VAWA For men

[waqasah 1]

Hi,

I am feeling like laughing stock but it's the reality that I wanted to share now. I need your opinions. I came to USA and married a girl. She was sweet and nice. We had a great chemistry together.  After six months, we decided to get married.  Things were good for a couple of months but she started doing drugs. I tried to stop her but she began threating me with my immigration status. She asked me to bring money for her by any kind. Took control of phone and bank accounts completely. Sometimes, she kicked me outa home for weeks. I had to spend nights at my friend's house and store. It was horrible. She kept threating me with deportation and she also told me that she wouldn't hesitate to withdraw the application. She threw knives and scissors on me during arguments. Last time, she threw a knife and It hit me on my arm. I had some cuts on my arm.  I have psychologist reports of seeking medical help. I have witnesses of marriage and abuse. I also have joint lease of two years and auto insurance. My question is I should go for VAWA or I should keep licking her feet. Please, help me out. I am not sure about my life. I had sold all properties and I have job back in my home country now. My wife has taken everything from me. 

 

Edited April 16, 2019 by waqasah
It was not complete.

[Going through 5,671]

Just to clarify since you didn't mention this in your post...what's your legal status now?  The AOS has been just filed, or you have a 2 year green card and need to Remove Conditions?  Are you filing for divorce?

[Dashinka 24,527]

Also confusing, you say you have a job back in your home country, are you even in the US now?

[JFH 12,190]

Is she getting help for her substance abuse? 

 

Which property did you sell? Or do you sell property for a living (a realtor, for example)? I’m confused as to where you are now and what you are wanting to do. Have you filed for divorce? 

[Jeanne Adil 1,651]

Same as we would tell any woman

Get your butt out of the house

you should have also filed police reports for the abuse but don't stay now to get abused so you can have one

get out with your evidence of commingled finances

get a divorce

and go thru the process without her if you are here legally/ or return home if that is your wish

 

answer the questions above about current status so VJ members can help 

 

[Ontarkie 14,236]

~~Moved to Effects of Major Family Changes, from What Visa Do I Need - As similar threads are discussed here.~~

[waqasah 1]

16 hours ago, Going through said:

Just to clarify since you didn't mention this in your post...what's your legal status now?  The AOS has been just filed, or you have a 2 year green card and need to Remove Conditions?  Are you filing for divorce?

I have filed I-130 and I am also waiting for green card interview. I have been married for two years. Filed I-130 and 485 last year after one year of marriage. My sponsors are my wife and a joint sponsor.  I have not filed for divorce so far. 

[waqasah 1]

14 hours ago, Bill & Katya said:

Also confusing, you say you have a job back in your home country, are you even in the US now?

I had a great job with a good potential of growth two years ago. However, I resigned from that job. To run my family ( my wife, her kids and myself), I sold all assets since I had no work permit. Now, I have nothing over there and going back is not a good option. She demands money for her expenditures. If I don't give her money, she gets frustrated on my refusal. She has been blackmailing me for one year that she would get me deported if I don't pay her money whenever she demands. After paying rent, bills, auto insurance and all other things, I don't save much. Sometimes, she acts sweet but she gets like an angry and depressed person next moment when I don't fulfill her demands. Sometimes, she accuses me for cheating but she has full control on my communications such as cellphone, facebook, etc. She doesn't like to see me talking to my family. 

[waqasah 1]

14 hours ago, JFH said:

Is she getting help for her substance abuse? 

 

Which property did you sell? Or do you sell property for a living (a realtor, for example)? I’m confused as to where you are now and what you are wanting to do. Have you filed for divorce? 

I am in United States. I sold my assets including land and shares in a house. Now, I have nothing back for me in my country. So, what should I do? If I go back, I have no job and no property. I did this all to run this marriage while I had no work permit. I have not filed for divorce. Since last two months, I am staying away from my wife as I am afraid of her behavior. She threw a big knife in last fight. I was lucky that I saved myself.  She is not getting any help. She does not like when I suggest this. She says that I am a controlling person and I am putting my manly pressure on her. This is absurd. 

Edited April 17, 2019 by waqasah

[Going through 5,671]

15 minutes ago, waqasah said:

I have filed I-130 and I am also waiting for green card interview. I have been married for two years. Filed I-130 and 485 last year after one year of marriage. My sponsors are my wife and a joint sponsor.  I have not filed for divorce so far. 

I would encourage you to move out of the home and file for divorce if you are suffering abuse at the hands of your spouse---no one should have to live that way, man or woman.

It also sounds like you have proof of the abuse through hospital/medical/police reports as well as your witnesses and the psychologist's evaluation.

You can self-petition for a green card without her consent or knowledge.

 

https://www.uscis.gov/green-card/green-card-vawa-self-petitioner 

 

If you already have a pending Form I-485 based on an approved Form I-130, Petition for Alien Relative that the abusive family member filed for you, you may request to convert your Form I-485 so that it is based on your VAWA self-petition. To make this request, you must notify the USCIS field office adjudicating the pending Form I-485 that you have filed a VAWA self-petition or that you will do so within 30 days. You should also provide the USCIS field office with a safe address where we can mail all future correspondence to you.

If you do not submit evidence that you filed a VAWA self-petition within 30 days of requesting to convert your Form I-485, USCIS may make a decision on your pending application based on the original Form I-130 filed by the abusive family member. Otherwise, if USCIS approves your VAWA self-petition, your application to adjust status will be based on the VAWA self-petition instead of the original Form I-130.

 

 

Edited April 17, 2019 by Going through

[waqasah 1]

13 hours ago, adil-rafa said:

Same as we would tell any woman

Get your butt out of the house

you should have also filed police reports for the abuse but don't stay now to get abused so you can have one

get out with your evidence of commingled finances

get a divorce

and go thru the process without her if you are here legally/ or return home if that is your wish

 

answer the questions above about current status so VJ members can help 

 

Police would never help me. In fact, she has threatened me to call the police. She says that I will show them that you are an abusive person. I have never touched that girl. I know if I ever touched her, she is going to raise a hell. Moreover, I have seen this biased behavior towards men in shelter homes. I went to two shelter homes and told them the whole story. They had no space for men. I mean I was devastated. I slept in my car for days before she got calm. I had to sleep at my friend's several weeks because of her. He knows about my situation. Another friend also knows about it. I have not shared my situation as I feel so ashamed. I have two year lease, auto insurance and bills. However, bills are on her name as I had no SSN when we started our journey. Our pictures were in my laptop and cellphone. She broke both two months ago. I have a few pictures from other sources ( cellphone of my friend).  I have psychologist's report. I have doctor's note about my injuries and my health condition since I was so ill. However, I lied to him about my domestic abuses. I told him that I fell from stairs. He had doubts but he didn't dig deep as he was so busy on his duty. 

[Going through 5,671]

Any reports to the police regarding the abuse?  

[Going through 5,671]

4 minutes ago, waqasah said:

However, I lied to him about my domestic abuses. I told him that I fell from stairs. He had doubts but he didn't dig deep as he was so busy on his duty. 

Lots of doctors see lots of patients who often claim to fall down the stairs, hit themselves with doors, etc.  It's a shame he didn't take the time to dig deeper, however it's also understandable why you didn't "come clean" about what really happened.  

 

Going forward---please keep yourself safe, and should anything happen again call the police/tell any medical personnel the truth---there is nothing for you to be ashamed of.

 

Immigration-wise, read the info I posted above.

[waqasah 1]

5 hours ago, Going through said:

I would encourage you to move out of the home and file for divorce if you are suffering abuse at the hands of your spouse---no one should have to live that way, man or woman.

It also sounds like you have proof of the abuse through hospital/medical/police reports as well as your witnesses and the psychologist's evaluation.

You can self-petition for a green card without her consent or knowledge.

I do not have any police report. I had a reason. She could blame me and I could become a culprit. She is only 125lb and 5.3. I am 6.2. No cop is going to believe me. Moreover,  an accusation of DV can hurt my status and my professional career. I would never do that. This made her more aggressive. I face psychological pressure. Do you think doctor's note, witnesses (2 or 3) and psychologist evaluation is enough? Lease, auto insurance and joint bank account statements would work.  I am not filing for divorce.  One day, she calls me and claim that I am her only love and she feels so bad and sorry. Next day, she becomes a psychopath and starts doing wild things. I am so confused. I really love her. However, my friends and all people are recommending me to leave her now. 

[Going through 5,671]

1 hour ago, waqasah said:

One day, she calls me and claim that I am her only love and she feels so bad and sorry. Next day, she becomes a psychopath and starts doing wild things. I am so confused. I really love her. However, my friends and all people are recommending me to leave her now. 

Listen to your friends.  What she's doing is manipulating you----very common in abusive relationships.  The whole "I'm sorry" thing is common as well---she's only sorry until she does it again, right?  And you're starting to think it's all your fault/you're to blame---or worse, she's blaming you with "I'm sorry, but I wouldn't do it if you didn't do X,Y,Z"

 

Another common tactic (you mentioned this earlier) is the abusive USC threatening deportation of the foreigner.  Trust me when I say that she doesn't hold the keys to this country.  

 

1 hour ago, waqasah said:

I do not have any police report. I had a reason. She could blame me and I could become a culprit. She is only 125lb and 5.3. I am 6.2. No cop is going to believe me.

I understand on some level (I say "some" only because I'm a woman and cannot relate fully to you as a man) how difficult it is for a man to accuse a woman of abuse---along with the confusion and pain of being in any abusive relationship, men have the fear of being ridiculed, shamed, etc. because of how others may look upon you being physically stronger than her.  There is a reason why VAWA exists to help BOTH genders.  USCIS realizes that abuse can happen just as quickly to both sexes.  Many police officers are aware of this, too.  As are support groups that exist solely for male victims, male-only shelters, counselors and the like.

 

Part of  her manipulation is her fully aware of the fact that you won't hit her back.   Another part is that she is also fully aware that you will not report her to the police, given that you haven't yet so far.   It gives her the power to believe she can then do anything she wants to you without consequence.

 

The next time she physically abuses you, you need to phone the police.  I know you don't want to, and I know that you feel it will only make things worse for you, but you need to put a stop to it.  You need to show her that her actions have consequences.  You need to force her (and in a way it just might) to get the help she also needs for herself to stop being physically abusive towards others.  So look at it that way---calling the police helps you, and it can also help her.

 

1 hour ago, waqasah said:

Moreover,  an accusation of DV can hurt my status and my professional career.

An accusation of DV is not going to hurt your status or career.  An accusation is just that----an accusation.   She would have to have evidence to file criminal charges---and for those charges to hold up in a court of law.

 

Moreover, her throwing knives and scissors at you is a step away from her stabbing you with them one day.  That's going to damage a lot more than your status and professional career by a false accusation.

 

1 hour ago, waqasah said:

Do you think doctor's note, witnesses (2 or 3) and psychologist evaluation is enough? Lease, auto insurance and joint bank account statements would work. 

The doctor's note, probably not since presumably it mentions nothing about spousal abuse (you said you never told him the truth about how you got your injuries).