I pray it never happens...

[notrepetiteashley 0]

Also, this may be of interest. Where I live there was a woman from the UK who was undergoing AOS with her US husband. She had breast cancer and was getting radiation treatments here and was v. close to her husband's family. Her husband then died suddenly and she was terrified she would have to go back to the UK where she ((for some reason)) could not get her radiation treatments and had no support system. Her AOS was denied and she was not allowed to work while it was appealed. So she was stuck here with no husband, cancer, and not able to work to support herself while she waited for her date to see the judge, or whatever.

Anyway, she had to go back to the UK. They said that since the sponsor was no longer living, there was no way she could adjust her status. I hope she's okay.

[nina1 0]

I agree with everyone else that you need to get her some help.

Does she at least show you that she's happy with you? Or is she unhappy about everything? i was thinking that you could take her on a short vacation soon, especially if her father passes away. It doesn't have to be expensive, but a nice place where it'll give her enough time to relax.

You mentioned something about debts that are overwhelming her. I suggest you get your EAD to help out. TELL her that you will take care of her financials for her, and do it! Financial difficulties can really affect a person's mental health.

With suicide, i believe that the person feels all alone. Help out in the financial area by getting your EAD once again, take her out to a park for a nice walk, kiss her often, tell her how much you love her and how you wouldn't be able to live without her.. Of course, you have to MEAN all that for it to be believable, and for it to have an effect in my opinion.

And one last thing, i also suggest like others have stated, that you strengthen your ties back in the UK

[gimygirl 0]

jenjen ...

you're right ... i don't worry about things to the depth that MOST people do ... there is no sense in it. some things are just out of a person's control and no amount of worrying will change that. although, if my husband was a cop i don't think it would be natural NOT to worry to an extent.

i answered the OP's question with: " maybe you strengthen your family ties back in the UK in the event of something unpleasant. spouses of a recently deceased USC have been known to be unable to stay in the US."

my husband and i have had this discussion before ... in the unfortunate event that i might die. i told him that he'd be on a plane back to england with the children (since i have sole physical/legal custody ). end of story.

if LPR's are THAT worried about what's going to happen ... they should really start preparing now by saving some money, keeping strong ties with relatives, etc. of course there are a million and one different scenarios that could play out but ... everyone wonders 'what will happen to me if', LPR's just have to think about one more aspect of that.

anyway ... i prefer to live life head on and just deal with things ... i don't pretend this is a fairytale by pushing bad thoughts out of my head. *shrugs* to each his own!

[JayJay 4]

Oh Ashley - I'd never take that as a personal attack - and you are right

I suppose what I was attempting to say (albeit in a very short-hand, bad way) is that it can feel like - when you're caring for someone suicidal who has attempted suicide a lot - death is an inevitable thing. That's what it felt like to me, I suppose.

My mother at the time was saying exactly what you are saying, and it's right, of course, but what I was feeling was that my brother was going to die. It was an extremely bad situation - he had been sick a lo, and all 6ft4 of him had been reduced to literally, skin and bones, from not eating at all. He looked like a starving person - his elbows were bigger than his arms, all the muscle was completely gone, his yeys were in the back of his head, all black, and he couldn't even move out of bed to the kitchen because his joints hurt too much, and he was too weak. I guess he was starvig himself.

On top of that, he needed painkillers all the time, and was constantly taking too many of them by accident. Then he was cutting his arms up with screwdrivers, all the way to the top. Sounds dramatic, but those were the cold, hard facts of the situation.

With all of this going on, it was a matter of survival that I get his food to him, in his house, and make him some, and get him to eat it. He had a community nurse but didn't want to answer the door to her very often. He kept going to the doctor and they made him an appointment with the hospital psychologist and put him on heavy meds, which didn't help and were found to have all sorts of side-effects with him. He had his first psychologist's appointment, and they were supposed to book him in for sessions with that guy again, but never did.

I had two jobs at the time which took up all of my time, as he couldn't work, which meant he was in arrears on his flat and had no money for any food. I'd walk the couple of miles over to his place at least 4 times a week, to bring him instant, tempting foods that either could be quickly made, or just heated up in the microwave. I made sure I didn't bring him any cigarettes though because hey - I didn't want to contribute! He used to beg me for them and then find cigarette butts when I didn't bring any, and smoke the tobacco from them instead.

All in all, as I watched the handsome brother I had fade away through depression and neglect, and self harm, I did start to mentally prepare for his death. In fact, I would say, in the end, I completely prepared for it. Especially emotionally. I tied up loose ends, thought about what I'd do when and if he was dead, in bed, who I'd call, how I'd let myself in.

It all came to a head when his blood sugar suddenly spiked and he called me from the hospital one day, saying he'd had to call an ambulance because his whole body had gone into rigor, he'd fallen to the ground and been unable to move, like a stone. He'd had to let the ambulance men in by banging on the floor with his head to let the lady downstairs know he was in trouble - even his lungs seized up! I really thought he was hitting the wall then, hitting the dead end.

So I hope that better explains how it felt, not exactly how it was - because in the end, we did manage to get through that period of his life, unexpected as it was to have done that and come to a great conclusion. We, together, my brother and I, managed to make himself better, through basically my making him eat (nasty big sis that I was - hehe!), making him visit the docs, go for counselling and gettign his Dad involved. It did relapse slightly after I left for the US though, adn he ended up on the streets, sleeping in car parks - silly bean! Got Dad to come down and pick him up though, and they're living together now, and happy as two little birds on a fence!

Hope this didn't come across as a sob story - don't anyone go feeling bad for me now - good God, I have a lot more where that came from, but things in life, they happen, I love my brother SO much. I think the worst part of it was the thought that the little brother I SO loved and adored....the one who always came running with the sellotape (tape!) when we were small and something was broken ("I fix it, I fix it with sellotape!") - even fabric (!), the one who'd build huge models out of lego ad leave them standing for months...the one who loved to share....would be gone. Ad I did mourn a little in advance. But I am grateful to have him here every day now, because of what we went through.

Hope that kind of explains what I was trying to say - sorry it's so long!

[snz1802 0]

Please try and get your wife help from a professional as soon as possible, I was at this same point at one time in my life, and it was found that I suffered from Bipolar Disorder, I was put on the right medication andit is still hard, but I am able to lead a normal and healthy lifestyle now and that has been 8 years ago

[dmartmar 1]

Your brother's situation doesn't seem suicidal to me at all. If he really had wanted to take his life and kill himself, he could've just sliced his wrists, instead of prolonging his suffering and eventual death by way of starvation, which doesn't make sense whatsoever.

To me, he sounded more like having bouts of manic depression and/or anorexia, not suicidal thoughts, IMHO.

Terminally ill and being suicidal are two totally different, unrelated terms and/or situations.

[JayJay 4]

*keeps her mouth shut, but thinks a lot* (winx)

Yer know....heh...

[dmartmar 1]

*keeps her mouth shut, but thinks a lot* (winx)

Yer know....heh...

I actually do.

Been there, done that!

[de_sjiem 0]

Your brother's situation doesn't seem suicidal to me at all. If he really had wanted to take his life and kill himself, he could've just sliced his wrists, instead of prolonging his suffering and eventual death by way of starvation, which doesn't make sense whatsoever.

To me, he sounded more like having bouts of manic depression and/or anorexia, not suicidal thoughts, IMHO.

Terminally ill and being suicidal are two totally different, unrelated terms and/or situations.

And now i ask.. why does a depressed/suicidal person have to make sense? and do you even know what manic depression is? Periods of highs and lows.. Obviously JayJay's brother wasn't having periods of highs in this time, so he'd be having his lows which are exactly like depression.. You can commit suicide by starving yourself.. you're still killing yourself that way..

Dmartmar.. have you ever wanted to take your life? Its not as easy as it sounds.. Most people who do actually commit suicide attempt several times before or have 'feeble' attempts like JayJay's brother..

To JayJay.. kudos to you for being there so well for your brother.. Suicidal people are stressful and i'm glad to hear you made it through ok as well.. (and your brother!)

To the OP.. I hope your wife is ok.. I have no suggestions to your opening question.. I think its a perfectly logical and reasonable question to ask.. (After all.. this is an immigration forum.. why would he come here for advice on his wife's depression?? totally the wrong place for that...)

[JayJay 4]

Thank you for your understanding, de_sjiem. As you said, suicide, far from being very simple, is actually extremely complex, and people can reside in suicidal states for years without actually dying. I appreciate your thoughtful words, and I'm sure the OP does as well

[pri 0]

well the OP didnt appear on VJ for quite a while probably busy with the funeral or shall surprise us all with Happy Fools day...

Al

[notrepetiteashley 0]

Your brother's situation doesn't seem suicidal to me at all. If he really had wanted to take his life and kill himself, he could've just sliced his wrists, instead of prolonging his suffering and eventual death by way of starvation, which doesn't make sense whatsoever.

To me, he sounded more like having bouts of manic depression and/or anorexia, not suicidal thoughts, IMHO.

Terminally ill and being suicidal are two totally different, unrelated terms and/or situations.

JayJay was there with her brother, helping him and working with the doctors. I think she knows what the situation was. IMHO.

[iceyspots 0]

If you are the beneficiary and your petitioner dies, you are automatically entitled to recieve citizenship.. I believe??

[sparkofcreation 0]

If you are the beneficiary and your petitioner dies, you are automatically entitled to recieve citizenship.. I believe??

Wow. That's just all kinds of wrong.

If you are the beneficiary and your petitioner dies after your AOS but before your lifting conditions, then you can file the I-751 immediately and try to prove your marriage was legit. If you are the beneficiary and your petitioner dies before your AOS, then you can file the I-360 immediately.

Both of those things, if they are approved (and in either case you need to prove your marriage was legit and approval is certainly not automatic), would grant you the 10-year green card. Then five years after your green card was approved (it's three years if your LPR is based on marriage but you have to still be married to the person at the end of those three years), you would be entitled to citizenship if you hadn't done anything to make yourself ineligible.

Edited April 2, 2006 by sparkofcreation

[meauxna 15]

If you are the beneficiary and your petitioner dies, you are automatically entitled to recieve citizenship.. I believe??

No way. Not before AOS or after.