Coping through IR-1 when we have a child together

[CaroY 85]

I guess i was not not crystal clear in my statement that I was asking how others have coped as parents (“Coping” is in my subject line). What makes some of you all comment on a post that has nothing to do with your situations? 🧐 scroll on by if it offends you that I think my marriage *on paper* requires less scrutiny.

 

The fact is that longer marriages and marriages with children do overall get less scrutiny, on a case-by-case level. There is also one fewer step with the IR-1 vs. CR-1. 

 

*not that this matters in the immigration process* but my husband and I did spend almost 2 years apart before we prioritized being together, by my moving to live with him abroad. 

 

I’m not asking to skip any lines.  I find it really [edited] that the backlog is enormous for everyone. I’m just saying that when there are kids involved, even more people are suffering than the couple, and that sucks.  

 

 

Edited April 14, 2019 by Unlockable

[Crazy Cat 42,293]

Take a look at this data from USCIS.  At the end of the 4th quarter of FY 2018, there were more than 1.5 MILLION I-130s awaiting adjudication.....

[JFH 12,191]

4 hours ago, CaroY said:

Wow. Are most of you childless CR-1 filers?  Can you not empathize with a 6 year-old who will miss his father? Or parents who don’t want to see their child sad?  If the situation doesn’t applt to you, don’t feel compelled to respond. I’m asking for advice from those in a similar situation. I know we all feel there are reasons why we deserve a visa quickly. I don’t have an “attitude” and I, myself, am patient. For many reasons I have not gone into, our personal reasons and external circumstances have changed. We’re living with an economy that has rapidly declined (google “Turkish Lira” ).  Not that I deserve sympathy, but, as my Dad jokes, my husband has done his best to prove he hasn’t married me for a visa 😂 We chose to live here and now we’re choosing to live there. Everybody knows the backlog is terrible and the processing time has dramatically increased in the last year, as we’ve been making arrangements to move. 

 

As my first sentence said, I’m just venting and looking for those with advice. If you are posting to judge me, consider scrolling by  

Childless (not by choice) IR-1 person here. 

 

This is the path of life you chose. An overseas move takes a lot of planning and had you filed a year before you moved, when your plans were first put into place, the separation would have been considerably shorter. You surely didn’t wake up on a Monday and decide to return to the US on the Tuesday? 

 

We all chose this. We all knew that marrying someone from another country would involve time apart, a big move, expense, paperwork, and general disruption to our lives. My husband and I spent the first 2 years and 3 months of married life living on separate continents. I can assure you I don’t love him any less than you love your husband. We survived. I am sorry that your child will miss her father but it happens to thousands of children of military parents also. 

 

Vent all you like. But allow others to vent back. And don’t be surprised if not everyone agrees with you. 

 

And no need for the superiority attitude because you are an IR-1 and not a CR-1. You were a newly wed trying to stay together with your husband at some point too. As you have seen, USCIS doesn’t care how long you have been married or how many children you have - there is no queue-jumping. And rightfully so! You’d be outraged if you, like me, could not have children and found that others, who are more fortunate in that respect and have been able to have children, were considered by USCIS to have a more valid marriage and given priority over you. 

Edited April 14, 2019 by JFH

[nastra30 2,359]

26 minutes ago, CaroY said:

The fact is that longer marriages and marriages with children do overall get less scrutiny, on a case-by-case level. There is also one fewer step with the IR-1 vs. CR-1. 

OP, I don't think you still get it. It's nonsensical to want USCIS to discriminate against those who are recently married vs those who are married longer. Like-wise, those who don't want children vs those who want children vs those who don't have kids yet. Besides, what makes one petitioner less American than other petitioners because he/she married recently. Less scrutiny shouldn't mean move to the front of the line or get priority. I think your frustration is typical but is prejudiced against those with same or similar frustrations. Somebody will also say coping through while 'recently married'; the feeling is no different than coping through with a child. The fact is everybody is coping through this process since our loved ones are abroad.

26 minutes ago, CaroY said:

I’m not asking to skip any lines.

That's not what your first post suggested. It clearly suggested IR should be prioritized over CR. 

 

 

[Unlockable 7,315]

{Mod Action}

 

One post containing foul language edited.

 

Remember that explicit language is strictly prohibited on this site.

Also, it is against this site’s TOS to tell or insinuate others not to post. People are free to share their advice and opinions as long as it is not threatening, derogatory, or aggressive.

 

 

Edited April 14, 2019 by Unlockable

[Going through 5,671]

35 minutes ago, CaroY said:

What makes some of you all comment on a post that has nothing to do with your situations?

Because it's an open forum where any member can comment on any post.

 

37 minutes ago, CaroY said:

I’m just saying that when there are kids involved, even more people are suffering than the couple, and that sucks.  

It does, yes.  Kids don't always understand the whole "that's the way it has to be"....all you can do is remind them that "that's the way it has to be...temporarily."

 

I'm happy that there's no priority given in regards to how long a marriage has been, or whether one has children or not.  Levels the playing field.

 

 

[Cryssiekins 976]

@CaroY I think everyone here can sympathize with your frustration, because we all have been in the queue waiting to be reunited with someone.  

 

Although it comes off as harsh, learning to accept that this process is what it is (for lack of a better term) will be what helps you cope with the wait.

 

You already seem to know that video chats will be a useful tool, and just keep in mind that every day that passes is a day closer to your family being together again.

 

The struggle and strain is the substantially similar whether it’s just a couple, or a family.  Yes, children don’t quite understand the bureaucracy of all the red tape, but that’s why the parents doing the best they can to normalize the situation will be helpful to him.  Children are also far more resilient than they get credit for.  Keep them busy with school mates and activities and regular contact and they will be fine.  It will be a mental stressor to you and your husband, but there’s a light at the end of the tunnel - keep your head up and march towards that light.  

 

Your situation (length of marriage) will actually make this process easier, in some regards.  When your husband’s turn comes, he will be a resident right away with the privilege to look for work and travel right away, whereas some people’s path requires an AOS when they arrive which puts them in a state of limbo for 4-6+ months.  You also won’t have the ROC process since your marriage is over 2 years long.  Another step that can be long and frustrating for some members.  Yes, the initial wait is first come first serve, but there is a difference for your circumstance at a point in this journey.

 

As much as you want compassion from members, it’s far better to get the blunt truth without lulling you.  Your husband should TRY to come visit, he may be denied.  When I started my process I thought having a filed petition would increase chances of never being denied entry, but I quickly learned that CBP doesn’t care if your intentions started or lawfully.  If he still has ties to Turkey ( a job, property, things that show he HAS to go back to) that will help.  I do hope, for the sake of your sanity and the emotions of your child, that he will be able to visit, as thy would be helpful to the 3 of you. 

 

Best of wishes that your journey is smooth!

[Going through 5,671]

20 minutes ago, Cryssiekins said:

When I started my process I thought having a filed petition would increase chances of never being denied entry, but I quickly learned that CBP doesn’t care if your intentions started or lawfully.

Yeah, unfortunately it tends to do the opposite---having a filed petition gives you an additional stronger tie to the US, depending on overall circumstances. 

Hopefully OP's husband doesn't get denied entry.

[aaron2020 11,651]

1 hour ago, CaroY said:

. What makes some of you all comment on a post that has nothing to do with your situations? 🧐

 

Because you went onto a public forum and asked for comments.

 

You are so entitled.

 

There's a line for spousal visa.  Everyone gets the same opportunity.  You are complaining about not getting in line yourself and complain that's it's unfair that you have to wait like everyone else.  

 

You think you're special.  You're not.  You're like everyone else who have to wait in that spousal visa line.  Get over yourself.  

Edited April 14, 2019 by aaron2020

[Cathi 5,784]

7 hours ago, CaroY said:

Yes, because we haven’t had the plan to move to the US for our entire marriage.  We were living our lives here. Circumstances change.  I know they’re processed by filing date, that’s why I said I was venting and looking for advice, not confirmation of what the process is.  I can be patient for myself, I feel less patient when I know my son and husband will be separated for months, processed at the same time as cases whose marriage dates are sometimes mere weeks before their application dates   Nothing against those cases!  I just wish there were separate piles for IR-1 and CR-1, that’s all.  Call me selfish.  

Your marriage is not more important than others, I don't care if you've been married longer.

 

Immigration is a first come first served basis and if you're upset, perhaps you should have planned better.

 

As another poster said, you aren't going to get any sympathy from people here because of poor planning.

[Cathi 5,784]

1 hour ago, CaroY said:

I guess i was not not crystal clear in my statement that I was asking how others have coped as parents (“Coping” is in my subject line). What makes some of you all comment on a post that has nothing to do with your situations? 🧐 scroll on by if it offends you that I think my marriage *on paper* requires less scrutiny.

 

The fact is that longer marriages and marriages with children do overall get less scrutiny, on a case-by-case level. There is also one fewer step with the IR-1 vs. CR-1. 

 

*not that this matters in the immigration process* but my husband and I did spend almost 2 years apart before we prioritized being together, by my moving to live with him abroad. 

 

I’m not asking to skip any lines.  I find it really [edited] that the backlog is enormous for everyone. I’m just saying that when there are kids involved, even more people are suffering than the couple, and that sucks.  

 

 

Just because you have children doesn't make your marriage more bonafide or special than others. 

[aaron2020 11,651]

3 minutes ago, Cathi said:

Your marriage is not more important than others, I don't care if you've been married longer.

 

Immigration is a first come first served basis and if you're upset, perhaps you should have planned better.

 

As another poster said, you aren't going to get any sympathy from people here because of poor planning.

There's tons of sympathy for people who plan poorly.

 

There's little sympathy for people who FAIL to do things in a TIMELY manner and then complain that it's UNFAIR that those who got in line first are being served first because the person has a CHILD and is ENTITLED to be treated better than others.  

[Cryssiekins 976]

20 minutes ago, Going through said:

Yeah, unfortunately it tends to do the opposite---having a filed petition gives you an additional stronger tie to the US, depending on overall circumstances. 

Hopefully OP's husband doesn't get denied entry.

Oh, I learned really quick that my logic was backwards there.  I actually had a CBP Officer explain it to me at the border.  For me, I was fortunate and never turned around, but I appreciate others, especially from certain countries aren’t afforded that luxury.  

 

It’s frustrating from my standpoint bc if I’m taking the legal route why the heck would I ever risk it by breaking the law, but then you see/read stories about how many people actually do break the law and it makes sense.  It’s unfortunate bc every person who circumvents the procedures in place just make it harder for everyone who follows and tries to do it the right way.  

[Going through 5,671]

Random Person #1:  "It's not fair that I have to wait the same amount of time since I've been married longer and have kids!"

 

Random Person #2:  "It's not fair that people who have been married longer and have kids don't have to wait the same amount of time!"

 

See how that works?

 

Again, leveling the playing field is best.

[Jeanne Adil 1,651]

Are you prepared for what will happen?

since you lived outside the US,  did you file US tax returns?

Ready to establish the US residency?

Have the 125% income requirements for the petition?

Show joint accounts?

and wait 12 to 14 months for the interview?

and then perhaps do the ds5535 (like so many from high fraud countries are doing) and wait another year for the security checking?

 

This process for any visa approval is not fast for any of us (ours took 6 years total from 2009 1st application to approval in 2015)

it is not easy

it is not cheap

it is heartbreaking for all of us

 

In all reality,  you will be separated more than a year

 

Immigration doesn't care about the 8 years of marriage 

They care about the financial support

they look to make sure the immigrant will not become a public charge (not saying it is true here but it is what immigration is concerned with)

they look to make sure there is no danger to the US 

This is true for every application