell him off, he would bring up unrelated issues. 

 

Do you think that I will be eligible for VAWA based on what's been going on with me and my husband? I am scared to go back to South Dakota because I don't know what he's going to do to me if I don't obey him.. I also recently just called a non-profit organization to ask a few questions regarding my situation, and the person I talked to told me that I may not file for it because there was no threats to physically harm me.

Don't worry you'll be fine..remember I told you you were gonna get different opinions here...stick around dear!

[Stillwinning!!!😊 4,570]

24 minutes ago, Blunt said:

Now you understand my question..when you renew your EAD how long did it take them to send your NOA receipt ? 

took 4weeks to get it!

[Blunt 167]

8 minutes ago, FeDaniela said:

I took to DMV NYC office, My expired EAD Card, I-765 NOA Receipt (which is your 180 days extension), my expired licence and USCIS page where is said C09 category are automatic extended once renewal is pending... The person who attend me did not want to accept my I-765 receipt but i called a supervised and he confirm that my C09 category had a 180 days extension, and they renew it.... 

Thank you so much for getting back to me ..so should I also take the Uscis page where it says C09 are categorically extended automatically if your petition is still in pending ? And please if I may ask did you use lawyer again to do the renewal of your EAD or you did it yourself and how long did it take Uscis to send you the NOA receipt for your EAD..and also how long does it take them to approve your EAD renewal and also how many months extension did the DMV give you for your drivers license ??? Thanks a lot 

[FeDaniela 673]

Just now, Stillwinning!!!😊 said:

did they renew a year or 6months for you? I heard someone saying they renewed just 6months for them...different DMV different modus operandi!😏

DMV have always renew my license for the same time length my USCIS document is. (They renew for 6 months) after I received my EAD document on hand and they renew  and it expires same date as my EAD. 

[Stillwinning!!!😊 4,570]

Just now, FeDaniela said:

DMV have always renew my license for the same time length my USCIS document is. (They renew for 6 months) after I received my EAD document on hand and they renew  and it expires same date as my EAD. 

Ok mine is a year..always!☺👍

[Blunt 167]

4 minutes ago, Stillwinning!!!😊 said:

did they renew a year or 6months for you? I heard someone saying they renewed just 6months for them...different DMV different modus operandi!😏

Ok cool..it took 4weeks to get the NOA

Thanks for replying me back I want to ask if I can do the EAD renewal myself without using my lawyer ...I just want my lawyer to be in charge of the i360 and i485..

[Stillwinning!!!😊 4,570]

1 minute ago, Blunt said:

Thanks for replying me back I want to ask if I can do the EAD renewal myself without using my lawyer ...I just want my lawyer to be in charge of the i360 and i485..

You are welcome! Although I have always used an attorney..I've heard severally that you can do it yourself! And even on here! So I say yes!

[FeDaniela 673]

6 minutes ago, Blunt said:

Thank you so much for getting back to me ..so should I also take the Uscis page where it says C09 are categorically extended automatically if your petition is still in pending ? And please if I may ask did you use lawyer again to do the renewal of your EAD or you did it yourself and how long did it take Uscis to send you the NOA receipt for your EAD..and also how long does it take them to approve your EAD renewal and also how many months extension did the DMV give you for your drivers license ??? Thanks a lot 

I recommend you to take the USCIS page just in case, it help me some DMV employees don't have a clue. I used my lawyer to renew my EAD, My receipt took 2 weeks to arrived on hand, and my EAD renewal took around 8 months but my EAD was sent to the wrong USCIS office NBC not Vermont mistake made by my lawyer, I also involve my congress person but i think if it was sent to Vermont in the first place renewal would've been faster. is taking around 5-8 months for renewal.

Also they will renew your licence for the same time as your USCIS document so extension is for 180 days (6 months) for the same time your license will be renew, Until you received your actual EAD card on hand then it will be for a year as the EAD. 

Edited June 25, 2019 by FeDaniela

[Blunt 167]

2 minutes ago, FeDaniela said:

I recommend you to take the USCIS page just in case, it help me some DMV employees don't have a clue. I used my lawyer to renew my EAD, My receipt took 2 weeks to arrived on hand, and my EAD renewal took around 8 months but my EAD was sent to the wrong USCIS office NBC not Vermont mistake made by my lawyer, I also involve my congress person but i think if it was sent to Vermont in the first place renewal would've been faster. is taking around 5-8 months for renewal.

Thank you so much I really appreciate,I’m gonna send my ead renewal form and i485 receipt copy with copy of i360 to Vermont..can’t I do it myself without involving my lawyer and also I have this message showing on my status after my i485 has been put to hold by my local office and sent back to Vermont...after a month of Vermont receiving my transferred I485,my status began to show that(correspondence received and we are reviewing your case ) I filed my i360 on march...I want to ask what that message could have meant ...

[Blunt 167]

8 minutes ago, FeDaniela said:

I recommend you to take the USCIS page just in case, it help me some DMV employees don't have a clue. I used my lawyer to renew my EAD, My receipt took 2 weeks to arrived on hand, and my EAD renewal took around 8 months but my EAD was sent to the wrong USCIS office NBC not Vermont mistake made by my lawyer, I also involve my congress person but i think if it was sent to Vermont in the first place renewal would've been faster. is taking around 5-8 months for renewal.

And please could you send me the link of the page of the uscis talking about EAd automatic renewal based on same category ...thanks 

[FeDaniela 673]

2 minutes ago, Blunt said:

Thank you so much I really appreciate,I’m gonna send my ead renewal form and i485 receipt copy with copy of i360 to Vermont..can’t I do it myself without involving my lawyer and also I have this message showing on my status after my i485 has been put to hold by my local office and sent back to Vermont...after a month of Vermont receiving my transferred I485,my status began to show that(correspondence received and we are reviewing your case ) I filed my i360 on march...I want to ask what that message could have meant ...

The messages on I-485 means Vermont received your I-485... You can renew your I-765 by yourself but you have to let your Lawyer know, because Vermont will sent the NOA Receipt to your lawyers office, that the safe address they have and he is the attorney on file.. Is best to have everything clear.... sent copy of I-485, I-.360, and all I-765 requirements read it on Uscis website I-765 instructions.