JUST A RANT(update merged)

[PolarPear 8]

On 5/19/2019 at 5:01 PM, Rohit004 said:

 

Prelude: I am the immigrant and sole bread winner. Wife doesn't work.

 

Known member.  Sharing under a pseudonym. 

 

Monday 05/13/2019

 

My wife calls me while I am at work. She asks if we can go for a $1400+ summer trip. I decline but explain why.  Why? She just graduated on 05/12/2019 and the whole process with party costed us $1500+. Furthermore, she is going for a Central America trip which in July which I had already agreed to pay for. 

 

She gets mad. Hang up. Two minutes later, I get an email notification that she changed her address to her mom's. I called and ask and she lies that's it's just for the diploma. I already know that she's upto. She's done this(running back to her mom's  house on numerous occasions when she doesn't get what she wants).

 

I get home and see a few boxes packed. She asks for help on her resume and I do it. As soon as she has it, she tells me she's leaving to her mom's and will be coming back periodically to pick her stuff. I have been down this road numerous times. So I nowadays let her do what she wants cz she still won't listen when I talk to her. She listens more to her mom.

 

Tuesday 05/14/2019

 

She asks me for help moving her stuff. I agree but realize all the stuff won't fit both cars. So I tell her I will have to get Uhaul. I get Uhaul pack her stuff in it. Her mom comes by and as ALWAYS puts the blame on me. I stand my ground and disagree.  How am I to blame just because I couldn't afford a second summer trip for her daughter?? And because of the party, we only have $8 left on debit. 

I drove the Uhaul to her place. Behold, her dad is mad and treats me worse than an enemy, telling me he doesn't wanna see my face while he's unloading the truck and to get off his driveway and in the truck. I do as I was told. He had intially refused help unloading. While I am sitting in the car and he's unloading,  the mom comes by and blames me again. I depart their residence.

 

Rewind- Before we had left our apartment, she transferred $300 worth of savings to herself. She had also put online order of $177 to Sam's club. She told me that her mom will not be sustaining her while at their place so she needs money and shopping. She was rude, as always, about it. I kept quiet. 

 

This day was payday. Money would be in at midnight. I added one and one together and knew she was going to deplete the account later on. We shared a joint account, which apparently,  her mom also knew when I got paid and how much, courtesy of the daughter. So at 11pm, I call the bank, switch accounts, request new cards. End of my day.

 

Wednesday 05/15/2019

 

I find 20 missed calls at 7am. Her mom texts saying people make mistakes and acknowledges the daughter was wrong. I don't fall for it. Her next text was to tell me that they were calling me as they were booking the Central America trip and realized card was declined. Really? We are having marital problems and all they care about it trips. 

 

I look at my phone and I have 2 declined bank transactions. One was for $483 (I guess the trip) and $107 ( online target shopping). So basically in one day my wife took $300, $177 and was trying to get $483 and $107, all for herself. 

 

She sends me numerous text of which one was to get divorce. I agree and since I was home, changed locks. 

 

She later calls me and she's crying. I know how this goes. End of day. 

 

Thursday 05/16/2019

 

My wife keeps blowing my phone. I finally agree to meet her and it was a waste of my 2 hours (cz of what will happen Friday). She cries, says how she loves me. How she made a mistake blaa blaa blaa. She asks if I love her and I say no. Why? Cz of all the drama and treatment I recieved on her driveway. I tell her love grows, but I am mad at her cz I had on numerous occasions warned her from doing things out of impulse. I get tired of the crying and tell her to fix the problem. I tell her she can stay at her parents up until she's fixed the situation.  Why would I look like a fool picking up her stuff 2 days after dropping her off??? I thought  we had reached an agreement. End of day.

 

Friday 05/17/2019

 

I have been working 16 hours a day the whole week and she knew that. I came from the office at 3pm, ate and went to sleep before going back to work later on at 7pm.

I would later wake up around 5 and go to the restroom. As I get out, I hear a bang on the door. I dress up and go open the door. My wife and her mom. Apparently, they had been there for 5 mins, that's what she said. Her mom walks in and the first thing she says is "What are you hiding? Let's wait for 'them' to come and search. I do not know who 'them' was at this point. The two search the apartment and come back empty handed. This is her mom, here again, accusing me. She's good at this. 

 

My wife hands me a move out form to sign. I sign. 10 mins later, they're still sited in my living room. I decide to go outside so that I am not accused of anything. As I leave, they inform me that the police are on the way. So the "them" was the police. I asked her mom what the police were called. " Oooo because you took 5 mins to open the door." Really????????????? I informed them I won't be speaking to the police as I did not call them. 

 

The operator calls back and all of a sudden my wife is crying on the phone (classic move). She hangs up and she's cool as cucumber. She later informs the mom that the police are not coming. Seems the police saw through their BS. 

Her mom then starts blaming me again.  She said I'm the one making all this difficult. I rebute this and put the blame on the two. How was my action of being in the RR constitute to them calling the police??? Furthermore, they came unannounced not without even a text.

 

After they left, I would later recall that when I opened the door, one of my neighbors was talking to them. She had a disgusted/ disbelief face. She had added one and one together and couldn't understand why they were calling the police yet someone may just be asleep on the apartment. 

 

I don't know what was put on the police record. All I heard my wife say was that the police are not coming but it's on record that she called. I now wish the police had come so that i could prove how delusional the two are. 

 

My wife listens to everything her mom says. I stopped telling her things cz her mom overrides everything I tell her. This is the same family that I tutor their kids. I pay for my wife's loans,  took her through school, did everything for her only for her to turn against me once she graduated.

 

Everything that I have said here is true.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to share this story.  

 

 

I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW SIMILAR MY SITUATION IS!!!.

 

My wife got me arrested for abuse and the case was dismissed so good job by going outside. My wife called her mom and said "should I call the cops?" She says yes and then calls the cop like she's scared of her life. 

 

My wife and her mom are the same way!!! I have the same money situations, she spends a lot and acts like I'm not supporting her in anyway. I pay for all the apartment bills and she says "well your supposed to because you would be living  here alone anyways" and says the same thing like "because of me you have a job, you are traveling". ALSOOOO SHE TAKES MONEY OUT OF THE BANK ACCOUNT to get my attention and sometimes she would call the bank to close the accounts.

 

I'm calm and cool just like you. To them is all about showing off to their friends and family (ex. Graduation party / vacation). Ever since I told them I'm filing for divorce, she started crying and saying I will be better. I'm scared she can get me arrested again. 

 

Whenever she doesn't get what she wants, she will not let me sleep and she knows i value sleep. She will break everything, throw my clothes, hide my car keys, threaten to call the cops!!! I try to not respond to anything about cops, she knows if I talk about it, it scares me and it pushes her to do it. Does the make sense?

 

Over the years, I learned to be nice with her mom so I can get help from her to talk to her daughter. 

 

I have already filed for divorce but I am trying to be REALLLLY NICE TO HER because she wants to contest it. I just can't bear it. 

 

Edited June 25, 2019 by PolarPear

[PolarPear 8]

On 5/20/2019 at 7:45 AM, Rohit004 said:

My wife has developed this attitude of shaming people. If she has something to use, she will wait till in presence of her mom and then start asking questions to "expose" you. But behold, if she is wrong, don't even dare bring it up or you will not hear the end of it. A time back, she bought a dog car seat for close to $100. She told her mom it was $20. I was told not to speak about it. 

 

The 3 of us were in a car driving home. She asks if I ever had any past girlfriends back in my home country.  I knew where this would lead to and try to change topic ASAP. She persists. Next thing I know, she's on my phone's FB page. She found the girl and started a fight asking me why we are still friends. I informed her that I have not spoken to the lady in like 4 years since I left. She dint wanna hear any of that. Her mom jumped on this to help, but to no avail.  I had a 1 hour rough ride. 

I'm crying...I'm literally crying because this is the SAME DAMN STORY FOR ME!!! 

 

I CANT TALK ABOUT ANY GIRLS IN FRONT OF MY WIFE. 

 

I can't go to the gym because there are girls there. I can't watch game of thrones because of sex scenes. I have to look on the floor if a girl walks past me!!! We went on a vacation to mexico and It was horrible because all she cared about was girls walking in bikinis. I'm like what do you want me to do, tell them to leave?

 

[Rohit004 8]

12 minutes ago, PolarPear said:

I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW SIMILAR MY SITUATION IS!!!.

 

My wife got me arrested for abuse and the case was dismissed so good job by going outside. My wife called her mom and said "should I call the cops?" She says yes and then calls the cop like she's scared of her life. 

 

My wife and her mom are the same way!!! I have the same money situations, she spends a lot and acts like I'm not supporting her in anyway. I pay for all the apartment bills and she says "well your supposed to because you would be living  here alone anyways" and says the same thing like "because of me you have a job, you are traveling". ALSOOOO SHE TAKES MONEY OUT OF THE BANK ACCOUNT to get my attention and sometimes she would call the bank to close the accounts.

 

I'm calm and cool just like you. To them is all about showing off to their friends and family (ex. Graduation party / vacation). Ever since I told them I'm filing for divorce, she started crying and saying I will be better. I'm scared she can get me arrested again. 

 

Whenever she doesn't get what she wants, she will not let me sleep and she knows i value sleep. She will break everything, throw my clothes, hide my car keys, threaten to call the cops!!! I try to not respond to anything about cops, she knows if I talk about it, it scares me and it pushes her to do it. Does the make sense?

 

Over the years, I learned to be nice with her mom so I can get help from her to talk to her daughter. 

 

I have already filed for divorce but I am trying to be REALLLLY NICE TO HER because she wants to contest it. I just can't bear it. 

 

WOW. I cannot believe how similar this is. I know, there a re  some people out here who do not value good partners

[Rohit004 8]

4 minutes ago, PolarPear said:

I'm crying...I'm literally crying because this is the SAME DAMN STORY FOR ME!!! 

 

I CANT TALK ABOUT ANY GIRLS IN FRONT OF MY WIFE. 

 

I can't go to the gym because there are girls there. I can't watch game of thrones because of sex scenes. I have to look on the floor if a girl walks past me!!! We went on a vacation to mexico and It was horrible because all she cared about was girls walking in bikinis. I'm like what do you want me to do, tell them to leave?

 

I just sent you a PM..

[KelsJosh 100]

7 hours ago, PolarPear said:

I'm crying...I'm literally crying because this is the SAME DAMN STORY FOR ME!!! 

 

I CANT TALK ABOUT ANY GIRLS IN FRONT OF MY WIFE. 

 

I can't go to the gym because there are girls there. I can't watch game of thrones because of sex scenes. I have to look on the floor if a girl walks past me!!! We went on a vacation to mexico and It was horrible because all she cared about was girls walking in bikinis. I'm like what do you want me to do, tell them to leave?

 

wow... major insecurities... get out .. seriously, it will never change!

 

there are so many people out there that will make your life better, you shouldn't have to live your life walking on egg shells.

 

sorry you guys ended up in these situations.

[KelsJosh 100]

19 hours ago, Rohit004 said:

I am doing that tomorrow.  

I came off work early today so that I can fill out the divorce forms. I am hoping for a easy uncontested divorce.  I just sent them over to her by email so that she can look at them and we can meet at notary and all she does is sign. My game plan is to have her sign before I waste money and then she refuses to give me a divorce. I know some documents have to be filed in court first before she signs the remaining set. But I am hoping to "forward date" her signature when we meet at the notary. This will give me atleast some time to file the first set of papers and then the rest will all fall in place perfectly

She's now busy calling. 4 times in 2 mins.  Probably she is gonna throw insults. I will call her in a few and update here. I have to play nice so that she can not retaliate and refuse to show up at the notary.

I hope everything works out for you, what an awful situation!

[Rohit004 8]

2 hours ago, KelsJosh said:

I hope everything works out for you, what an awful situation!

Hahahha I am hoping to file divorce by Friday. I will update

[Rohit004 8]

@PolarPear and me have the same EXACT story, we are both immigrants, both treated in a not so nice manner by our partners, we are in the same age group- Mid 20s, live in the same city, married US citizens with Salvadoran heritage, we are both in the same profession, are divorcing at the same time, GC expires the same month this year and our soon to be exes have an almost similar educational background. 

 

We are like siamese twins in this walk of life. We are definitely meeting to laugh over this. Hahahah. I really cannot believe this.

Edited June 26, 2019 by Rohit004

[Boris Farage 353]

On 6/25/2019 at 7:02 PM, Rohit004 said:

@PolarPear and me have the same EXACT story, we are both immigrants, both treated in a not so nice manner by our partners, we are in the same age group- Mid 20s, live in the same city, married US citizens with Salvadoran heritage, we are both in the same profession, are divorcing at the same time, GC expires the same month this year and our soon to be exes have an almost similar educational background. 

 

We are like siamese twins in this walk of life. We are definitely meeting to laugh over this. Hahahah. I really cannot believe this.

Wishing the best for you both. No reason to put yourself through continuing hell, and you are both young enough that this will slough off you quickly and you can move on to partners that truly appreciate you for who you are and not for just the money you bring to the relationship.

[ohcoffeeeyes 120]

On 5/20/2019 at 7:38 PM, little immigrant said:

Why is this surprising? The American is entitled and spoiled and they have the immigrants come over to work for them. Then they take your hard earned money and accuse you of using them for a green card. This happened to me. 

You're in their country and youre insulting them 😐🤔 Don't let your one situation dictate your view of all Americans, as my expat-coworker once said to me "Why would I say bad things about the people who gave me the country I live in!"

[ohcoffeeeyes 120]

You know I wanted to say try marriage counselling but this is just ridiculous...

 

I hope everything goes well with the divorce. I am just wondering, when you were filing for your petition, was it all flowers and honey? Cause I'm sure you didn't predict this! (or maybe you did...)

[Rohit004 8]

On 8/12/2019 at 7:15 PM, ohcoffeeeyes said:

You know I wanted to say try marriage counselling but this is just ridiculous...

 

I hope everything goes well with the divorce. I am just wondering, when you were filing for your petition, was it all flowers and honey? Cause I'm sure you didn't predict this! (or maybe you did...)

 

This was not predicted. She had small drama but over time it became worse. I would later resent my GC as it brought me more pain than good. I took care of her while I was an International Student with little money. We got married.  More money flowed in. Problems started. She wants to control account and shop all day. Nervous breakdown. It's too much to bear.

[Shroy123 749]

I was in a same relationship like you bro. My wife gave me such a tough time in our marriage. I got humiliated, insulted, degraded not only infront of her family but her friends as well. I was not allowed to meet my friends or go for a prayer. I helped her financially and at the end i was the one who used to received immigration threats from her. Why the hell we immigrants have to suffer because of our usc abusive spouses??

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

3 hours ago, Shroy123 said:

I was in a same relationship like you bro. My wife gave me such a tough time in our marriage. I got humiliated, insulted, degraded not only infront of her family but her friends as well. I was not allowed to meet my friends or go for a prayer. I helped her financially and at the end i was the one who used to received immigration threats from her. Why the hell we immigrants have to suffer because of our usc abusive spouses??

Why does anyone have to suffer with an abusive spouse?  People are jerks and other people choose to put up with them for various reasons.