I pray it never happens...

[Backpakr 0]

I married my wife almost two years ago, on a K-1 visa. Since then,

she has suffered major bouts of depression, on and off, and she

wrote a suicide note last year, took a bunch of pills, and etc.

This is the first year she has been fine. (she's not diagnosed with

anything - just things have been piling on top of her like debts, etc)

Last Thursday, we were supposed to drive to Tenessee for our AOS

interview but we missed it, because her father's condition worsened

suddenly and we had to rush to the hospital, so we're going to have

to re-schedule.

He seemed okay, but now he has deteriorated to the point where, to

put it bluntly, he is going to die within the next day or so.

Now .. this is the tough part .. I hate to raise this question. But if my

wife tries suicide again - and if she succeeds..where does that leave

me?

I raise this question because, I have no idea what she is truly going to

be like and ... if the worst happens, I still need to know what to do,

where to go, what my options are, and so on .. or do I get thrown

back to England where I no longer have any place to live now?

Any knowledge on this subject would be - so gratefully recieved. I am

praying, of course, that such a terrible thing will not happen, and trying

to be there in every way I can. But this is new to me, and I cannot

predict at all what she will do, but I need to know where it leaves me,

if she does.

Many thanks,

Backpakr.

[hcj 0]

I can understand wanting to understand all your options. I am a planner too and I like to prepare for all contingencies. It's too stressful otherwise.

If such a horrible thing were to happen before your AOS interview, you'll need to get a lawyer if you want to have a chance to stay. Basically there isn't anything in the law that says you can adjust status anyway, and you'd need someone to make that argument for you.

If it's after your AOS interview but before your GC is approved, at least consult a lawyer.

If it's after you get your GC, you should be OK. If you get a conditional GC, you would need to remove the conditions by yourself. You can file a waiver for the joint filing requirement. You would need to supply all the usual evidence of your marriage.

[Mina76 0]

hi Backpakr

I'am so sorry to hear of your situation.

Does your wife have any other family members that can help you with this? If not then maybe you can try to contact one of the Suicide Help Centers. There is a link you can try---http://suicidehotlines.com/---this a National Suicide Hotline in the USA and you can call them toll free 24/7

Suicide is such a scary thing and should be taken seriouslly.

God Bless you

[Backpakr 0]

.. I can't afford a lawyer .. heck, they still haven't even given me permission

to work yet!

[hcj 0]

.. I can't afford a lawyer .. heck, they still haven't even given me permission

to work yet!

You've been married for two years; why haven't they given you an EAD yet? And why is your AOS taking so long?

ON EDIT: Never mind on the second question -- just remembered you had to reschedule your AOS interview.

Edited March 25, 2006 by hcj

[notrepetiteashley 0]

You've got to get your wife some help before anything serious happens. I'm sorry for you both, I truly am. But if she has a history of suicide attempt(s) and she becomes severely depressed again and says ANYTHING about harming herself, she needs to go to hospital. I hate to sound so blunt, but I, as well as you, don't want anything bad to happen to her. I know it's hard, but that's the only place she'll be safe. I don't know about the AOS. As a psychologist, I had to tell you that first bit.

Please take care of one another. And good luck.

[desert_fox 32]

Take her to her doctor ...like on Monday. She needs the proper meds to see the world in a different light.

2 years without permission to work??...waiting for a green card....doesnt compute.

[gimygirl 0]

sorry ... doesn't add up for me either.

when did you file for AOS? did you file for your EAD at the same time? do you mean to tell me that your depressed wife has been supporting your family for 2 years?

i find it highly unusual as a psych nurse, that she had an attempted suicide yet was not diagnosed ... or did she just take a few extra pills instead of the recommend dose and it went unreported?

too many questions in this scenario. although i would advise that maybe you strengthen your family ties back in the UK in the event of something unpleasant. spouses of a recently deceased USC have been known to be unable to stay in the US.

[Aymerlu 3]

sorry ... doesn't add up for me either.

when did you file for AOS? did you file for your EAD at the same time? do you mean to tell me that your depressed wife has been supporting your family for 2 years?

i find it highly unusual as a psych nurse, that she had an attempted suicide yet was not diagnosed ... or did she just take a few extra pills instead of the recommend dose and it went unreported?

too many questions in this scenario. although i would advise that maybe you strengthen your family ties back in the UK in the event of something unpleasant. spouses of a recently deceased USC have been known to be unable to stay in the US.

LOL...I started going into "nurse mode" too. I agree....attempted suicide would definatly get a dx of some sort.

[Backpakr 0]

Don't ask me to explain government departments .. I can't. It took them a solid

year and a half to get us permission to work..we moved house, they then "lost"

everything..and we were told we had to file all over again.

They sent the permission to work, to our old address - we never managed to

get a hold of it - was told we had to apply again by them themselves .. and

have been waiting ever since.

Bada-bing. That's the whole story in a nice tidy package, short and sweet.

And yes, my wife has been the only one working for the last two years. Try not

to make it sound like an accusation, won't you. Believe me - I would *love* to

be working right now.

And try not to read too much into the "depressed nurse" thing. She does not

have a "history" of any such thing. She's a good nurse, but she suffered

depression because of mounting debts and 2 repoes of her car and things like

that these last couple of years.

This year, she has really been alright - closer to her old self, as I knew and

married her. But I am asking these questions as a "just in case" - because her

father died 3 hours ago.

p.s I have no family in the UK .. nobody.

when did you file for AOS? did you file for your EAD at the same time? do you mean to tell me that your depressed wife has been supporting your family for 2 years?

i find it highly unusual as a psych nurse, that she had an attempted suicide yet was not diagnosed ... or did she just take a few extra pills instead of the recommend dose and it went unreported?

too many questions in this scenario. although i would advise that maybe you strengthen your family ties back in the UK in the event of something unpleasant.

[gimygirl 0]

i am a natural skeptic ...

*i said nothing about your wife being a nurse - I"M the nurse and referenced myself

*odd that you didn't schedule an infopass appt to obtain your EAD?

*you find VJ now ... but not then when you were struggling with your AOS?

*all your family members in the UK are deceased?

*you're on VJ 3 hrs after your FIL's death .... ?

[dmartmar 1]

Now .. this is the tough part .. I hate to raise this question. But if my

wife tries suicide again - and if she succeeds..where does that leave

me?

I raise this question, because I have no idea what she is truly going to

be like and ... if the worst happens, I still need to know what to do,

where to go, what my options are and so on .. or do I get thrown

back to England where I no longer have any place to live now?

Why is finding out how your wife's suicide could impact or affect your pending AOS application more important to you than finding ways to help prevent it instead?

Edited March 26, 2006 by dmartmar

[ktun 0]

Hmmm.....This story doesn't sit well with me either.

But, if what you're saying is accurate, then if I were you I would be making sure my wife was getting the help she needed right away, not thinking about if you will be kicked out of the country if she commits suicide.

Get the medical and psychiatric help immediately and then deal with the AOS later. Surely if you really love your wife then nothing is more important than making sure she gets through this.

[Autumnal 25]

Let me add my voice to the many that suggest your wife receives medical help immediately. Suicide and thoughts of it affect many people in this country and, contrary to what some believe, there is definitely no lack of support and resources available in all areas of the country. Your wife needs this foundation and assistance, especially as the trauma and grief of a loved one's death may send her back down the spiral.

I assume that her father is in a hospital; at this time, you should consult with the doctor and/or nursing staff and/or psychologists for looking into grief counselling. Similar support groups, often specific to the nature of the loss, are also out there -- like survivors of cancer, etc. Connecting with other people may put your wife on a more even keel, and it will probably help you recover as well.

In the same vein, also look into support from suicide prevention groups that might meet. If your wife feels like the burden on her is just too much, they can provide help and assistance to overcome those feelings. If it's as much chemical/physical depression as anything else, then she should probably receive medication.

But you both are not alone.

Take advantage of the many resources available to you. The Internet and the phone are both there, I will assume, and if you're near the hospital, ask a nurse or a doctor. They will be able to put you on the right track.

[lissa04 3]

I couldnt agree more with Autumal. Your main concern should be the love of your life nothing more nothing less. Your AOS in my opinion should be the last thing on your mind. I know your are scared and concerned. There is nothing wrong with that. I almost lost my husband 4 days after we were married. He fell from 15 feet in the air and hit his head on two pieces of steel on the way down. He miraculously lived.

I am not sure where your father in law passed away, but if it was in a hospital perhaps you can pull the doctor aside and explain the situation. He/she can prescibe some medication to help her during these rough times.

My heart goes out to the both of you.

Lissa