It is time for a DIVORCE...

[PachucoBro 3]

Yes my wife and I are done. We both feel the other is not the person we fell in love with. Here are some bullet points of the situation.

- We live in Texas and have been married for 5 months.

- She is currently out of status and we have been waiting for the Green Card Interview.

- She does not want to return to her country so she plans on staying SOMEWHERE here in the U.S. Probably in Miami, FL.

- I will stop the immigration process and will not support her getting a green card. She came here with a Fiancee Visa.

- My son is staying with me for the summer with 6 more weeks to go in my 1 bedroom apartment.

The situation is not very pleasant. Her plan at the moment involves her living in my apartment during the divorce process which in Texas will last 2 months minnimum possibly 3 months. She has no job and at this point won't be contributing at all to the household. My main goal is for her to find somewhere else to live, if she does not want to go back to Colombia.

I have no problems in paying for her to go back to Colombia, but I do not want to just fork over $1,000, like she asked for so she can stay living here in Austin or fly to Miami. Though the price would be worth it if she would agree to leave the house soon.

Please offer me any advice or ways to look at this situation. I play the devil's advocate alot so if you want to speak on her behalf please do. I want to look at this at all angles. Thanks.

[Killer_Clown_2009 0]

I would not give up on a marriage after 5 months, then again I don't know your situation.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

I would not give up on a marriage after 5 months, then again I don't know your situation.

Ditto - you both went through a very stressful immigration process, which takes its toll in different ways and affects relationships sometimes quite severely. Not suggesting anything, but indeed, giving it a shot may be an option. Then, like jane is saying, we don't know your situation. Hope you resolve this in the best way possible for all involved. My two cents: never make life altering decisions when upset or not at peace. But that's me.

Good luck, L.

[PachucoBro 3]

I would not give up on a marriage after 5 months, then again I don't know your situation.

Understand that line of thinking... But here is my side... Since being married 5 months Ihave learned she has a history of mental illness. As recent as 3 years before we met each other she drank gasoline because her and her aunt got into a fight which resulted in both of them not speaking to each other.

Her actions and thought process makes me feel I am the parent and she is the child.

I am not the stereotypical older man marrying a younger womanfrom another country. I do not want a wife/woman that I feel I need to nurture like my son of 10 years old.

In turn she feels I am (for lack of better words) a big meany. And I agree. My reactions to realizing the confident, independent woman that I love is really nothing than a co-dependent young girl have not been the nicest. Her entire life to this moment has been depending on family or friends taking care of her when ever her life encounters problems. She does not have the life skills to take care of herself without undue stress or other bad things happening as a result.

I don't believe either one of us at this point is looking to continue to make it work. This is not the first fight/argument. This is also not the typical 5 omnth marriage due to the fact that most international marriages start where the dating and living together phase usually starts here in America.

So, if our marriage was actually a 5 month relationship that maybe resulted in a rapid live together situation. Would people be as inclined to say work it out or would they say "Well maybe you should end it now."

[tiberonsuave 0]

Sorry to hear about your problems. It sounds like you are not interested in working it out at all. Sooooo. You will be wanting a divorce lawyer. I have no clues about divorce in Texas or whether she will cooperate.

I would say get her back to Colombia to get out from under the affidavit of support; but, you need to be divorced.

From my personal experience with paisas she will not return. You are on the hook for ten years. Just get your divorce and let her deal with immigrations.

Protect yourself.

t

Yes my wife and I are done. We both feel the other is not the person we fell in love with. Here are some bullet points of the situation.

- We live in Texas and have been married for 5 months.

- She is currently out of status and we have been waiting for the Green Card Interview.

- She does not want to return to her country so she plans on staying SOMEWHERE here in the U.S. Probably in Miami, FL.

- I will stop the immigration process and will not support her getting a green card. She came here with a Fiancee Visa.

- My son is staying with me for the summer with 6 more weeks to go in my 1 bedroom apartment.

The situation is not very pleasant. Her plan at the moment involves her living in my apartment during the divorce process which in Texas will last 2 months minnimum possibly 3 months. She has no job and at this point won't be contributing at all to the household. My main goal is for her to find somewhere else to live, if she does not want to go back to Colombia.

I have no problems in paying for her to go back to Colombia, but I do not want to just fork over $1,000, like she asked for so she can stay living here in Austin or fly to Miami. Though the price would be worth it if she would agree to leave the house soon.

Please offer me any advice or ways to look at this situation. I play the devil's advocate alot so if you want to speak on her behalf please do. I want to look at this at all angles. Thanks.

[babybunny 2]

I would not give up on a marriage after 5 months, then again I don't know your situation.

Understand that line of thinking... But here is my side... Since being married 5 months Ihave learned she has a history of mental illness. As recent as 3 years before we met each other she drank gasoline because her and her aunt got into a fight which resulted in both of them not speaking to each other.

Her actions and thought process makes me feel I am the parent and she is the child.

I am not the stereotypical older man marrying a younger womanfrom another country. I do not want a wife/woman that I feel I need to nurture like my son of 10 years old.

In turn she feels I am (for lack of better words) a big meany. And I agree. My reactions to realizing the confident, independent woman that I love is really nothing than a co-dependent young girl have not been the nicest. Her entire life to this moment has been depending on family or friends taking care of her when ever her life encounters problems. She does not have the life skills to take care of herself without undue stress or other bad things happening as a result.

I don't believe either one of us at this point is looking to continue to make it work. This is not the first fight/argument. This is also not the typical 5 omnth marriage due to the fact that most international marriages start where the dating and living together phase usually starts here in America.

So, if our marriage was actually a 5 month relationship that maybe resulted in a rapid live together situation. Would people be as inclined to say work it out or would they say "Well maybe you should end it now."

so your gonna toss the baby out with the bath water?

you took a vow - in sickness and in health. trust me i am the last person on this earth to toss those words at you. I think your being a jerk. she needs you!!

1st counsling

2nd job skills

3rd mental support.

I think you are a pure jerk from hell because, common things in any international relationship

you are turning your back on her. I pitty her. really alot of men would appreciate a lady like her

because, alot of men want a sweet innocent lady like what you have. your such the jerk you are- you cant see that. your tossing out a treasure.

just rember this . when you BREAK a heart. your heart will be broken 10 fold!!

[Nanusia & Lukaszek 0]

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Her actions and thought process makes me feel I am the parent and she is the child.

So, if our marriage was actually a 5 month relationship that maybe resulted in a rapid live together situation. Would people be as inclined to say work it out or would they say "Well maybe you should end it now."

First of, she's been ripped out of her country, where she was born raised & lived. It's not as easy as you think to get accustomed to a new home. I think this is where you feel you are the parent, because you have to show her everything & explain it a lot. But you took vows, they should be taken seriously. You promised to make her comfortable, you promised to be there for her in sickness & health. The second it goes a little bad, you want to bail? That's not what marriage is about. Second, you can't treat this as any ol' 5 month dating relationship. You are MARRIED, I honestly say give it a little more time and try to remember what made you go crazy after this girl, what made you not sleep at night, those things that made you smile like crazy Remember how incredibly happy you were to go to Columbia to visit her? Remember how super sad it was to leave & come back to your normal life here? Do you want to feel that sadness again? Give it a little more time. I only say this because my husband & I are having a tiny bit hard time getting adjusted to each other... more for him life in America. Sometimes I wanna think that there is a easy way out, but marriage is marriage... its hard work, you have to put in a lot, sometimes you dont get as much as you put in, but maybe you'll get a bigger piece of the cake later

Now here's the other side in case you decide divorce is it, and no other way. If she has mental illness, protect yourself & document anything that happens here in the US, so that later on she doesn't blame her own abuse to herself on you. If you divorce, ask her to go home. It was a fiance visa, either you stay married or go home is my take on it.

I think you guys have fights and are ticked off, and that's when the divorce idea flies around. Chill out, give each other some time and talk talk talk.

Is she indifferent to divorce?

[PaulineA 1]

We only really know one side of the story here, so it's hard to make judgments on either person in this relationship. Only you know what to do for the best. If a divorce is what you both want then find a good lawyer. If there is any way you think you both could work it out then I think you should try to reslove your differences. It's and extremely big step coming to another country, and your wife must have time to adjust. Do whatever you think is best, and benifits the both of you. Just my opinion. Oh and by the way, how can she possibly stay somewhere else in the US without having you as a petitioner to get her green card? I ask this as you said you were waiting for the interview.

[tiberonsuave 0]

Pauline,

What you suggest is immigration fraud.

t

We only really know one side of the story here, so it's hard to make judgments on either person in this relationship. Only you know what to do for the best. If a divorce is what you both want then find a good lawyer. If there is any way you think you both could work it out then I think you should try to reslove your differences. It's and extremely big step coming to another country, and your wife must have time to adjust. Do whatever you think is best, and benifits the both of you. Just my opinion. Oh and by the way, how can she possibly stay somewhere else in the US without having you as a petitioner to get her green card? I ask this as you said you were waiting for the interview.

[PaulineA 1]

Pauline,

What you suggest is immigration fraud.

t

We only really know one side of the story here, so it's hard to make judgments on either person in this relationship. Only you know what to do for the best. If a divorce is what you both want then find a good lawyer. If there is any way you think you both could work it out then I think you should try to reslove your differences. It's and extremely big step coming to another country, and your wife must have time to adjust. Do whatever you think is best, and benifits the both of you. Just my opinion. Oh and by the way, how can she possibly stay somewhere else in the US without having you as a petitioner to get her green card? I ask this as you said you were waiting for the interview.

??????? I don't get what you mean.

[tiberonsuave 0]

OOPs I missed the HOW at the end of your post. Nevermind.

t

Pauline,

What you suggest is immigration fraud.

t

We only really know one side of the story here, so it's hard to make judgments on either person in this relationship. Only you know what to do for the best. If a divorce is what you both want then find a good lawyer. If there is any way you think you both could work it out then I think you should try to reslove your differences. It's and extremely big step coming to another country, and your wife must have time to adjust. Do whatever you think is best, and benifits the both of you. Just my opinion. Oh and by the way, how can she possibly stay somewhere else in the US without having you as a petitioner to get her green card? I ask this as you said you were waiting for the interview.

??????? I don't get what you mean.

[PaulineA 1]

Pauline,

What you suggest is immigration fraud.

t

We only really know one side of the story here, so it's hard to make judgments on either person in this relationship. Only you know what to do for the best. If a divorce is what you both want then find a good lawyer. If there is any way you think you both could work it out then I think you should try to reslove your differences. It's and extremely big step coming to another country, and your wife must have time to adjust. Do whatever you think is best, and benifits the both of you. Just my opinion. Oh and by the way, how can she possibly stay somewhere else in the US without having you as a petitioner to get her green card? I ask this as you said you were waiting for the interview.

??????? I don't get what you mean.

Just to clarify, I asked the OP how he expected her to stay in the US when he wasn't going to petitioner her. As he was saying in his post that he wanted her to move out, and she didn't want to go back home. He indicated that they were still waiting for the visa interview. How the heck is that me suggesting immigration fraud?

[MissStacey 1]

Pauline wasn't suggesting immigration fraud. She was questioning the OP.

[PaulineA 1]

Pauline wasn't suggesting immigration fraud. She was questioning the OP.

Thanks Stacey

[tiberonsuave 0]

Like I state above in my apology I overlooked the HOW. An important word.

t

Pauline,

What you suggest is immigration fraud.

t

We only really know one side of the story here, so it's hard to make judgments on either person in this relationship. Only you know what to do for the best. If a divorce is what you both want then find a good lawyer. If there is any way you think you both could work it out then I think you should try to reslove your differences. It's and extremely big step coming to another country, and your wife must have time to adjust. Do whatever you think is best, and benifits the both of you. Just my opinion. Oh and by the way, how can she possibly stay somewhere else in the US without having you as a petitioner to get her green card? I ask this as you said you were waiting for the interview.

??????? I don't get what you mean.

Just to clarify, I asked the OP how he expected her to stay in the US when he wasn't going to petitioner her. As he was saying in his post that he wanted her to move out, and she didn't want to go back home. He indicated that they were still waiting for the visa interview. How the heck is that me suggesting immigration fraud?

As I have already posted twice...I missed the HOW...

t

Pauline wasn't suggesting immigration fraud. She was questioning the OP.