I pray it never happens...

[NIGHTHAWK2000 0]

Backpakr,

U r not alone. Inspite of the fact that i got my EAD after few months of filing AOS, but i never found a job. Now my EAD s goin to expire next month, i could never use them and my wife s the one working and when i think about it it makes me depress too.

However, the things for immigrant are not that easy, like it used to be.

Also, my whole process and interview was good, but they r still pending my GC.

Just hang on.

[Autumnal 25]

Good advice. You'll make it through -- don't worry about that so much. Right now, give your wife love and support, and get assistance for the both of you.

There is always a light to illuminate your path.

[Peter 0]

Why don't you try to help her instead of worrying about your stay in the usa.

It pisses me off when you're more concerned about staying in the states then the Welfare of your wife. whats wrong with you?

[Peggy 1]

Ouch

[AFQuaid 18]

Ouch

Complete agreeance with Peter here sorry to say mate, help your wife an be selfless it is rewarding in the end...

=/\=Andrew=/\=

[sjoefl01 1]

If you know your wife has a problem and you don't help her then your a_ss should be removed from the country. I understand option checking but this is insane. You should be ashamed of yourself. This is probably the most selfish post I have ever seen on VJ!!!

[JayJay 4]

Good Lord people - calm down! The guy has a perfect right to say "what will happen to me?"!!

It's not about being selfish - dear God, how many people here have dealt with a suicidal person on a daily basis before?! I have - my brother was suicidal for a long time, and I had to make him eat, and perform basic functions. Evry single time I went to his house, I wondered if I'd find him dead in his bed. And hell yes I wondered "what the ####### am I going to do if he's dead today?"

I was in the same country! Heck yes I wondered what was going to happen! Do I love my brother - of course! Did I think he would be dead? Yes, I did.

This man is being perfectly human. Alone, practically, in a foreign country, with a woman who is saying she wants to die. The questions he is asking are perfectly natural - ask any psychologist, and they will tell you. Of course he wants to help his wife - that's not the issue - give him some support, tell him where to get more of it - then, you'll be helping!

And to the OP - practical advice: 1) if you can, take her to someone who can help her - this is VERY important. You're not the root of her pain here, nor can you help cure this in any other way than being there for her as a normal husband, and finding her help. 2) do not keep quiet over this: tell somebody, because you need support, and help too. This isn't something you go through alone, okay?

My thoughts are very much with you. I hope everything turns out a heck of a lo better tha you're envisioning..and I am sure it will. I am sending good vibes your way..... :) (F)

[ufkenmill 0]

For the OP, call an immigration attorney. Don't use an internet forum for something that requires professional assistance.

In regards to your suicidal wife, keep praying about it. And yeah, there's nothing wrong with you wondering what will happen to you. I agree with JayJay, noone here knows what his wife may have been putting him through for the last 2 years. It's probably like living with someone who needs a psychiatrist and expects HIM to be the psychiatrist. It's probably rough to go through this every day.

Good luck with this...

[hcj 0]

Bravo JayJay -- excellent, very compassionate post.

[Autumnal 25]

Warm and fuzzy feelings to brighten your day. (F)

[dmartmar 1]

Why don't you try to help her, instead of worrying about your stay in the USA?

It pisses me off that you're more concerned about staying in the states than the welfare of your wife. What's wrong with you?

Which makes me wonder and/or speculate as to what could have been his real reason(s) or motive(s) behind the marriage in the first place.

JayJay,

Please re-read the OP's initial post, then carefully analyze it.

I married my wife almost two years ago, on a K-1 visa. Since then,

she has suffered major bouts of depression, on and off, and she

wrote a suicide note last year, took a bunch of pills, and etc.

This is the first year she has been fine. (she's not diagnosed with

anything - just things have been piling on top of her like debts, etc)

Last Thursday, we were supposed to drive to Tenessee for our AOS

interview but we missed it, because her father's condition worsened

suddenly and we had to rush to the hospital, so we're going to have

to re-schedule.

He seemed okay, but now he has deteriorated to the point where, to

put it bluntly, he is going to die within the next day or so.

Now .. this is the tough part .. I hate to raise this question. But if my

wife tries suicide again - and if she succeeds..where does that leave

me?

I raise this question because, I have no idea what she is truly going to

be like and ... if the worst happens, I still need to know what to do,

where to go, what my options are, and so on .. or do I get thrown

back to England where I no longer have any place to live now?

Any knowledge on this subject would be - so gratefully recieved. I am

praying, of course, that such a terrible thing will not happen, and trying

to be there in every way I can. But this is new to me, and I cannot

predict at all what she will do, but I need to know where it leaves me,

if she does.

Many thanks,

Backpakr.

And now, your post.

Good Lord people - calm down! The guy has a perfect right to say "what will happen to me !!

It's not about being selfish - dear God, how many people here have dealt with a suicidal person on a daily basis before?! I have - my brother was suicidal for a long time, and I had to make him eat, and perform basic functions. Every single time I went to his house, I wondered if I'd find him dead in his bed. And hell yes I wondered "what the ####### am I going to do if he's dead today?"

I was in the same country! Heck yes I wondered what was going to happen! Do I love my brother - of course! Did I think he would be dead? Yes, I did.

This man is being perfectly human. Alone, practically, in a foreign country, with a woman who is saying she wants to die. The questions he is asking are perfectly natural - ask any psychologist, and they will tell you. Of course he wants to help his wife - that's not the issue - give him some support, tell him where to get more of it - then, you'll be helping!

I totally disagree with the reasonings behind your post, since your situation and the OP's are very different.

The OP's not wondering: "will I find my wife dead in bed when I get home?," nor is he wondering: "what the ####### am I going to do if she died today?," like you did. Instead, he's wondering: "what would happen to me, if my wife commited suicide during my pending AOS application?"

Not wanting to be the one surprisingly stumbling upon your dead brother was more important to you than whatever consequences or after effects his death could've had on you. Did you wonder: "if my brother commited suicide, will I have to pay his bills and clean his house?" I think not!

Again, the OP's not asking for advise or support to aid in his wife's cause, but instead to aid his cause.

Plus he also admits that for the last year or so, his wife has been perfectly fine. So where does he all of a sudden get the idea that she might commit suicide and base it on her father being terminally ill? He doesn't say she threatened to take her own life, he put that idea in his head!

Edited March 27, 2006 by dmartmar

[gimygirl 0]

Plus he also admits that for the last year or so, his wife has been perfectly fine. So where does he all of a sudden get the idea that she might commit suicide and base it on her father being terminally ill? He doesn't say she threatened to take her own life, he put that idea in his head!

*giggles* i was thinking the same thing ... one does not often wonder out of the blue about someone committing suicide after they've showed no signs or symptoms in recent months. *shrugs*

any way ... once again we have an OP that will probably not return.

[annelizabeth 1]

I am surprised nobody has suggested making an Infopass appointment to get interim EAD (When the FIL scenario has calmed down). There is certainly no reason whatsoever that someone on K1 and married should have to wait almost two years for EAD, even with errors and missing mail.

And anyway, what WOULD happen to any of us if our USC spouse were to die before we got our unconditional permanent residency? Maybe something we should all consider?

[Girona40 0]

I would absolutely schedule an INFOPASS appointment to find out what is going on with the EAD and mention the reason you didn't make the AOS interview and see if they can expedite it for you. Sometimes you are lucky enough to get a compassionate person behind the desk.

I find it amazing that nobody diagnosed your wife with Major Depressive Disorder. There is a points scale doctors use, giving a certain number of points for every stressful event in your life. When the final number reaches a certain level it is time to give medication or to arrange counseling or hospital treatment.

Think about it. She is newly married - don't any of you tell me that it is not stressful in itself, trying to adjust to marriage alone. Then there is the fact that this OP is living in a foreign country - it is one of the most stressful things I have done and I am sure he looks to his wife for reassurance on issues, adding further stress to her, keeping him on an even keel. He isn't working and wife is only one bringing in an income - she is probably worried that the bills are piling up and wondering when he is going to be able to help contribute. I am sure she didn't expect to be keeping him for two years, or longer. Then she has a father who was very ill and has since passed away. My Lord! How much do you expect the poor girl to cope with?

She is in need of immediate help from her doctor. She has a history of attempting suicide, who knows when she will try again. I know that the loss of a parent or sibling is one of the most stressful things you will ever go through. It may just tip her over the edge and this is where the OP needs to be a "husband" and not just the "immigrant" here.

Start to take the weight off your wife's shoulders, get onto the USCIS and start sorting out the EAD situation. The AOS will wait - your wife's mental state is far more important and she needs help....now.

[nice_man 0]

To The Original Poster:

I can somewhat sympathize with your wife, as far as her being depressed over mounting bills and debt. And even becoming overwhelmed by it all to the point of contemplating suicide. I was there at pretty much that same point a few years ago. But don't despair. It doesn't mean that your wife will always be depressed. It's most likely more 'circumstancial' depression then anything else. In other words, once the circumstances start improving, so will the depression. That's how my doctor put it to me anyway.

There is nothing wrong with worrying about your future either. Most anybody going through the AOS process has had that very thought cross their mind a few times too. I know I have - many times. When I left Canada, I left Canada for good. I left a dream job and everything I knew behind. There was no turning back. No opportunity to return, in case the 'experiment' failed, because what I'm doing now is no 'experiment'! Also, my wife has made it clear that she would never be willing to move to Canada. So if she up and died in the next year or two... things would be a disaster for me. I hate uncertainty too - so it's just something that I try not to think about too much. My sister (who is one of the strongest people I know of) has acknowledged to me that she has occasionally had those thoughts too, as she's went through the AOS process.

Gimygirl and Dmartmar:

You really need to be a bit more compassionate. I can only hope that you guys aren't as cold and stony as your forum posts here have made you appear to be. Your assumptions on this matter and character attacks are completely uncalled for. The man asked a simple question. He didn't ask you to give an opinion on whether or not he cares more about being able to stay in the USA or his wife's condition. YOU BOTH made the judgement on that. Shame on you. Who died and left you judges of this situation?

Furthermore, I believe that you are incorrect in your assumption that since his wife hasn't shown any symptoms within the last year that she isn't a risk for suicidal thoughts/behavior again, upon encountering another traumatic life event (like the death of a family member).

Why do I say this? Well... I'll tell you why. Do you realize that I'm paying the highest possible life insurance rates that anybody can pay, down here in the USA? Seriously, I might as well have AIDS or terminal cancer or somethin' of that sort - it's insane. Wanna know why? Because my life insurance company got a hold of my Canadian medical records and saw what I went through a few years ago. They STILL consider me a high risk to contemplate suicide, even though I'm a complete optimist and very positive person by nature (who just happened to go through a short period of difficulty in my past, and didn't handle it very well - but it wasn't as if I actually 'tried' to commit suicide in that period of time either though - the life insurance company doesn't care). I haven't had any symptoms since then, and I feel awesome these days. The life insurance company still wouldn't buy my story though... hmmmm... interesting, eh? So MAYBE the original poster does have some validity to his concern here afterall....

---

Lastly, not everybody knows everything there is to know about AOS and the options that are available to them - such as INFOPASS. I know that I didn't know anything about INFOPASS, before I found out about VisaJourney and started doing some reading. My sister who is almost through the whole process - to the citizenship stage - probably has never heard about VisaJourney either. You know, VisaJourney isn't THAT famous, guys/gals. Not everyone in the world has heard of it. And even if they have, after reading through a thread like this, they probably wouldn't feel comfortable in asking any question, lest they be judged for it. Just some food for thought here... let's try to be a bit more compassionate folks. And then we wouldn't have to make statements like... 'oh.... the original poster still hasn't come back to this thread, and I wonder why?'. Duh!!

To the Original Poster:

You've made some mistakes in the process, probably largely because you weren't familiar with your options and the process in general. There have been many helpful people in this thread (thankfully) and I would encourage you to consider some of the options they've put forward - namely making an INFOPASS appointment right away. You can do that online @ the USCIS website. Obviously, I would try to get your wife scheduled in asap to see a doctor too. Like Girona40 has said, the death of a sibling or parent is an extremely stressful thing to go through. If your wife has any risk of falling back into suicidal tendencies at difficult times in life, I believe that this could possibly be one of those times.

Love her... care for her... do whatever you can to make her life easier. Support her... encourage her... be there for her - always. Get her anything that she needs. Don't just assume that all is well with her, even though she may have a brave smile on her face. People have no idea how much one can hide 'inside' behind that brave smile.

And good luck. You'll both make it through this situation just fine.

Be positive. Life won't always be this way either. You're just in a bad spell right now.