sad weekend

[John and Anna 0]

Only have a couple of seconds here, but quickly....

Go to your local cops right now. Fill out an incident report or written statement of some kind. Sit down with the sergeant or the captain or whoever is in charge there (Sheriff, maybe?) and basically just tell them what's going on and that you want to cover your @$$ when it comes time to go to court.

9 times out of 10, these guys have seen something like this happen before, and will actually do what they can to help you out. If you can get your side of the story on paper with a legal signature "swearing" that it's the truth as told to them, that goes a long way when you go to court and it's just her and her lawyer (and probably her "guy that needed advice") there saying "he did this and he did that." You can counter with a sworn statement as witnessed by a cop that "she said I did this and said I did that, but I never did anything like that.... as a matter of fact, look at all the GOOD STUFF I did for her."

Make sure you cover your @$$ with good hard evidence. She was in a car crash, you bought her a new car. You paid for the chiropractor. You took care of her kids for 6 weeks while she was off chasing strange men. She obviously didn't miss family at home... she couldn't even take her kids with her. Things like this can paint a good picture in a judge's eye when it comes to domestic violence charges. She has to prove you did something, and that's pretty hard to do. It's VERY HARD to do when you've got proof that you've been nothing but an excellent husband/father.

Paint the picture that she's a money-grubbing green card scammer, and chances are, they'll see it too.

Keep us posted... GOOD LUCK!!!

And to everyone else out there..... there are signs. If you start to see them, don't deny you're seeing them. Don't say "I'm not jealous." Don't say "well, I'll give her the benefit of the doubt." DON'T DO THAT!!!! YOU'VE GOT TO COVER YOUR @$$. Do it now! She can love you all day every day, but if/when she changes her mind, you've gotta be ready! Love is great.... but it's got nothing to do with being successful if things go awry. You prepared hard to be together.... you should be as prepared to be apart!

Hey Slim Great advice - the police do want to help. My EX wife (American) called the police and told them I was drunk and she was scared I was crazy. The police noted that I was not visually intoxicated and very calm when they arrived. This helped at the child custody hearing when she was trying not to let me see my daughter. yada yada yada and big bucks later ---.

OP

What really are all the details from this post? The truth shall set you free. If you are really as good as you say you are MAKE sure you get the records. Get the proof! How do you know she was talking to a man in Russian? Why did she need another car? Lot of signs here. We all know love is blind.

It also scares me on reading such stuff. But I had an AMERICAN woman pickup and leave. No GC involved. It still confuses me, all my family and friends. SEE I was married to and AMERICAN GOLD DIGGER. So it’s not just Russian women.

Please keep us posted, you and anyone else it happens to.

Best of luck to you

[slim 1,525]

far likelier to find an adequate husband abroad than in Russia.

- and my chances to marry well in my home country are objectively small.

Exactly the way every woman should state her case, whether online, or in person.

It's fair to want to marry well, to want to find a mate that is suitable to where you are in life and where you want to be, and it should be stated UP FRONT!!!! as to what the intentions are. It's just a fact that everyone wants a certain thing or combination of things in their mate.

It's not always stated, and that's where the problems come from. You must be honest with yourself (about your mate by not ignoring RED FLAGS or warning signs) and with your mate about what you want.

Things always change, so there has to be some flexibility to it too, but for the most part, intentions must be open and honest from the start. (Or, like in my case, so painfully obvious that they don't need to be said aloud because it's too painful to hear. "Honey, after we get your ticket and pay the rent, we have $4 left in the account to buy tea and Ramen with. Welcome to America." And people say she married me for the money...... yeah, right!)

[JamesT 12]

Sometimes I think I'd be better off if I didn't read the VJ forums... this is a time when I should be excited and happy about my fiancee's success at her interview and arrival in the US in the very near future, but instead I feel depressed and worried, mainly from reading sad stories like from Russ & Galina's, Marc & Olga, and now skinsfan.

[Nancy2015 2]

And the whole story of the Russian men being drunkards and losers was invented by online dating agencies as some sort of reassurance for American men that these ladies really want to "marry a nice guy", and not just immigrate. I think it's BS, and I too hope I'm not offending anyone.

I agree, but you have to acknowledge that an educated Russian woman in her 30-s is far likelier to find an adequate husband abroad than in Russia. The fact that she posts her profile does not automatically prove that she's a green card opportunist.

Personally I couldn't care less where to live, but I do very much care WITH WHOM to live - and my chances to marry well in my home country are objectively small. 95% of decent men in my age group are either happily married or divorced with kids and not looking to start a new family.

No, I don't think they're all solely after green cards.

To be honest with you, I have no idea about what it takes to marry well. I always thought my chances to marry anyone anywhere in the world were zero, so I just excluded having a husband and a family from my future plans at one point

[Ban Hammer 13,346]

Sometimes I think I'd be better off if I didn't read the VJ forums... this is a time when I should be excited and happy about my fiancee's success at her interview and arrival in the US in the very near future, but instead I feel depressed and worried, mainly from reading sad stories like from Russ & Galina's, Marc & Olga, and now skinsfan.

it's not just confined to russia, i've read other horror stories. anyone seen marc lately? i've not seen him post in a while but i saw his post about how things went sour.

[kud 0]

Sometimes I think I'd be better off if I didn't read the VJ forums... this is a time when I should be excited and happy about my fiancee's success at her interview and arrival in the US in the very near future, but instead I feel depressed and worried, mainly from reading sad stories like from Russ & Galina's, Marc & Olga, and now skinsfan.

James there are also success stories. Be excited and enjoy. Only the future will tell if you picked right. I went through three almost breakups with my Russian wife. That was not a green card issue, but a hard headed issue on both our parts. We are learning to cool our heels and life is good.

[mrsushi66 0]

Sometimes I think I'd be better off if I didn't read the VJ forums... this is a time when I should be excited and happy about my fiancee's success at her interview and arrival in the US in the very near future, but instead I feel depressed and worried, mainly from reading sad stories like from Russ & Galina's, Marc & Olga, and now skinsfan.

I have to agree with you to a point.

Everyone approaches life from their own point of view. Obvisouly some here have had experiences that have led them to either be very warry of people or this is just part of their nature. The trick is to live life on your own terms and for me that means trusting people till they give me a reason not to. I am sure some will say that is fine but don't be supprised when all your stuff is out the door and for me that is a chance I am willing to take becuase here is what I think. If you have to constantly test someone or be supicious of them you waste precious time you could be loving them and being happy. If you love them and work to make them happy yes you could be blind sided and taken to the cleaners but ask yourself this, if you are constantly testing someone or suspicious of them dont you think they will feel this and don't you think they will become the person you feared they were. I know if felt like someone didnt trust me or was constantly testing me I would begin to wonder if that person truly loved me and might start looking for a way out.

Of course this is my opinion and realize there is not right or wrong asnwer here just everyone chosing to live their life in their own way.

So don't let anyone (even me) convince you to change how you live your life, listen to all the advice and chose what works for you and then just do it.

Paul and Anna

[skinsfan 0]

thanks for all of your kind words...please everyone, don't let my sad story influence your lives...i only want people to pay a little closer attention to any signs..love is blind, and i trusted without question....now i see that i was in love with a mirage, an idea....i have definitely turned the page...i only worry about keeping my good name....this domestic violence thing is a scary issue...but, i know i was a good and loving man that provided well for the family... the judge denied her 1st petition on the 29th of may, for lack of evidence, so hopefully that is a good sign for me....please..for those of you that are in a relationship, or starting one.....don't give up on your dream because of what you read on any forum......again, i thank you all for your kind support !!!

[skinsfan 0]

hello all.....i hopefully have some good news...maybe.....if anyone wants to read a story that i posted on the russian meeting house 1 yr ago today under "surprising story"...it documents a situation with a mother and older daughter from the Ukraine, that were recent friends of my wife.....anyway, to make a long story short, they tried to warn me that my wife was here only for a green card....something told me to save her cell number in my phone..

i called her today, and asked if my wife really told her this, and she said..."to be honest, yes"...i asked if she would speak to my lawyer, and she said to give him her telephone number....hopefully she will not get cold feet, and do the right thing....my wife hates her, and has actively black balled her from other fsu women...i heard this conversation in another friend of my wifes home about 2 weeks ago....she spoke in terrible terms about these women....anyway, maybe things will turn more in my direction...... i am also under skinsfan in the other forum for those interested.....

[Thomas-n-Elena 0]

Once again I offer my condolences.

I find it interesting that many people forget that this is not a purely russian/ukraine issue. Many US women(i dont say american because it includes, canada, mexico and south america) will admit that they marry for money, status, opportunity etc. When I was younger I went out once with a girl who told me her only goal was to marry someone and have some children and she admitted she didnt have to love the guy just so that he could provide for her and the children. Suffice to say that was the only time I went out with her.

For every story that ends badly, there are stories that go forward happily. The most important thing is to understand it is not you, if you believe in yourself and love yourself(in the platonic way) then people will be attracted to you. There is a vibe or energy that is emitted when someone trully cares about themselves and other people. Stay positive and know there are a lot of people who can lend support in a difficult time.

[slim 1,525]

Sometimes I think I'd be better off if I didn't read the VJ forums... this is a time when I should be excited and happy about my fiancee's success at her interview and arrival in the US in the very near future, but instead I feel depressed and worried, mainly from reading sad stories like from Russ & Galina's, Marc & Olga, and now skinsfan.

You should be excited and happy! You're on the way to being together with your fiancee and making a life together. There's a reason you chose her and she chose you.... stick to it! People have success and people break up. Here and there, it happens every day. What you have to remember is despite what you've heard about "scammers" and the like, you and your fiancee have a unique situation. It's like other people's but it's unique for the two of you. Concentrate on that. Compare and contrast it to others' relationships, but don't base yours strictly on what happens in their's.

Make sure you're honest with yourself if there are warning signs, but, try to be a good husband and a good mate for your fiancee and if she's doing the same..... you should be happy! There's no guarantees for anything, and that's why you have to keep the faith that you and your fiancee "chose correctly."

hello all.....i hopefully have some good news...maybe.....if anyone wants to read a story that i posted on the russian meeting house 1 yr ago today under "surprising story"...it documents a situation with a mother and older daughter from the Ukraine, that were recent friends of my wife.....anyway, to make a long story short, they tried to warn me that my wife was here only for a green card....something told me to save her cell number in my phone..

i called her today, and asked if my wife really told her this, and she said..."to be honest, yes"...i asked if she would speak to my lawyer, and she said to give him her telephone number....hopefully she will not get cold feet, and do the right thing....my wife hates her, and has actively black balled her from other fsu women...i heard this conversation in another friend of my wifes home about 2 weeks ago....she spoke in terrible terms about these women....anyway, maybe things will turn more in my direction...... i am also under skinsfan in the other forum for those interested.....

This is exactly the kind of "evidence" that I was talking about. If you have someone like this "on your side" of the court room, it really helps the judge. If they've already denied a first petition, things are looking like they're in your favor! Have your lawyer follow up with this woman and get a sworn statement from her about the past conversations and see if she's willing to testify for you if need be.

Judges are familiar with this sort of thing, and if you have a "witness" and she has no evidence at all.... she's fighting a steep battle, straight up that big ol' hill!

[slim 1,525]

a story that i posted on the russian meeting house

What's the website of this Russian Meeting House?

Also, there are several other sites that have big forums for US/RUS couples, what sites are you VJers on? Which sites are your wives on? Do you like them better than VJ? Are there more people there? Do you get interrupted by "visitors" or is it all chleni?

Edited June 2, 2007 by slim

[Turboguy 6]

Slim, I have not heard of Russian Meeting house. I thought I new all the major forums

The one that I am hanging out most on is www.RUadventures.com. It is new but very active and growing like gang busters. It is a nice, helpful and intersting place.

The other that is excellent is www.russianwomendiscussion.com It is also very active, very interesting, well run and good people. It is also my fiancees favorite forum but without intending to do anything wrong did get us both into hot water there and we are sort of in a punishment stage there. That should end soon. I believe my post count there is around 3000.

Two more that I don't like as well.

One is www.RussianMeetingPlace.com There is a ton of information there and it is well run but there are two many topics with too many stickies that make it hard to find new posts and I find it to be far less interesting.

The grandaddy of sites is www.RWGuide.com. It was acquired by a MOB agency last year and has been going downhill in a handbasket. Too many of the posts are people making fun of other people, people flaming at each other and people who really not giving good advice. I rarely go there anymore.

For women RussianWomenAbroad seems to be popular and if you want to turn your lady into a man hater there is always the russian woman site called www.anti-date.com The name says it all. It is sort of a Russian Womans version of the Klu Klux Klan.

[JamesT 12]

I'm pretty sure skinsfan was talking about Russian Meeting Place. Here is the thread he was referring to: Surprising Story. I've never visited that site much, but I used to like RW Guide.

Now I rarely visit that one either, and I just stick to VisaJourney.

[JamesT 12]

i don't know if she has received her green card...she was on fbi name check...

I just thought of a new but related question here... What could possibly trigger an FBI name check during the AOS phase? Wouldn't anything like that be caught long before while you are in the K1 or K3 visa process?