JUST A RANT(update merged)

[Rohit004 8]

 

Prelude: I am the immigrant and sole bread winner. Wife doesn't work.

 

Known member.  Sharing under a pseudonym. 

 

Monday 05/13/2019

 

My wife calls me while I am at work. She asks if we can go for a $1400+ summer trip. I decline but explain why.  Why? She just graduated on 05/12/2019 and the whole process with party costed us $1500+. Furthermore, she is going for a Central America trip which in July which I had already agreed to pay for. 

 

She gets mad. Hang up. Two minutes later, I get an email notification that she changed her address to her mom's. I called and ask and she lies that's it's just for the diploma. I already know that she's upto. She's done this(running back to her mom's  house on numerous occasions when she doesn't get what she wants).

 

I get home and see a few boxes packed. She asks for help on her resume and I do it. As soon as she has it, she tells me she's leaving to her mom's and will be coming back periodically to pick her stuff. I have been down this road numerous times. So I nowadays let her do what she wants cz she still won't listen when I talk to her. She listens more to her mom.

 

Tuesday 05/14/2019

 

She asks me for help moving her stuff. I agree but realize all the stuff won't fit both cars. So I tell her I will have to get Uhaul. I get Uhaul pack her stuff in it. Her mom comes by and as ALWAYS puts the blame on me. I stand my ground and disagree.  How am I to blame just because I couldn't afford a second summer trip for her daughter?? And because of the party, we only have $8 left on debit. 

I drove the Uhaul to her place. Behold, her dad is mad and treats me worse than an enemy, telling me he doesn't wanna see my face while he's unloading the truck and to get off his driveway and in the truck. I do as I was told. He had intially refused help unloading. While I am sitting in the car and he's unloading,  the mom comes by and blames me again. I depart their residence.

 

Rewind- Before we had left our apartment, she transferred $300 worth of savings to herself. She had also put online order of $177 to Sam's club. She told me that her mom will not be sustaining her while at their place so she needs money and shopping. She was rude, as always, about it. I kept quiet. 

 

This day was payday. Money would be in at midnight. I added one and one together and knew she was going to deplete the account later on. We shared a joint account, which apparently,  her mom also knew when I got paid and how much, courtesy of the daughter. So at 11pm, I call the bank, switch accounts, request new cards. End of my day.

 

Wednesday 05/15/2019

 

I find 20 missed calls at 7am. Her mom texts saying people make mistakes and acknowledges the daughter was wrong. I don't fall for it. Her next text was to tell me that they were calling me as they were booking the Central America trip and realized card was declined. Really? We are having marital problems and all they care about it trips. 

 

I look at my phone and I have 2 declined bank transactions. One was for $483 (I guess the trip) and $107 ( online target shopping). So basically in one day my wife took $300, $177 and was trying to get $483 and $107, all for herself. 

 

She sends me numerous text of which one was to get divorce. I agree and since I was home, changed locks. 

 

She later calls me and she's crying. I know how this goes. End of day. 

 

Thursday 05/16/2019

 

My wife keeps blowing my phone. I finally agree to meet her and it was a waste of my 2 hours (cz of what will happen Friday). She cries, says how she loves me. How she made a mistake blaa blaa blaa. She asks if I love her and I say no. Why? Cz of all the drama and treatment I recieved on her driveway. I tell her love grows, but I am mad at her cz I had on numerous occasions warned her from doing things out of impulse. I get tired of the crying and tell her to fix the problem. I tell her she can stay at her parents up until she's fixed the situation.  Why would I look like a fool picking up her stuff 2 days after dropping her off??? I thought  we had reached an agreement. End of day.

 

Friday 05/17/2019

 

I have been working 16 hours a day the whole week and she knew that. I came from the office at 3pm, ate and went to sleep before going back to work later on at 7pm.

I would later wake up around 5 and go to the restroom. As I get out, I hear a bang on the door. I dress up and go open the door. My wife and her mom. Apparently, they had been there for 5 mins, that's what she said. Her mom walks in and the first thing she says is "What are you hiding? Let's wait for 'them' to come and search. I do not know who 'them' was at this point. The two search the apartment and come back empty handed. This is her mom, here again, accusing me. She's good at this. 

 

My wife hands me a move out form to sign. I sign. 10 mins later, they're still sited in my living room. I decide to go outside so that I am not accused of anything. As I leave, they inform me that the police are on the way. So the "them" was the police. I asked her mom what the police were called. " Oooo because you took 5 mins to open the door." Really????????????? I informed them I won't be speaking to the police as I did not call them. 

 

The operator calls back and all of a sudden my wife is crying on the phone (classic move). She hangs up and she's cool as cucumber. She later informs the mom that the police are not coming. Seems the police saw through their BS. 

Her mom then starts blaming me again.  She said I'm the one making all this difficult. I rebute this and put the blame on the two. How was my action of being in the RR constitute to them calling the police??? Furthermore, they came unannounced not without even a text.

 

After they left, I would later recall that when I opened the door, one of my neighbors was talking to them. She had a disgusted/ disbelief face. She had added one and one together and couldn't understand why they were calling the police yet someone may just be asleep on the apartment. 

 

I don't know what was put on the police record. All I heard my wife say was that the police are not coming but it's on record that she called. I now wish the police had come so that i could prove how delusional the two are. 

 

My wife listens to everything her mom says. I stopped telling her things cz her mom overrides everything I tell her. This is the same family that I tutor their kids. I pay for my wife's loans,  took her through school, did everything for her only for her to turn against me once she graduated.

 

Everything that I have said here is true.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to share this story.  

 

 

[Villanelle 4,122]

I am so sorry you are going through all this. Honestly your wife does not sound mature enough to be married. You should be exploring how to start a divorce at this point. Best of luck to you. 

[Rohit004 8]

14 minutes ago, username_taken said:

I am so sorry you are going through all this. Honestly your wife does not sound mature enough to be married. You should be exploring how to start a divorce at this point. Best of luck to you. 

She took everything  that was important. Plus culteries, pots, plates. She even took all the house shopping, food....literary everything. She claimed she bought them. I don't understand how yet she's never worked. 

 

This is a family that can't stay at one place. Drives from N to S back to N then to E. I have stuff to do. 

Edited May 19, 2019 by Rohit004
Adding

[debbiedoo 2,339]

i would not put up with childish BS like that for one minute.

 

divorce the child and send her back to her parents.

[Villanelle 4,122]

Yeah, you really need to get some divorce documents filed. She sounds like she can be pretty petty and will try to get as much as she can from you. When you file divorce it usually comes with a restraining order of sorts. Basically it prevents either spouse from selling, transferring, gifting etc away stuff that is marital assets. Take pictures and document what you can as well as restrict her access to any accounts that contain joint assets. You have an advantage to filing first- so I really recommend you do so. Whoever files first controls the pace of the divorce. Basically you serve her and she has X amount of time to respond and then its back to you to take the next step. If she files and you respond she can then drag out the next step and theres nothing you can really do about it. Be careful to protect yourself from false abuse allegations. Never be alone with her or her and her family. Always have a neutral 3rd party there- a friend, neighbor, cop etc. 

[Rohit004 8]

1 minute ago, debbiedoo said:

i would not put up with childish BS like that for one minute.

 

divorce the child and send her back to her parents.

She's already at her parents  as of 05/14/2019, this past Monday. 

 

Yes. I know. My ROC is coming up. 

I know aht to do. I am a member here. I was just ranting 

[Moses Bee 276]

Very very sorry to hear all this frustration and abuse you are going through.

[Rohit004 8]

2 minutes ago, username_taken said:

Yeah, you really need to get some divorce documents filed. She sounds like she can be pretty petty and will try to get as much as she can from you. When you file divorce it usually comes with a restraining order of sorts. Basically it prevents either spouse from selling, transferring, gifting etc away stuff that is marital assets. Take pictures and document what you can as well as restrict her access to any accounts that contain joint assets. You have an advantage to filing first- so I really recommend you do so. Whoever files first controls the pace of the divorce. Basically you serve her and she has X amount of time to respond and then its back to you to take the next step. If she files and you respond she can then drag out the next step and theres nothing you can really do about it. Be careful to protect yourself from false abuse allegations. Never be alone with her or her and her family. Always have a neutral 3rd party there- a friend, neighbor, cop etc. 

Wise advise. 

I am a laid back person who hates drama. 

I had already taken her off accounts as of this past Tuesday. 

We don't have joint properties. We are still young. Though last year, one of the cars was breaking down. I asked her to choose a car that we could afford. Mistake. She chose a Mercedes Benz and went at the rich neighborhood dealer. I called her mom to talk sense into her cz I'm always the bad one, as she claims. Lol and behold. The mom tells me to get her shat she wants...a $30000+ car yet she has the same ins student loans which I am paying for. I had encouraged her to apply for scholarships while in school and she refused.  Anyway, we applied for the car loan jointly and got denied, probably due to the loan.

I don't have anything left for her to claim. She took everything. I am only left with one TV, the couch, bed, cutlery which dint meet her standard and my clothes. 

[Rohit004 8]

3 minutes ago, Moses Bee said:

Very very sorry to hear all this frustration and abuse you are going through.

Thanks. 

If by my story, which I attest is true,  strangers can see who the problem is. Her family says otherwise.  

 

 

[MadMax101 32]

Women be shopping.

[Koko4Evans 9]

BbIt sounds like You've spoiled your wife. Great job on being a provider and catering to her. But she now feels entitled and has involved her mom by moving in and out. Her mom can't stop meddling in your marriage. You're upset and sick of it i know. I personally couldn't stay in this. But if you are willing tk work things out with her explain she needs a job. And if she decides to move again that you've already contacted an attorney (bluff) (but you should really weigh your options) and you will move forward with seprating and divorce.

 

 

 

[Rohit004 8]

6 minutes ago, Koko4Evans said:

BbIt sounds like You've spoiled your wife. Great job on being a provider and catering to her. But she now feels entitled and has involved her mom by moving in and out. Her mom can't stop meddling in your marriage. You're upset and sick of it i know. I personally couldn't stay in this. But if you are willing tk work things out with her explain she needs a job. And if she decides to move again that you've already contacted an attorney (bluff) (but you should really weigh your options) and you will move forward with seprating and divorce.

 

 

 

True. Though I never thought I was spoiling her. As I said, I am a cool guy who expects someone to use common sense in judgement. Why would I be chasing a grownup on what to do?

 

She just got a job this past Thursday, through a family friend (don't know if this is true or just a bait meant for me).  This is the same family friend I'd asked her a while back to intern under while in school. She refused. The mom, on Tuesday says she's the one who told her not to intern but concentrate in school. Really????? I am the one who did all her school work and pushed her through school. All she did was take class exam, which of course they tell you where it'll be set from. She, therefore, had all free time to intern.

If she had interned, she'd be starting at a higher level right now compared to other graduates (if she actually got the job).

[Rohit004 8]

Additionally,  I withheld a lot of taxes last year as "married, withold as single" just so as to make sure I don't owe. During this tax season, we found out we'll be getting around nearly five digits worth back. Behold. She said all goes to her. Knowing her and knowing it'll  be spent on nonessentials, I tried to strike a balance for 50/50 share.  She refused and again, carried tax documents to her mom's. Realizing this, I called and clearly told her that I am not authorizing anyone to do my taxes. She realized I was serious and never did it with her mom's. Anyways, we have not done our taxes. Though we don't owe, so we are good. I was gonna use my 50 to pay for CC debts.

 

Both think I owe them a debt since I got my GC through marriage. This is another root of all this e entitlement. All I always hear is "You could not be working at this good paying job if it was not for the GC." 

Edited May 19, 2019 by Rohit004
Adding

[Koko4Evans 9]

10 minutes ago, Rohit004 said:

Additionally,  I withheld a lot of taxes last year as "married, withold as single" just so as to make sure I don't owe. During this tax season, we found out we'll be getting around nearly five digits worth back. Behold. She said all goes to her. Knowing her and knowing it'll  be spent on nonessentials, I tried to strike a balance for 50/50 share.  She refused and again, carried tax documents to her mom's. Realizing this, I called and clearly told her that I am not authorizing anyone to do my taxes. She realized I was serious and never did it with her mom's. Anyways, we have not done our taxes. Though we don't owe, so we are good. I was gonna use my 50 to pay for CC debts.

I completely understand. You should use her half for the debt she created while in school. But seems you are smart financially. She sounds young and just really spoiled. She has a great guy with his head on his shoulders. I wouldn't worry about the mom. Although I'd sit her down to let her know. You married her not her mom. And you don't want that relationship to spoil with her mom. But its overbearing and you won't allow it anymore. Sit her down show her the tuition cost for her school and explain how important credit is. Tell her you guys can still get a nice car and house. But you have to be smart financially and save. Those trips aren't necessarily urgent. But maybe after everything is caught up you guys can plan something.

[Koko4Evans 9]

30 minutes ago, Rohit004 said:

True. Though I never thought I was spoiling her. As I said, I am a cool guy who expects someone to use common sense in judgement. Why would I be chasing a grownup on what to do?

 

She just got a job this past Thursday, through a family friend (don't know if this is true or just a bait meant for me).  This is the same family friend I'd asked her a while back to intern under while in school. She refused. The mom, on Tuesday says she's the one who told her not to intern but concentrate in school. Really????? I am the one who did all her school work and pushed her through school. All she did was take class exam, which of course they tell you where it'll be set from. She, therefore, had all free time to intern.

If she had interned, she'd be starting at a higher level right now compared to other graduates (if she actually got the job).

Let her actions speak this time around. Let her stay with her parents and see how she likes having her mom telling her how to live eat breathe and be married. Her reality will make her appreciate you sooner or later but you have to stand up for yourself too. Stop tolerating all that they are doing.