Do not Ignore Obvious Signs

[SalishSea 17,833]

1 minute ago, Wildlife said:

Before misleading people or putting things out there, get your facts right!!! If you get cheated on by a citizen, he/she is called a cheater but if he/she is from another country, they are using you. I’m not exonerating anyone but don’t forget cheating knows no geography. 

Cheating is cheating when it comes to relationships, but when there is an immigration benefit involved, that is a game-changer.

[carmel34 3,633]

You sound like a very strong person, you will survive this.  Stay strong, kudos to you for doing the right thing, for recognizing the signs before it would have been much more difficult to cut this loser out of your life.  Good luck with the divorce process, and best wishes to you for much success and happiness in the future!

[cyclone27 710]

I’m a cautious person - proposed 4th year and married 5th year. I think anyone who sticks around that long it must be love.❤️

[Zoeeeeeee 797]

You don’t need to be embarrassed when telling your family. Some guys (and girls) are just pigs. That’s it. No reflection on you.

 

The thought of a green card may have motivated this guy, but it also might not have done. He may just be an arrogant, unfaithful weasel. I’ve dated one of them before - they always hide it very well at the start...

 

But you know what? After I broke it off with the unfaithful weasel, I happened to meet the most incredible, kind, sweet man in the world in 2017...who I’m emigrating to marry this year.

 

I know it’s a knock back - but brush yourself off, because he was never the one (because the one is still waiting out there).

[sandytoes 4]

54 minutes ago, bynx25 said:

I am sorry, so you know the feeling, this is a complete embarrassment for me, I can't even face my family, I don't know how to come out and explain.

I just told everybody we realized this woul'n be a healthy marriage for either of us.

[Dashinka 24,505]

3 hours ago, missileman said:

When I found the "right one", I lost all need to get that kind of attention....

Agreed, I used to surf dating sites, then with one click, I found the perfect partner.  I had no need to look for further attention on dating sites, and I haven’t looked back.

 

 

[Russ&Caro 1,549]

I don't know if this helps, but from my experience, your ex sounds like a sex addict. Sex addiction isn't only about obsessive need for sex, pornography or other sexual stimulation, it's also about obsessive behavior in seeking out sexual relationships and/or content. The thrill is in the hunt, so to speak. Whether it's food, gambling, narcotics, you name it, the addict can seem like a reasonably healthy and well-adjusted person, but when he/she experiences stress, like the stress from arguing with a loved one, they will retreat into their addiction. In order to hide their addiction, they generally are very good liars.

What I'm saying here is that this might not be a case of visa fraud. He may have generally loved you, but that's no picnic for you since his love comes through the lens of sex addiction. If you want to explore more and you're from a fairly big city, you might seek out an S-Anon program for victims/partners of people with sex and love addiction.

You seem pretty level headed and ready to emotionally move on. I would remind you that you have gained a lot of personal growth in this relationship, even though it might not seem like it. By starting an international relationship you've learned to be much more patient, especially if the guy was from a different country/culture/first language, as it sounds. That patience learned will come in handy in future friendships and romantic relationships. You shouldn't have any regrets. Your future life will be richer for the experience and the lessons you learned. I wish you the best as you heal from this experience.

[Crazy Cat 41,884]

15 minutes ago, Russ&Caro said:

I don't know if this helps, but from my experience, your ex sounds like a sex addict. Sex addiction isn't only about obsessive need for sex, pornography or other sexual stimulation, it's also about obsessive behavior in seeking out sexual relationships and/or content. The thrill is in the hunt, so to speak. Whether it's food, gambling, narcotics, you name it, the addict can seem like a reasonably healthy and well-adjusted person, but when he/she experiences stress, like the stress from arguing with a loved one, they will retreat into their addiction. In order to hide their addiction, they generally are very good liars.

What I'm saying here is that this might not be a case of visa fraud. He may have generally loved you, but that's no picnic for you since his love comes through the lens of sex addiction. If you want to explore more and you're from a fairly big city, you might seek out an S-Anon program for victims/partners of people with sex and love addiction.

Do really believe that?  

Edited May 6, 2019 by missileman

[Shiran 1,134]

2 hours ago, missileman said:

Sad story, in deed.....That one might be a chapter in my new book "Tales of the Green Card".

What I find ironic about that story, it wasn't even the case of Green card fraud, more like Tourist visa fraud, as she specifically choose to cut out her pathway to AoS with approved K-1. 

[Russ&Caro 1,549]

2 minutes ago, missileman said:

Do really believe that?  

Sure, I think it's a possibility. Are you familiar with sex and love addiction or did you just skip over the first paragraph? And I understand if you're a skeptic. Lots of people, and some in the psychology profession, don't believe sex addiction to be a real thing. That's okay. I'm just offering the OP a different perspective that she can use or not use at her discretion.

[Crazy Cat 41,884]

1 minute ago, Russ&Caro said:

Are you familiar with sex and love addiction or did you just skip over the first paragraph?

I am a former Psych RN.   I didn't skip anything in your post.   I am not saying addiction doesn't exist.  Did you read how the OP's husband responded when she confronted him?

[Shiran 1,134]

If it was visa fraud, clearly not a very good one. The thing is beautiful/handsome people often have easier time in life because appearances do make life easier and do open up the door, be it via dating apps, or some other means. Especially more so now in instant grams/tinder/etc age when relationship decisions are made with a flick of the wrist based mostly on the looks. 

[junkmart 320]

3 hours ago, bynx25 said:

I am sorry, so you know the feeling, this is a complete embarrassment for me, I can't even face my family, I don't know how to come out and explain.

You sound like a very strong person. Your family should be proud of you! You're an independent woman looking out for your own best interests! You go girl! Screw that guy!

[Russ&Caro 1,549]

29 minutes ago, missileman said:

I am a former Psych RN.   I didn't skip anything in your post.   I am not saying addiction doesn't exist.  Did you read how the OP's husband responded when she confronted him?

Yes, I did, and in fact, his response sounds a lot like the response of an addict. It could also be the response of a fraudster - or both, for that matter.

[Crazy Cat 41,884]

3 minutes ago, Russ&Caro said:

Yes, I did, and in fact, his response sounds a lot like the response of an addict. It could also be the response of a fraudster - or both, for that matter.

One thing I learned in the world of Psych.......No one knows what is really inside the mind of another person........Psych is a very inexact area of medicine......