JUST A RANT(update merged)

[Mike E 11,739]

1 minute ago, Rohit004 said:

Well, she took everything. I have nothing left to give. More so, she never worked. I paid everything. 

You are confusing the asset settlement with alimony.  

 

They are two separate things.  

 

Because she never had a job and you did, you will be paying a portion of your income  to her for a few months to a few years.  

 

In terms of the asset split she will get half of the difference between your total net worths before the marriage and after the marriage, possibly excluding the appreciation on assets each of you brought into the marriage and left titled individually.

 

 If you are in a community property state, the rules can be quite different too. 

 

Finally, she will have a claim on part of your 401k. 

 

Lawyer up. 

[cd37 229]

Looks like gold digger who intentionally doesnt work so she can get alimony and other free stuff. Runaway from this child.

Edited May 20, 2019 by cd37

[Rohit004 8]

6 minutes ago, Mike E said:

You are confusing the asset settlement with alimony.  

 

They are two separate things.  

 

Because she never had a job and you did, you will be paying a portion of your income  to her for a few months to a few years.  

 

In terms of the asset split she will get half of the difference between your total net worths before the marriage and after the marriage, possibly excluding the appreciation on assets each of you brought into the marriage and left titled individually.

 

 If you are in a community property state, the rules can be quite different too. 

 

Finally, she will have a claim on part of your 401k. 

 

Lawyer up. 

😟

[NikLR 13,227]

36 minutes ago, Rohit004 said:

I know. I just don't wanna tell her cz "she knows it all."

Nope. On my end, I don't record. I just mind my own business 

I didn't say to tell her.  I mean for your own peace of mind, make sure YOU know the laws.  Best wishes. 

[NikLR 13,227]

15 minutes ago, Mike E said:

You are confusing the asset settlement with alimony.  

 

They are two separate things.  

 

Because she never had a job and you did, you will be paying a portion of your income  to her for a few months to a few years.  

 

In terms of the asset split she will get half of the difference between your total net worths before the marriage and after the marriage, possibly excluding the appreciation on assets each of you brought into the marriage and left titled individually.

 

 If you are in a community property state, the rules can be quite different too. 

 

Finally, she will have a claim on part of your 401k. 

 

Lawyer up. 

This depends.  On state etc... For instance if I made zero money my husband would have to pay some alimony to me, but I would only get assets valued at what I put into them.  That's how Colorado "fairly" divides joint assets.  It's not automatically 50/50 even in a no fault state.  I do agree the OP should get a good divorce lawyer AND file first. 

[Rohit004 8]

1 minute ago, NikLR said:

I didn't say to tell her.  I mean for your own peace of mind, make sure YOU know the laws.  Best wishes. 

 

Ooo heheh. I know. Trust me. 

 

9 minutes ago, cd37 said:

Looks like gold digger who intentionally doesnt work so she can get alimony and other free stuff. Runaway from this child.

It was her mom who apparently advised her not to work while in school. A blind leading a blind. She's  the same mom who keeps jokingly telling me she's broke and asking if I could give her some money. 

[NikLR 13,227]

5 minutes ago, Rohit004 said:

 

Ooo heheh. I know. Trust me. 

 

It was her mom who apparently advised her not to work while in school. A blind leading a blind. She's  the same mom who keeps jokingly telling me she's broke and asking if I could give her some money. 

apple.. tree.... close by... 

 

Find a new apple tree.  

[Boiler 45,559]

Divorce is State specific, but if she refuses to work or plays that game then usually an income would be imputed to her.

 

Does not sound they have very much to share, so will be mainly legal fees.

[JunkTardis 183]

18 hours ago, Rohit004 said:

 

Prelude: I am the immigrant and sole bread winner. Wife doesn't work.

 

Known member.  Sharing under a pseudonym. 

 

Monday 05/13/2019

 

My wife calls me while I am at work. She asks if we can go for a $1400+ summer trip. I decline but explain why.  Why? She just graduated on 05/12/2019 and the whole process with party costed us $1500+. Furthermore, she is going for a Central America trip which in July which I had already agreed to pay for. 

 

She gets mad. Hang up. Two minutes later, I get an email notification that she changed her address to her mom's. I called and ask and she lies that's it's just for the diploma. I already know that she's upto. She's done this(running back to her mom's  house on numerous occasions when she doesn't get what she wants).

 

I get home and see a few boxes packed. She asks for help on her resume and I do it. As soon as she has it, she tells me she's leaving to her mom's and will be coming back periodically to pick her stuff. I have been down this road numerous times. So I nowadays let her do what she wants cz she still won't listen when I talk to her. She listens more to her mom.

 

Tuesday 05/14/2019

 

She asks me for help moving her stuff. I agree but realize all the stuff won't fit both cars. So I tell her I will have to get Uhaul. I get Uhaul pack her stuff in it. Her mom comes by and as ALWAYS puts the blame on me. I stand my ground and disagree.  How am I to blame just because I couldn't afford a second summer trip for her daughter?? And because of the party, we only have $8 left on debit. 

I drove the Uhaul to her place. Behold, her dad is mad and treats me worse than an enemy, telling me he doesn't wanna see my face while he's unloading the truck and to get off his driveway and in the truck. I do as I was told. He had intially refused help unloading. While I am sitting in the car and he's unloading,  the mom comes by and blames me again. I depart their residence.

 

Rewind- Before we had left our apartment, she transferred $300 worth of savings to herself. She had also put online order of $177 to Sam's club. She told me that her mom will not be sustaining her while at their place so she needs money and shopping. She was rude, as always, about it. I kept quiet. 

 

This day was payday. Money would be in at midnight. I added one and one together and knew she was going to deplete the account later on. We shared a joint account, which apparently,  her mom also knew when I got paid and how much, courtesy of the daughter. So at 11pm, I call the bank, switch accounts, request new cards. End of my day.

 

Wednesday 05/15/2019

 

I find 20 missed calls at 7am. Her mom texts saying people make mistakes and acknowledges the daughter was wrong. I don't fall for it. Her next text was to tell me that they were calling me as they were booking the Central America trip and realized card was declined. Really? We are having marital problems and all they care about it trips. 

 

I look at my phone and I have 2 declined bank transactions. One was for $483 (I guess the trip) and $107 ( online target shopping). So basically in one day my wife took $300, $177 and was trying to get $483 and $107, all for herself. 

 

She sends me numerous text of which one was to get divorce. I agree and since I was home, changed locks. 

 

She later calls me and she's crying. I know how this goes. End of day. 

 

Thursday 05/16/2019

 

My wife keeps blowing my phone. I finally agree to meet her and it was a waste of my 2 hours (cz of what will happen Friday). She cries, says how she loves me. How she made a mistake blaa blaa blaa. She asks if I love her and I say no. Why? Cz of all the drama and treatment I recieved on her driveway. I tell her love grows, but I am mad at her cz I had on numerous occasions warned her from doing things out of impulse. I get tired of the crying and tell her to fix the problem. I tell her she can stay at her parents up until she's fixed the situation.  Why would I look like a fool picking up her stuff 2 days after dropping her off??? I thought  we had reached an agreement. End of day.

 

Friday 05/17/2019

 

I have been working 16 hours a day the whole week and she knew that. I came from the office at 3pm, ate and went to sleep before going back to work later on at 7pm.

I would later wake up around 5 and go to the restroom. As I get out, I hear a bang on the door. I dress up and go open the door. My wife and her mom. Apparently, they had been there for 5 mins, that's what she said. Her mom walks in and the first thing she says is "What are you hiding? Let's wait for 'them' to come and search. I do not know who 'them' was at this point. The two search the apartment and come back empty handed. This is her mom, here again, accusing me. She's good at this. 

 

My wife hands me a move out form to sign. I sign. 10 mins later, they're still sited in my living room. I decide to go outside so that I am not accused of anything. As I leave, they inform me that the police are on the way. So the "them" was the police. I asked her mom what the police were called. " Oooo because you took 5 mins to open the door." Really????????????? I informed them I won't be speaking to the police as I did not call them. 

 

The operator calls back and all of a sudden my wife is crying on the phone (classic move). She hangs up and she's cool as cucumber. She later informs the mom that the police are not coming. Seems the police saw through their BS. 

Her mom then starts blaming me again.  She said I'm the one making all this difficult. I rebute this and put the blame on the two. How was my action of being in the RR constitute to them calling the police??? Furthermore, they came unannounced not without even a text.

 

After they left, I would later recall that when I opened the door, one of my neighbors was talking to them. She had a disgusted/ disbelief face. She had added one and one together and couldn't understand why they were calling the police yet someone may just be asleep on the apartment. 

 

I don't know what was put on the police record. All I heard my wife say was that the police are not coming but it's on record that she called. I now wish the police had come so that i could prove how delusional the two are. 

 

My wife listens to everything her mom says. I stopped telling her things cz her mom overrides everything I tell her. This is the same family that I tutor their kids. I pay for my wife's loans,  took her through school, did everything for her only for her to turn against me once she graduated.

 

Everything that I have said here is true.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to share this story.  

 

 

I am so sorry you're going through this OP.  my thoughts to you:

DIVORCE ASAP.

 

Buy cameras and place a few around your place, and the front door, and maybe a body camera. Make sure they are obscured from view. Some women can be extremely vindictive, and given how unstable she and her family are I would ensure you have everything recorded. You never know what they might come up with next. The court system is already against men, so cover your ### man. 

 

Don't contact her or speak to her unless it's divorce document related. This stops you from being labelled an 'aggressor'.

 

Consider moving house and not disclosing where it is.

 

Write down everything that happens. Voice record every conversation you have with her or her family.

 

Good luck

[Amadia 711]

Sorry to learn of this going on with you.....it is unfair to you.

 

My grandmother always used this saying for high maintenance people who have been re-routed to basic means but STILL wish to keep that status even though circumstances have changed:

CHAMPAGNE TASTE BUT SODA POCKET 

[Rohit004 8]

I will also update when I take the next step. Just held up, work load

[The_Empyrean 733]

18 hours ago, Rohit004 said:

 

Prelude: I am the immigrant and sole bread winner. Wife doesn't work.

 

Known member.  Sharing under a pseudonym. 

 

Monday 05/13/2019

 

My wife calls me while I am at work. She asks if we can go for a $1400+ summer trip. I decline but explain why.  Why? She just graduated on 05/12/2019 and the whole process with party costed us $1500+. Furthermore, she is going for a Central America trip which in July which I had already agreed to pay for. 

 

She gets mad. Hang up. Two minutes later, I get an email notification that she changed her address to her mom's. I called and ask and she lies that's it's just for the diploma. I already know that she's upto. She's done this(running back to her mom's  house on numerous occasions when she doesn't get what she wants).

 

I get home and see a few boxes packed. She asks for help on her resume and I do it. As soon as she has it, she tells me she's leaving to her mom's and will be coming back periodically to pick her stuff. I have been down this road numerous times. So I nowadays let her do what she wants cz she still won't listen when I talk to her. She listens more to her mom.

 

Tuesday 05/14/2019

 

She asks me for help moving her stuff. I agree but realize all the stuff won't fit both cars. So I tell her I will have to get Uhaul. I get Uhaul pack her stuff in it. Her mom comes by and as ALWAYS puts the blame on me. I stand my ground and disagree.  How am I to blame just because I couldn't afford a second summer trip for her daughter?? And because of the party, we only have $8 left on debit. 

I drove the Uhaul to her place. Behold, her dad is mad and treats me worse than an enemy, telling me he doesn't wanna see my face while he's unloading the truck and to get off his driveway and in the truck. I do as I was told. He had intially refused help unloading. While I am sitting in the car and he's unloading,  the mom comes by and blames me again. I depart their residence.

 

Rewind- Before we had left our apartment, she transferred $300 worth of savings to herself. She had also put online order of $177 to Sam's club. She told me that her mom will not be sustaining her while at their place so she needs money and shopping. She was rude, as always, about it. I kept quiet. 

 

This day was payday. Money would be in at midnight. I added one and one together and knew she was going to deplete the account later on. We shared a joint account, which apparently,  her mom also knew when I got paid and how much, courtesy of the daughter. So at 11pm, I call the bank, switch accounts, request new cards. End of my day.

 

Wednesday 05/15/2019

 

I find 20 missed calls at 7am. Her mom texts saying people make mistakes and acknowledges the daughter was wrong. I don't fall for it. Her next text was to tell me that they were calling me as they were booking the Central America trip and realized card was declined. Really? We are having marital problems and all they care about it trips. 

 

I look at my phone and I have 2 declined bank transactions. One was for $483 (I guess the trip) and $107 ( online target shopping). So basically in one day my wife took $300, $177 and was trying to get $483 and $107, all for herself. 

 

She sends me numerous text of which one was to get divorce. I agree and since I was home, changed locks. 

 

She later calls me and she's crying. I know how this goes. End of day. 

 

Thursday 05/16/2019

 

My wife keeps blowing my phone. I finally agree to meet her and it was a waste of my 2 hours (cz of what will happen Friday). She cries, says how she loves me. How she made a mistake blaa blaa blaa. She asks if I love her and I say no. Why? Cz of all the drama and treatment I recieved on her driveway. I tell her love grows, but I am mad at her cz I had on numerous occasions warned her from doing things out of impulse. I get tired of the crying and tell her to fix the problem. I tell her she can stay at her parents up until she's fixed the situation.  Why would I look like a fool picking up her stuff 2 days after dropping her off??? I thought  we had reached an agreement. End of day.

 

Friday 05/17/2019

 

I have been working 16 hours a day the whole week and she knew that. I came from the office at 3pm, ate and went to sleep before going back to work later on at 7pm.

I would later wake up around 5 and go to the restroom. As I get out, I hear a bang on the door. I dress up and go open the door. My wife and her mom. Apparently, they had been there for 5 mins, that's what she said. Her mom walks in and the first thing she says is "What are you hiding? Let's wait for 'them' to come and search. I do not know who 'them' was at this point. The two search the apartment and come back empty handed. This is her mom, here again, accusing me. She's good at this. 

 

My wife hands me a move out form to sign. I sign. 10 mins later, they're still sited in my living room. I decide to go outside so that I am not accused of anything. As I leave, they inform me that the police are on the way. So the "them" was the police. I asked her mom what the police were called. " Oooo because you took 5 mins to open the door." Really????????????? I informed them I won't be speaking to the police as I did not call them. 

 

The operator calls back and all of a sudden my wife is crying on the phone (classic move). She hangs up and she's cool as cucumber. She later informs the mom that the police are not coming. Seems the police saw through their BS. 

Her mom then starts blaming me again.  She said I'm the one making all this difficult. I rebute this and put the blame on the two. How was my action of being in the RR constitute to them calling the police??? Furthermore, they came unannounced not without even a text.

 

After they left, I would later recall that when I opened the door, one of my neighbors was talking to them. She had a disgusted/ disbelief face. She had added one and one together and couldn't understand why they were calling the police yet someone may just be asleep on the apartment. 

 

I don't know what was put on the police record. All I heard my wife say was that the police are not coming but it's on record that she called. I now wish the police had come so that i could prove how delusional the two are. 

 

My wife listens to everything her mom says. I stopped telling her things cz her mom overrides everything I tell her. This is the same family that I tutor their kids. I pay for my wife's loans,  took her through school, did everything for her only for her to turn against me once she graduated.

 

Everything that I have said here is true.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to share this story.  

 

 

Holy moly She's acting like she's 15... My advice along with everyone else's . 

File for Divorce. ASAP. Money can be replaced, mental health not. Do NOT blame yourself for ANYTHING, and don't take anything she says at this point.

I believe (not 100% on that) if you can prove to the judge that she hasn't worked a minute while you were married, you might be entitled to the house/apartment/bank account savings etc. NOT SURE. 

Secondly, file a restraining order ASAP, as it seems like they wanted to make a Domestic Violence report, but your neighbor shuffled cards there, and they called the cop off for that exact reason. 

thirdly, separate ALL of you assets that she has access to. ASAP. 

lastly, you'll have the upper hand. I'd also file for harassment on her mom. If you start all the proceeding, THEY have to defend themselves. Her mom is just trying to milk YOU now, and they are doing it by all means. DO NOT be alone with her, DO NOT meet her alone anywhere, ONLY TALK THROUGH the lawyer. 

Dude.. I'm so sorry you're going through this.. Immigration is hard already, and dealing with nuthead like that... is shattering. Be proud, stand your ground, and in no time you're gonna find someone who appreciates you like you should be appreciated. Don't give in to those sobs and crocodile tears. If you want to talk, feel free to message me here privately.

[Mike E 11,739]

56 minutes ago, NikLR said:

This depends.  On state etc... For instance if I made zero money my husband would have to pay some alimony to me, but I would only get assets valued at what I put into them.  That's how Colorado "fairly" divides joint assets.  It's not automatically 50/50 even in a no fault state.  I do agree the OP should get a good divorce lawyer AND file first. 

Yeah well I got divorced in Colorado and you are 100 percent wrong about how it works in Colorado. 

 

There are are guidelines to the court based on the length of marriage, the earnings of each spouse, and the total assets.  The judge has latitude to ignore those guidelines.  My lawyer told me to avoid trial if possible because it can go very badly. He told me horror stories of men earning six figures who have to give their ex-wives $10K a month for the rest of their lives. No until retirement. For life.  

[Ban Hammer 13,352]

one post removed for making a personal insult towards another member.

the only reason a suspension was not issued was due to the member not having a warning history.

that, however, can change quickly should further personal attacks be made.

 

charles

vj moderation

[Rohit004 8]

45 minutes ago, The_Empyrean said:

Holy moly She's acting like she's 15... My advice along with everyone else's . 

File for Divorce. ASAP. Money can be replaced, mental health not. Do NOT blame yourself for ANYTHING, and don't take anything she says at this point.

I believe (not 100% on that) if you can prove to the judge that she hasn't worked a minute while you were married, you might be entitled to the house/apartment/bank account savings etc. NOT SURE. 

Secondly, file a restraining order ASAP, as it seems like they wanted to make a Domestic Violence report, but your neighbor shuffled cards there, and they called the cop off for that exact reason. 

thirdly, separate ALL of you assets that she has access to. ASAP. 

lastly, you'll have the upper hand. I'd also file for harassment on her mom. If you start all the proceeding, THEY have to defend themselves. Her mom is just trying to milk YOU now, and they are doing it by all means. DO NOT be alone with her, DO NOT meet her alone anywhere, ONLY TALK THROUGH the lawyer. 

Dude.. I'm so sorry you're going through this.. Immigration is hard already, and dealing with nuthead like that... is shattering. Be proud, stand your ground, and in no time you're gonna find someone who appreciates you like you should be appreciated. Don't give in to those sobs and crocodile tears. If you want to talk, feel free to message me here privately.

Will surely get in touch.  Thanks 🤗