JUST A RANT(update merged)

[Rohit004 8]

16 minutes ago, Koko4Evans said:

I completely understand. You should use her half for the debt she created while in school. But seems you are smart financially. She sounds young and just really spoiled. She has a great guy with his head on his shoulders. I wouldn't worry about the mom. Although I'd sit her down to let her know. You married her not her mom. And you don't want that relationship to spoil with her mom. But its overbearing and you won't allow it anymore. Sit her down show her the tuition cost for her school and explain how important credit is. Tell her you guys can still get a nice car and house. But you have to be smart financially and save. Those trips aren't necessarily urgent. But maybe after everything is caught up you guys can plan something.

Lord be my witness. I have sat her down, explained to her that it'll take years to pay off this student loan. I have even sent her online articles that I come across, of people who have lived with loans as far as early 2000 and they're just getting done. I have also let her know of my work colleague, who's single and just finished paying his loans at 33 years old. I have also told her of my friend, whom she knows well. My friend complains of how just her debt interest is humongous. My wife doesn't listen to me.  Why? Cz her mom is advising. All I hear her mom say is, "Once she gets a job, she'll pay off her loans." Well, hopefully this job is real and she sees how burdening loans are.

I stopped paying her loans too this past Tuesday. I even told her that if she gets a job, she should concentrate on her loans. I will foot all other bill as I have been. What type of husband does she need?? Am I not good enough? 

 

I worked 3 minimum wage jobs while in school. Applied for every little scholarship and graduated without a debt. She refused to apply for scholarships. 

 

I will let the mother advise.

I will let sleeping dogs lie. 

Edited May 20, 2019 by Rohit004
Adding

[Ontarkie 14,234]

Start the divorce. Get your taxes done do married filling separate. I'm sure it won't be as nice as jointly but the peace of mind will be well worth it. 

Stay far far away from her. If you can move do it so she will not know where you moved.  

[TBoneTX 45,329]

15 minutes ago, Ontarkie said:

Start the divorce. Get your taxes done do married filling separate. I'm sure it won't be as nice as jointly but the peace of mind will be well worth it. 

Stay far far away from her. If you can move do it so she will not know where you moved.  

This, and hire the meanest junkyard-dog divorce lawyer around.

[Rohit004 8]

1 hour ago, Ontarkie said:

Start the divorce. Get your taxes done do married filling separate. I'm sure it won't be as nice as jointly but the peace of mind will be well worth it. 

Stay far far away from her. If you can move do it so she will not know where you moved.  

 

43 minutes ago, TBoneTX said:

This, and hire the meanest junkyard-dog divorce lawyer around.

Heeding to the advice. 

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

This is like some weird alternate universe version of me and my husband.  😂

 

Wait, you aren't my husband posting with some details changed, are you?  Just kidding.

 

I graduated that weekend too, he's the breadwinner and the immigrant. I didn't throw a party because that sounds dumb and expensive, but to each their own. I did however request a solo graduation trip, which he vetoed, but now says is ok. I decided to get some tattoos (they require hotels and travel) and go to some concerts instead. 

 

I, like a few other women I know who've graduated recently, went through some sort of weird post-graduation depression and existential crisis. I tried to kick my husband out of the house on Friday night. Why?  I have no idea. It was pretty out of character. He might have been mocking my life crisis and impostor syndrome issues.  Maybe.  

 

I definitely spent more than your wife this weekend, though. I like to shop too. 

 

Sounds like you both jumped the gun here and need some time to cool off, grow up a little, and figure things out. 

[OlayemiLoray 172]

This woman just doesn't know how good of husband she has or had..You sound a lot like my husband who happens to be the foreigner and he doesn't believe in having debt or owing anyone...My husband have seen all the debt I've acquired before him and he is willing to pay it off and even if it means years to pay it off...I don't understand some of the mindsets of some women or men when they have a good spouse  they are willing throw it all away behind nonsense..First and foremost, her mother shouldn't be all up in your business as if she's the one taken care of your home..You deserve better than this..If she can't or won't get her act together, let it go and move on..

[carmel34 3,635]

So sorry you're going through this situation.  Sounds like you've got some soul-searching to do, or you've already decided, whether or not to divorce her because of this crazy life with her immature behavior and her mother's involvement.  Time to make a decision one way or the other and move on.  From what you've posted I would predict that you will file divorce and if you do that, get the best attorney you can find and move so that she doesn't know where you are.  Communicate through attorneys and follow their advice.  Take care of yourself and be positive, and you'll get through this and be happier in the end.  Good luck and know that the VJ community is always here for you.

[little immigrant 801]

7 hours ago, Rohit004 said:

Wise advise. 

I am a laid back person who hates drama. 

I had already taken her off accounts as of this past Tuesday. 

 

This is my story. I was the worker and immigrant. However for me he forbid me to buy necessities like bread and I often went to work hungry. He also forbid me from buying birth control because he wanted a baby so badly but I'm chronically ill and I can't handle a pregnancy and a baby. The mother always sided with him and they always ganged up on me and I never had someone to fight for me. But enough of that. 

 

She has to agree to be taken off the bank accounts. Trust me I went through this. I went to my bank to give my signature and he threatened me that I have to take myself off the account but I told him you need to go to the branch and sign too otherwise it's not valid I can't legally take myself off of the bank account without your signature too. He didn't believe me but later went to the branch and gave the signature. So please double check with the bank because she has to agree and she sounds like she's not agreeing so she is legally still on your account. 

[ClickityClackity 134]

3 hours ago, N-o-l-a said:

This is like some weird alternate universe version of me and my husband.  😂

 

Wait, you aren't my husband posting with some details changed, are you?  Just kidding.

 

I graduated that weekend too, he's the breadwinner and the immigrant. I didn't throw a party because that sounds dumb and expensive, but to each their own. I did however request a solo graduation trip, which he vetoed, but now says is ok. I decided to get some tattoos (they require hotels and travel) and go to some concerts instead. 

 

I, like a few other women I know who've graduated recently, went through some sort of weird post-graduation depression and existential crisis. I tried to kick my husband out of the house on Friday night. Why?  I have no idea. It was pretty out of character. He might have been mocking my life crisis and impostor syndrome issues.  Maybe.  

 

I definitely spent more than your wife this weekend, though. I like to shop too. 

 

Sounds like you both jumped the gun here and need some time to cool off, grow up a little, and figure things out. 

Both jumped the gun? What kind of reality do you live in? OP's wife should know the value of things and that money doesn't grow on trees. Also if she likes shopping maybe she can get a job to sustain it. I wouldn't dare go to my fiancé or anyone else and just ask for money to "shop around".

 That's just delusional.

Edited May 20, 2019 by Mary&Rafa

[Sav&Har 142]

Sorry to hear you're dealing with that. It takes nerve to handle something like that. A "partner" like that is not worth to have. I hope you get your divorce and find some peace again.

[Lucky_Mimi 87]

Go to the police station and file blotter for your protection. 

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

3 hours ago, Mary&Rafa said:

Both jumped the gun? What kind of reality do you live in? OP's wife should know the value of things and that money doesn't grow on trees. Also if she likes shopping maybe she can get a job to sustain it. I wouldn't dare go to my fiancé or anyone else and just ask for money to "shop around".

 That's just delusional.

 

A reality in which people are human and the obvious answer of divorce isn't always the right one. It isn't like she hit him, or hand a fling with a farm animal. She's young, she did some dumb and impulsive things that aren't even that bad in the grand scheme of things.

 

Sorry if I'm not on team pitchfork.  

[ClickityClackity 134]

1 minute ago, N-o-l-a said:

 

A reality in which people are human and the obvious answer of divorce isn't always the right one. It isn't like she hit him, or hand a fling with a farm animal. She's young, she did some dumb and impulsive things that aren't even that bad in the grand scheme of things.

 

Sorry if I'm not on team pitchfork.  

Right, because the only basis for divorce is violence or bestiality. Also, reading what the OP is writing this does not seem like a "one-off" kind of thing. This is continuous and deliberate.  It isn't that bad in the grand scheme of things? How hard do you work for your money?

[Cryssiekins 976]

I’m sorry this is happening to you.  It is definitely stress that you don’t need.  

 

Your wife needs to cut the cord with mommy and daddy if there’s any chance at making your marriage work.  (Assuming you forgive her and try to work it out, though, no one would blame you if you didn’t).  It’s nice to have family support to fall back on, but family members should not interject themselves into a marriage.  

[Pee&Eee 70]

Sorry about what you are going through. It sounds like your wife is taking advantage of you who and that's sad.