VAWA For men

[Going through 5,671]

I'm going to link @username_taken to this thread.

 

She is an advocate for those going through domestic violence, and hopefully can share her thoughts.

[Dashinka 24,519]

My suggestion is to focus on getting out of the abusive relationship as soon as possible.  Now since you are also going through immigration at the same time, you will need to document as much as possible (it seems you do have at least a start).  There are resources available for abused men, seek those out and get with a good divorce attorney. 

 

Good Luck!

 

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/help-for-men-who-are-being-abused.htm/

[Villanelle 4,122]

Domestic violence laws in the US are gender neutral. That means they apply equally to men and women. Nor does the height/weight of each party matter. Like the above post says- there are special male domestic violence victim groups and programs. You can use google to see if there are any local to you that you can contact for help. ... The shelter situation in the US for victims of DV (male and female) is really embarrassingly bad.  Many people are often turned away. You may have other options. Have you considered a restraining order stating she has to leave and if she did could you stay?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            The most important thing is your safety and separating from her both physically and legally.  Your choices for that is to either contact a family attny for a divorce and an immigration attny for VAWA or attempt to do both processes yourself. Join the VAWA thread in this subforum. Many people there are doing VAWA on their own (no attny) and are successful with the help of the forum and sandra who posts in it.  If you can are not comfortable doing it on your own then there are pro bono attnys for both immigration and family matters but you have to be able to find one, not everyone can. If you are going to pay on your own for VAWA attny it averages 3-10k and divorce can be 1-2k to start and depending how long it takes can cost a whole lot more. 

[waqasah 1]

21 hours ago, Going through said:

Listen to your friends.  What she's doing is manipulating you----very common in abusive relationships.  The whole "I'm sorry" thing is common as well---she's only sorry until she does it again, right?  And you're starting to think it's all your fault/you're to blame---or worse, she's blaming you with "I'm sorry, but I wouldn't do it if you didn't do X,Y,Z"

 

Another common tactic (you mentioned this earlier) is the abusive USC threatening deportation of the foreigner.  Trust me when I say that she doesn't hold the keys to this country.  

Yes, you are right. I was raised in a family where you respect woman a lot. You do not comment and talk about them in a disrespectful way. I certainly believe that it was all my fault. I still do. I mean it's a man's job to run a house. However, the complication of the system, laws and compliance issues compelled not to do any such activity. Why would I drain my savings on her if I hadn't loved her? However, I am very confused. Trust me. I don't wanna leave her. This is not something that I planned. My family would never like this idea. They will not approve this fact. There is long list of my dilemmas. I do not want to waste your time on this. 

 

The doctor has written about my injuries, bruises and swelling on arms and other parts of body when I had a bad encounter with her. Obviously, it shows I was injured. No one blames his wife when you love her. You know that. You always give chances to your spouse. This is the harsh reality. 

[waqasah 1]

10 hours ago, username_taken said:

Domestic violence laws in the US are gender neutral. That means they apply equally to men and women. Nor does the height/weight of each party matter. Like the above post says- there are special male domestic violence victim groups and programs. You can use google to see if there are any local to you that you can contact for help. ... The shelter situation in the US for victims of DV (male and female) is really embarrassingly bad.  Many people are often turned away. You may have other options. Have you considered a restraining order stating she has to leave and if she did could you stay?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            The most important thing is your safety and separating from her both physically and legally.  Your choices for that is to either contact a family attny for a divorce and an immigration attny for VAWA or attempt to do both processes yourself. Join the VAWA thread in this subforum. Many people there are doing VAWA on their own (no attny) and are successful with the help of the forum and sandra who posts in it.  If you can are not comfortable doing it on your own then there are pro bono attnys for both immigration and family matters but you have to be able to find one, not everyone can. If you are going to pay on your own for VAWA attny it averages 3-10k and divorce can be 1-2k to start and depending how long it takes can cost a whole lot more. 

No, I have left the house. Shelter homes were not ready to accept my miserable existence. Luckily, my friends jumped in. I am living with him. So restraining order is not my option here. Honestly speaking, I do not want to see my wife into any trouble. She is already getting weaker thanks to alcohol. I cannot see here out of home. It will hurt me. I would get an attorney. As you are an expert, I need your suggestions regarding my situation. Are these proofs enough to prove my position? 

1. Medical Note from doctor about my injuries (it does not state about abuse). 
2. Joint Lease of TWO YEARS 
3. Joint bank account with running statements of TWO YEARS
4. Some pictures from other sources ( since she had destroyed my laptop and cellphone). 
5. Auto Insurance (she is an excluded driver as she had no driver's license). 
6. Bill copies of two years ( all on her name since I had no ssn at that time). 
7. Affidavits from our common friends about the abuse 
8. Affidavits from my boss (she came and assaulted me and yelled at me) 
9. Psychologist's evaluation 
10. Some pictures of my wounds and physical abuse. 
11. A declaration from our landlord about me and my wife living together and good tenants ( not confirmed yet but he willing to give it to me).

I have one fear. For some months, I had to work on odd jobs to make money for her as she was getting very brutal on those days. Is it gonna affect my VAWA application? What kind of other proofs should I gather before jumping into this process?  I would really appreciate your help. 

Moreover, I also have one question. Is my EAD going to be ceased or revoked if I go with VAWA? What would I do then? I do not want to be a burden for other people. I want to make my own money. Please, suggest me something.  

 

Can you give me the link of sub forum of VAWA?

 

Edited April 18, 2019 by waqasah

[Going through 5,671]

1 hour ago, waqasah said:

Is my EAD going to be ceased or revoked if I go with VAWA?

No.

 

1 hour ago, waqasah said:

Can you give me the link of sub forum of VAWA?

 

[waqasah 1]

22 hours ago, Going through said:

No.

 

 

 

If I apply for VAWA in this month and my EAD expires based on i-485 from my abusive spouse, how am I going to get it renewed ? 

[Going through 5,671]

2 hours ago, waqasah said:

 

If I apply for VAWA in this month and my EAD expires based on i-485 from my abusive spouse, how am I going to get it renewed ? 

When you apply for VAWA it's not like you're submitting a new i-485....your pending i-485 is continued based on the new VAWA info received.  

As for getting the EAD renewed, you file a i-765 like anyone else would.  Your spouse is not part of the renewal application (ie. their signature or consent is not required). 

There is no fee for the renewal based on you providing proof that the i-485 was already filed and is pending (submit a copy of the i-485 receipt notice with the i-765 application).  You will also need to submit a copy of the expired EAD.

Edited April 19, 2019 by Going through

[CEE53147 559]

On 4/16/2019 at 8:51 PM, waqasah said:

I had a great job with a good potential of growth two years ago. However, I resigned from that job. To run my family ( my wife, her kids and myself), I sold all assets since I had no work permit. Now, I have nothing over there and going back is not a good option. She demands money for her expenditures. If I don't give her money, she gets frustrated on my refusal. She has been blackmailing me for one year that she would get me deported if I don't pay her money whenever she demands. After paying rent, bills, auto insurance and all other things, I don't save much. Sometimes, she acts sweet but she gets like an angry and depressed person next moment when I don't fulfill her demands. Sometimes, she accuses me for cheating but she has full control on my communications such as cellphone, facebook, etc. She doesn't like to see me talking to my family. 

 

You should realize that your income is essentially her money as well as yours. Your savings are also her savings. The children's father should be contributing to their support as should your wife.  You are not "paying her money" but supporting her.  You need to consult an attorney for an explanation of your RESPONSIBILITIES to support your family.  Yours is not a legitimate marriage if you are failing to do so. 

 

I see why she is upset if she is begging for money which is by rights hers as well as yours.  Look at the term "community property"; just because it comes from your employment does not make it exclusively yours.

[waqasah 1]

2 hours ago, CEE53147 said:

 

You should realize that your income is essentially her money as well as yours. Your savings are also her savings. The children's father should be contributing to their support as should your wife.  You are not "paying her money" but supporting her.  You need to consult an attorney for an explanation of your RESPONSIBILITIES to support your family.  Yours is not a legitimate marriage if you are failing to do so. 

 

I see why she is upset if she is begging for money which is by rights hers as well as yours.  Look at the term "community property"; just because it comes from your employment does not make it exclusively yours.

I am not saying my money is not hers. She can and could use my money anytime. She did it so far. 

She gets upset becaus she cannot go with her friends to smoke and party. She can't buy alcohol. 

She promised me that she would leave her addiction but she did not. 

What's the point of asking for the money when your fridge is full of food, groceries and drinks? You have your so much makeup stuffed in cabinets that you can't even open the door without dealing something falling on you. 

You have everything for kids and you are paying thier father. No child support comes from the father. 

Your bills are paid, house sent is paid and all other dues are paid. 

Sorry but I am not a superhuman who can affors exclusive alcohol and other abusive stuff for you. One more thing, she did not contribute in these financial issues ever except one or two months when I was severely ill. She can't work too much because she can't since her alocohol intake has destroyed her stomach and her abilty to focus. 

When you are begging, you don't throw sharp thing on your spouse. When you are begging, you don't throw someone out of house. You don't show up at their work place and yell and even slap on face because your husband was unable to give you money. That's why my boss is even ready to give me the affidavit of my innocenece. When you love someone, you don't want to see them behind bars. She has two kids and those are mine too. I can't destroy their future by separating their mother. So many things come in my mind.  Please differentiate between "begging" and "needs". Let me add one more thing. I don't do alcohol and weed. 

[Going through 5,671]

Immigration-wise....change your filing to one with VAWA.

 

Relationship-wise....get a divorce.  And counselling for yourself.

 

 

[CEE53147 559]

You obviously got yourself into a bad relationship.  You need to understand US divorce law.  Get yourself to an attorney.  Do not be surprised if you are ordered to support her until the divorce is granted if she has no income.  You may even be ordered to pay her attorney fees. 

 

I hope you have police and emergency medical care reports.

 

Do NOT be in the house with her.  If necessary, get a police escort to retrieve your belongings. 

 

There are legal forums dealing with divorce; look for them. Do NOT try to file on your own even though it is possible to do so.

 

Too often people wanting to come to the US ignore signs of troubled sponsors. Reflect on what you knew about her before you came to the US; understand what you missed; make better choices in the future. This will be an expensive lesson.

 

Good luck.

[The_Empyrean 733]

On 4/20/2019 at 1:52 PM, CEE53147 said:

 

You should realize that your income is essentially her money as well as yours. Your savings are also her savings. The children's father should be contributing to their support as should your wife.  You are not "paying her money" but supporting her.  You need to consult an attorney for an explanation of your RESPONSIBILITIES to support your family.  Yours is not a legitimate marriage if you are failing to do so. 

 

I see why she is upset if she is begging for money which is by rights hers as well as yours.  Look at the term "community property"; just because it comes from your employment does not make it exclusively yours.

Holy molly you sound oblivious.

That woman is a drug addict, abuser and manipulative. She REQUESTS money for illegal activities and threatens. Has no job, and is likely bipolar sociopath. She's abusing him and blackmailing him. Assaults, attempted murder, psychological abuse, blackmailing, drug usage, illegal possession, list goes on. You've got a nerve to say "she has a right to the money equally". 
He got himself into the relationship he wasn't aware of her habits.

 

"Washington is a no-fault divorce state, which means you cannot file a divorce because of a specific reason, like adultery or addiction. So, legally speaking, your spouse’s alcoholism or drug addiction will not play into your divorce. However, their addiction will undoubtedly affect the divorce process in other ways. Addicts often exhibit certain behaviors which can make them unreliable, unstable, and even dangerous.

If a person’s addiction can be proven, either through criminal records, drug tests, evidence of time in a rehab facility, or other means, the court may be hesitant to give the addict certain privileges. In order to determine how your case will play out, it’s important for you to work with an attorney who has experience working on other cases where addiction played a significant role."

Open a separate bank account and put a couple grands there. Call cops on her doing drugs at home and abusing you psychologically, emotionally and physically. Ask Your friends who know the issue to stay over at their place. File for restraining order. File for divorce. Get police escort to get your stuff out and deal with splitting the assets in court. If she was unemployed for a while, depending on the state policies etc, if you can prove that she does nothing more than doing drugs, she can literally get nothing and left out on the streets (if not jail).

PLEASE CONTACT ATTORNEY and go for a talk without telling her. The attorney will tell you the best way to do it. She will try to manipulate you if you tell her that you gonna leave her etc. Don't tell her anything. Take a paid day off at work, call attorney and go for appointment. I can bet it's gonna be the best money spent ever, and i'm sure your friends will allow you to spend some time at their place while you get back on your feet again. Ask Your friends for a "safe place". Don't be scared to ask.

 

If i was OP. I know in his culture you have to respect woman and speak no evil. BUT, she's ruining his life. Literally. Day by day. Wasting his earned money. ALSO look into this one:

"Tamaso Johnson, Public Policy Director for the Washington State Coalition Against Domestic Violence, applauded the Supreme Court for its decision that highlights the following exemption to privacy laws: "conversations of an emergency nature -- or which convey threats of bodily harm -- may be recorded with the consent of one party to the conversation."